#dick Grayson is a menace

[audhd-nightwing]

*introducing Grayson to the og JL (they don’t know bruce’s identity yet)*

bruce: this is my ward, robin

robin!dick: hi!!

clark: …batman, how old is robin?

dick: i’m ten! :D

diana: *frowns in concern*

bruce: …he would’ve went out on his own if I didn’t train him

clark: i’m not sure i believe that…

dick: no he’s right! i did actually go out on my own before he offered to let me work alongside him

diana, impressed: you patrolled the streets of Gotham on your own?

dick: mhm! at night, too!

clark, horrified: …i need to sit down.

[snakeredbirdbatkatana]

Also got a kinda weird one but I love like chaotic possessive borderline insane nightwing when it comes to his brothers. Like cuddling Tim, Damian or Jason and saying my precious while Bruce slowly backs out of the room.

Black Mask breaks Damian's arm and without hesitation he shouts for Dick and out comes Nightwing ready to strike and end this man's whole career.

Dick who refuses to let Tim go find Bruce fuck Bruce you stay here with me and never leave.

He hunts down Jason like a dog with a bone and keeps track of everyone of his movements because his little wing will never go anywhere he doesn't know about.

Bruce who does not dare touch a Robin because big bird while come and Bruce knows nightwing will kill him.

I want nightwing like a very angry guard dog when it comes to his brothers.

I want him to sleep with his brothers surrounding him and he hears a creak in the hall and he is up standing in front of the bed with sticks that are flowing with electricity because no one will touch his brothers.

[undertheredhood]

imo, dick grayson is the type of person who would post 'am i the asshole' stories on reddit.

[strawberry-forest-does-stuff]

[catpriciousmarjara]

Getting a PHD literally anywhere else: Wow! Congratulations! What a great achievement! Amazing!

Getting a PHD in Gotham: Wow! Amazing! You're now on several Government, Civilian, and Bat watchlists.

So if any of the Wayne kids get a PHD, then the entirety of Gotham would be squinting at them suspiciously. They're rich, so resources, and most likely already insane with all the shit they pull.

What I'm saying is if Jason went and got himself a Doctorate in Literature, the whole city would anticipate the appearance of his villainsona called the Dead Poet(emphasis on the dead) or Bookkeeper or something else similarly nerdy and themed like that for sure.

I just know that it would turn into some Gotham inside joke with memes abound, and everytime Jason would, I don't know, give more funding to the neglected Arts Departments in Gotham University, or go to a school for read alongs to encourage kids to read, Gotham social media would go crazy and be like:

"The Dreaded Villain Dead Poet Reads Alice in Wonderland to Children! How Despicable!"

"Villain Dead Poet Lambasts Government on Banning Books! Leads Librarians to Riot!"

"Dead Poet Ramps up his Villainy by Establishing Educational Programmes in Crime Alley! Uplifting the Poor! What a Dastardly Villain!"

"Dead Poet Goes on Live Ranting About his Favourite Books! Favourite Author is Jane Austen! Is this the Feminist Agenda?"

And so on! It's a meme that refuses to go away. His siblings actively participate, and make the situation worse.

Dick held an online Gotham Villains and Anti-Heroes Poll and Dead Poet came out on top, over Red Hood. Jason is an actual Gotham crime boss, but his crowdfunded villainsona is more popular. No he's not salty about it at all.

Duke would create a montage of Dead Poet sightings.

Stephanie would make a Dead Poet meme compilation.

Tim would arrange Wayne Enterprises to donate to local libraries after allegedly being threatened by the heinous villain Dead Poet. (Jason did ask Tim to do that but not like that)

Barbara created an extremely popular Villain Watch account for Dead Poet.

Cass tweeted out Jason's favourite books as the villain Dead Poets reading list telling people to avoid them 'wink wonk', causing a massive uptick in the sale of those books ala Bigolas Dickolas.

Damian of all people tweeted out a pic of Jason playing with Alfred the cat accusing the evil villain Dead Poet of attempting to kidnap his cat.

And thats not to mention all the shenanigans they pull in their batsonas.

God bless Gotham and it's home grown, organic, not even remotely ethically sourced, free range chaos.

[excalisi]

it's a fun hc of mine that during dick's robin days, he went through the "omg i wish i had a cool secret language so i can have secret conversations with my friends" phase all kids go through. but one of his closest friends at the time also happened to be the batman, a guy with possibly the most bizarrely diverse arsenal of skills in the world. bruce sees the merit in the entire idea of a coded language to communicate rudimentary information when they can hear but not see each other. so why not make a code built on bird vocalizations? it's pretty much incomprehensible to anyone without a trained ear or comprehensive knowledge of birding and impossible to even passably mimic without proper training, so while the chances of interception are high, the chances of someone understanding it enough to interrupt during the middle of a bird-convo and feed false information are not.

it also, batman and robin come to realize, feed into the "holy fuck our vigilantes are cryptids" idea. bird sounds that come from seemingly no determinable location (ventriloquism) come to mean batman and robin are nearby. to the goons of gotham, bird song becomes inextricably connected to getting your ass kicked by the dynamic duo. the real reason why criminals don't operate during the day is because they get skittish and jumpy about if the sounds of birds chirping are real birds or some masked vigilantes lying in wait to rock your shit, and it's just easier to commit crimes during the night when all the birds are asleep so you know for sure.

ornithologists have boards on their bedrooms dedicated to the bird-bats of gotham. they've written dissertations.

the bird language becomes a bit of a batfamily bonding connection. teaching each other how to do different clicks and whistles, making up slang so bruce and barbara can't complain of clogging up comms with non-mission relevant talk, searching up birds to associate them with different people, psychologically terrorizing the criminal populace of gotham by chirping at them...

how the bird code works is that there's a bird assigned to each one of gotham's major heavy hitter criminals and vigilantes, and a few assigned to heroes out of the city (by which i mean the ones the bats associate with often enough to have a sign to address by). the only birds i've got so far are the robin (for robin. self-explanatory) and the glistening-green tanager (for the joker). i only have one for the joker bc i wanted to reference this hc in one of my fics and so searched up green birds to find the most eye-searingly annoying-to-look-at green bird i could find, and the glistening-green tanager was the closest one to fit the bill.

[thedevilundercover]

Tim Drake de-aging fic but everyone is just kind blown how that little monster is the Timothy Jackson Drake that they know.

He’s not even a gremlin, he’s just mean and knows a little too much about stuff than the usual rich brat.

Damian: tsk, you’re such a disgrace the Wayne name.

Tiny!Tim: yeah? And your mother should have swallowed, but we’re both here aren’t we?

or

Jason, thinking he could bully smol Timmy: you stopped so low that you replaced a dead boy! *emo edge lord noises*

Baby!Tim, having learned new slang words via duke and Steph who think this whole thing is hilarious: have you ever thought about just getting better?

Jason: ex-fucking-cuse me?

Tim, shrugging: dying really is just a skill issue ngl

it would be even more funny if he was like this only to Damian and Jason so everyone thinks Tim is such a smart, adorable little boy but the two of them are screaming at Dick and Bruce to get that fucking demonic child exorcised

[gothamundernightlight]

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Damian: Drake, I have need of your aid. My class is being forced to do a Secret Santa and I got the class bully. What should I get him?

Tim: Make him a Where’s Waldo book but photoshop Waldo out of every picture.

Damian: …

Dick: …

Jason: …

Jason: That’s cruel, but I love it! Do that!

Dick: Tim, didn’t you give me a Where’s Waldo book last year?

[deadsetobsessions]

“Tim. Timmy. Ancients, kid, what are you doing?!”

Danny Phantom smacked away the instinctual terror of seeing an eight year old dangling out of a third story window.

“I gotta go take pictures of Batman and Robin! They’re out tonight!”

Danny thought that his barely healed vivisection wound might bust open from the sheer stress.

“Setting aside how you even know the patrol schedule of honest to god vigilantes, why’d you choose the window? The house is literally empty, just walk out the front door, for Ancient’s sake.”

Tim paused, a motion Danny was overwhelmingly thankful for, and blinked sheepishly.

“Um… for the aesthetic?”

Danny allowed the silence to settle between them before dropping his head into his waiting hands. Tim panicked.

“You- you can’t stop me!”

And yeah, Danny really can’t. In the months he’s been mooching off of the Drakes (not that they’ll notice), Danny’s learned that Tim Drake is nothing but relentless in the pursuit of whatever he sets his mind on. Whether thet might be putting hot chocolate in his cereal (which Danny doesn’t actually mind) or, apparently, stalking a pair of vigilantes.

He wanted to hack into the library cameras? Danny had to hover just to make sure the kid didn’t get caught after arguing for an hour about it.

He walked out of that argument with a loss, yes, but he also let Tim know that Danny cared about him. Danny also walked out of that argument with a new hatred for Janet and Jack Drake and his mind (just as diabolical as Tim’s) whirring with plans to haunt them.

Tim is never ever introducing his new little brother to Tucker. Ever.

“Okay. I don’t want to see you take unnecessary risks, but I’m also aware that I can’t really stop you. So. I’ll go with you.”

Maybe this is like… Tim’s obsession? When he put it that way, Danny lost the fight to prevent this tiny kid from what clearly is the only joy in his poor life.

“But…!” Tim’s eyes darted to Danny’s chest, the vivisection scars still fresh in his mind.

“They’re healed.” Danny pulled his dumbass little brother off the window sill, core settling as Tim follows willingly. “I’ll make us invisible and fly with you behind Batman and Robin so you can get even better shots. You can’t make any noise, though. That camera got a shutter sound, right?”

“Yeah!” Tim’s face brightened and Danny melted. He shoved a bottle of the (incredibly stinky but helpful in a pinch) ecto contaminated tap water into a backpack, along with some snacks and a blanket for when Tim gets cold. Danny’ll be fine, he’s got a Space Core. The cold his kind of his thing.

“Cool. We’ll stay out of earshot. If things starts to get too dicey, we’re heading home, okay?”

“Okay!” The look Tim shot him is full of trust and adoration and it makes Danny’s human heart squeeze painfully. “C’mon! I don’t want to be late!”

“We need to talk about your stalking tendencies later,” Danny said fondly.

“I’m not stalking them! I’m observing them!”

“Uh-huh,” Danny drawled, picking Tim up and making them intangible and invisible. “They’re not a bird observatory and also, even the birds in the observatory knows they’re being watched. Batman and Robin clearly doesn’t.”

Danny felt more than saw Tim’s pout.

He laughs as they fly just below the Gotham-brand of toxic smog. He waves to the City’s Spirit as Tim cranes his head around to catch sight of Batman and Robin.

“There!”

Danny obliged. With Danny’s flight, Tim got much better- much closer- photos than he would have originally.

Danny hung back as the pair of vigilantes swooped down to take care of a mugging.

“Wanna mess with them?” He grinned down at his little brother, canines glinting.

Tim looked up at him, admiration and mischievousness in his gaze. “Yes.”

Gotham parted her clouds in response to their glee.

——

Dick Grayson, AKA Robin, finally understood why criminals are so creeped out by him.

Other than the whole flippy child kicking grown people’s asses and winning thing, obviously (that, and Batman loomed menacingly behind him everytime a criminal even looked at Robin wrong).

Batman had picked up on it first, but the for entirety of their patrol, they kept hearing eerie little giggles and laughter. Haunting them. Never distracting. But persistent. And so creepy. He got goosebumps.

“B, I wanna go home.”

“Hm.” That’s a resounding yes if Dick’s ever heard one.

Maybe Alfred can chase away the giggles and chuckles.

Robin shudders and follows the Bat home.

——

Danny lowered the temperature as he held Tim up near Batman’s cowl so his brother could giggle menacingly. He knew for a fact that any recording device would get completely cram led by the sheer output of ambient ectoplasm he’s emitting. Plus, it freaked Robin out and raised the hairs on the back of the vigilantes’ heads. He tones it down when he noticed Tim rubbing his hands together.

He let out a quiet laugh, enjoying the flight with his brother in his arm and the light of the stars (thanks, Gotham) at his back.

——

Danny: oh, this kid’s got an Obsession, gotta let him do it safely, he’s a liminal from all that tap water

Danny: *forgets Tim isn’t a ghost nor is he from Amity and is therefore extremely breakable*

——

Danny and Tim: doing crime is a good bonding activity

Batman and Robin, who wants to say no it isn’t but they’re literally a pair of illegal vigilantes:

——

Dick as Robin: *cackles*

Tim, learning habits from stalking them: *giggles*

Gotham Criminals: *fear*

[ahfrickenfrick]

tim is the type of older brother to gaslight damian into thinking certain things are for adults/kids but mixes it up like

damian *pouting but won’t admit it*: why is it that richard and jason get to see this movie yet i cannot? i have seen horrors beyond the comprehension of a grown man, i am an al Ghul, heir to the demon head, the blood son of the dark knight

tim: they knew you wouldn’t like the little kid movie dick is dragging them to, anyways there’s this 17+ movie about a man inviting children into his factory and then slowly killing them off one by one until there is a victor, wanna watch it with me?

damian: …we might as well while the others are occupied…

[snakeredbirdbatkatana]

Tim Drake is usually called the smart Robin which I like don't get me wrong but all of the bats are smart and I do love my Tim but my Tim is just a bit different.

I want Tim drake half out of his mind fucking with Lex Luthor while he chugs 6 monsters. I want baby stalker who was heavy breathing putting together a red string murder board at 3:00 am with very sketchy stalker pictures of the Wayne's.

I want titans tower where Tim knew it was Jason and is about to home alone that shit. While also internally fanboying and giving Jason tips on how to murder the joker.

Tim Drake who doesn't get disturbed by Ra on Tuesday cause he knows Tim has plans with young Justice and Tim will destroy all of his bases again if he is bothered.

Tim who thought Damian was adorable and everytime he makes an attempt on his life gets a new paint set because that is the Drake way and no little brother of his isn't gonna understand premeditated murder.

TIM Drake who owns up to the clones and the boy who Kon knows is a little murdery gremlin and loves that about his boyfriend.

My Tim drake need to be balls to the wall fucking insane or I don't want that shit.

[begaycommittreason]

people talk about how jason must’ve been the biggest menace in the batfam as a street kid

but at the age of 9 dick was literally planning a revenge murder and had No regard for bruce’s orders or authority as a parent

tim was a rich kid that wouldn’t know adult supervision if it was murdered by a boomerang, who stalked the bats across gotham, discovered their identities, and strong-armed bruce into giving him robin at 13

steph was fighting crime before bruce even got to her and she proceeded to never once listen to him in her life

cass and damian, i love them, but they were Feral. absolute Gremlin children

then there was jason who liked going to school and was just happy to be there

[strawberry-forest-does-stuff]

Duke: *Learning to drive the batmobile* What happens if I press the gas and the breaks at the same time?

Tim: The car takes a screenshot

Dick: Pull over right now

[hijinxinprogress]

Has Nightwing ever witnessed Tim just like blatantly lie??

Nightwing discovers how often Tim lies to Bruce and he’s horrified bc “you don’t lie to me right? ….right??” And tim has the saddest and most offended expression when he assures him “no of course not!! I’m kinda offended you’d think that I would” 

If he’s with the bats Steph, Cass, and Duke are making a face that screams bullshit bc they know he’s lied to dick several times today and it’s only fucking 3am and Damian’s claiming that “drake could never fool him, he’d see through his deception in a millisecond in his asleep whilst suffering from the plague” so Steph just starts listing all the shit Tim’s lied about that damian believed just to watch him get angry and Jason just shrugs when Dick turns to him bc “I’ve never believed a word from that little shit since I met him”

But if he’s with yj, they all make eye contact then walk away giggling and dicks distraught bc “I can’t believe my little brother doesn’t trust me 😔” while Tim looks at the nearest camera in exasperation likes he’s on the office while consoling him in a deadpan tone and dick makes him promise that he won’t lie to him anymore (he lied)

[dcxdpdabbles]

In Freelance Inventor, does anyone in JL know about Danny? Do they try to help the kids Parent Trap Danny and Bruce? Does Selina know about Danny?

Batman is acting strange.

It's often that Clark thinks this. He feels a bit guilty judging people like that, but no one in the league, or hell, the world, can deny that Batman is an abnormal human.

If he even is human.

Not much is known about one of the founding members of the Justice League, and while Clark and Diana are arguably the closest to him, they don't even know his real name. Not that it was a problem.

They would trust him with their lives and learn to turn to him for leadership in dire times. It always seemed like he was prepared for literally anything, and when something managed to suppress the Dark King, it didn't last long, for he had a backup plan formed seconds later.

That's how they work. How the three changed a necessary alliance into a globally recognized league of heroes.

While Clark was good at making feel people feel safe, and Diana could rally forces, Batman had a way of making the impossible happen. Together the three tackled the world's problems making one day better at a time.

That did nothing to make people feel slightly....uneased by Batman. Clark was man enough to admit that even he got spooked. One time, he offhanded mentioned that he could recognize heartbeats when talking to Oliver and Batman.

Batman had tilted his head, made direct eye contact with Clark and suddenly, his heart rate had slowed down, beating entirely different. Clark felt horrified when the Dark Knight kept that same heartbeat for the following week, only switching mid-meeting to a faster one than the previous two.

Clark is Kryptonian. He is an alien. Sure, he developed most during puberty, but he always had superstrength and super speed as a tot. That's why he doesn't make sense, but Batman?

He had no idea what was going on with Batman, and frankly, he didn't want to touch the subject with a ten-foot pole.

Yet he could not help but think of the strange little hermit as a friend. Batman, in his own way, cared deeply for people. He never mentioned it but he always support heroes in their daily lives and although he grumbled a bit, was always there when someone needed him.

Yes, he wasn't the most approachable of heroes and a bit too professional, but he was still one of the greatest heroes in history for a reason. Clark always felt better of their chances when Batman was involved.

Seeing even a hit of disbalance in the Dark Knight made him worry.

Batman never lingered after meetings, training or monitor duty. Once he finished he was heading straight back to Gotham sometimes without a by your leave.

Batman did not do that today. Instead, he was staring out the watch tower's common room into the stars and hadn't moved for over two hours. Plenty of other heroes had already fled the room, too unnerved by the silent brooding man.

The last time this happened was because Robin had first shown up, shocking the world with his bright, impish laughter from Batman's shadows. Batman had taken months trying to decided to let the boy join him, and only because Robin straight up did not give him a option did he allow it.

Clark had been with Diana, angry that he was dragging a child into such dangerous situations only to have the Bat tell them to "stop him yourself then"

He did, but no matter how many times he captured Robin the boy was back on the streets a few hours later. Clark felt his hair grey from ever second he spent with the angry child. Diana hand't had much luck.

In fact the boy had, somehow bended in a way that had scared her into thinking she broken his spin, to escape her lasso. Her moment of fright was the opening he needed to scurry away, shouting at the top of his lungs that he would never be stopped.

She respected him but still captured the boy a few hours later. She screamed when Batman called her again to let her know the boy was seen fighting a gang at the ports that same night.

What could possibly cause Batman to stress the same way as his son? The founding members weren't sure, but they were all staring at him from the doorway after noticing every other hero avoiding the place like the plague.

"Go talk to him" Hal hissed at Clark.

"Me?" Clark spluttered. "Why me?"

"He is less likely to kill you," Barry tells him with the gravest expression Clark has ever seen on his face. "You are also the most likely one to survive Batman's attempt on your life if he decides to kill you."

Superman gapes at him, twisting around to all his teammates but everyone is either nodding or avoiding his eyes. They all decided he was the sacrifice it seemed. Traitors.

But it's true he is worried about his friend. He is slightly afriad of his friend but Clark would not be able to sleep at night if he didn't at least reach out to Batman.

Taking a deep breath to steel his nerves, he twists on his heel and marches over to the dark figure. He tries to shake the feeling of walking to his executor as he finally carefully stops by Batman's side. He doesn't look at him, keeping his gaze on the stars.

Neither man said anything, peacefully observing the darkness and lights of space.

Clark waited about thirty seconds before the silence got too much for him. "Er, Batman? Is everything alright?"

Batman didn't even twitch, a tight frown- more turn down on the right corner to then the left which meant it was a nervous kind of upset instead of annoyed upset as ussal. A full minute goes by where Clark wonders if Batman even heard him about to start babbling to try to get some conversation going when the man speaks.

"Superman, have you ever been in love?"

Clark swears he never experienced whiplash this badly. He honestly thinks the loud crack that came from his neck when he turned it in shock to the other Leaguer meant that he broke it.

Batman held no hint that he said anyhting but Clark could still hear the question echoing in his head as he gaped. He got ahold of himsrlf when he noticed Batman's heart beat pick up- nervous, embarssed. even fighten?- and his shoulder hitched up slightly.

Crude he made his friend feel bad.

"No! No no! I was just surprised, is all," He cries, waving his hands. Lois's face flashes in his mind, causing him to smile slightly dropply. "I have. I am actually. There this girl- at my work. She's great. Um, why do you ask?"

"....how do you know you're in love?"

Boy, was Clark really having this conversation at his age? He felt like a fumbling teenager. Granted, he only had one girlfriend back in high school, and he was fairly sure she only dated him to piss off her dad.

Still this was great! He has never had a conversation this deep with Batman before!

"I'm not sure if it's the same for Kryptonians as it is humans- you are human right?"

"Yes."

Oh, so Batman was just like that. Good to know.

"Well, I knew from how she made me feel nervous but happy nervous? As if the world was brighter. Better. And when I'm not near her, all my thoughts somehow return to her." Clark thinks of how to best explain love, turning the world over in his head before snapping his fingers. "You know when you just adore a certain food? That no matter how often you eat it or how long it's been, it just makes you feel better? There isn't a real reason why you like it so much you just do. That's what she's like for me."

Batman nods slowly. He might not be able to see his eyes but Clark could image them softening just by the way his whole body relaxes. "I see. Then I am in love. Thank you."

He turns away before Clark can get his jaw off the floor. Batman stride right out the room, ingorre the scrambling heros who try to act like they weren't easedropping and vanishes in a flash of light back to Gotham.

He did all that as if nothing had happened.

Clark has half the mind to think he just haluciated the entire five minutes before Barry blurted. "Batman is in love?! That's amazing!"

They spent the rest of the night trying to guess who was the person that could have possibly romanced Batman.

Barry and Hal were convinced it was another vampire- they didn't believe the Dark Knight was telling the truth when he claimed he was human- while both Diana and Arthur both claimed the person had to be a deadly warrior.

J'onn was under the impression it had to be someone who was the polar opposite of Batman. On Mars, that was the common couple dynamic. Thus, the person Batman loved was likely a civilian. A dumb sociable one.

He didn't say Bruce Wayne exactly, but J'onn heavily implied Bruce Wayne. He even pointed out that Mr. Wayne financed everything the Leauge used from the very beginning, of course in secert but it was still his money.

Why would he do that if he wasn't somehow profoundly involved? Obviously, the billionaire wanted Batman safe, maybe even returned his feelings. The rest of the Leauge looks half convinced by the logic.

Personally? Clark was just happy that Batman found anyone at all. No matter who they were, he would do everyhting he could to help his friend woo his crush.

That's what friends are for, after all.

[spiders-in-the-city]

justice league babysitting