#depression self harm

[ssa-atlas-alvez]

Hey so... I know this may sound weird... but could I request the BAU team learning that one of their younger teammembers (Reader) is struggling with severe depression? Like maybe one night Reader stays behind at the office to "work on papers" but instead he uses the time alone to sulk and cry to himself because he's too emotionally exhausted to even stand up and go home. Maybe Derek or Hotch go back to the office because he forgot something and find Reader just... crying and screaming (cause I wanna scream when I'm extremely hurt)

I understand if you're not comfortable with this type of request. No need to feel obligated to do this

I don't mind doing these sorts of requests at all, I find it comforting and therapeutic aha. Feel free to send me as many of these as you like. Also Aaron and reader are not in a romantic relationship in the fic, just platonic or familial aha

Warnings: depression, maybe self harm(?) - reader punches something multiple times, also this might be cringe idk, oh talks of medication and antidepressants

Word count: 990

The case was tough, all cases were tough - you worked for the BAU, of course all the cases were tough. But, surprisingly, this wasn't exactly what was bothering you. You couldn't actually pinpoint what it was, but there was a heavy feeling on your chest for the last few days, growing slowly. Expanding. Getting heavier. You had grown used to the lump in the back of your throat, but now you were struggling. The tears were ready to fall, already burning at the back of your eyes, begging to be let free after being held back for three days.

"What's your plans for the night?" Morgan turns to you, wiggling his eyebrows.

You force a smile and a laugh, unsure if it actually reaches your eyes. "Not much. I need to stay here, finish this report. I'm far too behind and I don't want Hotch on my ass,"

This wasn't actually the truth. You were slightly behind, yes. But that wasn't why you were staying behind. You felt too exhausted to move, a different exhausted to being physically tired. You were mentally tired, everything took so much effort all you wanted to do was curl into a ball and watch the world pass by. You wanted to lay in bed and sleep, to do nothing.

Morgan nods in understanding, he knew what it was like to behind on paperwork. "Been there, done that, Kid," He chuckles. "Good luck."

"Don't stay too late," JJ says, "And don't forget to get something to eat." You smile, this time it's not fake. You were only a year younger than Spencer, but apparently it caused the rest of the team to see you as the baby of the team.

"I won't," You reply, "Now, shoo, go home!" You just wanted to be on your own. You couldn't deal with socialising right now, the idea of it too exhausting.

And the team, one by one, leave the bullpen. JJ to her family, Emily to her cat, Garcia, Rossi, Morgan, Reid. And then you're alone. It takes a moment to register this. Alone, free to finally let it out.

You sigh, letting your head fall to the desk with a soft thud. Everyone was gone, it was just you. The emotions flooded back to the surface and before you know it, the tears are rolling and you are trying to stiffle your sobs. Hiccups echo loudly through the bullpen and you can't help but be relieved it's just you.

"Come on, (Y/N)," You growl to yourself, "Get a fucking grip."

You feel your emotions double, and you don't know what to do with yourself. You roughly swipe the tears away from your cheeks as you sniff. Your emotions in your throat, desperate to escape.

You're not sure what you're doing until your fist hits the desk and an ache spreads through your knuckles. But it distracts you. So you do it again. And again.

A noise escapes the back of your throat, filled with pain and anguish. Yet the source of this anguish is still unknown. You still don't know what exactly it was that caused this. But the sound helps. You cut yourself off with a sob, covering your face with your now bruised hands.

"(Y/N)?" Hotch. Fuck. "Are you alright?"

You drag your hands over your face and you straighten yourself in your chair. "Of course," You lie with ease, "I'm fine,"

You hear Hotch sigh deeply behind you. You watch out of the corner of your eyes as Hotch grabs a chair from the desk next to you, pushing it so it's closer and sits on it.

"I get it if you don't want to talk to me, but I'm here if you need to. I can just keep you company if you'd like." He says, a minute of silence passes between the two of you before he starts talking again. "Jack's at a friend's house for the night, it's his first sleepover and he was so excited this morning he could barely sit still long enough to eat his breakfast."

You don't reply, choosing to focus on a spot directly in front of you, trying to force your feelings and tears to subside.

"He's tried to sleepover a friend's house before, by the time it was nine, I had to go and pick him up. He said he was scared of the shadow the coats made," Hotch said, you can't help but smile softly. Seeing this, Hotch continues, "He ran into my arms when I got there. But he was adamant this morning that he would be able to do it, he said he was nearly fully grown,"

"Must make you wonder where the time went," You find yourself saying, Hotch turns to you, a small smile painting his lips as he nods.

"Yeah, it really does," There's another pause.

"I don't know," You say, "I don't know what's wrong. But everything's... difficult. I- My medications weren't working, they're transferring me to a different kind but it can take a few weeks to work. Apparently this is what I'm like with low doses of medication,"

"Our bodies take time to adjust." Hotch said with a small shrug, "When they switched me from Prozac, it took me a few weeks to feel relatively normal."

You gape at him. Did he just casually tell you that he was also on antidepressants?

"You're looking at me like I've grown another head," Aaron said.

"Sorry," You reply sheepishly. "I just wasn't expecting you to be on antidepressants,"

Aaron gives you a look of understanding, "That's okay," He said, "Come on. Let's go back to mine, we can put on a show and just eat ice cream, I don't want you to be alone right now,"

You pause, pondering for a moment before nodding, grabbing your bag as you both stood up. Perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing that Hotch was here after all.

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

[iwillnotseeheaven]

[hardcoregayanalsegx]

Are people deadass not depressed like what does that even feel like

[nvhz]

i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh

and i need it now

[nobodybutnova]

everyday is another battle to not fucking end it all

[tearsfallout]

[tavania777]

Choose your addiction

[whokilledsev]

it's such a lonely existence wanting love but being so abused and traumatized that it feels like a fucking death sentence

[goddteeth]

i will never leave this house

[worthless-misery]

Dear diary...

The fact that I'm still "alive" in 2024 just feels like a huge mistake...

[moonys-library]

"i swear on my life" bitch you're suicidal swear on something else

[selfsabotagingcvnt]

2024 is the year I heal

2024 is the year I have my biggest relapse yet

[ed-recoverry]

Credit

[muzgozjeb]

[chiyeko-kurea]

sh community feels like family now