#damian wayne sucks

[ratsonfire]

Someone’s about to get stabbed, idk who yet

[fanaticalthings]

just another night in gotham

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[redfirerai]

Bats in their natural habitat

[gbirrd]

the only good part of Gotham War was that Dick got to beat up his dad

[sisaloofafump]

What the Robins consider each other to be

From Heroes in Crisis #9.

[starry-bi-sky]

clone^2 twitter memes. just bc :)

non-canon to the au but still funny

[soupinaboot]

Damian: Well father, it seems we both have autism haven't we?

Bruce: Yeah

Damian: Well that's good to know.

[oifaaa]

People bring up the fact that Jason (might have) beaten up Tim that one time like it's the worst thing Jason did ignoring that he literally shoots Damian point blank in the chest all the offence in the world to tim but imo boy got off pretty easy

[flamingpudding]

Thinking about writing a dpxdc batpham Christmas Story...

...but cause I am a self-conscious B with self-esteem problems when i overthink to much, I am going to let you guys judge, or if you want, use the bare base idea for yourself 🙃

This is the bare base idea:

Bruce reads a newspaper while dodging Dick and Cass, who are attempting to put a Christmas hat on him. Duke and Steph cheered on a candy cane battle happening between Tim and Damian, with Damian's just so happend to be sharpened. Thus, it's more like how long can Tim avoid getting stabbed battle. Jason and Alfred cook in the kitchen, which causes Alfred not to realize the fight happening in the dining room. And Danny watching them all narrowed eyed and poking the turkey with a long metal stick as if it would come alive and fight him any second. Before turning to them when he sees it 'twitch' and declaring he is disowning them all until after Christmas. The Bat family just stared at Danny as he left for a moment very perplexed and confused like deers in headlines.

Now the batfam is making it their mission to help him endure Christmas and Tim might let Danny in on a secret just so he no longer will be hung up on the Santa is real or not argument his parents used to have.

[xmultifandomsx]

Olympics AU

Dick is a gymnast (duh)

Jason is a boxer

Steph and Cass are a tennis doubles team

Tim skateboards (reluctantly)

Duke does beach volleyball

Damian is a fencer (again duh)

Bruce is a retired Olympic Fencing gold medalist who coaches Damian but has encouraged all of his children to pursue their athletics to the highest level. Some of them (like Jason who he rescued from an abusive coach) he's found through the Olympics. So he's like known in the space for just having a shit town of incredibly gifted children who he's really proud of. Tim, who had always preferred computers over sports, found he actually enjoyed skateboarding but knew his parents would hate it. His mom and dad were an Olympic skier and snowboarder respectively. He knew they wouldn't approve of his sport so he just had fun with it in secret. He meets Kon, Bart, and Cassie through the skateboarding scene in Gotham. It's all fun and games until his parents figure out he's been sneaking out and find out about his secret. They're pissed and ground him until a video Kon posts goes viral and people start reaching out. Suddenly, his parents are way more on board and Tim, who was doing this as a kind of stress relief, is forced to take everything really seriously. This kills his enjoyment of the sport and eventually, he winds up at the Olympics. It's there that he meets Bruce's brood because their accommodations in the Olympic Village and right next to his. He gets into shenanigans with them (maybe they don't realize he's an athlete at first bc he resembles a baby bird). They catch on to the fact that Tim isn't stoked to be there and see how horrible his parents are and work to get them removed as his coaches and manager and Bruce files for emergency custody. Alternatively, Bruce threatens Tim's parents to behave better and offers to take Tim in to further his training which is perfect in his parents' eyes so they ship him off to Bruce. Fast forward a year later and the newspaper headlines are all just: Bruce has adopted yet another Olympic gold medalist.

[waywardducks]

Welcome back to incorrect batfam quotes as things me and my siblings have said/done pt2

Enjoy!

⋆✩₊˚ ʚ♡ɞ ˚₊✩⋆

Damian: Make me a sandwich?

Dick: No, you can make yourself a sandwich, I'm busy

Damian:… will you make me my favorite soup? Only you can make it the way I like it

Dick:*frustrated* I know exactly what your doing. You do realize that you're the youngest of like 10 kids right? Tim and Jason used to pull this trick all the time. Go make yourself some food, you aren't incapable, you're being lazy and I'm busy. Sorry baby bird

Dick:*goes back to working*

Damian:

Damian:*going to Jason* Will you make me a sandwich? Only you know how to make them the way I like them

Jason: Awww of course I can buddy

Damian: 😈

⋆✩₊˚ ʚ♡ɞ ˚₊✩⋆

Dick:*wearing pants with cutout in the inner thigh*

Jason: What the fuck are you wearing?

Dick: it’s call fashion, Jason, I’m sure you’ve heard of it. This is what’s in

Jason: You look like a gay stripper

⋆✩₊˚ ʚ♡ɞ ˚₊✩⋆

Tim: My insides are shaking

Duke: I’m sorry, what?

Tim: like, my organs are vibrating

Duke: Why? Wtf

Tim: maybe it’s because I drank 3 energy drink and haven’t eaten anything today but that’s just a guess

Duke:

Duke: Dude

⋆✩₊˚ ʚ♡ɞ ˚₊✩⋆

Tim: *is once again on the brink of death*

Steph: Dick, I never expected you to be the calmest out of all of us.

Dick: oh, yeah, I’m disassociating so hard right now I can’t feel my own arms and I feel like I’m floating. Soon as I’m alone, though, I’m breaking my own hand

Steph: *increasingly becoming more worried* Oh, okay

Dick: ye, I have to drive now, pray I don’t crash 😗✌️

⋆✩₊˚ ʚ♡ɞ ˚₊✩⋆

That's all I got for now lmao

[fanfic-writer-and-rambler]

This was a canon before they were made cousins, but it's funny to think about. Kate and Bruce

Barbara Gordon rolls into Wayne manor making her way to the kitchen where the batkids, Bruce Wayne and Kate Kane are having breakfast. She goes over to Bruce and Kate who are sitting next to each other.

Barbara, after sipping her coffee: I wasn't aware you guys were from Alabama.

Kate, confused: We're not.

Barbara: You sure? Because I heard you two, hooked up in the past... with each other. I heard it, so when did forbidden romance start?

Bruce Wayne nearly spits out his coffee. Kate turns to Barbara horrified.

Kate: What... the fuck did you just say?

Barbara: I read about it online. Batwoman and Batman, a couple for such a long time. I wonder if they know you're cousins.

Barbara rolls away laughing. The kids at the table stare at the two waiting for an answer.

Barbara: Never ever tease me about rumors on sleeping with you guys, but who knows, maybe you two did hook up.

Jason Todd: Oh we're not doing anything else until you answer if you guys have ever fucked.

The other kids nod in agreement.

Kate: I'm going to kill that reporter!

Kate stands up and leaves. A door slam a second later. Bruce Wayne has covered his face in shame.

Bruce: I told her they didn't care if she was being sarcastic, they took her word and now we look like cousin fuckers! The Justice League won't let me live this down.

Dick Grayson: If it helps we won't let you live this down either.

Stephanie Brown: I texted Selina already.

Tim Drake: You haven't denied it yet Bruce, so Damian, your father fucked his cousin.

Damian Wayne, worried: Hold on, you guys haven't... please for the love of Ra tell me you haven't ever done that with your cousin!

Bruce: Freaking no! No, no, no, no, a billion times no! I gotta go with Kate.

Jason plays sweet home Alabama as Bruce leaves. His irate father walks back over and tosses his son's phone across the room then leaves.

Jason: Worth it.

[donnatroyyyy]

Dick genuinely doesn’t have a favorite sibling, he’s like the parent that says “I love all my children equally” and you believe it, he actually loves them all equally. He’s been trying to convince them that for the last few years, they don’t believe him, so he does what he has to, he says it’s Steph and let’s her deal with it.

[gonnalosemydougdimmadomedamnmind]

It's literally impossible to read bat fanfiction because it's all based off those ridiculous fanon tropes that spread like crazy and people take as fucking biblical!!!!! Dick was never a jerk to Jason when he was Robin- they got along because Dick is mature as hell and in one retelling- Jason was a jerk to him!! And when he came back as Red Hood he had literally not a single damn reason to treat Dick like shit! Not a damn one! But he did, didn't he? Cause he's the fucking asshole! How dare you make Dick grovel towards that bastard! Dick has only ever tried to help him! Reached out during his Batman run, over and over! Also- Dick never put Jason in Arkham with Joker just a few cells down???? What the fuck! The Joker and all those other fuckers had been broken out of Arkham by Black Mask already for like the whole run??? Jason went to Arkham after losing to Dick, and Gordon put him in there because One he fucking deserved it, Two the literal circumstances?? And at that point!! Arkham was fucking rehabilitated itself!! By Dick!!! Because Bruce had him go undercover there for real, and Dick was actually tortured there before he got out!! So Dick put in the work to get that shit in order to actually help people!!

Dick never chose Damian over Tim- Tim refused to engage with him over his grief, shut him out, and left of his own devices! He never told Dick his suspicions on why Bruce was alive, never! And Tim is not the one to bring Bruce back either, there's a whole team at that point! Dick learns Bruce is alive through tossing his 'dead' body into a pit and the body comes to life as a zombie. Tim didn't tell him shit! Tim is also not a little crybaby- Damian cutting his line was a fucking blip on the page, he was momentarily shocked, that was it! He put Damian on his Hit List, which is why Damian cut his line. And his first attempt at "murder" is just pushing Tim off the dinosaur statue in the cave, he didn't go all assassin on him! Also Dick wasn't even there the first incident and wasn't told about the second incident. Alfred is the one who gave Damian Robin and Dick accepted him because he saw that Damian needed help! He needed guidance! He didn't fucking fire Tim the way Bruce fired him, and fuck all of you for thinking that Tim or Jason or fucking anyone has more right over Robin than Dick Fucking Grayson! He tried to promote Tim and Tim walked off. How dare yall make Dick fucking grovel towards that bastard!!!

Jason did try to kill all three of them!! Why does everyone just gloss over that like what the fuck??? Why does he get a pass for every shitty thing he's done??? "Bad writing" stfu this is the same dude that without hesitation kills random criminals, people who deal drugs, do you know how many random ass people deal drugs??? Jason doesn't give a single shit about being his own type of hero or saving Gotham his own way, nor do the people think of him as their savior!! Are you people fucking delusional?? I saw a post that said citizens would trust Jason over CASS and I cannot Believe the hallucinations yall are seeing???

It is literally downright impossible to find fics about Dick or Damian or Cass or fucking any of them that doesn't include these literal bullshit fanon takes!!! It's impossible!!! This fandom sucks!!!! You don't even need to go buy the comics, all these popular takes have been debunked right here on tumblr!!!! Also Dick can do literally everything!! He's hypercompetent as hell, die mad about it!! Jason doesn't like Wonder Woman???? Where the fuck did that come from??? Wayne Family Adventures is not real!!! Those people could not BE more out of character!!! Look at Bruce for crying out loud!!! Yall know that man ain't act like that!

Edit: leaving this here in case anyone wonders what my hot take is towards this question I was asked: "have you considered tho, that fanon is more fun..."

Well of course fanon is more fun if you're a fan of Jason or Tim. Fanon actively caters towards those two pasty white boys. Fanon actively shits on Dick and Damian though. And for Dick? He literally never did that shit! It is all made up! It's literal character assassination?? But by the fans?? And for Damian? He was 10!!! He grew up as an assassin! He was actively trying to grow with Dick's help! How can yall see him as the bad guy?? And not the literal bad guy, (Jason), and the 17 teen year old who literally fought him back btw, (Tim), like old boy did not act victimized the way you people portray. And Jesus for Cass? Cass is just a prop in fanon. So what exactly about this should be fun to me? Like seriously.

[not-a-heretic]

damian wayne

pose reference

[hunterofartemis7]

Pt.11

*at the police station*

Bruce: do I even want to know how you ALL got arrested?

Jason: we have a very good reason!

Bruce: oh I’d love to hear it

Jason: a doctor was very rude to raven and made her cry

Tim: and he had so many complaints from different female staff and female patients so we took matters into our own hands

Bruce:…yeah that’s a good reason. *pays their bail*

Cop: *lets them all out*

Dick: btw, where are the birds at?

Bruce: outside with Kori and Selena

Jason: cat moms here?

Bruce: yes

Jason:….put me back in the cell

*outside*

Raven: I didn’t think they would get arrested

Damian: I did

Selina: I mean, they had a good reason.

Kori: you think the doctor will sue them?

Selina: he can try, but Bruce had better lawyers

Raven: how much was their bail?

Selina: probably a couple hundred a piece. Why?

Raven: cause I need to know how much to pay Bruce back for

Bruce: *coming out of the jail* you’re not paying me back for anything Raven.

Raven: but they got arrested because of me…

Jason: no we got arrested because no one fucks with our family.

Raven:..thank you, for sticking up for me

Dick: anytime Rae.

Bruce: so what exactly did he do to make you cry and make them THAT angry?

Jason: uhhhhh…..

Raven:…..

Tim: *gives her the “we say nothing if you don’t want us to” look*

Selina: well??

Raven: *mumbles* he..was saying awful things about me..and my baby..

Selina: BABY!?!?

Bruce: your pregnant?

Raven: *nods* I..I’m sorry I didn’t tell y—*gets tackled by Selina*

Selina: CONGRATULATIONS!!!! MY WORDS IM GONNA BE A GRANDMA! 🥹

Bruce: *hugs her as well* congratulations my dear! I’m so happy for you! *turns to Damian and hugs him* congratulations son

Damian: thank you father

Jason: B this is your first grandchild

Bruce: I know.🥹

Dick: so we’re celebrating now..okay. *takes a breath* IM GONNA BE AN UNCLE!!! *bear hugs Damian*

Damian: UNHAND ME GRAYSON!

Jason: I’m really happy for you two but also…*punches Damian in the arm* WHAT THE HELL MAN?!

Damian: what was that for!?

Jason: uh maybe for not telling us sooner!! Our baby brother is having a baby and you didn’t tell us immediately! How long have you known!?

Raven: little over a week…

Jason: REALLY!?

Damian: we were going to tell you!

Tim: when?

Damian: in like…3 months

Selina: THREE MONTHS!?

Kori: guys, stop yelling

Jason: give me one good reason why!?

Kori: *motions to raven who’s tearing up*

Raven: I’m sorry…😣

Jason: Rae…no no sweetheart it’s okay, don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong

Raven:😖😭 *hormones suck*

Damian: way to go asshole *hugs raven close, rubbing her back*

Dick: Rae were not actually mad, we’re just giving Damian shit.

Tim: yeah we didn’t mean to make you upset.

Jason: *looks at Kori like “this will be a long few months”*

Kori:😑