#damian wayne is annoying

[fckbatmanhiskidsareminenow]

batfam meets the JL but it’s just the bat kids breaking into the watch tower during a debriefing or meeting to ask bruce the most mundane questions. they go about it like they’re interns that need to speak to the CEO during a board meeting. they walk over waving their hands and mouthing “i’m so sorry just need to ask batman something 😬” and then they lean over to bruce and ask something like “alfred wants to know if you’re gonna be home for dinner” and then they dip.

one of them started this when bruce didn’t answer their texts (it was probably tim or something) and now everyone does it.

[starspilli]

batkids game night. they’re playing fortnite

(click for full quality <3 also available as a print!)

[mikeluciraphgabe]

Jason hitting the panic button in his sleep cuz he was still in his uniform and rolled over but because he’s in one of his safe houses the signal is all messed up and the Batfam is in chaos trying to find him but Jason is just “zzzz” the whole time

[ashoss]

big brotherism

[ghost-bxrd]

Let’s amp up the “Jason says ow and the batfam thinks he must be gravely injured” headcanon.

Jason calls Bruce or Dick for fun and says nothing but “goodbye” before hanging up (maybe it’s a dare by Roy who TOTALLY suspects the reaction Jay is gonna get).

Ten minutes late the entire Justice League is scouring Gotham, on the hunt for Jason.

[fanaticalthings]

Most children, once they've grown up and moved out, sometimes come back to visit their parents to use their house as a sort of personal grocery store

And with Bruce being a literal billionaire whose house is always stocked with food and supplies, the batkids (that aren't living in the manor) definitely visit just for the purpose of taking shit for themselves.

---

For Dick, it's just small things, food and maybe some utensils. Bruce is barely in the kitchen so he never notices dishes go missing, and there are like 10 other children in his house so literally any one of the younger kids could've stolen food in the middle of the night, so he doesn't bat an eye at all.

Babs probably steals Bruce's hardware or his tools from the batcave. Sometimes, if she's nice, she'll leave a note.

Steph probably takes shit that no one will notice at the time but will absolutely be annoyed about when they need said thing. Stapler, soap bars, the microwave plate, etc...(Taking after Jason, she steals the hub caps off the batmobile's tires)

However, for Jason, once his relationship with Bruce is somewhat decent, of course he's gonna be petty and start stealing the more expensive shit in the manor for his apartment. Jason's microwave is broken? The next day, the cave's self-made and enhanced microwave made by Bruce for convenience is just gone.

Jason's feeling a coffee maker for his place? The one in Bruce's study disappears, too.

---

At first, Bruce thinks he's just sleep deprived, but then much bigger things start to go missing, like the whole TV and couch set in the living room. He assumes the younger kids are just playing pranks on him (sounds like something Stephanie would do) but then Bruce notices that the thief deliberately avoids stealing things from the kitchen, which is where Alfred is most of the time, and suddenly Bruce has an irritated clue on who the culprit is.

At first, he doesn't say anything, until one day he comes back, tired from a patrol, and is about to log in all the info on the computer only to realize his batchair is gone. That's when he texts Jason a blunt "If you really need things for your place, you can just ask me. I'll buy them for you." (As if Jason himself isn't loaded from his totally legal activities)

---

So now Jason's pettiness levels increase tenfold, and oh, wouldn't you look at it, his bike needs some new tires, and he knows a great place to get some more.

One night, Bruce is just blearily getting up for a late night snack, only to see Damian scamper away with a...lamp? So Bruce immediately follows him into the foyer only to see ALL of his kids (sans the ones not living in the manor), trying to haul two arm chairs out the window, and they just stop dead silent to stare at him until someone whispers a nervous "Crap"

Bruce doesn't even have any energy to fight, he just pinches his nose and is all "What is the meaning of this" in his tired dad voice. And Duke meekly responds with "we wanted more chairs at Jason's place"

And suddenly it all makes sense. Not once did Bruce wonder how the HELL Jason managed to lug a whole 60in TV and a full couch set on his own in one night. Of course, he had accomplices. Bruce just turns right around and goes right the hell back to his room to sleep. He'll deal with this in the morning.

[devine-fem]

“why can’t two guys be platonic best friends in peace?” THEY ARE platonic bestfriends. you guys really need to understand that no amount of shipping will change that, canon will stay unchanged so what’s the whining for?

this ‘problem’ only exists in your mind. hope this helps!

[rubydubydoo122]

I’m just gonna say this, the main reason people don’t like Damian Wayne as a character is the same reason people didn’t like Jason Todd back in the 80s

People don’t like either of them because their favorite Robin (Tim Drake and Dick Grayson) got replaced by them.

Damian and Jason are both really interesting and complex character, objectively more complex than both Tim and Dick, but some people (cough, obnoxious Tim fans, cough, and Dick fans who over sexualize him, cough) don’t see that and just want their little blorbos to never grow into their own character apart from Batman.

[arunneronthird]

okay fine i can deal with damian being a weeb but he'll be one on MY TERMS

[cursedzucchini]

I'm currently taking care of family friends' cat bc they're on vacation, so obviously I'm gonna use that lol.

So. Vlad's on vacation. He has to leave his cat behind. He somehow forces Danny to take care of it while he's gone. You get the picture.

But the problem is, batfam started looking into this shady millionaire. And they finally decided to take action and look through this creep's mansion. But they forgot he obviously hired someone for babysitting his cat.

So now Danny walked in, he has headphones in, he's singing songs, doing his little dance. He gives the cat food, pets her, let's her out. Maybe he even gives water to the plants. And than he plops down, connects to the wifi and goes on social media.

Meanwhile batfam are trying to quickly figure out how to quickly complete their mission, without allerting this random teen. That's not that hard on itself, but he always seems to follow them! Especially Jason, Cass and Damian.

[another addition is that when Danny finally discovers them, they scare him so badly, he falls on the floor, accidentally duplicate and turns into his ghost form. He's floating over his body, looks down and then back at the bats "...I was about to say you scared me to death, but I don't think it's appropriate anymore" (yes I did thought of this specific scenario jist to put that joke there leave me alone). Batman meanwhile is trying very hard not to adopt the ghost (and cry. He's trying very hard not to cry.)]

[reineydraws]

based on that one bert and ernie behind the scenes photo of jim henson & co. :')

i drew this for fun and then i started thinking about how robin could be a two-person puppet dick's parents created and puppeteered together and dick inherits it when they die and he ends up passing it along to subsequent siblings to use together when he creates his own nightwing one and then i got emotional about it + the inherent quality of family-as-legacy that the robin puppet represents 🥺🥺 they have to share the role. robin means not being alone!!

bonus lol:

[nightwingcomplex]

What a fucking fandom, huh!

(etc, etc, etc)

[violent138]

I love the idea that Bruce takes the Batfam on hikes outside of Gotham, and puts up with the arguing over who goes in what car, packs everyone's favourite snacks, will race with the other car if enough passengers in his egg him on. Bruce generally stays ridicuously quiet while the kids jabber enough to alert everything living in the woods near them but will weigh in once the kids debate who's strong enough to wrestle a bear, chime in on unsolved hiker cases, build fires, and carry anyone that gets tired, all while sneaking awful pictures of them.

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Christmas Wishlist

Damian: So, what are you getting me for Christmas?

Jason: Nice try, brat.

Jason: Actually, no, terrible try. What was that? Where’s the subtly? The cunning?

Damian: *shrugs*

Later

Steph: Just out of curiosity, were you expecting that to work? At all?

Damian: Not really, no.

Steph: Then why bother?

Damian: It’s all part of my plan.

Steph:

Damian:

Steph: Are you going to expound on that, or…

Later that week

Oracle: Robin, there’s a burglary taking place on 5th and Jefferson.

Nightwing: I’ll be there in like three minutes, Robin, just wait for me.

Robin: I have it handled.

Red Robin: Just wait for Nightwing, you dummy.

Robin: Unnecessary.

Spoiler: You’re going to make Nightwing sad.

Oracle: Or you’ll get hurt.

Spoiler: Yeah, or that.

Robin: Tt. I’ll be fine. “He will win who knows when to fight and when to fight harder.”

Red Hood: That is NOT how that quote goes.

Everyone:

Oracle: Hood, I thought you were in California this week.

Red Hood: I felt an insult to humanity preparing to take form.

More later

Cass: Did you tell Jason what you wanted for Christmas yet?

Damian: I’m working on it.

Several days after that

Tim: Why are you in my room?

Damian: You left the window open.

Tim:

Damian: The philosophers are very clear on what to do there.

Tim:

Damian, a little louder: When your enemy leaves their WINDOW open.

Tim: And are you achieving what you are hoping to achieve right now?

Damian: Unclear.

Tim: You know, you could always write a letter to Santa like a normal kid.

Damian: Absolutely not.

Tim: Yeah… Probably for the best, actually, considering past dealings and all…

Christmas Morning

Damian, opening his gift:

Dick: What’d Jason give you?

Damian: *proudly holds up a signed copy of The Art of War*

Tim: Okay, that’s got to be fake, right?

Everyone: *looks at Jason*

Jason, shrugging: The Flashes owed me a favor.

Bruce, eye twitching slightly: Do I have to send the time travel safety presentation out to everyone again?

Jason: Don’t worry, they already fixed the parts of the timeline they broke.

Bruce: *very lengthy sigh*

Damian: Thank you, Jason.

Jason: You’re welcome.

Jason: Now there will be no more murdering of quotes. You have no excuses.

Later

Damian: My plan worked.

Steph: And just asking was too hard because…

Damian: What’s the point of that? Where’s the cunning? The subtly?

[theredcuyo]

Sleepovers at the manor. SLEEPOVERS AT THE MANOR.

Bruce had always been very wary of who got to and who didn't get into the manor further than the guest spaces, and when Dick appearead in his life with eyes that could make him do literally anything, he feared the day he'd ask to bring a friend over

Maybe that's why he decided to use the ancient ways Alfred has once used against him and Harvey

Embarrasment

Wally West was used as a warning to Dick, and he learned

Dick didn't get the chance to teach Jason that lesson in his time as Robin, but when his little wing and Roy crashed at his place one time, he got it

He'd gotten practice before that, learning from the masters themselves when Tim invited young justice over

Tim got back at him by sending Kory and Babs some of his old stash of Robin photos

Steph tried to escape it, but she and Cass got trapped at the same time by Alfred's cookies, and that day, Tim took notes

By the time Jon first stayed with Damian for a sleepover, Damian knew about the 'tradition' already and he was determined to prove himself over it

He failed when all of his sibblings joined forces, from Dick's retale of when he was his Batman, to Todd's old stories from their time training in the league and somehow Drake had gotten pictures of him when he was younger (Talia gladly contributed)

Was it too late for his father to un-adopt them all?

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

"Come get your child." Robin stared incredulously at this...entity? Being? He was a child himself, how could he possibly have a kid of his own.

The creature huffed, seeming very put out by the young vigilantes confusion. "What is there to not understand? Your child has been running wild in the Infinite Realms for a while now. Ever since that portal exploded hes been taking his emotions out on everyone!" The thing said, throwing her hands into the air, "And you!" Robin stepped back a pace or two when he suddenly found a very sharp claw in his face, "I had to do a lot of searching to even find you! What kind of parent are you?!"

"I'm not."

The entity opened and closed its mouth a few times like a fish before suddenly becoming furious, "Its no wonder hes like this when his gardian has so little interest in him! Did you know the other day he plugged a liquor bottle with a cloth and lit it on fire? I don't even know where he got it, but he lit the cloth and yelled something like, "mazzle toff" and threw it at my own adult son!"

"..."

"When my little boy burst into flames do you know what he said to me?"

"...no, but I feel like you're going to tell me anyways."

"I'm sorry ma'am I wasn't expecting there to be that much fire."

"That much? So he fully intended to set someone ablaze but the amount of fire is what troubled him?"

"Yes!" She growled, exasperated, "Please come get your child as soon as possible! Hes terrorizing the whole dimension!"

Damian found himself staring at open space the woman had occupied previously before contacting Oracle through the coms, "Did you get all of that?"

It was Grayson that spoke, "Every word."

---

Aka Danny has a lot of misplaced aggression and kinda terrorizes parts of the GZ. Unfortunately for him hes a clone of one of the bats (weather or not you want it to be Damian, Project R or someone else that hes cloned from is up to you) and they're coming to him to assess if he's an evil clone or mindless or whatever.

Too bad Danny sucks at first impressions.