#incorrect quotes batfam

[goodoldfashionedengineer]

Dick: *posts a video consisting of multiple clips to social media, in which Jason is seen sitting in a chair, reading something on his phone*

---

Jason: *widens his eyes and leans forward, gripping one of the chair arms*

Jason: No, the fuck, he didn't?!

Jason: That's not something he would say, but fine.

Jason: *blinks a few times* *looks up* *stares at his phone again* *blinks again* *raises his eyebrows*

Jason: *lies his phone aside, grips his hair while he paces around the room, clearly suppressing a scream*

Jason: I know I sometimes turn into a masochist when it comes to reading, but this is on a new level, even for me

---

Tim: *walks into the frame and takes Jason's phone away*

Jason: Give me back my pho-

Tim: YOU READ BATFAMILY ON AO3?!

[the-bird-has-flown-the-coop]

Jason: Okay, what does A stand for?

Damian: Arson.

Jason: Aw, you’re so good. Okay! B! What does B stand for?

Damian: Barson.

Tim: *Laughter*

Jason: What stands for C?

Damian: Commit arson.

Tim: Ooo.

Jason: D!

Damian: Don’t come near me, I’m going to commit arson.

Tim: *More laughter*

[avamedera]

*Dick teaching Jason to drive and taking Tim along for the ride*Dick : That's a pothole. To the left! Jason: Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole*Tim, sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth. Jason: I don't think that's how the song goes. Dick , gripping the handle: Please just take me home. Jason: Country Roads. Tim: To the place. Jason and Tim in unison: I Belong! Dick , internally dying: What the fuck?

[mylifeisfruk4ever]

Cass: We call that a traumatic event.

Cass, turning to Dick: Not a "bro moment."

Cass, turning to Jason: Not a "major L.”

Cass, turning to Tim: And not an "oof lmao.”

[vodrae]

Rich pregnant socialite: So we went to this clinic and let them manipulate our genes so we're 100% sure our child won't have any disease, he will have my hair and his father eyes and so much things we did for him! And you Bruce ?

Brucie: Found em in the trash. Except Tim, he found me in the trash.

[mindflayer-inc]

Batman AU

Batman tells Gordon that he doesn't kill. Thinking that it's a legality issue, Gordon deputizes Batman and gives him a gun and badge. Batman of course doesn't use the gun and just figures Gordon is stressed.

After Joker kills a Robin, Gordon starts to deputize the Batfam members.

Gordon: Next time you see that clown. Take. The. Shot. Rookie.

Robin (Tim, tiny ass 14 year old holding a 45 magnum): Umm... Yes sir?

Batman (plus all the Rogues, minions, and citizens of Gotham when Robin shows up with a 45 Magnum):

[ashoss]

little brother duo supremacy

edit: sorry to disappoint yall but this isnt dick or virgil 😭😭 its duke in a nightwing sweater,,,,

more apron jason

[ditzybat]

bruce: he’s killed people

damian [who’s heard stephanie say this at least 10x a day]: but have you considered that maybe he’s just a teenage girl?

jason: yeah! have you considered that bruce?!

bruce: jason, you’re 22 and a male

[avensartt]

Quote from Scrubs

[galaxymagitech]

Jason (Age 12): I’m not gonna die from inhaling cigarette smoke, quit worrying, B.

Jason (Age 15): *dies from smoke inhalation*

Jason (Age 19): Well, it wasn’t the cigarettes.

[incorrect-batfam-quotes-mostly]

Bruce, during a family meeting: this is just a reminder therapy is covered by our health insurance plan

Tim: why do you always look at me when you say that

[the-bird-has-flown-the-coop]

Dick: I’m so happy two of my favourite people are getting along now.

Jason: Uh, Tim and Damian are not getting along.

Dick: They’re not trying to kill each other.

Jason: You may have a point.

[mylifeisfruk4ever]

"Are Bruce and Mr. Kent a couple?"

Tim's point-blank question at breakfast almost made Dick choke on cereal, while Jason laughed.

"Why do you ask?" the young man asked, his eyes bright with exertion.

Tim shrugged, "They look like a couple should be."

[incorrectbatfamandfriends]

Bruce: We need to talk about what’s going on with Tim-

Dick: The stalking?

Bruce: No, we settled that-

Jason: His cloning experiments?

Bruce: I thought he stopped that?

Damian: His hit list?

Bruce: What?

Dick: Dami, we’ve already talked about this it wasn’t a “HIT list” hit list- Is this about his spleen?

Bruce: spleen?

Jason: No it’s gotta be the-

Bruce: This was about his weed stash but I’m sensing there are more pressing issues I’ve not been made aware of?

[elecilaombre]

Tim * holding a can of Pepsi * : Do you guys want some Pespi ?

Jason* laughing* : Some what ?

Tim : Pespi .

Duke : It's PePsi not PeSpi Timmy.

Tim : That's what I said Pespi.

Tim : Pespi

Duke : Please would you...

Tim * interrupting Duke * : Pespi

Tim * shrugging* : It's normal it's because I'm ambidextrous.

Damian : Ambidextrous ?

Stephanie * chirping in* : He means Bisexual !

Dick * at the same time * : He means bilingual !

Bruce * tired dad™* : He means he has dyslexia.

[lustwithoutlore]

After a mission…

Dick: I can’t wait to go home, have a bowl of cereal, and go to sleep.

Duke: Lucky, I have patrol in like, two hours. No sleep for me. What’re you going to do when you get home, Jason?

Dick: Wait! Let me guess. Crack open a beer, order in Chinese food, and fall asleep on the couch watching a gritty action movie.

Jason, fully planning on having a lavender scented bubble bath while drinking vanilla earl grey tea and watching Pride and Prejudice: … Something like that.