#except for Jason

[ghost-bxrd]

Let’s amp up the “Jason says ow and the batfam thinks he must be gravely injured” headcanon.

Jason calls Bruce or Dick for fun and says nothing but “goodbye” before hanging up (maybe it’s a dare by Roy who TOTALLY suspects the reaction Jay is gonna get).

Ten minutes late the entire Justice League is scouring Gotham, on the hunt for Jason.

[zalrb]

If you could survive a zombie apocalypse with any characters ( for any supernatural creature you can picture being stuck with human them) who would you wanna survive it with and of course be around?

Cristina. Buffy. Sokka. Elizabeth and Will especially if they're together. Jason Mendoza. Hermione. Michonne. Brett from Archer. Lana.

[anyknotrants]

-after Damian turned 16, at the family dinner-

Bruce: so... Damian, do you remember the Oreov girl you met at the gala last week?

Damian: *looks up* yes

Bruce: what do you think of her...?

Dick: *tries not to laugh*

Tim: *fails not to laugh*

Steph: *doesn't even try not to laugh*

Damian: she was... acceptable, if a bit annoying, why do you ask?

Tim: He's trying to set you up!

Batkids -Damian: *laughs*

Damian: *stares blankly*

Bruce: of course, you don't hav-

Damian: father, are you unaware that I'm in a committed relationship?

Duke, Tim and Dick: *choke on their food*

Steph: *chokes on her drink*

Cass: *smiles*

Batkids: WHAT?!

Bruce: ... I-....

Jason: *laughs so hard he almost falls from his chair* oh Jesus Christ! The world's best detectives at their finest!

Dick: you knew? And you didn't tell me?!

Jason: where the fuck do you think he went almost every fucking friday?

Bruce: *turns to Damian* I- I though you were having sleepover with Jon

Damian: I was.

Dick: but you just-

Batfam: *stops all their movememnt as they realize*

Jason: *actually falls from his chair laughing*

Bruce: JONATHAN SAMUEL KENT!

-over at the Kent farm, also having family dinner-

Jon, who heard Bruce shout his name: I feel like I'm going to get murdered by a bat in my sleep

Clark, who was also listening in: right after you explain why I had to find out you're dating Damian throught their family dinner

Jon: hehe... fuck

[crime-scene-psychic]

It's always funny to me that Jason, Tim, and Damian all have personal beef with Ra's al Ghul and meanwhile, Dick is kinda just like

[arkangelo-7]

I think the scariest part about Batman is the loyalty he inspires. Like this motherfucker has an army of children who might at any given time hate his guts, but are still 100% willing to throw hands for him if Bruce needs them to. And then there’s the Justice League, who also at any given time might hate his guts or find him insanely irritating and/or weird, but will also fall in line and listen to his plans if the need arises. And that’s like the most intense form of power someone can wield—voluntary obedience from people physically more capable than them.

[lunewolf13]

Tim and Jason were munching on Batburgers mid-patrol. Entirely out of the blue Tim says: By the way, I'm bi.

Jason pauses, then swallows his burger: Uh, okay?

Tim: I just wanted to tell you. In case, you know, you think no one would accept you.

Jason: ...Huh??

Tim: Yeah, there's a reason why I brought this up. What I'm trying to tell you is that B told me to tell you that you can bring your boyfriend over for dinner whenever you want.

Jason just stares at Tim, wondering if he's experiencing a fever dream because what??

Jason: What boyfriend??

As far as he knows, there is no boyfriend. Why does Bruce think there is a boyfriend??

Tim being understanding but for a completely different context: It's okay, Hood. I'll tell him you said no. No need to deny it.

Jason continues to be baffled: Thanks. But I don't have a boyfriend.

Tim does not believe him: Sure, sure. So, when's the next time Arsenal plans to visit Gotham?

Jason goes back to eating his burger and pretending he's not totally confused by the change in topic: Uh, this Thursday. I'm gonna help him with Lian's birthday cake, and brainstorm gift ideas.

Tim: Uh-huh. Hope you have guys have fun :)

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

Robin, bleeding out on the ground: Blood loss? No, I know exactly where it is.

Batman, horrified and panicked:

[greystend]

Batman, panicked by how much the villain knows about him and Jason, decides to infiltrate the Red Hood's gang with his Matches Malone's identity

Jason *oh shit he found out* : wtf wtf wtf is this a joke ? Are you making fun of me ???

Matches!Bruce *oh fuck he's even more unhinged than planned* : ... I don't understand, boss ?

Jason, struggling to find his words in way his men won't understand : you really thought I wouldn't recognize my own fa- urgh I mean genito- wait that not- hum, the guy that raised me ???

Matches!Bruce *wait oh shit the OG Matches Malone had a kid ???* : wait... *I don't even know his name!!* chum, I had to make sure it's really you, I wasn't sure, you understand ?

And then their relationship get better

except Jason is "argh I hate you but also you kinda made the effort of meeting me in my turf and also you didn't say anything about the killing so perhaps..."

and Bruce is like,"Oh shit I accidentally adopted the Red Hood, and also it's my fault his real father is dead, except he doesn't know that and must think Matches just abandoned him one day without any explanation. Also I should really figure out his name at some point"

[aroaceleovaldez]

i have suddenly become obsessed with a theme that HoO established but never proceeded to extrapolate on, which is:

You are Percy Jackson, and you have been swapped with a boy who was allegedly everyone's favorite person, but they have decided to replace him with you. They just met you. You stand next to his best friend and the people he's known his entire life. In his home. In his cloak. In his place. They stopped looking for him.

You are Jason Grace, and you have just found out you have a long lost sister who completely replaced you in her life with this girl you just met. Your lives and personalities are mirrors. She is you, living the life you were robbed of.

You are Annabeth Chase, and you have just become starkly aware that you have been inhabiting the void left behind by your best friend's long lost brother. You and Luke were just replacements for him. Now you have to look him in the eyes when he has nothing and know you took that life from him.

You are Piper McLean, and you have just found out your relationship is fake and built entirely on the memories of Annabeth Chase. You have been given a boyfriend when hers has been taken away. You have no idea how much of it is real or not but regardless you feel like if your relationship isn't exactly in their image that you have failed.

You are Leo Valdez, and you have just learned that you are the echo of your great-grandfather. You are not your own person. You just exist to be a mirror of him. A doppelganger. An actor and stunt double facing all the danger he never had to but wearing his face. To be there for his best friend decades later simply because he couldn't. You are playing a role. A seventh wheel and a pawn for a goddess who carefully sculpted your entire life for her own purposes.

You are Hazel Levesque, and the only reason you are alive is because your brother couldn't save your his sister. You are a consolation prize. An apology. Your existence here is misplaced in every way but you inhabit it anyways.

You are Frank Zhang, and you are a shapeshifter. Inhabiting your own body feels strange and clumsy when you could be literally anything at any time. You are anything and everything and live your life with the simple certainty of knowing exactly how you will die.

[ghost-bxrd]

Prompt:

Brucie Wayne gets into a mild accident in public (read-got hit by a car). And Batman would just walk it off (“it’s barely a bruise”), but Brucie obviously… can’t.

So he has to suffer the ordeal of having civilians call paramedics, getting fussed over, and having-

Having his dead son get into the back of the ambulance with him.

Oh- oh no. He must have hit his head worse than he thought. He thought he was past this…

[prlssprfctn]

I need a very specific fic, where Batfam is met by some kind of Goddess of Misery that keeps making others go through *something*, but once she is faced with Jason, she just... shrugs. She can't do more. He has already gone through all of it. His heart is full of pain. There is nothing more for him left for her to offer. The best she could do to is to offer her pity. Jason laughs until there are tears in the corners of his eyes. He wonders if it is ever going to stop.

[purpleangiie]

It's always funny how the kids talk back to Bruce when literally no one else – maybe Clark, but more in a gentle and slightly concerned way – would ever deared, it's all "Yes, sir" and "No, sir" and hustling to execute his orders because you can't argue with The Batman, can you? But the kids will be "Bruce I swear to god, you're insufferable today" cause he complained about them being 3 minutes late to the evening meeting and that his coffee is 1.5 degree too cold than he likes it and he'll frown and look all dejected and say "I know, I'm sorry. I need to do better. You deserve better."

And that's Batkids' true superpower.

[superbat-lmao]

Jason travels to an alternate universe where Bruce only cares about being Batman. He took in each of his kids to serve the mission, not be his children.

Now, faced with alternate versions of his family, Jason has to grapple with the fact that his Bruce does care, that he is his father. Because the man in front of him now, trying to send him home, isn’t even close.

[sisaloofafump]

I appreciate the diversity in sounds

[temperamentalaquarius]

Idk where this "Dick is an overbearing brother who never leaves his siblings alone" thing comes from because 10/10 it is the opposite. Y are we acting like Dick ignoring a text message does not trigger the unskippable cutscene of some jersey boy climbing through his window talkin bout "how come you don't love me anymore 🥺".

[bruciemilf]

Damian recognises his mother as a symbol of strength; she’s been sharpened perfectly, like a sword by blacksmith, to represent power in every definition of the word.

You simply, plainly, do not command power. It’s the law of things.

It comes by no surprise to him that she defends him passionately when parent’s night arrives at school.

Apparently, drawing your idiot classmates in various torture scenarios for calling him slurs isn’t a healthy outlet for aggression. Apparently.

“He could recreate these very easily,” she snarls, gem green eyes full of fire, “Would you like a demonstration? Because I’m positive my habibi would be more than happy to,—“

His father is winter rain, Damian learned. Unlike Talia, Bruce’s power is quiet.

Not meek, but timid, in a manner only shadows are. He’s dangerous as he is beautiful, which says everything.

Usually, his voice is soft, but when he watches his teacher with such scrutiny, there’s a sternness to it that has Damian’s back straighten.

“Sit down.”

Damian is absolutely shocked, because Talia just does. Huffing and puffing and crossing her arms with a sneer, but she does.

His bullies get expelled the next day.

—

Stephanie snorts when he tells his stupid idiot siblings about it. “Yeah, alright, little man. Did they give you a unicorn too?”

“It HAPPENED! I saw it with my own eyes!”

Graysons tuts, as if disappointed, “It’s not good to lie, Dami.”

“May ALL your children inherit your bad posture.”