#depersonalization and derealization

[one-voice-of-many]

Rewatched Inside Out recently and mannnn it still really speaks to me as a person with DID

[bugs-in-the-dirt]

ayo does anyone else have, like, a combination of Alice in Wonderland Syndrome and Visual Snow Syndrome? do ppl usually have one or the other?

so, like, AIWS for me is usually only visual distortion. i've always described it like the world around me looks like its throbbing/pulsating. i've noticed folks seem to describe it like things are simultaneously black-and-white extremes, like for example:

feeling enormous like the Big Friendly Giant but also minuscule like Thumbelina

the space around you is both vastly spacious like a large empty gymnasium and cramped as hell like trying to fit yourself in a dollhouse

objects or people seeming really close like you're seeing them through binoculars or a zoomed-in photo online, but at the same time insanely far away as if you needed to yell from across a football field for them to hear you

even tho i never explained it as simultaneously opposing extremes, it's still exactly spot-on. i remember it only ever happening at night for some reason, and usually after i stare at something for seemingly too long and start to feel self-aware of perceiving reality. i recall as a child seeing the walls on the opposite side of my bedroom simultaneously or rapidly zooming in and out after taking in the size of the walls and focusing too hard on their connecting corners. when i looked away to try and make it stop, if i saw anything remotely rectangular or having flat edges then it would start occurring with that new thing in my sight. it usually stopped if i focused on something round, oddly enough. the worst part of these episodes for some reason was when something incredibly small felt like somehow it encompassed the entire universe? i totally forgot about that til i saw someone's reddit post mentioning it.

though there were nights where it would be so strong and constant it was horribly frightening - floors and walls would start moving like an unstable treehouse balancing on a singular weak limb, rectangles would lean into trapezoid shapes, the ground feeling like a wobbly conveyer-belt. it helped to walk out of my room during those worse episodes, though sometimes i'd walk into the bathroom and still feel like everything was spinning. walking during this time usually felt like time was moving unnaturally fast like is was on x4 speed or smth, but at the same time it felt slow since i was aware it wasnt actually sped-up movement.

that's when i'd start dissociating a bit and see a blurry hallucination of colorful hand-drawn sailboats? it was actually extremely soothing in comparison to the panic-attack-inducing distortion of reality around me, providing a gentle PBS Kids aesthetic of a visual that sailed smoothly across a cutely animated ocean. then when the vision disappeared everything would be normal again. this still happens with me today, which sucks, but the remembering the sailboats and isolating myself in a dark room helps remove all visuals that could possibly be distorted.

then of course Visual Snow Syndrome- i never had any idea what this was, the first time i saw it i was 3 or so maybe? i was, again, about to go to sleep when i saw colorful static making up the entire world around me. that night i was convinced they were an infestation of bugs? but no one else could see them? eventually i just randomly assumed it was this weird ability where i was sensitive to and could see molecules and atoms? but no apparently its a weird fuzzy neurological deviation. the thing about it tho is that wikipedia says the world tends to appear blurry when the static is visible, but my vision stays completely clear if not clearer, i just feel more aware of the visual static thats constantly in the background (its a lot easier to see in the dark or on a plain flat space that lacks luster and texture).

anyways, i've no idea if its common for folks with AIWS to also have Visual Snow Syndrome as well?just thought i'd share my experience with them in case someone else out there is feels they relate and is confused about it.

oh, and here's the reddit post i found that talked about AIWS - they articulate it so perfectly, i was amazed to see someone explain these symptoms that i've had yet had no understanding of what the heck it was:

[gabapentinblues]

feel like i barely exist at all

[thefluxsystem]

You know what the worst part of having a dissociative disorder is, for me personally?

The emotional amnesia.

Your entire life feels like something that you watched on TV, rather than something that you actually lived through.

You know that some of the most horrific things imaginable have happened to you, and you feel nothing about it. Sure, the memories disgust you on principle, but you don’t feel anything.

It makes you question if anything that you remember is real. If that actually happened, shouldn’t it feel significant? Shouldn’t you be sad, angry, hurt, something?

And to top it all off, nobody understands. Not even yourself.

[junabuggy]

[bl0w-m3]

[nofuckingideawho]

whether I'm real or not is still up for debate

[cosmicconstruct]

I promise I'm really smart it's just all my best thoughts get lost in The Fog

[ari-orangebox-collection]

So funny, the way I was before

Once I was blind but now I see

Once I was him and now he’s me.

[ladycatashtrophe]

"Wow, you're so self-aware! It takes most people years of therapy and dedication to get to that point." Thanks, I constantly feel completely disconnected from my physical being and the material sensation of my body, brain, and spirit/soul is so overwhelming that I often have to see myself as an objective third-party instead of an integrated entity. Father son holy spirit and all that.

[savemefrommymindpls]

[immortalgirlfriend]

[little-saw]

tips to caring for littles who suffer from:

ddd ( depersonlization disorder )

also known as derealization

To begin, if possible, ask you little if they can say if or if not they're experiencing an episode. If they are, do not panic, it isn't not your fault.

If your little can't, try your best to identify an episode yourself. Once again, do not panic.

Derealization episodes can be identified by: someone feeling detached from their surroundings, the world seeming unreal and dream like, including those in it, objects may appear blurry, fuzzy, or with muted colors. They may also experience symptoms in which time feels slowed down or speeding up.

A general feeling of disconnect from reality is a good tell tale sign.

If a trigger that's causing an episode can be removed or distanced, try to keep your little as far away from it as possible.

grounding techniques can help bring your little back to earth, in my experience, focusing on your senses is a good way to start, asking your baby to describe the texture of something they're holding, what it looks like, and the sound it makes.

smelling a strong scent can let your little grasp something other then their feelings. I recommend vanilla extract, coffee, peppermint, brown sugar or tea

Physical grounding techniques also help, having your little gently pinch themselves (monitor this), clap/shake their hands, walk barefoot, and focus on the feeling of the ground or carpet, and clenching your fists can ease en episode.

Be gentle with your little during this time. Do not force them to be aware or tell them they're real, this can be very stressful.

Remember to encourage a healthy lifestyle for your little, and inforce it if nessecary. Such as diet, fluid in take, medicine, etc.

Take time for yourself episodes like these are scary for anyone! Not just the person having it!

Encourage distractions such as worksheets, music, games, etc. But keep a watchful eye on their behavior

Note: I'm not a psychologist or professional, these are tips I follow to help with myself and my own little who deals with this. Feel free to add on your own tips in reblogs / comments

[nyancrimew]

i think the funniest thing about living such a surreal life while having dissociative disorders is that shit sometimes starts feeling so profoundly unreal that im not exactly sure how to even explain to myself anymore what my life is, like this just feels like a weird cyberpunk tv drama im watching sometimes but like no girlie this is ur life

[girlsdogmotif]

whumpee with dissociation, derealization, and/or depersonalization

whumpee that develops disassociation and dp/dr as a coping mechanism to deal with what they are put through

whumper gives them drugs that make them hallucinate or worsen their symptoms (on purpose or by accident - even weed can trigger pretty bad derealization for me)

dialogue prompts for a whumper that gets frustrated with whumpee not responding:

"Stop that."

"Ugh, you're no fun like this."

"Oh where you goin'? C'mon I've barely started!"

inexperienced whumper that doesn't understand what's happening:

"Shit did I break you already?"

"Hellooooo???"

"Are you like asleep with your eyes open or something?"

maybe they bring in someone else to consult and are informed what going on

"Damnn so I'm just really good at this?"

"I mean that's one way to interpret it."

or a whumper that knows exactly what's going on:

"Come back to me, baby."

"I know you're not here right now, but that's okay. I'll fix it."

*Deep sigh* *dumps bucket of ice water on whumpee*

"Nope, you're not getting away that easy. If you're not present in 10 seconds I'm turning up the voltage till you really can't think straight."

other things

truly destroys any sense of time and combined with vivid dreams and memory loss just no idea what actually happened to you. being unable to trust your brain is terrifying and makes it all the easier for someone to manipulate what you believe.

dr/dp can also trigger or be triggered by a panic attack which can have a variety of physical symptoms

whumpee in their cell or room just curling up as small as possible, rocking back and forth, pulling at their hair or picking at scabbed wounds, gasping because it feels like they can't breathe,

or if they are just disassociating their eyes are glazed over, focusing on nothing in particular, refusing to make eye contact, maybe doing very small repetitive self-soothing behaviors.

[cherubslament]

𝘐’𝘮 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 24/7 ♡