#except alfred

[ghost-bxrd]

Let’s amp up the “Jason says ow and the batfam thinks he must be gravely injured” headcanon.

Jason calls Bruce or Dick for fun and says nothing but “goodbye” before hanging up (maybe it’s a dare by Roy who TOTALLY suspects the reaction Jay is gonna get).

Ten minutes late the entire Justice League is scouring Gotham, on the hunt for Jason.

[deadsetobsessions]

Bruce didn’t come here often. Perhaps that was terrible of him but he couldn’t bear to visit his son’s resting place. It was difficult to equate his high-spirited son, bright as the sun itself and endlessly brilliant despite the more he grew up in, to the cold and lifeless stone engraved with his name and words that did not encompass everything his son was to him.

His hands were full of flowers, Jason’s favorite books, a round rock, and his son’s favorite foods.

Bruce didn’t come here often, because it broke his heart even more when he did, but today was a day that love and grief triumphed over his need to avoid.

He walked down the winding pathway, Alfred a silent sentinel behind him. He hated it, but he understood. Today was the only day Alfred allowed himself to be emotionally closed off. He’d lost a grandson.

Bruce didn’t come here often, but his son’s birthday was a day Bruce would remember how to love and live again, just for Jason.

“I will be over here, Master Bruce.” Alfred stopped at his designated spot, where Bruce had added a bench and a draping tree to shade Alfred as he stood vigil.

The first time they’d- it was April, and the sun- after the funeral, Bruce was lost in the throes of grief and had kneeled over the freshly tilled dirt for hours. Alfred had stood there, in that same spot, in the city’s rare blazing sun until Bruce came back to himself.

Bruce had almost lost his second father that day, and what good was wealth if it could not prevent that? And so, water, shade, a bench, and a space heater was added.

Bruce knows better than anyone how stubborn Alfred can be, when it comes to matters of the heart. After all, he didn’t have to raise Bruce after Martha and Thomas died.

“Alright, Alfred.”

Bruce splits from the haggard butler with pointed looks at the water bottles he’d prepared for today for Alfred (who manages, this time, a faint but amused raise of an eyebrow) and walks towards Jason Todd’s grave.

Here where his son is buried, the grass is kept green. In April, Forget-Me-Nots bloomed and dotted the place where Bruce’s world collapsed with bright colors. In August, it is still green, but the tin engraved with the names of the deceased stood out without the flowers.

Bruce kneeled and quietly arranged the flowers before placing them in the tin. He set the platters of food down and uncovered them. The scent of chili dogs made his heart stutter, flashes of a bright smile and book references blinding Bruce with their nostalgia.

He swallowed, grief building, and placed the stone he’d brought atop the gravestone. He sat back, gripping Jason’s book with white knuckles.

Bruce didn’t turn around when clothing rustled behind him. Alfred would have verbally cut down anyone that dared to approach them today, especially here. That he didn’t do so was telling of who it would be.

“I’m still mad at you, for not telling me as soon as you knew.” Dick Grayson sat down, hand over one of Jason’s school bag pins he had carefully attached to the front of his jacket.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“He deserved better. I should have been there.” Dick whispered, placing another bundle of flowers into the tin. It fit, but barely. “I would have dropped everything to come find him. Even if it wasn’t on time, even if it wasn’t enough, I deserved to be there when he was buried. We were family.”

“I know.” Bruce repeated, no less regretful. In his grief, he had wronged his loved ones. “I’m sorry.”

Dick casted a quiet, assessing eye at him. Bruce stayed quiet.

“It’s too dreary,” Dick said. He took out paints, little statutes of robins, bright birds, and bits and bobs Bruce knew Jason would have loved had he been alive out of his pockets.

“It should be more colorful,” Dick murmured as he placed them artfully against the headstone.

They sat there, for a while. Dick glanced at… at Bruce’s hand, and settled down.

It’d been a while since they’ve spoken, but he knew what the man intentioned to do today. This will be the most Dick will have heard Bruce speak outside of his civilian obligations.

Bruce took the cue and gently opened Jason’s book. He’d bought it for Jason- the first gift- and he’d read it to Jason every night. Dick had a similar book.

“Call me Ishmael. Some years ago- never mind how long precisely- having little or no money in my purse…”

——

A boy with black hair and blue eyes wandered amongst the graveyard. They’ve been here for a while, and the man’s low rumble was soothing to listen to. The shades that hung about the graveyard settled as he read out loud from the book as his son sat quietly beside him.

As the boy, invisible and intangible, brushed his hand against the gravestone, he wondered why they were reading to an empty grave.

——

Dick had left long before Bruce did.

And when it was time to go, as stars began to climb and as the cold began to nip at his fingers, Bruce heard a quiet voice.

“Do not stand at his grave and weep,” and Bruce turned, recognizing the poem. “He is not there. He does not sleep.”

But there was no-one.

[gemsarejustshinyrocks]

Reverse Robins AU where everyone is their canon ages but Bruce gets them backwards

And Sooner, thus smaller

Cass: David Cain makes the mistake of letting Bruce know of Cass. Bruce comes back to Gotham with an infant while David Cain resurfaces years later with a case of broken spine. Alfred is torn between pride in his son and exasperation at his newfound hobby of dressing like a furry. (Cass's first word is "bat")

Damian: Talia looks at Bruce (and his ruthlessness in child protection), likes what she sees, and decides he's her new baby daddy. She then spends the next few years in a push-pull seduction trip with Bruce (consensually, fuck you) while simultaneously building up her power base, weeding out her father's men, and plotting his downfall. However, when she becomes pregnant she vanishes for several months only for a baby to appear in Bruce's bed; swaddled in a beautiful blanket and tucked next to the wickedly sharp knife she murdered her father with. Cass is eight years old.

Tim: Bruce doesn't adopt Dick, he doesn't become Robin, thus Tim never connects crazy acrobatics between circus child and traffic light. He's still a baby stalker with an interest in Gotham's nightlife, but here batman works alone. He eventually figures it out anyway, but not before getting involved in something he really shouldn't have which leads to Bruce looking into the Drakes much sooner. By the time they fly back from wherever the hell they've been three months later, Tim's already living with the Wayne's and Bruce has legal blackmail a mile wide. Nine year old Cass has a new little brother big enough to dance with, One Year Old Damian is decidedly unimpressed as toddlers can be, and Six Year Old Tim is starry-eyed at living with the actual batman.

Jason: is eight years old when one of Batman's rouges explodes the building he lived in with his mother and Willis. (Something that wouldn't have happened if he had another pair of hands to help and distract with a quip and a laugh) Bruce Wayne finds him stealing his converter while visiting the memorial he set up in Park Row for his parents. (Jason doesn't know what this rich idiot with more money than sense wants with him; probably as a "playmate" toy for his three spoiled brats no doubt, but at least he'll be off the streets.) One kidnapping later and Jason is of the firm belief that he's still a rich idiot with more money than sense, because all his sense was beaten out of him in that fursuit. Jason turns nine with a seven year old stalker, a two year old demon, and a ten year old shadow as siblings and he's never been happier.

Dick: Oof. The scales of fate aren't fucked with lightly. His future siblings may have happier lives, but only because he suffered instead. Here's the deal: As in canon, the Graysons came to Gotham and died when Dick was nine. However, Bruce never went. Cass was sick, so Bruce never saw the Graysons fall. The Court of Owls did. And the rest, they say, is history. (Until the Kidnapping of Jason Todd, "Street trash" sullying the Wayne name, cracks the Court's disguise and Batman finds an immortal sixteen year old Assassin in the depths of Gotham's oldest cult.

[canigohomenoow]

Batfam as bumper stickers

dick

steph

duke

jason

tim

damian

cass

alfred

bruce

[frownyalfred]

the funny thing about alfred pennyworth is that he spends most of his time lecturing Bruce for things he has absolutely, unrepentantly done himself. "oh master wayne, why are you--" (doing cocaine too much/having ill advised hookups/running away to asia to topple shadow governments/etc) alfred. alfred. buddy. people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, and some iterations of you literally live in a glass house, what is the thought process here.

[farshootergotme]

Game-night in the batfamily has got to be crazy. You're putting a bunch of geniuses against each other and that's asking for chaos to happen.

[bruciemilf]

One thing I wanna do more is include Battinson's complete lack of filter.

That scene at the funeral where Falcone tried to push that 'your father saved me for a reason' fantasy, which Bruce ended very quickly with his '' He took the Hippocratic oath" line

It can sure read as snarky, and in some parts, it was, -- Falcone's antourage surely saw it as that, -- but Bruce was completely serious.

It wasn't a diplomatic move on his part, but that's why it works. 'No filter' doesn't generally entail being rude and bold, it's your thoughts being faster than your mouth without considering how it'd sound out loud

Not to mention, Bruce wouldn't process sarcasm the same as everyone else. He's good at dishing it, for sure, but we've seen he's completely oblivious to obvious social ques,

If somebody were to be like, " haha maybe YOU'RE batman" him, the go to reaction would be " haha good one"

Bruce? Would start shaking on the spot. It's raining nerves out here. " No I'm not." With a blank face, " I'm not. I'm scared of bats. I hate bats. I wish bats never existed. I wish YOU never existed. Im sorry. Goodbye." Before taking off in a hurry.

[clambuoyance]

😵‍💫 timkonisms…

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

Danny gets adopted by the Batman au but Danny sees how bad they are at being siblings and asks about it.

Upon learning that all the kids were originally only children before thier unfortunate circumstances brought them here he decided to "Teach them how to sib" unfortunately for the batfam, Danny has experience being the "baby brother" and is a little shot.

It starts with Damian doing something to anger him and Danny openly swearing vengeance to Damians face. Dami just laughs at him because he was a fully trained child assasin and the ghost boy has openly sworn off violence. What could Danny possibly do to him?

This was countered with Danny putting on an instrumental of some kind from his phone speakers and Danny looking him dead in the eye as he sings "Its a small world after all"

Damian returns from school and zooms through the manor with muder on his mind. He chases his new baby brother throughout the house with his sword ready to taste his blood. Tim is just leaving the kitchen with a fresh cup of coffee when Danny-instead of barreling into him- threw him over his shoulder and kept running. He plopped Tim onto the couch in one of the living rooms, somehow not spilling a single cup of coffee throughout and booking it out of there with Dami hot on his heels.

Tim takes a big gulp as he decides what to do.

Dick decides he needs to figure this out and tries to fix the situation and makes the mistake of laughing after Damian told him what happened.

[forsoobado137]

I've been wondering how nations have money. Do they get paid by their bosses? How much do they make monthly or annually? Is it just what the average person makes in their countries? Do they pay rent and mortgages, or have they already been paid off because they're immortal? How do they afford their luxuries and travel expenses? Are they insured? Are they in a lot of debt? If the government buys all of their things, can they be taken away as punishment?

Or maybe they have other part time jobs? Spain does run a café in the anime. And I think he sells merch for that too. I'm not too sure because wouldn't it be a bad look for the gov if the NP of the United States was making minimum wage at McDonald's?

Maybe they do appearance work to make money. Imagine France or Italy on the front covers of fashion magazines. France probably would make a fuckton as a model. And I'm pretty sure there was one strip where America was in a hair commercial.

[justwannabecat]

Danny x Jason

The Batfam think that their relationship is unhealthy, they end up fighting nearly every time they hang out together! They go home, STILL FIGHTING, only to act as if nothing happened the day after!

(To the two of them, though, half-dead as they are, this is foreplay. And when they end up having to explain that… oh boy. At least they weren’t the only ones uncomfortable.)

Inspired by The Masochism Tango by Tom Lehrer

[mx-nii]

Wow, guys. The Hobbit was such a good film trilogy. Amazing plot, lovable characters -

I especially loved the bit where everyone lived at the end!

It’s so nice to see a happy ending ☺️

Kili and Tauriel get to live very loving fulfilling lives together

Bilbo and Thorin continue to be ‘very close friends’ and enjoy a lifetime of ‘friendship’

Kili gets to bring his stone back to his mother

Bilbo owns no rings

And everyone is happy

THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED AND THAT IS HOW IT SHALL STAY

[thebrainrotsreal]

Thinking about de-aged Bruce via magical shenanigans being a bit of a menace. He will bite you if given the chance, and will draw blood. Slippery as an eel to catch. Don't even think you can corner him in his own home, he knows every single secret room and deep tunnel in the manor. Your eyes are scratch-able to him. Try telling he's the future and he's demanding you tell him who killed his parents. Can't tell him? Alright then, you're lying. He would've found out by now if this really the future.

[idunnodudeijustwokeup]

I know there are canon reasons why Alfred had that money, but you cannot convince me that it wasn’t because he dated Martha and Thomas Wayne

[frownyalfred]

I can't find it, but I saw a post where both Jacob Kane and Phillip Wayne didn't want to take baby Bruce after the death of the Wayne's and I just imagine it with Pennywayne

Just... Alfred realizing that his baby could be taken away from him and he can't do anything about it, just to be filled with hope as Jacob broke down saying that it's too painful to look at Bruce and he already knows that Phillip wouldn't want to take care of a child

He gets to keep his baby, only for him to never be able to show it, he's being watched and scrutinized at every turn and if the public thinks he's doing something wrong then its all over

He has to be professional, he's a butler not a father and that pains him every day

🥺🥺🥺

[farshootergotme]

When Bruce is trying to be a good parent but he keeps messing up but he loves his children so much but he doesn't know how to show it but they understand even if he doesn't show it but they also don't know if they really have a place in the family but he tries to make them come back because they will always be his family but-