#writing that punches

[the-most-humble-blog]

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🩸🛡️ “LOOK HERE…” A Blacksite Literature™ Transmission (Final warning from the Shire. This is not satire. This is threat assessment.)

—

Look here…

Why the hell are y’all still out here disrespecting the Hobbits?

Like I didn’t already burn down the timeline twice. Like we didn’t already show you the receipts. Like we didn’t already line up the body count, the barefoot mileage, the fourth breakfasts, and the global kneeling event Aragorn initiated in their honor.

And yet.

I wake up and y’all STILL saying Frodo was “just lucky.” That Sam “just helped.” That Hobbits were “side characters.”

Side characters??

Brother they walked into Hell with a sack lunch and no plan. They walked out with the plot in their back pocket and the gods trembling.

—

🧠 LEMME RECAP, AGAIN:

Frodo didn’t “bravely accept a mission.” He saw a demonic jewelry curse and said:

> “Bet. Sam, get the pans.”

Sam didn’t say “why.” He said “what flavor bread?” Then started doing calf stretches.

They didn’t wait for the Elves. They didn’t ask for a tactical analysis. They didn’t even bring boots.

They just walked. Straight into the belly of apocalypse. Like it was Tuesday.

—

💥 Y’ALL FORGOT MERRY & PIPPIN?

You thought Merry and Pippin were comic relief? The silly cousins? Wrong.

They were biological smoke grenades. Walking morale detonators. Spirit grenadiers with a built-in party mode.

Merry didn’t just stab a Witch-King. He assisted the literal prophecy-fulfilling takedown of the second-hardest boss in the whole trilogy—while running on trauma, adrenaline, and maybe a little bit of ale.

Pippin outwitted a cult, pledged service to a suicidal warlord, and took down a troll the size of a mid-range U-Haul with no backup, just vibes and velocity.

They weren’t side characters. They were lateral nukes—plug-and-play demolition hobbits with zero regard for status effects.

—

📖 LORE CHECK: Bilbo Baggins didn’t “go on an adventure.” He got drafted into spiritual guerrilla warfare with a burglar title and an anxiety disorder.

And still he clapped a dragon economy, exposed a kingdom’s PTSD, and yeeted a ring so cursed it turned grown men into cave ghouls.

That’s not a bedtime story. That’s a classified file.

—

💒 FAMILY MATTERS: Let’s talk Rosie Cotton.

You think she was just “the girl back home”?

She was the reason Sam didn’t break.

You try carrying Satan’s WiFi hotspot up a sentient volcano with a feral meth-goblin scratching your back and a hallucination whispering your worst fears.

Now do it while thinking: “If I make it back, Rosie’ll have stew waiting.”

That’s not a crush. That’s divine tethering. That’s “I don’t cheat, I ascend.”

—

🧙‍♂️ GANDALF STATUS REPORT:

Y’all keep acting like Gandalf was “the mastermind.”

No.

He was the group text. The itinerary with fireworks. The Uber driver with a God complex.

The Hobbits let him think he was leading. But deep down they knew:

> “If he drops dead mid-battle, we still got rope and recipes. The job gets done.”

Because Hobbits don’t outsource destiny.

—

🔥 AND LET’S TALK GEAR (AGAIN):

No armor. No mount. No sword forged from moon metal.

Just:

Rope

A skillet

Bread

Vague anger

And the kind of spiritual mass you get from kneeling in dirt every morning with your hands in real soil.

They were closer to God than angels, and angrier than Balrogs with gout.

—

⚔️ THE ENEMY’S POV:

You ever wonder why Sauron didn’t monologue them?

Because even Sauron knew.

You don’t talk at the Hobbits.

You don’t announce yourself to the execution team disguised as ground cover.

You sit still. You pray they didn’t see you. And if they do?

You start writing your own eulogy in second person.

> “Here lies me. > I fucked around. > And I found out via footstep.”

—

💡 BONUS HISTORICAL TRUTH: The Black Riders?

Nine cursed undead warlords. Immortal. Screaming. Armor dripping black magic.

How many Hobbits did they kill?

Zero.

They pulled up and immediately got distracted, confused, or outpaced. Even Gollum couldn’t sneak them. He tried. He failed.

They sensed them coming and just said:

> “Cool. Another hill. Another curse.” > “Sam, get the rope.”

—

🏔️ FINAL TRUTH:

The Shire didn’t send 300. They sent four.

Because four was all they needed.

Every Bilbo was a Frodo in retirement. Every Frodo was a Sam in denial. Every Sam was an unlicensed therapist with a frying pan and six emotional support rations in his cloak.

And Rosie?

Rosie was the reason Satan lost. Because nothing stops a man with something to get back to.

—

📜 AND IF YOU STILL DON’T GET IT:

They didn’t fight because they were heroes.

They fought because someone had to take out the trash.

No awards. No glory. No TikTok recap.

They left. They walked. They ended evil. And they got home before lunch.

—

📢 FINAL WARNING:

If a Hobbit ever steps toward you, quiet, focused, and barefoot?

Don’t speak.

Don’t run. Don’t tweet. Don’t flex.

Just kneel.

Because you’re not about to meet a protagonist.

You’re about to meet a problem that doesn’t announce itself.

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[akanemnon]

I wonder if she takes cash or credit.

FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT

MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)

[prlssprfctn]

Cryptid!Alfred, who is actually immortal. Like, he cannot die for forever - he did once, during the war, and after that... for some reason, he kept coming back, completely without any additional magical help. He sometimes dies again, and then mysteriously comes back on the next morning, as if nothing happened. Bruce used to it at some point, so instead of asking questions (Alfred has no answers, anyway) he just pretends that it is normal. He gaslights kids to think the same. Like, what do you mean he died, Damian? No, he is alrightish. Look in the kitchen, he is making us breakfast. It probably was just a bad dream.

So, when Jason dies and gets back? Oh, Alfred knows his grandson has the same curse/blessing. Because it wasn't the Lazarus Pit that brought Jason back after all, but some strange, unexplainable force. Perhaps, both of them are just bound to end up as guardians, as warriors and protectors - that's why they keep coming back.

...Nevertheless, it doesn't make their family less... anxious about the whole thing. These two from the other side? Oh, they absolutely enjoy their immortal hang-out hours.

Jason: What was your funniest death?

Alfred: I am going to say... that one time, when I was teaching young master Bruce using a hunting rifle, and he accidentally shot me. I came back in fifteen minutes, and, of course, a poor thing was sobbing, but afterwards he was doing all chores for a month. Wonderful days.

Jason: Damn, poor Brucie... My funniest gotta be that one time, when Roy and I got drunk, and I legit jumped off the building because I thought I can fly. Roy had never got sober that quick.

(The first time Jason dies on the family's watch)

Dick, sobbing: Alfred... Alfred... He died! His neck was snapped! How can I live-

Alfred, casually leaning to snap Jason's neck again: Wake up, my boy.

Jason, dramatically gasping for air: Damn, who made me a massage, while I was sleeping?

Tim: What. The. Fuck.

[rhinestonesox]

When Senshi was young in the dungeon the majority of the adults he were with ostracized him. All except Gillin, who died to make sure Senshi had something to eat: unseasoned boiled meat that may or may not have been one of their comrades.

It really puts into perspective why he was so nurturing towards Chilchuck. When Chil reveals he’s 28 to the party, Senshi responds by telling him that he thought he was older. Senshi was in his 30s when he and his comrades got trapped in the dungeon, so it’s safe to assume that he thought Chil was at a similar age.

He met a young boy who was, from his perspective, forced to do dangerous work in the dungeon just like he was, and so, Senshi made an effort to look after Chilchuck in the same way Gillin looked after him.

Mind you, when Senshi was young in the dungeon he had to starve for weeks, eat the horse he loved, and finish it off spending the next i don’t know how many years wondering if he committed cannibalism.

Senshi understands first hand the value of nutrition and proper eating, so when he’s with the party he makes an effort to make sure they’re all eating a full and balanced diet. Not only that, but Senshi INVOLVES them in the process of getting food to eat, always preparing it in front of them and narrating every ingredient in the process so that there’s no doubt about what they’re eating.

[a-purple-girl]

"it''ll be a statue of a woman, like a beautiful statue of a woman, and it'll be like...she helped lead the way for so many refugees or she was a nurse or she was this and she was that. She was just this pillar of society in her time. She was such an influential and powerful woman.

And they'll zoom in on her face, and they'll zoom in on the plaque, and they'll zoom out and show a full body...and it’ll show that one of her breasts has been basically rubbed off and it’s so shiny because all the tourists and, you know, whoever, has touched her breast and that's her legacy now.

[…] and you walk up to it and it’s just… through all that, through all the effort, through all the care and all the legacy she left behind, the only thing that she is now seen for is her breasts. That's gonna make me actually sick."

-brittany broski via the broski report

juliet, dalida, idk, molly malone

some people are just fucking rotten on the inside.

[saltymarshmall0w]

beatdown buddies

(You always read fics where the pit is instantly calmed by Danny’s presence, but what if it didn’t?)

Now, you have to understand, that Jason was long past attacking strangers in a blind fury. The Bats? Sure, all the time--- but he was working on that.

This particular scrawny, possibly-homeless stranger hadn’t done anything more than simply exist in Jason’s proximity. If it was any other Crime Alley resident, Jason would be much more likely feel a surge of protectiveness.

This guy though– he was different.

Locking toxic-green eyes to toxic-green eyes made the pit in his skin violently react. Before he knew it, he was hitting the guy with everything he had, and the guy was hitting back.

The groceries Jason had left his apartment to get spilled all over the ground as the two rolled.

Pulled hair, split knuckles, and bruised bodies, the guy’s fist hit Jason’s jaw for the umpteenth time, cracking his head back and making him look at the gloomy sky.

They only used their fists. Jason could feel the familiar ghost of weapons hidden under the other guy’s hoodie, but neither pulled their hidden weapons.

Despite it all, Jason and the guy shared blood-tinged smiles. Blood boiled under his skin in an exciting trill. He was angry, and it was fantastic.

He’s pretty sure he just made a new best friend.

Someone hit Jason’s back with what could distinctly be identified as a broom. He vaguely heard the sound of yelling around him, but Jason’s only focus was getting his next hit in.

Eventually, they were stopped by a familiar shade of blue and black. Strong arms pulled him off the stranger and pinned his arms down, locking their arms over his chest to prevent Jason from getting free.

“You need to calm down!” Dickwing’s voice lectured in his ear. “You’re going to kill him!”

Surprisingly, Jason settled in Dick’s hold, fight and anger drained out of him in the space of a breath. The fire under his skin didn’t keep flaming and flaming and building it just– stopped.

“Oh, Please.” The stranger was grinning widely, despite the model of developing bruises and cuts across his face. A burly man who Jason vaguely recognized worked at the store they were standing right in front of was both holding up and holding back the guy. “We were just saying ‘Hi’.”

The guy made eye contact with Jason. Blue, no hints of green anywhere. The guy winked. “Danny.”

Frankly, Jason couldn’t quite explain his actions. He felt stupidly chastized by Nightwing’s patented older brother stare of disappointment. Apparently, the guy couldn’t explain his actions either, as he disappeared the instant no one’s eyes were on him.

-

Jason arrived an hour early to Wayne Sunday family dinner. He missed cooking alongside Alfred, and offered his help.

He let Dick wrap an arm around his shoulder for a few seconds as a welcome. He didn’t seethe at Bruce simply being there. He chose to sit between Tim and the Demon brat when it looked like new fratricide plans were being drawn up by the younger.

The pit didn’t scream under his skin to hurt. Little things didn’t set him off, making him have to leave early. He wasn’t tempted to throttle anyone for existing around him.

The pit was just… quiet. Peaceful even. Well, as peaceful as it could get in the Wayne household.

It was a massive improvement compared to six months ago— hell, compared to last month.

He shrugged off inquiries about his black eye, citing it would heal quickly anyway.

-

Jason should have known he wasn’t safe.

Sure, he was on a roof one could only grapple to, across the city from crime alley, and dressed up as Red Hood.

However, Danny always reappeared periodically like a well-timed extremely therapeutic punching bag.

One moment, Jason was looking down over the streets of Gotham the next, he was being flying-kicked by a lithe frame. Something instantly recognized Danny so, rather the putting a bullet in him, Jason picked himself back up into a crouch and lunged at Danny.

“Hood? Hood what’s going on?” Someone called in his ear— Oh, right he had connected comms with his family that night.

Danny stopped suddenly, straddling Jason’s stomach, one hand fisting his collar, the other posed to strike. He blinked. glowing green eyes turned blue. “You’re not like, busy doing vigilante stuff, are you?” He asked.

Every bruise and cut from their last fight was gone, his baby face appeared as though it had never been punched in his life, making him look all the more punchable.

“Nope.” Jason answered, driving an elbow into the kid’s stomach and in the same motion ripped the comm out of his ear to toss it to the side.

Minutes later Danny was pulled off him, and the fire under his skin died down.

He blinked back into his surroundings to find himself on a rooftop with half of Gotham’s vigilantes standing in a circle around him, an unease that he could only read because he was so familiar with them written in all of their body languages. Batman held Danny slightly behind himself, keeping a firm grasp on the guy so he couldn’t escape.

“You claimed the rage was getting better.” Bruce stated in the way that meant he was supposed to answer his unasked questions..

Jason waited for rage and indignance to rise up in him, but rather he just considered that Bruce saw glowing green eyes and a brutal beat down and made a logical leap.

“It has!” Jason argued anyway. He sniffed and ran a hand under his slightly bleeding nose. It didn’t sting enough to be broken. “I haven’t lost my cool in months.”

“That’s what he has me for!” Danny chimed happily. His nose was broken, but Danny didn’t seem to mind the twin streaks of blood running down his face. “We’re friends with Benefits. It’s always healthy to have a little dead-guy on dead-guy action. You guys should really fight with him more often, his ectoplasm is rank.”

[creativepromptsforwriting]

Reactions to... being punched

"Hey! What did I ever do to you?"

"Yeah, I deserved that."

"Ouch! Not that hard, please!"

"That's not very nice!"

"Oh please, you can do better than that."

"I've had hugs that hit harder."

"Don't cry if I hit back."

"You did not just punch me!"

"What did I say wrong?"

"Now you've officially annoyed me."

"That was barely a tickle."

"Is that all you've got?"

"Oh, you're really going to regret that."

"That was cute. Want me to show you how it's actually done?"

"I'm more shocked by your audacity than the pain."

"Oh, this is how we're doing this now?"

"And I thought you were going to kiss me..."

More: Reactions to... Masterpost

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[mischievous-thunder]

Character profile:

Such a feisty pretty thing

[the---hermit]

I am not saying here's a link to a free online version of the 1984 graphic novel but if it was there you should probably go read it.

[stardella]

Making fanart for my own espilver fanfic? Couldn’t be me :/

Next to you, I laid softly on this hard ground on Ao3

[arrimorr]

bitch face

[radiance1]

"Where in the infinite-" Danny rubbed his head slowly, feeling as if he got hit by multiple trains one after the other. Which... Okay yea considering who he was punched by that was probably the equivalent.

Note to self, when sparring with the Ghost King probably don't tell him to punch you so hard you would feel it next week.

Actually. Wait.

Danny touched the spot where he was punched, tentatively.

It didn't hurt.

Okay so maybe it was being punched through dimensions that hurt so much.

Noted.

Okay, now where-

"Excuse me, mister?" Danny whipped his head around so fast that if he didn't have his ghostly powers he would have probably snapped it. "Are you a fairy?"

Okay- Okay that's a child-

One who looks like he's been crying. A lot.

"Uh, what-" It took a second for Danny to actually register the question, but his mouth went off before it finished actually. "Oh, me? Huh, yea I'm a fairy. Totally. Don't tell anyone else though-"

"Woah..." The kid's eyes sparkled which, okay yea Danny preferred this over the dull ones he had seen a moment prior even though he only just met this kid-

===

An entire week later, Bruce Wayne bore witness to his new fairy friend kneeling over in pain as if he just took the hardest punch in his life.

Safe to say, he was not amused. So not amused, that he broke his promise to not show Phantom to anyone else because he was under the assumption his new friend was dying.

Safe to say, Alfred was, also, not exactly amused.

[oldbutchdanielcraig]

do you guys remember when daniel "supposedly heterosexual" molloy wrote an incisive yet touching exploration of the aids crisis. based on years of reporting. while he was still in his 20s. like oh my god. oh my god.

[eatsbooksarchive]

currently thinking about 💭eris vanserra who does not drink, not really. eris vanserra who will have a glass of wine, maybe two, but anything beyond that is just water he has glamoured to keep up appearances. eris vanserra who does not like to be out of control of his faculties, even for a second, because when he is, those he cares about get hurt. eris vanserra who had been too-young and drunk on stolen kitchen spirits the first time he didn’t notice his father’s mounting irritation with his mother and watched her nose get bloodied over dinner. eris vanserra who had been drunk the night he refused to kill jesminda for his father; and perhaps if he had been smarter, if he had played the game better, he could have glamoured another poor soul in her stead and ferreted her away, he could have been there to do more for lucien than simply alert tamlin, he could have kept the three brothers he lost that day, two to death, one to hatred. eris vanserra who does not drink, but when he does, the harsh lines of him relax, and he smiles more, and his eyes twinkle, and color rises to his cheeks, and he looks so much like lucien that his mother cannot stand to look at him. eris vanserra who does not drink, not really.💭

[help-itrappedmyself]

Masterpost

These are organized by fandom. Finished works are in color and the links are for their individual masterposts.

Danny Punches a Clown, Summoning Game Show, Changes in Perspective (Dead on Main AU), Dead On Arrival (Dead On Main AU)

Cat!Danny

Birdflash: Part 1

Liminal Jason: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Tim's Vacation: Part 1 Part 2

Sacred Moments

One shots: Connor Kent | Non-binary Tim | Genderfluid Tim

Jegulus AU: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

BNHA Snippets: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Clone!Izuku

One shots: Shinbaku 1 | Shinbaku 2

[idiosyncraticrednebula]

The more "empowered" Disney tries to write their heroines as, the less interesting and charismatic they become, ironically.