#Batman’s butler

[mylifeingotham]

Check out this Alfred Pennyworth edit by Tv Addict (@TvAddict12) on YouTube

Link to og vid https://youtube.com/shorts/HMT6tQ9RfeY?si=dyIfgE--ZB6X9BSd

[chiffawndue]

I ended up finishing it earlier than I anticipated. I hope you like it as much as I do!! I loved experimenting with the white prisms color on this to bring out some depth to it.

[neuro-psyche]

I think Dick and Jason would have multiple “what the actual fuck are you saying right now” with Tim and Damian when it comes to quality of life/monetary differences. Sure, Dick and Jason got used to Bruce’s “is $100 a good enough tip on a $30 bill?” shit, but hearing Tim talking about a new laptop he bought for $5000 literally is like a punch in the gut.

If they ever went on a cruise (which they totally wouldn’t because cruises are floating death traps), Jason and Dick would be in awe of the fancy amenities, where as Damian would be unsatisfied with the quality, since he grew up with every single amenity known to man. Tim would just feel like it’s all normal since the Drake’s were extravagant and travelled all over the planet.

Jason : My bedroom is bigger than my fucking apartment.

Dick : I could do a full gymnastics routine with the space in my room.

Tim :

Dick :

Tim : My room is normal sized…

Jason : You grew up in a mega mansion. I hardly think you’re the benchmark of a normal room-

Damian : I must agree with Drake. This room is frankly underwhelming.

Dick, staring wildly at him : What do you mean underwhelming- Dames there’s an aquarium wall in your room.

Damian : Yes. Underwhelming.

Jason :

Dick :

Jason : Do you want to-

Dick : Jump off the boat? Yes.

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

Danny was enjoying himself. His new haunt was suprisingly spacious and came with lots of charges who needed protection and care.

The old butler guy, Alfred, seemed to at least have an idea of what was going on. He had been making extra food lately and leaving it out for Danny to eat in a secluded area. Danny always made sure to turn the plate invisible and sneak it back to his hidden passage panic room before he started eating.

In return, Danny made sure to do lots of chores around the manor. Intangibility and wind manipulation made dusting super easy if you knew how to use it right.

Danny also took his job as a guardian spirit seriously. He overheard the bats fighting about not wanting to be coddled on patrol and decided it was best to let them handle themselves outside of the manor. Danny himself hated when people stuck thier noses into his business.

Jazz had screwed him over countless times with her good intentions.

But the manor was different. This was his new haunt after his old one kicked him out. This family had invited him in whether they knew it or not. Also, since the Fentons and GIW don't exist in this world, they'd have a hell of a time kicking him out.

It's best not to let it come to that. So Danny had to make these people love him the way Amity Park never did.

The Wayne's however are rather dense. You would think them being the worlds greatest detectives would mean something, but they kept silently blaming each other for things happening around the manor until they couldn't.

A book being put away when they were done with it or their messes being cleaned up when they came back into a room could be easily explained by how many people lived there. The family entering the dining room, discussing what they were going to order for dinner since Alfred was gone for a week only to find a full meal waiting for them on the diner table? They couldn't brush that off.

None of them could cook.

[were-wolverine]

okay so like

bruce’s parents died when he was eight, and from then on he was raised by alfred, correct? and alfred had been taking care of bruce since he was four

what i’m getting at here is: bruce would absolutely have a slight british accent that he unconsciously picked up from alfred

i mean like aside from classmates and teachers, alfred is who bruce spent the most time with

i just think we should acknowledge bruce would have a slight british accent is all. like it seriously doesn’t change anything but i want it to be talked about. please

of course bruce can do a bunch of different voices and accents, but this is when he’s just speaking normally (mostly among the batfam)

he also definitely uses the british word for things (lift instead of elevator, rubbish instead of trash, etc.)

no one would really question it because he’s rich and fancy, and it’s a sort of posh accent

but i want the batkids to joke about it (not when alfred is around tho)

[nelkcats]

Immortal Nanny

Bruce Wayne had never been a father. He knew what it was like to be a good father, and he knew what good fathers should be like, but adopting Richard was an impulse, a moment when he decided to give a child the comfort he needed, as he himself had needed in the past.

But just because he knew and understood didn't mean he could do it, or that he could become a good father instantly. Alfred would be a great help, of course, but it was he who had to raise the boy, Alfie was too old to start raising another child.

So, it was only natural that he forgot all about his busy life as "Brucie Wayne", adopting Dick hadn't stopped the million interviews or meetings, and while Alfred was extremely capable, Bruce still decided to hire a nanny.

Daniel Nightingale was a bit of an outsider (in a good way), he was studying at Gotham U, and was doing very well in his chosen career; though his records were strangely empty, Bruce knew he could trust him. His tired look and the shy smile he gave him upon arriving at the mansion was enough to calm his concerns.

Perhaps it was because he was just starting out as Batman at the time that he didn't investigate further.

Anyway, Dick loved Danny, from that first day, he used to tell Bruce about his "adventures" and how much fun he had. On one occasion he even told him they had a snowball fight (which confused him, because it was July but he was too tired to question the excited kid).

So, Danny became Dick's, and later Jason's, official nanny. He never complained and always smiled. The boy got along quite well with Alfred and would attend to any emergency, although he was never involved in the vigilante business.

It was only after Jason's death, when Tim arrived, that someone began to question Danny. Tim wasn't sure about Danny, there were a lot of things...that just didn't fit, and if the old photos of the mansion were any indication, the nanny wasn't getting any older.

Dick wasn't ten anymore and that was pretty obvious, but Danny looked exactly the same. Tim frowned, puzzled as to how no one had investigated such an oddity before. Alfred simply looked at him with an amused smile. He wondered how long it would take for the family to notice the (rather obvious) secrets of the elusive nanny.

Alfred couldn't blame the boy, the easiest way to hide something was in plain sight. And he knew the halfa would never hurt his family.

[reebmiester]

"Bruce is terrible at communicating to his kids that they are family instead of a job, that he's their father and not their boss, and that he views them as his children, not just his wards-" BITCH where do you think he LEARNED that from

[the-purple-possum]

You know something?

I want to headcanon that Bruce has spent so much time around Alfred that he accidentally uses British insults and terminology.

For instance, he's at a gala, hes having a conversation, and the person says something so infuriating that he calls them a Pillock, and since its America, everyone just stops and looks very confused.

Dick finds this hillarious, until he starts doing it too. He'll accidentally ask someone for a 'rubber' and everyone looks horrorfied.

Tim has learnt from Dick's mistakes, he phases out the English terms, except every now and then he says a word with a very posh English accent. Mostly words he's heard Alfred say a lot, such as 'dinner', and he has to stop and resound that word until it sounds right.

Jason on the other hand, he comes back to Dick slipping all over the place, he finds it hillarious, especially as he tried to fight Nightwing, and out of nowhere he hears the word 'twat'. He can't take it seriously. He doesn't even know where Dick heard it, especially as Alfred never swears.

[confused-wanderer]

Alfred is badass and has unuasual skills even for a batfam member.

Inspired by pandaredd’s skit where Alfred says “Bond wishes he was me”

The man is the caretaker of the bat family, he has raised every damn member, and has seen more than his fair share of wars, doomsdays and worse. He is a butler. And god knows what else in the spare time. All I imagine is that if a teenage Bruce looks up at Alfred and whispers he wants to train, Alfred might be the one who gives him contacts.

Alfred:

Bruce:

Alfred: .. wait here master Bruce, I know you won’t even listen to what I’m saying so I will let you learn the arts. Only under one condition though, I choose your trainers

Teenage Bruce: Alfred, whom would you-

Alfred *already on the phone* : Hello there Lee

Teenage Bruce *wide eyes* *mouthing* : Rock Lee??

Alfred *scoffing* : what world do you think we live in! Be more realistic Master Bruce.

Bruce: .. so who is it?

Alfred: Bruce Lee.

The scariest thing about the butler is that he will take you apart in less than a blow, and he doesn’t even need weapons. He will however use them just for fun.He can still hear if Bruce or any of the batfamily sneaks around, he’s been the only one who somehow knew Cass was in the room and offered her snacks while she was hanging upside down from the ceiling in the pitch black and overall has better instincts to locate any of them in the mansion than a GPS tracking system.

When supervillains, nosy reporters or even crooks try to break into the Manor, the fact that no one installed a security system should’ve really been a warning point that the Waynes had other.. deadlier security.

By the time Jason comes home he sees Alfred cleaning up the carpet, but doesn’t miss the wrinkled edge of the sleeve. It is only then when he looks to the other room and the criminals are all sitting in time out, each a truly remarkable shade of blue, black purple and green he’s never seen in real life. And none of them were even bleeding.

Alfred also has insanely fast reflexes. And to everyone surprise, he is an bloody good shot. Green arrow was once testing out a new arrow and it accidentally whizzed past the target and almost hit the cat when out of nowhere Alfred caught it and snapped it with one hand. And then proceeded to borrow a pistol and shoot the target while walking to the other side of the room, not even sparing a glance at the bullseye he had hit. All the while holding a tray of glass bottles that hadn’t moved a single inch.

He’s given advice to Jason on how to make explosives out of everything and nothing, taught Dick how to cut a tree in half with one kick, showed Stephanie how to always win Russian Roulette, guided Damian on how to break bones without ever leaving traces, taught Tim how to mimic someone’s voice and be scarily accurate, and so much more. Once on live television the world saw Alfred eat three cookies and refuse to pass them to Bruce Wayne before saying “They’ve been poisoned” and throwing them away. A few people swear they heard him mouth “bloody amateurs” afterwards and he insisted he was fine, stating that he was already “used to it.”

Whatever the fuck that meant.

And that is why the bat cave is a safer option for batman’s enemies than the mansion. Because if you were caught by the butler, just know that god has already forsaken you.

[littleinkling64]

I would love love LOVE more dc (specifically Tim Drake) + Artemis Fowl crossovers that aren't straight up slash/crack, bc like--seriously, these characters have so much potential for fun interactions:

Holly Short, meeting Tim Drake for the first time via his friendship with Artemis: Oh, so you're like Artemis, but nicer. Tim, going on hour 72 of no sleep: Cut off my access to caffeine and I will show you exactly how alike we can be.

Commander Root: Listen here, mudboy, you aren't getting on that ship. Tim, decking him: It's hilarious you thought I was asking permission. Root: Root, bewildered and annoyed: You're the brainy type! Brainy types don't throw punches! It's your one redeeming quality!

Artemis: Can you believe I almost got mauled by a troll? The chase alone ruined my leather loafers. Tim, who has definitely gotten mauled by Killer Croc before at some point: Oh gee, that sounds terrible.

Foaly, tinfoil hat-wearing, paranoid tech enthusiast: Well it's like I always say, 'it's not paranoia if they're really out to get you!' Tim Drake, paranoid bat trained by the master of paranoia, Batman: Exactly.

Tim, lifting a swear toad into his pocket to show Jason later: :) Holly: I saw that. Tim, slowly putting the swear toad back: >:(

Butler: I doubt your training could compete with that of the Blue Diamond. Who did you train under? Tim: Lady Shiva. Butler: Butler: 'Lady Shiva of the League of Shadows' Lady Shiva? Tim: That'd be the one. Butler:...I take it back.

[oifaaa]

DC ttrpg au where the reason why the bats keeping showing up in other heroes cities is bc their own group keeps imploding due to infighting so they just invite themselves to the dms other sessions with different groups

[starryaugust]

I NEED a fanfic where the batfam are a crime family

[yandereunsolved]

彡 ˗ˏˋ Alfred Pennyworth Mood board ´ˎ˗ 彡

.ೃ࿐ Which Alfred are you? 1-9 .ೃ࿐

[brucewaynehater101]

Y'all, hc that Bruce is trans, his chosen name is "Batman," but he legally and publicly goes by "Bruce."

This is based on at least two canon instances where Bruce admits he calls himself Batman and not "Bruce."

[if-i-hate-the-headline]

wayne family moments i think about on the daily and love dearly (pt.6)

GOOD DAD BRUCE WAYNE APPRECIATION

EMOTIONAL GROWTH WE LOVE TO SEE IT - bruce is so strong in this episode though

damian is so funny for no fucking reason

poor dami

HARPER ROW - and her subtle little black canary tank

shes either a rly enthusiastic lesbian or i ship them

nevermind shes a raging lesbian - and the other girl is her butch girlfriend (dukes an ally)

THIS IS ADORABLE - i love dami

LESBIANS

huntress is so cool bro - shes so badass even with the nightwing sticks