#incorrect resistance quotes

[flyiingsly]

Aunt Z *speaking through a megaphone* : Right, the bar is closed, everybody get out ! Time to go home, come on !

Old Woman : But it's only quarter to three !

Aunt Z *now shooing them out with a broom* : Yes, but it's my bar !

Aunt Z : Come on, go home, bye bye, get out ...

Old Woman : That's hardly fair !

Aunt Z : It isn't fair at all. Get out !

Grevel : I expect better service !

Aunt Z : Well, expect away ! Goodbye ! Come on, all you time-wasting bastards, back on the streets ! Thank you ! *slams door*

[just-an-enby-lemon]

Batman: Crime is abnormaly quiet today, one more round and we should go home, chum.

Robin (Jason): A-Okay. I may even have time to read a bit before going to bed.

Batman: I'll think about it.

Robin: We could go to Bat Burguer! Di-Nightwing said they have an amazing chocolate milkshake.

Batman: I don't know, Robin...

Robin: I'm sure they have banana milkshake as well or something fruity.

Batman: Hm

Robin: I knew it!

Batman: Hm??

Robin: You are a fruit bat.

Batman: what?

Robin: I was reading a book about animals and they say that of the 1200 known species of bats only three are vampire bats. You are too normal to be a vampire bat. Also vampire bats are smaller and you are very big and vampire bats move solo and while you like to prented to be moody and lonley you have me, Agent A, Batgirl and Nightwing and that just in Gotham. So you are a fruit bat. And you love fruity things.

Batman: *smilling* I suppose.

Robin: And that means we are going to drink the milkshakes because you can't refuse fruit things!

Batman: Because I'm a fruit bat.

Robin: Yeah!!

----- [somewhere in the future] ----

Robin (Damain): I'm the son of Batman, I'll drink your blood, Hood.

Red Hood: Nah, B's totally a fruit bat and as the "blood son" that just means you like banana milkshake, sorry demon brat.

Batman: *in the background, accidentaly listens* *happy hm*

[daddiesdrarryy]

Hermione: What’s the one thing we asked you not to do at the party, Harry?

Harry: Not kiss Malfoy

Ron: And what did you do?

Harry: I kissed Malfoy

[here-comes-the-moose]

Crosshair: Thanks, Dad.

Hunter: …

Tech: …

Wrecker: …

Echo: …

Crosshair: Why is everyone staring at me?

Hunter: You just called Echo dad; you said thanks, dad.

Crosshair: What? No, I didn't. I said thanks, man.

Echo: Do you see me as a father figure, Cross?

Crosshair: No, if anything, I see you as a bother figure, 'cause you're always bothering me.

Wrecker: Hey! You show your father some respect!

[sxphr]

Weems: One of your children, and I'm not naming names, egged Ms Thornhills car last night and I know about it.

Murray: Was it Enid?

Weems: No. No it wasn't.

Yokos Dad: Was it Yoko?

Weems: No it wasn't Yoko.

Morticia: Was it Wednesday?

Weems: ...Well it wasn't Enid or Yoko.

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

Charlie: "Have you seen my girlfriend?"

Angel Dust: "Ain't she standin' right next to y-"

Charlie: "I know but have you SEEN her!?" (picks vaggie up and twirls her until vaggie smiles) "LOOK AT HER! I MEAN JUST, WOW!!!!"

[every-moment-a-different-sound]

Really incorrect quotes

Dead Boy Detectives & fan-submitted lines for The Magnus Archives from the Rusty Quill Gaming & Giving 2019 event

[blazingstar400]

[ostropest]

my ko-fi

[twistedappletree]

lan sizhui: hanguang-jun, what do you do if the person you love bats their eyelashes when they want something? how do you say no?

lan wangji: you don’t.

lan sizhui:

lan wangji:

lan wangji: give up. give in.

[cod-dump]

Soap: I wish Alejandro would shut up about Rudy! I had to listen to him describe why Rudy is the best kisser in the most intimate details that I did NOT need to know!

Ghost: Hmm… be right back

Soap: Where are you going?

Ghost: *leaves without answering*

Soap: SIMON??

(Later)

Soap, answering the phone: Hello?

Gaz: Ghost’s in the hospital

Soap: WHAT?!

Gaz: He kissed Rudy… in front of Ale… like a dumbass

Soap: … is he BREATHING??

[somewhere-on-kamino]

The Sad Batch + Text Posts pt 1 | pt 2 | pt 3 | pt 4 | Crosshair special

[shit-people-probably-didnt-say]

Wylan: *Missing*

Jesper: He would never just go off with someone he didn’t know in the barrel. Never

Kaz: Witnesses say the man had a baby goat in the windowless carriage

Jesper: Oh Saints

Kaz: It was wearing pyjamas

Jesper: *Sighs* …Did they see what way this carriage went?

[spark-river]

Lucifer: Mammon, could you read that? *hands him an article*

Mammon: Get ya' self some glasses!

...

Satan: Quite the stupid thing to tell someone with glasses, don't you think?

Mammon: Shut up.

[sxphr]

Bianca: Enid, isn't that Wednesdays favourite hoodie?

Enid: Yep.

Bianca: How did you manage to get that off of her? I swear she's always wearing it.

Enid: I told her I was cold.

Bianca: But you're a werewolf, you're literally never cold.

Enid: But Wednesday doesn't know that, does she?

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

Angel Dust: (smirking) "Ya know toots-"

Vaggie: "You're insufferable. Yeah. We all know. What else."

Angel Dust: "-speaking of teasin' and toyin', ya sure do wear a pretty short skirt for someone who's datin' miss prim and proper. Don't she mind you lookin' like hell's saddest a knock-off halloween party costume hooker?"

Vaggie: "I dress nothing like you."

Angel Dust: "No shit. Ya barely dress at all. Zero effort."

Vaggie: "More like zero fucks given for any opinion other than Charlie's."

Angel Dust: "Oh so she DO like it?"

Vaggie: "Just because she's not the one calling her girlfriend 'sweetie' doesn't mean I'm not eye candy to her."

Charlie: (skidding into room) "-ISN'T IT SO PRETTY ON HER?? THE SKIRT!!"

Angel Dust: "Hot."

Charlie: "I KNOW RIGHT!!!!"

Angel Dust: "I ain't talking about the skirt."

Charlie: "Huh? But, but it is hot-"

Vaggie: "Sweetie, he means your flaming skid marks."

Charlie: "My what? Oh!" (starts stomping out her flaming skid marks) "Oh shit not again- the carpet!"

Vaggie: (smiling) "Got a little fired up huh babe?"

Charlie: "I can handle it! Nooo problem do NOT swap out the skirt!"

Vaggie: "Looks like it might a workplace safety hazard."

Charlie: (taking off jacket and desperately smothering the burning carpet with it) "NO NO IT'S NOT!!! It's, um, a key part of keeping up workplace morale!"

Angel Dust: "Pity it can't make anything wet other than you, huh Charlie Puff."

Charlie: "Not a workplace appropriate topic!"

Vaggie: "Want help babe? I could just beat the fire out with his corpse."

Charlie: "No one's beating anything either!!" (still beating the fire out)

Angel Dust: "Suuuuure ya won't be..." (sigh) "How's it you two disgustingly sweet flaming gays haven't burned down the hotel already?"

Vaggie: "It's fireproof. Mostly."

Charlie: "And after that one time, so's our bed!"

Angel Dust: "The BED?"

Vaggie: (groans) "Sweetie, why."

Charlie: (soot stained) (frazzled) "I'm sorry! I'm all hot and bothered now, okay??"

Vaggie: "Well that I can help with."

Charlie: "O-oh?"

Vaggie: "Easy fix. Wanna go check if our bed's still fireproof?"

Charlie: "Yes." (drops jacket) (flops into vaggie's waiting arms) "Yes, that's an amazing idea!"

Vaggie: (scooping gf up) "I have them sometimes."

Charlie: "Everything about you is ALWAYS amazing, Vaggie." (smooch) "Especially in a skirt. Um...... is this one fireproof?"

Vaggie: "We'll find out."

Charlie: "Should we take it off first then? For safety!"

Vaggie: "If you want, sweetie. It's one option."

Charlie: "Oh."(grins) "And the other one is...?"

Angel Dust: "Get a room!"

Angel Dust: (already alone)

Angel Dust: "... these are some shit work place standards." (yelling after them) "Make sure that skirt's a natural fiber before ya start some kinky hellfire stuff or it'll melt all over ya! If I smell shitty chemical smoke coming outta there I'm barging in with an extinguisher!"

Chaggie's door: (locks)