#incorrect Joker

[jasonsthunderthighs]

Robin!Jason: A dead end! I'm doomed!

Joker: Well, you lived a good life, right?

Robin!Jason: I'm only ten!

Joker: *Holdin up a crowbar* I said good not long!

[shadow-coolness]

Punchline: DID YOU REALLY THINK THAT JOKE WAS FUNNY? IT WASNT. NOBODY IS LAUGHING.

Punchline: *pulls up a graph* THIS IS WHEN YOU TOLD YOUR JOKE, YOU HAVE SINGLE HANDEDLY RUINED COMEDY! IVE ALSO ASKED MANY COMEDY SCHOLARS ON THEIR OPINION OF YOUR JOKE AND THIS IS WHAT THEY HAD TO SAY!

Joker: I've been researching comedy for the past 84 years, and I have genuinely never seen a joke this bad. We have used quantum physics to look into alternate universes to see every joke made, and yours was still by far the worst.

Punchline: CONGRATULATIONS! YOUVE SINGLE HANDEDLY CREATED THE WORST JOKE IN HUMAN HISTORY! HERES A MEDAL! *pulls up a horrible ms paint drawn star that says "you need help*

[myimaginarymary]

Sometime in Gotham:

Jason Todd [on the phone]: How did the Joker die?

Damian Wayne [on the phone]: Cats ate his face.

Jason Todd: Damian, I think you’re confused. I’m asking about the Joker.

Damian Wayne: Cats ate his face.

Jason Todd: Look, would you just put Dick or Tim on the phone?

Dick Grayson: Hello?

Jason Todd: Dick, what happened to the Joker?

Dick Grayson: Cats ate his face. Here, Damian knows more about it than I do.

(Source: Malcolm in the Middle)

[spite-and-waffles]

(alt included)

Link to Video. (Please help Panda make money.)

Video description and transcript under the cut.

Description: TikTok video by The Panda Redd. Re-enactment of final scene of Under the Hood. All roles played by Panda (a tall, well-built young white man with a mohawk, wearing a grey hoodie). Setting is a dark basement lit only by a hanging light bulb.

Transcript.

Jason: (holding gun on Bruce) "Bruce, I forgive you for not saving me."

Batman: (glares silently)

Jason: "But why? Why on God's Earth—" (hits Joker across the face)

Joker (tied to a chair): *cackles*

Jason: "—is HE still alive??"

Joker: "AHAHAHAHAHHAHA!"

Batman:

Batman: "I'm sorry, d'you want me to be serious here or—?"

Jason: (in disbelief) "YES, Bruce! I want you to be serious right now! If he had done what he did to me to you, I would've done nothing but search the earth for this pile of death-worshipping garbage!"

Joker: "I love you too, Sugar Plum."

Batman: (holds hands up) "Okay, yeah, I get that, totally, I get that. Um. Have you tried?"

Jason: "Excuse you?"

Batman: "Have you tried to kill him yet?"

Jason: (to Joker) "Is he being serious?"

Joker: (also confused) "I'm gonna be honest with you, Junior. I don't know."

Jason: "Got it. Great." (turns back to Batman) "What the fuck does THAT mean?"

Batman: "Okay, so no, you haven't. Cool. Do it."

Jason:

Jason: (lowers gun) "What."

Batman: "Do it, cap his ass. Shoot him."

Joker: (finally rattled) "I'm gonna go with Junior here, and say...what??"

Jason: "You want me to shoot him?"

Batman: "I want someone to shoot him! Give me the gun, I'll do it!"

Jason: (mutters, brain blue screening) "What is going on right now? This should a lot harder than it is."

Batman: "C'mon, son! You decapitated like eleven people three days ago! Fuckin' do it!"

Joker: (turns to Jason quizzically) "This has gotta be some sort of test, ri—"

(BANG! Jason fires. Joker lands on the floor lifeless, eyes still open.)

Jason: "There, you happy? Jesus. Was that so hard? All of this time and it was THAT easy!"

Jason: "What the fuck is that supposed to—" (looks down at floor where the Joker was lying)

Batman: "I don't know what you're talking about 'easy'. There's nothing there." (nods at floor)

Floor: (is devoid of Joker)

Jason: (stares)

Floor: (continues to be sans anything but carpet)

Jason: "What the fuck?"

Batman: "Yeah."

Jason: "WHAT THE FUCK?"

Batman: "Take as long as you need with this."

Jason: (looking around frantically) "I just shot him! He hit the floor! What the f—" (turns back to the floor)

Floor: (is just vibin')

Jason: "Where the fuck did he go??"

Batman: "See that shit? That shit right there happens every fucking time!"

Jason: "There's not even a blood stain! It's just gone!"

Batman: "Yeah, like two days after you died, I chased him into a helicopter where he got shot like six times. The helicopter exploded and crashed into the ocean. And his body was gone before Superman could find it."

Jason: "Oh my God. I don't understand how this is even fucking possible!"

Batman: "He's like a cryptid! I don't fucking get it!"

Joker: (disembodied laughter) "AHAHAHAHA HAHAHA!"

Jason: (freaked out, turning in circles trying to find him) "Oh my God!"

Batman: "THAT OMINOUS SHIT HAPPENS TOO! I DON'T KNOW, DUDE!"

Jason: "Dude. Fuck whatever's going on here, that's some fucking bullshit."

Batman: "Thank you! Finally someone gets it!"

[tiger-grace]

Damian: You have a face only a mother could love.

Jason: My mom’s dead.

Damian: Ouch, fresh out of luck!

[timmydraker]

Thinking about self aware Joker who knows he’s in a comic/film and finds the jokes about people forgetting Tim just to annoy the fannon Tim fans so fucking funny

Like everyone is there fighting him and he’s very bluntly like: “I will defeat you Batman, Nightwing and Robin!”

And one of them is like: “did… did you forget someone?”

Joker, who would be laughing more than when he killed Jason would look right at Tim and be like, “Nope!”

It would be glorious

[batcavescolony]

Red Hood: Kill the joker!

Batman: I can't kill the joker

Jim Gordon:(who only heard Batman say kill the joker) *busting in* NO! WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS. Batman doesn't kill, I fired bullets at you last time to get you to stop. You did this for me Im doing this for you! Back away from the clown and-

Red Hood: ???

Batman: it's not for lack of trying

Red Hood:...

[acid-ixx]

(name) wayne, gagged and tied to a chair:

the villain, untying their gag: hahaha! i have kidnapped you for ransom and your father only has 5 hours left to save you by paying me!!!

(name) wayne: damn bruh my father hasn't spoken to me in 13 and a half years i don't think he's coming for me at all, better if you shoot me instead lmao cause i don't think batman would save me either

villain: ...

yan! villain, untying your ropes: welp, kidnapping is basically illegal adoption, am i right?

(name) wayne: as long as i'm fed three times a day and you read me bed time stories before i sleep then i guess that counts?

yan! villain: sweetheart, you are getting more than that.

[ryemiffie]

More quotes from my day turned into batman incorrect quotes for your day!

Joker: And now, the time has come for the jaw-dropping final act of the life of the infamous Nightwing!

Nightwing, pulling an uno card out of nowhere: Nice try, uno reverse!

Joker: Aw damn, you've foiled my plot again!

Jason: What?! All he did was pull out an uno card!

Joker: Yeah, an uno reverse card.

Jason: ??

Joker, handing over his weapon to nightwing: Well I suppose I ought to give this to you now.

Jason: You're just gonna give him your weapon?!

Joker: Well of course, those are the rules.

Jason: So if I had just pulled out my trusty uno reverse card back when you were trying to kill me, you'd have just, what? Stopped?

Joker: you had an uno reverse card on you?

Jason: No I didn't have a fucking uno reverse card on me!

Joker: Oh well that's a shame.

Jason: Are you kidding me right now!?

Nightwing: How do you not carry an uno reverse card around with you wherever you go at this point?

Jason: Why the fuck would I!?

Nightwing: Cause we fight these extravagant assholes everyday, they're all wack, of course they abide by uno reverse card rules!

Jason: Well gee, thanks for the heads up!

[outtamynoggin]

It's crazy what he gets away with (and who the ones letting him get away with it are)

Bruce: What Nightwing did might have been... unconventional, but it worked.

Tim: Exactly. I mean, sure, the plan might have involved hacking into Gotham’s power grid, a few strategic distractions, and, uh, some minor illegal surveillance-

Barbara: MINOR? DISTRUBANCES??

Tim: Okay, fine! The plan also had a teensy bit of hacking into the stock market, manipulating a few politicians, and borrowing a couple confidential documents, but nobody was harmed!

Bruce: ...In the strictest sense.

Tim: Yes! See, it's a win-win solution!

Barbara: *furious* You two are insane. You’re treating morally ambiguous like it’s a fun new hobby. He practically engineered an escape from a high-security prison by tricking the entire staff into thinking it was game night. In addition, he orchestrated a city-wide blackout just to steal classified documents, and you’re calling it genius?

Bruce: Very resourceful.

Tim: I mean... it’s not his fault they didn’t know how to play Dungeons & Dragons. Also, I want to see who else could pull off a high-profile heist while simultaneously launching a PR campaign for a new tech startup!

Bruce: *to Tim* Wayne Enterprise's tech gadgets cleared the shelves, we need to speed up production.

Tim: Already on it.

Barbara: You’re defending this? That’s not genius, that’s a psychotic breakdown wrapped in a cape! It's madness layered up in a three-piece suit!

Bruce and Tim: It’s Dick.

Barbara: I swear, if it was anyone else, you’d be throwing them in a cell for years.

Bruce and Tim: It’s Nightwing. He has plausible deniability.

Barbara: Plausible? I think he has a whole separate universe of deniability!

[headcanonthings]

Jason, on the phone: How did the Joker die? Tim, on the phone: Hyenas ate his face. Jason: Replacement, I think you’re confused. I’m asking about the Joker. Tim: Hyenas ate his face. Jason: Look, would you just put Dick or Bruce on the phone? Dick: Hello? Jason: Dick, what happened to the Joker? Dick: Hyenas ate his face. Here, Tim knows more about it than I do.

[dikdikpronouncedxylophone]

[shyjusticewarrior]

Jason: Stab Tim in his throat.

Damian, holding knife: ...

Tim: No no no, no-no-no. *grabs other knife*

Damian: I don't wanna lose.

Tim: Refuse. Refuse that.

Damian: I can't lose...

[chaoticace2005]

Vox: Save your little project or fight your greatest enemy. You can’t do both!

Alastor: I’m sorry… what did you just say?

Vox: You can’t do both?

Alastor: No! I mean the other thing.

Vox: Save the hotel or fight your greatest enemy?

Alastor: HA! You think you’re my greatest enemy?

Vox: Yes! You’re obsessed with me!

Alastor: HA! No I’m not.

Vox: Yes you are!

Alastor: No I’m not.

Vox: YES YOU ARE! Who else drives you to one up them the way I do?

Alastor: Lucifer.

Vox: No he doesn’t!

Alastor: Susan.

Vox: WHO?!

Alastor: Look my chum, I’d say I don’t currently have AN enemy. I am harassing a few different people.

Vox: What?!

Alastor: I like to fight around!

Vox: Okay okay, look. Im fine with you fighting other people if you wanna do that. But what we have is special. So when people ask you who’s your number one rival you say?!

Alastor: Susan.

Vox: NO! Are you seriously saying there is nothing- NOTHING special about our relationship?

Alastor, our aroace king: Woah! My dear, I don’t do “ships!”

Vox: What?

Alastor: As in “relationships”, there is no us.

Vox, immediately after Alastor leaves: *sobs and cuts his photo out of a group photo*

[acid-ixx]

"hostage situation"

series masterlist

nightwing, to his siblings: okay, so we have to be real careful because the joker and harley quinn are holding our baby sibling hostage and we can't put them in anymore danger.

nightwing, looks at red robin: i'm sure they have some traps laid around the lair so you'll be disarming it.

red robin, nods:

robin: then me and todd will be handling any spare targets, no?

nightwing: of course. cass, steph and duke will be guarding the entrance. babs?

oracle, speaking in the intercoms: this is the closest point of entry where (name) is being kept hostage.

red robin: security cams suggest there's more than just harley and the joker in the lair. a bunch of their goons are heavily guarding both the entrance and the exit. we should thread carefully.

oracle: there's no camera's where (name) is exactly at, but there's a specific room where it's shown that the two are often visiting.

batman, who had been lurking behind them: this is a priority mission. we can't afford to make mistakes.

robin, eyebrows raised: though, is it necessary to bring the entire family? me and my father could handle this entirely by ourselves.

jason, sighs: don't pretend like you weren't the first to suggest the entire justice league to come searching for them, kid.

batman: enough arguing, (name) needs all the support they could get after this. so on my count, we are to bust open the door.

dick: alright, everybody, prepare.

*meanwhile, inside the lair, in a makeshift "house"*

(name), sitting on a comfy chair whilst holding a cup of hot chocolate and a book in the other, sneezes: oh— did anyone mention my name?

harley quinn, already on her way to wipe their nose: oh my baby! is our baby sick?!

(name): no, i just suddenly sneezed?

the joker, in another room: i spy with my little eye, a child way past their bedtime~ c'mon babyboo, let's get you to bed!

(name): awe, but it's like, 10pm. i wanna read some more.

harley, about to pick (name) up: then let momma read the book for you in bed, cutesy pie—

*the door to the kitchen slams open*

dick, with his escrima sticks on-hand: surrender (name) to us now or—!

dick, absolutely befuddled: wait, what?!

damian, with bruce in tow: what's the hold up, nightwing?!

damian, about to jump right in front of dick before he was stopped by bruce's hand on his shoulder: what is... this?

bruce: ... explain the meaning of this, harley.

harley, holds (name) closer to her chest as she's equally confused: what do ya mean, bats? ain't it obvious i'm taking care of my child?

(name): uhm...

damian, visibly offended: what do you mean, your child? (name) over there is ours.

the joker, walks over to the room in a hurry: what's with all the commotion over here?! (name) is supposed to be in bed, harle— batman?!

bruce, with squinted eyes: don't act stupid, what is this all about?

nightwing, surveying the room: wait, why is (name) in pajamas?

(name), trying their best to shrug in harley's tight hug: i'm... supposed to go to bed...?

the joker, about to walk over to (name) before he's stopped by a batarang almost hitting the side of his head: hey! what's that for? i'm clearly not trying to attack my own child!

bruce: (name) is my child, not yours.

the joker, glaring at batman: well, it's not my fault they choose me over you!

(name) wayne, interrupting the two: uhm... i did technically disown myself from the family so—

damian: disown yourself?

(name): i have every reason to—

dick: look, baby bird, you don't know what's right for you, these guys are dangerous—

(name): i literally got nearly killed by some nobody criminals if not for harley saving me but okay, nightwing.

bruce, whose attention is now on (name): you almost got what now?

(name), rolling their eyes: i almost died, batman. now if you excuse me, i think i deserve a good night sleep tonight.

(name), looks at harley who still hasn't released them from the protective hug: can we?

harley quinn, facepalming in her mind as she stares back at (name): oh, i should've bought you to pam and selina instead.

[ryemiffie]

Y'all know what's up! More incorrect quotes!

Dick as Robin: Look guys, I never promised to be nice, I mean I'll be cordial but if you piss me off? It is not my fault if your dog mysteriously goes missing the next week.

D!Robin: It is the fault of The Shadow Man, and if The Shadow Man and I just happen to have tea on weekends? That is also not my fault.

Riddler: The fuck you mean the shadow man??

Harley Quinn: How'd you meet The Shadow Man?

Cat woman: Is he single again?

Riddler: Who the fuck is the shadow man?!

Joker: Oh my gosh, he doesn't know who The Shadow Man is.

Harley Quinn: Embarrassiiing~!