#Bruce has adoptions problem

[dasha022]

Just see this little cute angel gremlin!! I love my baby Danny!

[puppetmaster13u]

Another de-aged Danny au, but he's with Dan & Ellie & Jazz as well.

Jason has like just arrived back to Gotham, caused chaos in the underbelly due to well, 8 heads in a duffle bag, and is just starting his takeover of Crime Alley. It's going good, great even! And then he busts some sort of gang or smuggling ring run by people in white suits and there's... holy shit why do these four toddlers have Lazarus eyes?!

Is that a lab?! And Lazarus waters?! Jason might be a bit mad but he's not an asshole, he's not going to just leave these kids here to the streets. He can't just take them to the Batclan either, and as much as he begrudgingly trusts Talia, he sure as fuck doesn't trust Ras. Who knows what he'd do to four... what are they, pit-kids?

Now he's juggling his whole revenge-thing, running a criminal empire, taking over Gotham's underbelly, and being a single dad. At least the goonion seems to be down for helping, seeing as he's making Crime Alley safer...? .... Fuck he needs some proper sleep

[ghost-bxrd]

Prompt

Jason’s return to Gotham as the crime lord Red Hood is significantly hampered when he saves two kids from being trafficked and suddenly finds himself nagging the two to eat their vegetables and do homework on time and, dear lord, your names are Freeman and… Batson? Yeah that’s it, Jason is not waiting this one out until they’re both suddenly dressed in traffic light colors and swinging around the city with an overgrown furry.

Freddy and Billy are a bit confused by the flash adoption via menacing Gotham guy, but it certainly helps that he’s not threatening to send them into the system and that he cooks them meals every day . And also “Billy, I think he might be the new vigilante! That is so cool!” “… do you mean the new crime lord?” “Same thing! Isn’t the helmet awesome!?”

Batman and Robin are… not sure what to make of the new crime lord that, on one hand, keeps antagonizing them to no end, and on the other hand was recently spotted at a meeting with his lieutenants where two masked kids burst into the room to scream about the kitchen being on fire and pointing at each other yelling “It’s all his fault!”

[daydreamerwonderkid]

Bruce already has 6-23ish kids (depending on who you count/which run you're reading) in DC canon. He really doesn't need anymore-

AO3 Fic Authors: *eyes Peter Parker* *eyes Billy Batson* *eyes Conner Kent* *eyes Roy Harper* *eyes Wally West* *eyes Danny Fenton* *eyes-*

AO3 Fic Authors: Eh, he can afford the child support.

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

Silly thought: Danny/Bruce or whatever the ship is called and his mom is like: You have my taste! Cause she sees himbo genius.

Jack is like: and mine! When Bruce kicks ass.

Danny does not like the reminder he’s just like his parents while Jazz, pretends she isn't dating… either Diana or Barry cause both are also just like their parents.

[edjectedly]

If Jason Todd Was Introduced This Way, This is How I am Bringing in Tim

This is now a full AU, whoops

First << Prev Next >>

Tim: *bangs on Dick's door in Blüdhaven*

Dick: I swear to fuck if it's another solicitor I'm- *opens door*

Tim: 

Dick:

Tim: hello

Dick: wha- it’s like 10 o’clock where are your parents? you're like eight, why are you out here??

Tim: first off I’m 12 and I'm not a child. can I come in?

Dick: sure, this might as well happen

~later~

Dick: so you're here because you figured out our identities when you were nine, have been following us since before then, and then hacked the Batcomputer only to find Jason looking up ways to get to Ethiopia?

Tim: yeah, pretty much.

Dick:

Dick: fu-frick

Tim: I have been running around Gotham alone at night since I was eight, you can say fuck

Dick: *gasps*

~Bonus, at the Batcave~

*Bruce and Jason are working on the Batmobile, Bruce’s way of apologizing for being an ass*

Bruce: *head snaps up*

Jason: everything good old man?

Bruce: I need to get adoption papers ready

AO3 Link Is Now Active!

[blackbirdi]

Batfam Incorrect Quotes #10

Reporter: How many children do you have, Mr. Wayne?

Bruce: Biologically, legally, or emotionally?

[vonehrenfest]

DCxDP: Dead guys stick together

(A Batman 138 fix-it)

After Bizarro becomes King of Hell he watches the mortal world and is distraught to find that his brother/best friend/sorta father-figure has been hurt very badly and is calling out for help.

Distraught, he goes to another lord of the netherworld who he's heard has access to a portal (and subjects a bit more compatible with the act of helping someone). He asks King Phantom would he please please help him protect his brother/friend, and if he does Bizarro will owe him a favor and leave his realm alone.

When the inferno had initially breached the Ghost Zone Danny had thought he was going to have to deal with f*cking Trigon again, but as it turns out that guy's been replaced and the new guy is pretty nice. After a brief cosmic battle and a clearing of misunderstandings, Danny agrees to Bizarro’s request.

While Gotham's vigilante civil war continues on its rooftops, Jason is in a cell. He is trembling, practically catatonic again, and losing his mind. He’s seeing the flaming figure of a knight on horseback appear from the shadowy far wall of his room, like some kind of fairytale nightmare version of Batman. It takes a while for Jason to realize he’s talking. 

“... part of the treaty between the King of Ghosts and King of Demons, Jason Todd: Prince of Demons has been granted special status and is henceforth a protected and honorary citizen of the Infinite Realms.” 

Nightmare-Bruce touches his flaming sword on Jason’s shoulder and the unearthly fire instantly engulfs him. Relief washes through Jason, and it’s so strong he nearly drops asleep.

Bruce is apologetic when everything’s over and he realizes the mistakes he’s made... but nothing really changes. (It is a relief to Bruce that no one died or was permanently injured, Jason's condition resolved itself somehow, and Bruce is normal now so really everything is fixed or at least it will be fixed.)

Just like when Jason first came back from the dead, Bruce's response makes him hurt deeper than the physical torture itself. Jason is the one who died but Bruce acts like the ghost. Singleminded, possessive, stuck in time and blind to it; bound to repeat the same cycles again and again. Jason is the ghost but he's died multiple times now, and maybe that's kind of like living and maybe that means he can move on. 

Dani and Bizarro become friends, and she gets Danny's friend Tucker to somehow set up a working Wi-Fi connection in hell so they can all play games together. (He’s not going to question it. Everything about Amity Park is abnormal. They helped him and they’re good to Bizarro, that’s all that matters.) 

Jason forges a fake identity for Dani. He might ask Babs to make a better one for her if she ever needs it but he doubts that's likely. He hasn’t had a living identity for years now after all, he’s an old hand at fake identities. Dani is delighted and starts attending school soon after. 

Danny has good friends, and as far as Jason can tell plenty of reliable mentors in the ghost world. You wouldn’t think it, but Jason’s less worried about Danny in his role as a little godling than in his civilian life. He’s got too much on his plate- too much power yet not enough to actually resolve his real issues. Not enough to protect himself where he’s vulnerable. 

The “Guys in White” that Danny likes to complain about are concerning. So is the fact that Danny’s lives with mad-scientist parents who are trying to hunt down his alternate identity. So is his ever grinding cold-war with the mayor of his town… And something else too that had been niggling at the back of Jason’s mind ever since he’d first gotten to talk to these kids. 

One day Danny’s sister, Jazz asks to talk to him. He’s an adult she says. That’s true he replies. He’s capable of protecting himself and other people, she says. Well, he has the training and experience for it, he agrees. If things go wrong, would Jason let Danny or Dani stay with him- just until she becomes a legal adult? She asks. Jason’s... not the sort of person who should be taking kids in. Danny saved his life though. He won’t say no. He says of course.

Jason knew it. Everything about Amity Park is abnormal.

The town doesn’t technically exist- there are no maps that include it and even satellite imaging is corrupted where Danny describes his hometown is supposed to be. There are no references to it on the internet that couldn’t be referring to a totally different Amity Park elsewhere, and judging by the problems they occasionally had on gaming nights and the odd offhand remarks Danny and his friends sometimes made, it was looking extremely likely that all communications between Amity Park and the outside were being heavily censored. Before Jason knew it he had started a full-on investigation on the GIW, Mayor Vlad Masters, former Mayor Montez, and Axion Labs.

Hope and fear lodges itself in Danny’s chest. Jason’s an adult and he’s actually going to help.

[tanglepelt]

Dc x dp idea 7?

So Valerie is hunting down Cujo. Danny is chasing Valerie. Cujo is just enjoying his run until he is not

I can think of two ways they chase gets seen.

1.)

Damian is out with Titus and witnesses Valerie as red huntress chasing the animal and gets involved.

He wants the green dog that can change from a small puppy to a guard dog. Cujo will be his newest pet. He doesn’t have a problem.

So now he is trying to adopt Cujo while attacking Valerie.

Danny now has to prevent his dog from being adopted by a child in cosplay and protect Valerie as the kid is good with a sword.

2.)

Beast boy.

Cujo plows into him and he just transforms into a green puppy like cujo. Red huntress just has two targets now.

Vlad gave her a gun that stops powers. For the purposes of fun it works on beast boy. So he’s stuck as little puppy cujo and for fun cujo is in his guard dog form.

Guard dog cujo grabs beast boy and takes off. Danny finds them knows right away beast boy isn’t a ghost. He has ghost sense after all.

He just a set to protect them both until the power effects wear off. Cujo can safely get home then and hopefully whatever the impostor is will change back to its original form.

Well the impostor dog wants him to follow him. Danny just follows the leader with his guard dog privileges.

[maskygirl55]

IT'S IN HIS NAME!!

Dick: Bruce you can't just adopt Captain Marvel

Bruce: Dick his last name is "Batson"!! The universe is telling me to adopt him!!

Billy: ...Do I get a say in this??

[windlion]

So someone posted a Murderbot/Batfam crossover and my brain just . . . went to work. Of course Bruce Wayne is from the Corporate Rim. Of course Bruce is human. But his boys. . .

Before the escape pod was towed into his bay, Bruce already knew that it contained a single ComfortUnit from his ping. That one, alone, escaped the station currently burning up in atmosphere was a mystery. Haleys was known for their work with specialized programming for constructs; why a ComfortUnit? Why this one?

What he did not expect on opening the pod doors was a tiny form curled into a ball in the safety netting. Bruce tapped the feed to be sure they were online, and a tear-stained face turned up to look at him. Dark hair, skin washed pale in the bay lights, eyes reflecting bluer than blue. Bruce asked carefully, “Is there anyone else with you?”

“Just me.”

That was the ComfortUnit.

Bruce stood frozen, staring as the child rubbed their face, attempting to straighten up. Belatedly, Bruce extended his hand to help them climb out of the netting, registering the feel of flesh and thin too light limbs. The construct awkwardly clambered out of the pod and came to rest on the deck in front of him. “Were there. . . were there any other life pods?”

“I’m afraid not.”

The ComfortUnit looked up at him, then back to the singed plating of the life pod. If they had ejected a second later, they would likely have been caught in the gravity well before Bruce could catch them with his tractor beam. If others had tried. . . there would be nothing left after the atmosphere burnt it away.

Abruptly, the ComfortUnit pinged hard across the feed, sending a string of numbers, he/him designation, the hard IP again, and a deep, desperate helplessness. HubSys, SecSys, and the shipbot all pinged back, a chorus from all over the ship greeting the child. But not the response that he wanted. Bruce could see the boy’s face fall.

“They- they got me out. Before they fell, too.” The boy’s face was haunted, one hand clenching tight while the other rested on the pod’s surface. At least enough of the pod was functioning on emergency protocols to indicate to the governor module that they were still on company property.

If Bruce didn’t know otherwise, he would think he was facing an eight or nine year old child. It absolutely turned his stomach. Someone had – someone had designed him this way. He could all too easily see the marketing. In theory it would spare “real” children, allow predators a “safe” outlet, but in reality. . . they made this person to be a target, to be locked into a life of cruelty and exploitation.

In the Corporate Rim, anything was for sale. Anything.

It didn’t matter that it was a construct who could be mentally older than himself; Bruce still found himself using a more gentle voice than he would with interrogating an adult. “Who were they?”

“Mary and John.” At his nod, the boy elaborated, “They were older models with a lot of experience, and they were helping me integrate new modules. Giving me context so things made sense.”

Two older ComfortUnits. Designated male and female. To . . . to train this one. So he was relatively young after all. Bruce couldn’t tell if that made this entire situation better or worse. He could not condone dropping the lab facility into the atmosphere, burning up the human researchers and killing countless conspirators to hide the dirty laundry, but he also could absolutely not condone this.

“Do you-- how long have you been operating?”

“Just about 5,000 hours.” The boy rocked back on his feet, swinging his hands alarmingly like a restless child. “I’ve been getting really bored with the analysis tests in the lab. They said I hadn’t passed enough to go to human trials yet.”

Bruce didn’t allow the intense relief he felt to pass his face, but from the way the boy’s eyes flickered, he’d caught some micro-expression anyway. Some days he wished his face was part of what had been replaced. With alarming forthrightness, the boy declared, “You don’t agree with my function.”

He most certainly did not miss having organic knees as he held the low crouch to be on eye-level, “You’re a child. You should be allowed to be a child.”

The boy frowned, his face admirably expressive with his bright blue eyes. “That concept only applies to humans.”

Bruce flicked one arm, displaying the grappling gun held within the left forearm. “My body is comprised of only 34% organic matter. There is arguably more humanity in you than there is in me.”

“Oh.” The boy dipped forward to look at it more closely, and Bruce obligingly held still. “That is so cool.”

“They’re augments. I didn’t choose to have the accident, to lose my limbs, to lose my parents, but I did choose how to react to it.” Bruce rotated his arm slowly so the grappling gun was stowed away, back beneath the synth-flesh coverings. “That’s what I would like to do for you. Give you a choice.”

Stubborn blue eyes locked on to his. There was skepticism in there, and a very fast-working mind. “So you’ll be my new client.”

“No. I’ll be your guardian.” Absolutely not entertaining that line of thought, though surely if any tabloids found out he was keeping a ComfortUnit, they’d be all over it. It would be easy enough to present the boy as an augmented human: they were more organic than he was. The press would buy that he'd find a child in the same kind of catastrophic situation and sympathise. “And you can decide for yourself what your function is, if you want to change.”

“Change?”

“Grow.”

That startled the boy, his eyes going wide. “You mean I could grow up?”

“I was about your size when I first received augments. I think I can make it work.” He stood up at last, obviously to his adult height, and let the boy digest that for a moment. “So, what do you think?”

“Yes!”

----

“What should I call you?”

“Uh. The researchers called me Little Dick.”

“NO.”

(And in that moment Bruce aged ten years.)

[eldritchdreamss]

Eldritch Dreams-Wayne

[gothamcityneedsme]

scrolling ao3 and saw a vtm/batfam crossover and suddenly im completely normal

[trekkele]

Yeah ive seen that post about Bruce adopting Zuko but. Azula.

[deadsetobsessions]

Sea Cryptic! Danny AU- Pt. 7

[Pt.1] [Pt.2] [Pt.3] [Pt.4] [Pt.5] [Pt.6]

“I’m having a child.”

Danny stared at Batman.

“…Uh, congrats?”

Batman whips out a stack of paper and a pen. “It’s you. Sign here and initial the highlighted spots.”

Danny instinctively, from years of dealing with Vlad, whacked the stack right out of Batman’s hands and into the bay. He doesn’t even feel bad about littering this time because, “Begone, fruitloop!”

Wait, no, that’s not what he meant.

“I mean- I have parents!”

“Not for long.” Batman muttered and then did a double take. “You have parents? How?”

Danny gasped, placing a hand on his chest to clutch his metaphorical pearls. He ignored Batman’s mutters. Everyone knows the vigilante has an adoption problem. At least, everyone who lived in Gotham did, as everyone who didn’t was somehow convinced that he “worked alone” or some bullshit like that. “Are you naturally this insensitive or were you dropped on your head as a baby? Obviously I had to come from somewhere.”

“They’re still… alive?”

“And kicking,” Danny said, inching away from yet another rich weird guy trying to adopt him. “Mostly the kicking part, though.” He said, remembering the sparring sessions. His mom could kick his as six ways to Sunday with nothing but jiu-jitsu and still have time to work in the lab.

“I see.”

“I’m charging you extra for the emotional upheaval. I have trauma regarding rich people trying to adopt me.”

Batman sullenly handed over a thousand.

“Sweet. There’s a group of shades down here asking if you could find their murderer. Apparently the serial killer is still at large.” Danny pointed.

“Of course. Tell me everything.”

The adoption papers disappeared as Batman went into detective mode.

Danny shoved the cash into his glowing chest and breathed a sigh of relief. He needed to make rent this month so it was a windfall running into Batman.

——

“Hey, Tim?”

Tim woke up from his Power Nap. “Huh?”

“Phantom’s complaining that Batman kept trying to adopt him.”

Tim blinked. “Uh.. what does that have to do with me?”

Danny stared at him, a patiently amused smile on his face. “Just in case the rumor about the Wayne’s sugar-daddy-into the Bats was a thing. Other than that, we might have to confront Batman to get him off of Phantom’s back. ”

“You… want to confront Batman.”

“Hey, man, Phantom’s a friend and it’s ride or die.” Danny snickered. It was literally die, with his Phantom side of things. He held two fists up, and wound them, like Popeye right after eating spinach or something. “And if Batman bothers Phantom, we ride at dawn.”

“Batman doesn’t come out unless it’s dark, though? Or for the Justice League.” Tim grinned. He mentally classified Danny under his “to go to” list. That’s where Bart, Bernard, Cassie, Kon, and Garfield were. If he starts shit, he could count on them to have his back and cause even more shit. Danny, wanting to fistfight Bruce over the man making Phantom uncomfortable? He absolutely is making that list.

“Then we ride at, like, dusk. Or uh, like 10PM. I gotta get my beauty sleep.”

“You’ll definitely need it,” Tim inconspicuously texted the group chat, which quickly blew up.

“Shut up,” Danny playfully shoved Tim. “Wait, can Batman even legally adopt? Isn’t being a vigilante illegal? And how can he adopt someone dead?”

Tim dramatically flailed and splayed over Danny’s carpeted living room. “Dunno about his identity,” he lied to Danny, like a liar. “But Gotham has a bunch of laws for the undead/restored to life people so there’s probably enough gray space there.”

Danny spluttered. “You guys have undead friendly laws?”

“Yeah, geht do you think Grundy just chills out? Plus, we have like a minor resurrection event every few years. It usually doesn’t stick but sometimes it does. Bruce pushed for those laws when Jason came back to life, except he doesn’t actually want people to know he’s like, alive.”

“Jason died?” Danny blinked. Well, that would explain the vibes. “Huh. So what’s up with his rank vibes then?”

“Rank vibes?” Tim pressed record on his phone.

Danny nodded. “Yeah, you know how Phantom’s got like a really chill green vibe?” Inwardly, Danny snickered at his pun. Chill. Yeah, he meant that very literally. “Jason’s got kind of a rank green vibe. He’s kind of stinky? Definitely never introduce him to Phantom.” Danny’s senses got worse in his ghost form.

“Jason regularly showers, though?!”

“Not smell! Like, a spiritual smell?”

“You can smell souls?!” Tim sat up. “Bro, you’re a meta?!”

“Uh.” Danny hesitated. “Yeah. I can smell souls. It’s a thing. Everyone from my town can do it.”

“What?!” Tim paused. “Wait, can Phantom smell souls?”

“Yeah. We’re, uh, from the same town.”

“Danny, what the fuck?”

“Hey, don’t look at me like that, you’re the one with a soul-sick brother! Not to mention, you’re kinda stinky too!”

“Hey!”

“Soul-stinky nerd man!”

——

“I stink?!” Jason spluttered out, extremely offended.

“The Lazarus pits. He’s most likely smelling traces of Lazarus pit on you, you imbecile.”

“We need to speak to Phantom. This instant.”

“I dunno, B. Danny sounded like he was gonna break your face if you bothered Phantom anymore.” Dick snickered.

“Yeah,” Tim chimed in, from his seat in front of the Bat-computer. “He was pretty serious.”

“Are we just gonna glaze over the fact that they’re from the same town?!” Stephanie exclaimed, practicing her moves on a training dummy.

“How does that even work? What does that mean? I thought Phantom was an immortal?” Duke asked.

“We also can’t rule out time-travel.” Barbara slammed her baton into a training dummy, twisting her wheelchair in an agile maneuver that left the dummy on the floor.

“No bothering Phantom.” Cass proclaimed.

“That’s quite right. You all have a warm dinner sitting above your cave and should it remain uneaten, I assure you that sherbet Sunday and crêpe Tuesday shall be canceled.” Alfred stepped in. The Bats, threatened, scrambled to ditch their gear and go upstairs.

[long-live-astronerd-ghost-king]

DPXDC prompt: Spiritual Siblings

Bruce: My assassin kid can't be that normal!

Damian: Well, I’m completely emotionally stable by Amity Park standards. The problem is with you. Obviously.

~~~~~

Damian had long found peace and home in Amity, so he did not worry that the new family and Gotham might not accept him.

Sure, Al Ghul had lived without any contact with his biological father all these years but he could safely say that he had a happy childhood. First years were hard and he was raised more as a weapon than a human being. Even so, after that a ghost who decided to become his brother appeared and everything changed.

Damian still does not know what Ra's owes Phantom but Danny has a right to take him, without prior notification, to live with Fentons, to visit Aunt Alicia at her farm, and to make Vlad’s weekends much less calm and boring. Danny jokes that he just steals him as a hostage when Al Ghul does not pay taxes for using Lazarus Pits. Whatever the reason, he already has a family that loves him.

However, he still wanted to make an effort to fit in this one too. The model of conduct certainly was his older brother. No, not the oldest, of course. To be honest Dan wasn’t the kind of a man that could charm you from the first minute. But Danny, in Damian’s experience, had a calming effect on people. So he tried to act like him.

And, yeah, for lack of experience, he was more fun!Danny at home and super!Danny on patrol but he also really tried not to get any of his own assassin personality in his new-self and was tired of it. He couldn’t get a 100% match. Fine. Still doesn’t look like anyone in this house really likes him, so whatever.

Damian understood why Bruce didn't like his company. Jazz had long ago explained to him the importance of voluntary consent. His mother did a terrible thing. Al Ghul was not a child and therefore he was ready to admit it. However, he also understood that children were not responsible for the actions of their parents.

As a biosocial being, he wanted to be more than just a painful reminder of what had happened to Bruce. Wayne's ignoring of his existence was rude. But Damian wouldn't force this man to spend time with him just because he was legally obligated to take care of his well-being. He wasn't going to prove anything to Batman, and he definitely didn't need his attention. The care of his real family is enough.

But Damian really tried to get along with new potential siblings. He even shared Sam's and Danny’s special jokes with some of adopted kids 'cause he didn’t want them to feel like he put himself above them. He wasn't good at showing emotions but he was as open as the assassin could afford to be to strangers.

But they all obviously expected something from him. And it reminded him of the League in an unpleasant way. It was easier with Fentons. Almost everyone in Amity Park was saying what they thought, and Damian didn’t have to waste time decoding potential conspiracies.

Damian missed movie marathon nights with Sam, Tucker, and Danny. And he hoped Dani had time to bother Vlad in his absence.

It was so weird here. When Danny and Valerie were fighting, they would gather at the dinner table anyway. When Damian wanted to have combat training with Drake here, he was forced to stay in his room. A very strange punishment. And undeserved one too.

Al Ghul felt quite calm and fine sitting at his easel and painting the people he left behind. An unusual subject for his paintings. But, Ancients, he missed Amity.

He missed Jack's bone breaking hugs, Maddie's Ecto-Contaminated food, arguments of Sam and Tucker, cozy art class with Mr. Baxter and even Vlad's done look. He missed Danny telling him about the stars. He also missed sword practice with Dan's boyfriend Fright Knight and he missed Dan's stories about his other youth. He missed literary evenings with Mr. Lancer, Clockwork and Ghost Writer. He even missed the hours-long Jazz lectures. He missed the dance of death and life. He missed being looked at without expecting anything from him. He missed the crowd. In the league, he was never at one with himself and in Amity he was always surrounded by people who were not afraid of his fate as the heir to the said League. This Manor was full of people, but for the first time in his life he felt lonely. Damian has to admit that he felt left behind. Of course, he understood that people needed time to build relationships, but he could have sworn that even he didn't need that much time to connect with Fentons. Maybe this is one of the tricks of the Clockwork? Then this one is not funny at all.

~~~~~Phone call~~~~ Damian: Mom, I want to go home. Maddie: I'm so sorry to hear that, sweetheart. What happened? Damian: Just…Nobody likes me. Why was I sent here? I'm not weak. And my brothers are quite capable of protecting me from Raas. I don't need Batman for this. Maddie: We'll figure it out, champ. Moms love you, remember? I'll talk to Talia, okay? Your brothers and sisters are already on edge and ready to steal you right during the patrol. Damian: It would be nice, but it would put a bat on their tails. So lock them in thermoses if they bother you too much. Maddie: But that won't stop Jazz. Damian: I missed the part where that's my problem. Maddie: Well, it will be your problem if she comes to your doorstep with your childhood photos and moralizing.

~~~~~~~~

It's his birthday. And he was always excited about it. But now, looking at the pile of gifts, he realizes that these people don't know him at all.

And this is the family of the best detective in the world? Maybe yes, but none of them bothered to really find info about him or ask him about his likes. Damian's a stranger here, and that's obvious.

The lunch container, which he will obviously give to the Boxing Lunch when he's in the right time interval, tennis rackets that Youngblood might like, The Graveyard Book…

Valerie had already read it to him and Dani before it was published. Thanks to Clockwork for his little miracles. The book reminded him of home.

Obviously this one is from Jason. And well, Damian doesn't think it was a pun on his life in Amity, more like Hood's inside joke about death but Dami will definitely leave this thing in the room at the Manor and maybe take it with him to the GZ or Amity Park.

~~~~~~~

When they gather at the festive table, Damian realizes that he has to make some kind of speech. He tries to be as brief as possible in his report.

Damian: Todd, your gift is appreciated. And I found a potential use for items that were given by others, Bruce.

Damian never called Batman his father. With Maddie and Talia, calling both moms wasn't weird, especially when Jazz explained to his biological mom that he wasn't trying to replace her. But with Wayne, it was different. Both women took care of him, they deserved this title. Wayne provided for his needs, but his core heart didn't feel like they were close. Surely there's nothing wrong if they're just Bruce and Damian? Obviously, they both don't enjoy each other's company.

Jason: So, do you like books, little demon? Damian: Sometimes reading is quite relaxing, I should point out. I'm not indifferent to Stephen King and Lovecraft. Jason: Personal recommendations? Damian: Cujo is one of my favorites. Jason: Not a common opinion, huh. Damian: It reminds me of my family. Damian tries to smile like Danny does, but Jason's twitching eye clearly indicates that he screwed it up.

~~~~Dick and Jason synchronously drop their forks as an excuse for a conference under the table.~~~~ Dick*whispers*: How's the situation? Jason*whispers back*: If the boy asks for a dog, don't be fooled. He will be happy to dance on our graves.

~~~~Cass knocks over their heads, urging them to return to their seats.~~~~

Damian: So how good you are at fading and sliding,Todd? Jason: Why did you ask? I can't, of course. Damian: Because you're dead. It seemed to me that this was a completely understandable interest. Jason: Wow, what a jerk. Damian: I wonder why your own incompetence makes me a jerk? Even my sister could do this when she wasn't dead for even a month.

Jason, for some reason, looks awkward, although he has never been embarrassed before by the idea that a girl could be stronger than him.

Jason: Your sister? How old was she when... So it's all about age. Damian rolls his eyes.

Damian: We're the same age. It seems like it was four or five years ago. To be honest, I don't remember. I wasn't around then. I'll ask Danielle the next time I go to the cemetery to visit her. Dick: I'm so sorry, Dami. Where is she buried? We can take you. Damian: There's no need. She has no grave, as there was nothing to bury. Bruce sighs loudly and covers his eyes with his hands. Damian: It's just easier to contact the afterlife in places like this, you now? Duke: We are very sorry, dude. Damian: Don't be. People come and go, and then come back if they haven't finished annoying you. There's no point in regretting the past. Her creation was not the most ethical thing but everything is going as it should. At least that's what Grandpa says. Considering that the old man is older than time, I prefer to believe him. No one plays with fate without his permission unless they want to get hit by the clock. Tim now looks like he's going to throw up and Damian hurries to move his plate closer to him. Jason: Yes, Bruce, this is definitely your son. Damian: Did I say something wrong? Dick smiles faintly at him but still doesn't find anything to say. Damian shrugs and goes back to eating asparagus. People outside of Amity are so weird.

Signal looks at Damian suspiciously as he carefully rearranges the plate of soy sausages away from himself. Did he take him for an idiot? Everyone knows that even vegetarian sausage bite and fight no worse than those with meat when they come back to life. It's not Damian's fault that he doesn't have an ectoblast with him and wants to have extra distance from the opponent.

~~~At the same time, in the walls of Wayne Manor~~~ Dani: The operation codenamed "Get Haunted Idiot" is declared open. Danny and Dan *salute*.

~~~Several Days Later~~~

Damian: So, this is Dan. Danny says we keep him as a GIW repeller. Dick: And Danny and Dan are.. Jazz: His brothers. I'm Jazz by the way. Elle and I are his sisters. Damian: I feat the criteria to participate in their name cult, so they took me. Dan, Danny, Dani and Dami. Dan *ruffles Damian's hair* : I prefer to call this biting threat Damn, to be honest. Dami: Shut up, DaNtE, they almost wrote Dark in your passport, you idiot. I can't believe I thought I missed you. Danny: Wow. Rude. Your grandpa would be disappointed. Great job, lil one.

~~~Several years later~~~