#mental health ramble

[riotsux]

(Tw: depression, suicide mention)

I always find myself telling queer teens it'll get better

They always ask "when"

And thats the one thing I can't tell them

I don't know the exact steps I took, I was so depressed, I keep a suicide note I had written when I was 19/20 tucked away in a notebook

I still remember the few factors that kept me alive, there were only two,

My brother made me promise me so long ago that I wouldn't do this, not in this fashion in particular. Our mom had told him a family myth, I can't confirm it, but according to her, at least one person every generation in her lineage had hung themselves

And the second, the most crucial at the time, I can not ruin this house for her. I was staying with a partner at the tike and things had gone south, he had a younger sister who was already so worried about her other siblings killing themselves, I wasn't about to bring that into her house, for her and her alone

Months later I'm living with my parents, I had been pushing myself to go do things, with friends from high-school or my dad, I had been rotting in my room for months and decided I needed to "fake it till I made it"

Then one morning

One sunny beautiful morning

I woke up, stood up from my bed and looked in the mirror

I don't know when the changed happened but there was something in my eyes, something I hadn't seen in years, this glow was back

And I couldn't help myself, words fell out

"There you are.. my beautiful boy, there you are."

I didn't know what I was waiting for but that morning I saw it

I can't tell you what did it

The rebound, the friends, the sun, the new location, the love around me, my dog, new music

I can't tell you what did it

But something did

I just had to wait

And God was it worth it

The one thing I really need queer kids to know is that I'm so proud of you, for just waking up, you're here

You're here!

And I couldn't be prouder that you are

Stay, please

I have to see who you grow up to be

[chaoswithinthemind]

CW: Talk of mental struggle and using violent wording to reject my own anxiety

I am very easily anxious and self loathing, unfortunately. A simple word or sentence worded in a certain way or tone can tip my mood for minutes, a hour(s), maybe even over a day (not always, though). Part of me babbling a lot in here is me trying to overcome the intense fear of judgement that comes with that. So often, I think "don't post that, nobody cares" or "don't say that, people don't need to know that".

You know what, anxious brain? You're right. Nobody cares, and nobody DOES need to know. Isn't there a beauty in throwing something out and forgetting it because no one gives a shit? Why should I have to anxiously conform to any role or position or whatever-the-fuck when I can carve tooth, nail and blade my own crevice where I can be king? Why can't I grab the world by the throat and say "take me or leave me as I am"?

And right now, I'm thinking "why post this? Nobody should see this. People would rather not see this." Which, fair, but FUUUUUUCK that. I do what I want. I am rebelling against my head and there is not a single thing my anxious brain can do about it.

[your-queer-dad]

Hey you. Yes you. You have been through enough, you hear me? You. Have. Been. Through. Enough.

The world has treated you shittily, you go through enough, don't do that do yourself too. Be decent to yourself, kiddo. We've only got one of you and it's the best one we have :]

I love you, I'm proud of you, go make yourself a beverage of your choice and be a little more decent to yourself today <3

- dad x

[bluerosefox]

Drake Siblings

Have I read this prompt somewhere or was this a fever dream from my bored mind.

What if, now hear me out.

What if we bring up Dana Winters-Drake (whose confirmed to at least be alive in the DC verse but no one knows where she actually is)

What if instead of when she had a mental breakdown and getting committed to an Bludhaven clinc she wandered away before anyone noticed and by the time Tim or anyone did notice a lot of stuff started happening at once in both Gotham and Bludhaven (Steph dying, The Bludhaven crisis, etc etc)

Tim still tries to find her though but even with best resources it was like she just disappeared into the wilderness and the stress of trying to handle more and more problems get worse.

So when out of the blue, a couple of years later, he gets a call from an unknown number. On his private, only for friends and family, phone and when he answers he meet with a young girls voice on the other end.

A very young, maybe six or seven, girl who informs him about his apparently half-brother Danny Drake-Fenton. And how she loves Danny so, so, so much but knows her home is dangerous for him to be in.

Tim is stunned and before he could question her, she says Danny is Dana and Jack's baby and that her parents had adopted him years ago and put Dana's stuff that the hospital had away for him to look at when he was older but she just had to fight off their lunch from eating her brother and she knows he needs a better place to live and so she snooped around and found Dana's diary and that she had to unscramble the nonsense Dana wrote and found Tim's number with the words 'tell him about his brother Danny' hidden in it. And-

But before she could keep rambling she hears Danny screaming "JAZZY THE MILK WENT BAD AGAIN AND HISSED AT ME!"

Tim is left with silence after hearing Jazz yell to Danny to lock the fridge and step out of the kitchen as she gets the bat.

[thoughtsthatstayedwithme]

[dizzybizz]

"this is regrettably the best kiss of your life, you understand?"

[squicksquak]

Jason: Shit, the power went out.

Damian: Don’t worry Todd, I got this.

Damian: *stomps foot*

Jason: What the-?

Damian: *Sketchers light up*

[ramblingmindofrayyan]

Sometimes it’s really lonely being me.

[may-we-rest-well]

All Might isn't dumb. He doesn't lack intelligence. He's dealing with crippling depression and self esteem issues which cause him to seem a little airheaded at times but he's not unintelligent or incompetent.

He wouldn't be a teacher...hell he wouldn't have made it as the #1 hero for so long if he didn't have the brains to make strategies or snap decisions on how to handle different situations and villains. It also takes emotional intelligence to own up to your mistakes, to admit that you're wrong, promise to do better, and actually follow through on it.

Just because he acts silly doesn't mean he's dumb. The same applies to real life. Thinking that way is how you push people away.

The happiest, intelligent and most outgoing people can still be dealing with incredible pain. Don't think you know a person based just off what they show you on the surface.

[jellyjamheadobb]

[bixels]

Now that Ghibli's new movie is coming out soon, I've been thinking about anime films and wanna talk about my favorite animated movie ever, Tokyo Godfathers.

TG is a 2003 tragicomedy by Satoshi Kon, following three unhoused people––an alcoholic, a runaway girl, an a trans woman––who find a baby in a dumpster and set off across Tokyo to reunite her with her parents.

If you like the sound of that, go watch it because the rest of this post is spoilers and I have FEELINGS about this movie.

URGHH, the fact that only two moments of true kindness, generosity, and care given to the three protagonists without any expectation of reciprocity are given by a Latin-American immigrant couple and a drag show club full of trans women. The fact that, despite her loud and dramatic personality, Hana is the glue that holds the team together and the heart of the whole movie. The fact that this movie pulls no punches at showing the violence and inhumanity committed by "civilized Japanese society" against the unhoused. The fact that Miyuki craves to be loved by her parents and ends up seeing Hana as her true mother. The fact that Miyuki starts off accidentally using transphobic language against Hana, but slowly begins calling her "Miss Hana" out of respect. The fact that, according to Kon, Hana's role in the story is as a mythological trickster god and "disturb the morality and order of society, but also play a role in revitalizing culture." The fact that Hana so desperately wants to be part of a true family, yet is willing to sacrifice her found family so they can be with their own, and is rewarded for her good deeds in the end by becoming a godmother. The fact that, throughout the movie, wind and light have been used to signify the presence of god's hand/influence (this movie's about nondenominational faith––faith in yourself, faith in others, faith in a higher power. Lots of religious are referenced, such as Buddhism/Hinduism, Christianity, and Shintoism), and in the climax of the film, as Hana jumps off a building to save a baby that isn't hers, a gust of wind and a shower of light save her from death. The fact that god saves a trans woman's life because she proved herself a mother, and that shit makes me CRY.

[mikajunie]

rediscovering shame and giving yourself compassion (how to deal with shame as someone with ADHD)

this is directed towards my fellow ADHDers who have trouble with reoccuring shame while leads to hindered productivity.

signs that your productivity is hindered by shame (compiled by my own experiences):

you feel negative physical symptoms when you think about your responsibilities

you find ways to avoid the responsibilities

every time you make progress, you feel like you don't ever wanna touch it again

when you present your progress, you feel ashamed of yourself because it's not finished (on time & according to ur standards).

you feel like you are a constant failure. you never win, despite achieving good things here and there.

you are a walking ball of anxiety

you have a fear of being perceived

there's probably more, but eh those are just from my own experiences

below i will write down what y'all should remember, what you can do to help yourself, etc. this is compiled from dr k, my own journaling time, and my firsthand experience from having shame 24/7

some things u gotta remember

shame is what exists in the gap between your ideal self and where you are currently.

your ideal self doesn't have to be unrealistic, it can be yourself when you were at your peak or someone who is very similar to you.

shame brings negative thoughts, because it makes you see progress as a negative thing.

instead of being happy that u made progress, u grumble to urself and ask "why didnt i just do it sooner? im so stupid". it's a reminder of your failures, so u avoid progress altogether.

shame can become a part of you, to the point where you feel uneasy or vulnerable if you dont feel ashamed at yourself

shame doesn't do anything to ADHDers in the long run except self-loathing and hindered productivity.

what should u do?

basically self-therapy, but instead of stopping at why, i try to solve my shame one-by-one.

examine past moments where you felt a LOT of shame. this can go back to elementary. the stronger the emotions, the better. now, write them down. you're probably cringing, but that is good. feel all the cringiness running through ur veins.

why did you feel shame? why did it happen? what did you feel?

reframe your thoughts. instead of immediately running away from it, accept it and justify it. give it compassion. give it a hug. was it your 7 year old self? hug yourself. it's okay to fuck up and do silly things sometimes, and it's okay to have ADHD. it's not our fault.

remember that ADHD is a lifelong nerudivergency, you can't just push it away. coping mechanisms and tools help, but give yourself some grace when you screw up. it's our first time living anyway.

calm your body down. make sure your physical body is doing okay.

now... think of one thing you want to do but can't because of shame and do these steps carefully. think of the reasons why you might be ashamed, and reframe your thoughts.

WARNING!! TAKE IT ONE PRESENT ACTION AT A TIME. don't do this for every action you want to take, let your body slowly learn that it's okay to make progress despite the shame you feel, and you are allowed to feel compassion for yourself.

train your body to accept compassion slowly. life is tough with ADHD but it's even tougher knowing that shame will get in your way. give yourself a break, it's fine to fuck up, we all go through different things anyway. even if it's not fine, you will learn and make those mistakes a lil bit lesser in the future.

ok hope this helps.

[your-queer-dad]

Hi. You. Yes you reading this. I'm proud of you. You haven't done anything wrong. You can let go of the thing you're worried about. You can breathe and take a break. You can rest. Love you <3

[thoughtsthatstayedwithme]

[oblivious-idiot]

to anyone who needs to hear this: you are so loved. even when you’re so low and everything feels like it’s going wrong, you are so loved. even when you feel like you’re always second best and not allowed to have nice things or what you want. you are so loved and you are so worth it and you are allowed those things. you will never be second best to me.

[delphisarm]

Rambling about schizophrenia/psychosis in general