#Tim gets fucking Robbed

[nightingale-prompts]

Danny: I need help. I need to get my brother a date.

Tim: Why? You're planning something aren't you?

Danny: Yes, and I need him not to tell Jazz on me so...are any of your siblings single?

Tim: Why my family? Can't you find a random person on tender?

Danny: Absolutely not, my brother is borderline insane. I need someone who could contain that sort of insanity or strong enough to do damage to him.

Tim: Fuck that! I like my family.

Danny: You do?

Tim: YES!

Danny: Please Timbers!

Tim: Fine...what are his interest?

Danny: Ironically he isn't into space like me.

Tim: How is that ironic?

Danny: I'll explain one day. He's really into weird stuff. Occult collectibles, black and white films, vinyl records, really old music, even wine making. His hobbies do not match his looks and I think they make him look like a vampire born in the 50s.

Tim: *sigh* I think I know someone who he might like. And I hope it doesn't work out.

***Two days later***

Jason: So have you read The Silmarillion?

Dan: "Among the tales of sorrow and of ruin that came down to us from the darkness of those days there are yet some in which amid weeping there is joy and under the shadow of death light that endures. And of these histories most fair still in the ears of the Elves is the tale of Beren and Lúthien"

Jason: Nice.

Dan: What do you think of the first adaptation of Frankenstein in film?

Jason: I hated it. It ruined the intellectual and yet spiteful character of Adam into just a stupid beast. Robbing the entire story of its themes.

Dan: Amazing. We could discuss Ulysses and The House of Leaves at my house over some wine. Perhaps I could show you my record collection if you'd like.

*****

Danny: *trying to hide the atom splitter he had been trying to test* Oh, you're back early....don't tell Jazz!

Tim: Heyyyy, Jay.

(Dan developed a love for books and film after the death of his teacher in his original timeline. He matured enough to realize he had Dan's best interests at heart.)

[refloralisation]

my firm and very sincere belief that the wayne family initiation orientation docket has many points, and addendums but the one on the top is:

"Don't start shit with Duke. God as his witness, he won't start shit but he WILL end it. "

and why?

because duke doesn't give even half a fuck, he can and will e v i s c e r a t e you.

Jason steals the last cookie? "no wonder your mom sold you out, you stupid bitch. not even death could bear you so you're back trying to make the rest of miserable. loser bitch. i'll crowbar your fucking face."

Tim makes a snarky, harmless joke at his expense? "Your mom probably drank that poison in Hawaii to get away from you. The constant flying about wasn't enough. She needed to get off the literal existential plane. all those times you thought you're a burden and no one loves you? you were right. fear toxin aint showing you your worst fears, its showing you the fucking truth. loser virgin. get the fuck out of my face"

so on and forth. Not even Bruce or Alfred are spared. Duke won't know proportional response if it hit him in the face. Regularly, daytime villains send batman complaint letters (!!!) about the signal, because damnit they're just robbing banks, no need to bring up their mommy issues into it??? with Duke, there is no passive there is only aggressive. You won't think it, looking into his warm brown eyes and his lovely, easy smile. but you will know it. by god, if you start shit, you will know it.

[literary-dolly]

A Study in Scarlet

jason todd x fem!reader

word count: 2.6k warnings: nothing, really - treachery maybe? A mention of alcohol, some swearing

Tim loves a good podcast, but when his favourite podcast host is getting cosy with a new special guest, it rocks his world (A.K.A how Jason Todd makes his first podcast appearance).

If there was one thing to know about Tim Drake, it was that he was always plugged into something. Never working without some kind of stream, podcast, or music feeding into his ears – it makes chipping away at some of the more monotonous, less glamourous hero tasks a tad easier to stomach. Why would you go about life in silence if you could listen to someone discuss the history of monster trucks? Or the hidden harmful properties of household plants?

It's times like the current, while he sits in the Cave reviewing a week’s worth of CCTV footage in the hopes of catching a glimpse of the perp Bruce was trying to track down, that a good old-fashioned podcast comes in handy. And although Tim would like to see himself as a purveyor of all genres of entertainment, there’s something about a local story that really captures his attention.

The Gotham Goods. For surveillance purposes, of course.

It’s remarkable how much intel he’d gathered from the podcast, truly. Almost embarrassing. He was fairly certain that the woman must be some kind of vigilante – for a period, he was convinced that it was Babs herself moonlighting in casual entertainment (until she’d chewed him out for even suggesting it – she was a fan too, deep down). He’d tried to convince the Oracle to track her down, an idea to which Babs had vehemently protested. That was, until he realised that she had tried to track her down, and failed.

It was witty, funny inside jokes that only Gothamites got to make, interviews with the famous baker down on Crest Hill, the one-million-year-old homeless guy down in Gotham Bay who everyone and their mother has been robbed by at one point or another. It was safe to say he was a fan. So, best believe, when the latest episode pops up on his screen with another 4-hours of footage left to troll through, he’s on it immediately.

It’s impossible to stop the quirk in his brow at the title: A Study in Scarlet. Nice reference. He’s practically buzzing as he hunkers down into the chair, reclining back leisurely with a freshly opened Gatorade.

“Hello, dear, dear Gothamites, and welcome back to another episode of The Gotham Goods. I’ve got an interesting one for you, I must say. I know I’ve stepped back on the interviews in the past few weeks – death threats, am I right? – but I have been trying to get this interview for so long so when he finally agreed, I had to take him up on the offer. So, rather than leaving you in suspense for any longer, may I introduce todays guest – I’m sure you’ve heard of him – the Red Hood!”

And Tim thinks he just about passes away. If it’s possible for him to phase out of existence and back again, he does. There’s Gatorade all over the Batcomputer, Bruce will be pissed, but Lord knows he’ll be more shocked at what the actual fuck is going on. He knows immediately that he should call Jason, both to chew him out for being sloppy about his identity, but also to ask what exactly possessed him to entertain a podcast appearance.

“Hello, hello,” the voice is modulated, but still maintains the familiar cadence of Jason’s words, “Yes, it has been a long time coming and a lot of begging.”

“Well don’t say it like that, you make me sound desperate,” your voice is teasing and light, and Tim can practically hear the smile on your face.

“No, no, you’re right. Begging isn’t right – grovelling might be more apt.”

“Alright, smartass,” you quip, “I suppose we should move onto the hard-hitting journalistic questions, right Mr. Hood?”

“Please, no need to be so formal, Hood is fine.”

It’s only from the ache that begins to burn in his jaw that Tim realises he’s been sat with his mouth wide open this whole time. It’s unfathomable. It’s impossible to get Jason to listen to a voice note, let alone speak for an hour-long podcast. He doesn’t think he’s heard Jason speak for an hour total in the entire time he’s known him. There’s a disarming warmth to the conversation, one that sits in the hollow of Tim’s stomach, he’s seen it in videos of Jason, well, before, but not in the years since his return to Gotham.

“Soooo, quickfire question numero uno,” you pause emphatically, “thoughts on Gotham tap water? Love it? Hate it?”

“Ooo,” Jason croons, “Tastes like home. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fucking vile. It has that aftertaste like a science experiment gone wrong, right? But I feel like me and everyone else in this city has developed an immunity to it. Normal water tastes too clean.”

“Totally get it, you’ve put that into words in a way I don’t think I ever could,” you hum thoughtfully, “Next question, Condiment King? What the fuck is up with him?”

Jason bursts out into actual laughter, and Tim isn’t sure if it sounds like the gates of heaven or hell opening, “Don’t. Don’t even. I mean I respect the message, condiments are king, a wise man once taught me they make or break a dish. I feel like he’s like one of those kids who picked his Xbox username at like 8 years old and had to live with it for the rest of his life. He picked condiments and now he’s stuck in the niche.”

“Lost in the sauce, you could say?”

“Fuck off,” Jason’s wheezing now, “Christ, I’m gonna piss myself.”

“Okay, okay, final quick question,” you mutter out between wheezes, “Do you have a favourite rat? And before anyone makes any sweeping statements about it being gross or whatever – this is Gotham, dude. The rats have more rights than the people.”

“My favourite rat,” Jason plays up his pondering with a variety of noises, “Yeah, I would have to say my favourite rat is the one that I always see in the back of the bodega. I know he’s putting the work in back there, ya know?”

“Which bodega?”

“Top secret, I’m afraid,” Jason quips, “There’s no way I’m getting that place shut down, they feed me most nights of the week. Incredible chopped cheese.”

The conversation about convenience stores in Gotham continues for a few minutes as Tim attempts to recollect himself. Gather some restraint, focus on the task at hand, try not to lose his shit.

That is until Dick bursts in the door.

“TIM!” It’s deafening, echoing around the cave, and he can hear the thundering of footsteps heading rapidly towards him, “Tim this is going to sound crazy but –”

“Dick, Dick, I know.”

“You listen to The Gotham Goods too?”

“Don’t be stupid, Dick. Of course I do. Everyone does.”

Dick’s breathless, and Tim isn’t sure if it’s the strenuous activity or just a panic attack, as he huffs in and out, “What is Jason doing? And why does he sound so- so- dopey? Do you think he’s been drugged or something?”

“I thought that,” Tim muses, “but we’ve seen Jason hit with all kinds of gas and toxin, he’s never been like this.”

Dick reaches over to furiously rip one of Tim’s headphones out, regardless of how Tim attempts to swat him away; their squabbling is silenced as soon as they clock back into the light-hearted conversation drifting through their ears.

“So, dare I say, workout routine?” you tease, “For those of you that have never had the pleasure of seeing the Hood in person, his biceps are about as big as my head.”

“Aww, stop it,” Jason quips, but his words are full of mirth, “You’ll make me blush.”

“I can see you blushing, you idiot,” you bite back, “You can’t play coy with me, you know that.”

Tim can practically feel his bones grating against each other as he jars his head to the side to stare at Dick, who’s eyes have widened to the size of saucers.

“Did she just say he’s blushing?” Dick’s words come out loose and airy, clearly lost in whatever horrifying conclusion they have both just come to.

“He’s there without a helmet? He’s there as Jason?”

 It’s at that moment that another set of footsteps can be heard echoing throughout the Cave, and if Tim and Dick had been shocked before – the image of Bruce Wayne sprinting down the stairs in a full suit and tie to skid to a stop before the computer leaves them reeling.

“Jason’s identity has been compromised.”

That’s all he has to say.

“You listen to The Gotham Goods?” Tim lets out what can only be described as a guffaw, turning to Dick who (for the first time in his life) has been stunned to silence.

“Casually,” Bruce snips, “Alfred often has it on in the car.”

There are no words, truly. Much like Dick, Tim can seem only to stare into space meaninglessly as you and Jason continue to chirp in his right ear. Tim is a child of the Bat, he has a contingency plan for every single obscure event that could ever befall him or his family, but he had never for one second thought Jason’s podcast career would be one he would have to contend with.

The Cave is silent bar the sounds of the podcast chattering (which Bruce has taken the liberty of pulling up on the computer), nobody able to do anything other than sit and listen. Tim sees Alfred slip behind them, and if he didn’t know any better, he would say that by Alfred-standards that the butler has a smirk on his face.

“We need to stop him,” Bruce growls, “has anyone tried to get in touch with him?”

“It’s prerecorded, Bruce. Jason patrolled last night he’s probably still asleep.”

“I don’t care we need to –”

“Bruce,” Dick starts slowly, “Jason is, begrudgingly, an adult. And he’s in charge of his own life. If this is something he wants to do, then we can’t just tell him not to.”

“He’s compromising his identity,” Bruce bites, “Our identities.”

“He sounds happy, Bruce,” Dick’s words have a finality to them, and Bruce quiets fairly quickly after that. The glower across his features doesn’t go unnoticed, but there’s a strange resignation in his eyes.

They blow open wide at the next question.

“So, to actually get to a question of substance,” you start tenderly, “I know we talked about this before, and you agreed, but we don’t have to talk about it now. I think it’s a question a lot of people have about the Red Hood. The Bat symbol? Your relationship with Batman? You’ve never had the opportunity to speak about it before, and is there anything you would like to say?”

Jason’s sharp inhale picks up on the mic, and everyone in the room winces, “It’s not something I’m going to say too much about, but I know it’s news in Gotham every time me and Batman clash. I don’t hate the guy, not at all, we just have a difference in, ah, belief systems that I’m sure everyone in Gotham can put together. I do think Gotham needs the Bat; he’s our hero at the end of the day. But I don’t think I’m amiss in saying that I think we need someone with a less delicate touch too.”

“That was very well said,” your words are earnest, laden with the suggestion of knowing something deeper, “thank you.”

“He’ll probably find this at some point anyway,” Jason sighs, “so hiya Big Bat.”

Bruce physically winces at Jason’s words, and Tim shares a look with Dick at the point the man starts pacing back and forth along the walkway.

“Batman is crazy work though,” you add, bemused, “Talk about picking your Xbox username as a child.”

“Oh, totally,” Jason sniggers, “That’s a childhood fixation gone way too far.”

“I mean who looks at a bat and goes ‘real, that’s so me’ and then bases their entire personality off it? I’m a hypocrite though, I think I did that in high school.”

“I know –”

“Hold on, hold on,” you’re wheezing already at whatever has popped into your head, “Don’t tell me he hangs upside down. Please, you can’t, I’ll go crazy.”

“I have,” Jason begins slowly, almost tantalizing, “on occasion, seen him –”

“No, stop,” you’re shrieking, and the sound of you jumping up and down in your chair is audible through the mic, “Stop it, you’ve never told me that before. Oh, my lord.”

Dick turns to face Tim with a suspicious look, “You’ve never told me that before. This isn’t new, Tim, this is – they know each other.”

“You think that they’re… you know?”

“There’s no way. They can’t be.”

“An analysis of their tone does suggest,” Bruce begins half-heartedly, waving his hand with exasperation, “something of a fond affection for each other.”

It’s only as the podcast begins to wrap up that Alfred chimes in, that same whisper of a smirk gracing his features, “Well, Master Bruce, Master Tim, Master Dick, I would have to applaud you for your fine detective skills once again.”

“What are you suggesting, Alfred?” Bruce begins steadily, turning to face the older man.

“I’m suggesting that it used to take Jason roughly 17 minutes and 43 seconds to travel from his home apartment to the Manor. In the last 6 months, it has only taken him an average of 15 minutes and 29 seconds, suggesting he has changed residences. He has gotten regular haircuts for the same period, changed his cologne, and in general had a happier and more agreeable disposition, wouldn’t you agree?”

It’s at that moment that every cell phone in the room dings, and a look of dread passes over all of them accept Alfred. It’s Dick that opens his phone first, drawing back with a completely flabbergasted expression, “No, no, there’s no fucking way.”

Tim scrambles for his own, inputting his password as quickly as he can manage. And then it’s there. Jason has sent one photo into the family group chat: it’s him sat in some kind of recording suite, headphones pushed back casually, a beer in one hand, and in the other is someone else’s hand. A woman’s, clearly. Only the hand is visible. Interlaced with his own. The grin on Jason’s face can only be described as sharkish, completely smug.

The photo has a caption.

I hope you enjoyed the show, you nosy fuckers.

“No fucking way has Jason pulled THE GOTHAM GOODS?”

You’re desperately trying to gather intel for your next interview, having been cramming at the kitchen table for the past three hours. Jason has been sat lounging of the sofa for a similar amount of time, bursting out into a fit of hysterical laughter every 30 seconds or so.

“You do just think you’re hilarious, don’t you?” You sigh, closing your notebook for the day.

“Oh, princess, I am hilarious,” Jason chuckles, “This might be the best thing I’ve ever done. They’re losing it.”

He’d hacked into the camera in the Batcomputer hours ago. He’d been watching them since they started.

You settle down next to him with a huff, and he brings an arm to rest around your shoulders out of instinct, “This is the best thing that’s ever happened to you? I’m hurt, truly.”

“Nah, I’m just being dramatic, baby,” Jason presses a kiss to your temple, “Obviously you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Is that right?” You grumble, shoving his side with a playful grin.

“Absolutely,” there’s a wide smile plastered across his face, “Now, let’s watch them desperately try and figure out who you are. I’d like to see them try.”

“You are an evil, evil man Jason Todd.”

“You know it, baby.”

This idea came to me in a cold and flu medication infused haze. I actually think it's really funny, but then again, that could be the cold and flu.

If you liked it, well, like it - a reblog is always appreciated. If you don't like it leave me alone.

[omgfangirlland]

The Shadows That Nurture 26

Every time Batsis does something that otherwise would have ended with the genocide of a whole race, Kregg gets a gray hair.

Masterlist || First || previous<< Chapter 26 >>next

Your little tell-all stirred the pot- a lot. So much so that the internet, a week later, was still talking about it. Now, the crowd wasn’t in your favor at first, people are willing to suck billionaires off for less, but Bruce “the good one” Wayne? Most were quick to jump down your throat and call you a liar, but the Gothamites weren’t having that. It took all but three days for them to find every public article on you, and lo and behold- the public opinion swayed.

Years of missed achievements, a compilation of your kid pics showing how you slowly lost your smile, and compilation videos of you stopping looking in the crowd for your family were enough to pull a few heartstrings- the interviews of the teachers who knew you settled the knife in and the interview you gave Lois hammered it in.

“I appreciate my fans, but my job isn’t to be loved or liked- I’m a hero. My job is to save lives, even if that day it’s one- my job is to help as best as I can, whether or not I’m liked.” Your voice rang through the batcave. “Maybe I was in the wrong for punching him, but I’m not sorry for it. That man, the one he presents publicly to you, isn’t the one I grew up with. I find it beyond insulting how he thinks now because he feels guilt or desperation, or whatever, he can put that fake ass mask on and try to win me over when he just realized I wasn’t even in the manor, to begin with. I lived with him, and even if he didn’t see me, I saw him.”

“I stand by what I said that night. I have given you the proof I have, Ms. Lane, and I’m sure you’ll find everything checked out. My reasons for hating him and his monthly crew have a foundation, and that foundation is rock-hard cement, especially when compared to the way Nolan and Debbie raised me. Omni-Man was a better father than Bruce Wayne. Do you realize how fucked up that is?” Lois tried her best to give the Waynes some grace, but she just couldn’t. All she could imagine was Jon or Kon in your position, and it was all she needed for tears to be brought to her eyes. The medical records a Crime Alley doc went out of his way to hand to her personally, only settled the tone of her article.

“I’m not a good man, madame. I have taken bribes, done nasty things, and straight-up robbed people blind. But I can’t stand and let that girl get wronged like that when I know the abuse went beyond what she publicly said. The one rule I keep standing by is no kids harmed.” Was his only comment. The documents stating your terrible health occurrences, and personal musings on you possibly being underfed with signs of depression and anxiety, were enough to stir a ruckus of people calling for CPS to visit the manor and for Cecil to start nagging you with a therapist.

“I’m not a therapist or professional to comment on my mental health, but about being underfed, I can comment. I wasn’t deliberately starved- I was just doing too much and simply kept forgetting to eat, you can even ask mom, and she’d tell you the same. [REDACTED] is simply a worrywart who still nags me to eat three meals a day with snacks in between. They did terrible things, but let’s focus on the true stuff.” Was your only follow-up comment on the matter. “And while at it, Bruce was the adult who should have been there. Not Damian, Richard, Tim, or any of the other kids I have seen people comment on. They weren’t nice, but they were kids with their own shit going on. Bruce was the adult who should have known better, who should have acted upon his other kids pushing me to the side. At the end of the day, they did what they saw him do.” The Waynes did not comment.

Bruce was tired. And Dick was losing it even more. “It’s those other Graysons- they brainwashed her-“ He muttered, and Duke scoffed. “Man- it’s us! We did that, we made her hate us! You’re being obtuse on purpose.”

“And delusional,” Stephanie added. “Just because she’s a Grayson now doesn’t mean she’s your Grayson- It’s like all you heard is that she has your last name, so that must mean you’re forgiven and it’s a free pass for taking that you’re the favorite and only sibling.”

“Please,” Tim snorts as he grumbles, deleting and rewriting the chart over and over, cutting Dick’s protest. “Jason is the favorite sibling on our branch of the family.” That made Barbara finally turn from the computer. “Speaking of- where is he- why isn’t he helping us? And how come he was forgiven?” As Cassandra’s siblings started arguing over Jason’s lack of help, her eyes strayed to Alfred and Bruce.

Both men were defeated- Bruce caressing the bruise on his jaw, blankly staring into space as Alfred was just pure sadness, his eyes unmoving from the monitor that was just dedicated to you and your achievements. Cassandra’s training isn’t something she could forget, even if she wanted to- her eyes moved to Damian- and she saw in you what she saw in some of her siblings, what she saw in Jason a long time ago.

Her fingers twitched- like before she pushed the thought away. She was wrong about you being in London, she was wrong about this suspicion, too. She hoped she was. “She’s coming to Gotham.” Her words stopped the arguing and brought Bruce’s attention. “Heard her mention it to Jay… He insisted on housing them.” Damian clocked how his father’s spirit seemed to lighten, and he immediately commented. “Don’t get excited, father. She hates you more than anyone here.”

“She hates the Brucie persona he puts on-“ Richard tried to defend the man, but Stephanie snorted loud enough to interrupt him. “And she hates him-“ Duke nodded. “Coming to her with the media personality when she lived here and knows your brooding self is kind of a slap in the face.”

“Like you think she’s stupid enough to fall for it.” Tim finished, making Bruce slump back in his chair. Barbara’s lips pursed at the comment. “We all have kind of treated her like that… Like she’s not smart enough, not good enough. We didn’t even tell her about the vigilante stuff.” Alfred sighs as he finally looks away from the screen. “Treated like a stranger in her own home after such a traumatic event... We’re lucky she isn’t a rogue.”

“You’ve treated her like that.” Damian scoffs, making Tim stop short of pressing to delete the whole document to look at the young boy. “… That sounds like you’d be willing to throw us under the bus, Dami.” The youngest Wayne simply raised an eyebrow before looking at his father. “Since we’re all here and talking- I want to ask for less time as Robin.” The words left everyone speechless, well- except Tim, who let quite the loud “what” out. “I have decided I want to focus on my studies since I’ll be going to college soon, specifically to become a doctor. I will succeed where you and mother failed.” Bruce slid down in his chair at the chaos that erupted at the simple answer Damian gave.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

“No, I’m not sorry for punching him. Yes, I stand by everything I said. Maybe I could have gone about it in a better way, but it’s too late and honestly? I feel like my shoulders have gotten lighter, so fuck you-“ You flip off Batman before turning back to the JL members who have been staring at you since you walked in with Cecil, Slade, Lex, and your father and brother. “Any more questions about my family drama or can we go back to the Viltrumite treaty thing, because I want to go back to my vacation, thank you very much.”

“It was a clean punch, good job.” Diana’s comment got a few reactions, mostly snickers and Hal almost choking on the coffee he was drinking, but her smile was due to the way you puffed out your chest. “Thank you- I’m glad someone can appreciate my skills.” Cecil huffed at the look you threw at him. “Anyway-“ He cleared his throat. “Here are the terms we’ve come up with: Mandatory psychological evaluations, mandatory history classes and modern-day integration-“

“Don’t want to hear more of that arranged marriage to stop wars thing-“ Cecil continued, unbothered by you cutting him off as he handed out the papers. “- followed by tracking depending on scores to the mentioned things, weekly or monthly follow-ups, help with education, and slash or job opportunities.” Clark furrowed his brows. “Those are pretty light terms.”

“They are. J’onn would be doing the psychological evaluation, I trust him to be a good judge. It’s a test for them and a show of willingness from us not to be like them, all militia, no compassion. Based on their willingness and openness to learn to integrate, we’ll be able to sort out the ones who will be a danger or not. It’s not a foolproof plan to them seeping through the cracks, but measurements are being put into place to alert to seeps.” Green Arrow looked over the detailed paperwork. “What kind of measurements?”

The man flinched at the show of light that appeared behind him. “The magical kind, mate.” John Constantine huffed as he dropped into a chair close to you. “Every major city and what we’re calling key cities have been magically reinforced. Everything that appears out of thin air or that comes from outside the ozone layer, we’ll be notified of.” Zatanna continued for the man as she went to greet you, pulling you into a hug and slightly swaying you from side to side.

“Seems good enough for me.” Hal shrugged before he and everyone else turned to the paranoid man known as Bruce Wayne. “Batman?” Superman started slowly as he nudged the man who hadn’t stopped staring. “… I trust your judgment, Sorceress.” Bruce nodded. You just raised an eyebrow, eyes full of suspicion. Wonder Woman locked eyes with Clark before clearing her throat at the awkward silence. “We’ll be sure to be an active factor in this by following your lead. We’re clearly not versed enough on the matter to go do our own stuff.”

“Great.” Cecil turned to Lex and Slade. “Call them.” Slade just sighed as he pulled out a device and started typing, making Mark sputter. “Wait- right now-“

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Everyone was looking at you as you climbed Conquest and sat squatting on one of his shoulders while you explained the terms to him, Thragg, and Kregg. “-I’m even willing to sponsor Grandpa Morgan.” The league and Kregg seemed to do a double-take as you patted the oldest Viltrumite. “He’s a killing machine, not a-“ You quickly interrupted Thragg. “To you- I see the potential beyond that. He’s like those rescued fight dogs-” You quickly turn to the balding Viltrumite. “Do not test my trust and kindness, I will put you down like a rabid dog if you become a problem.” The man just snickered and gave a toothy smile.

“Sponsorship is a good idea, actually.” Cecil hummed. “Anyone willing to try it?” He looked at the Justice League. Constantine immediately slid down his chair under the table, but Diana did seem interested. “I’d like to give it a try. I would have appreciated some personal guidance during my first time here.” Cecil nodded, making a comment about reaching out to more heroes to see if anyone else would be willing.

“It’s settled then.” Thragg nodded, his eyes following your form as you jumped down from Conquest’s shoulder. “I will see you and your family during this- sponsorship, Nolan.” The comment thrown as the Viltrumites left made Nolan stutter over his words, wide eyes meeting his kids’ own surprised ones. “Oh, mama’s not going to like that.” You sigh, and Lex huffs with amusement. “You and your mother will run that man like a dog.” You wanted to argue… but your whole plan to educate them was just dog training 101, clicker and water spray and all.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

“So, what’s Gotham really like?” April asked you as she distracted a grumbling Oliver. “Sky pollution and eccentric people- don’t drink from the tap, Professor Crane likes to contaminate it with his fear gas at random. And stay away from the sewers, Uncle Waylon and Uncle Bundy don’t like people trespassing.” You shrug, making horns out of Oliver’s hair. “So- just New York City.” Debbie joked as she made sure your little alien plant was strapped well in the front seat.

Nolan patted the top of the car as he leaned to peer in the window. “You ladies all set and ready for take-off?” With a resounding yes, Nolan and Mark were left to deal with the transportation of the van. The take-off was always shaky, but both men were surprisingly good at keeping the car from rattling like a baby's toy. So it was no surprise that after a while, you fell asleep to your mom’s and April’s talking, the easy atmosphere luring you and Oliver into a much-needed nap.

Both you and Oliver woke up to the sound of the door slamming as Nolan entered the passenger seat and Mark climbed in next to April. “Sorry, kids.” Your father threw an apologetic smile back at you as you grumbled. “Oh- here, put in the address to your brother’s house.” Your mom handed you her phone, the GPS app already open.

The drive was just as peaceful, which was weird considering it was Gotham. Must be a Tuesday. “Why is every pedestrian looking at us like the car is about to explode?” Mark’s musing made you look up from your phone. “Hmm? Oh, because they do think that. We’re following the driving rules, so by Gotham’s rules, we either have drugs, bodies, or bombs.” You shrugged, going back to your phone as everyone in the car looked at each other. “Oh…”

“Mhm- oh, when we get to the crossroad take the right instead of going straight like the GPS says, we’ll need to get the back entrance to stow away the car.” Mark looked at you with worry. “Please stop using those words for roofed parking, especially now.”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

“Mama boss!” Oliver cooed, immediately followed by Mark and you with serious faces parroting his words while nodding. Jason’s eyes met yours before he smirked and looked at Debbie. “Mama boss.” Was heard once more from all four, making the woman sigh with exasperation, but the smile couldn’t be wiped from her lips. “That doesn’t stop you three from helping unpack.”

“Aww.” Oliver watched you three whine, and he too, followed with a short aw. “No need, already unpacked,” Nolan said as he went and pressed a kiss to Debbie's forehead, doing so to you, Oliver, and Mark too. Nolan cleared his throat as he almost did for Jason, too. He patted his shoulder instead, a tight smile on his face. “Good man.” Jason gave a grunt and a weird look in response. “Right… Fair warning- the bats will be weird about all of this.”

“When have they ever been normal about anything? Bruce dresses up as a bat.” Roy laughed before introducing himself to your parents. “Yes- hello, Lian Harper his kid- still not trusting you-“ The young girl pointed at Nolan, walking right by him straight to you. “You’re The Sorceress! You’re my favorite hero!” Her giddiness got to you, meeting her smile with one of your own. “Really? Did it hurt your daddy when he got dethroned?”

“Ha! It did not-“ Roy scoffed, but Lian interrupted him. “He was devastated. Tried to bribe me with Red Arrow merch for weeks, even tried pulling Unc Jay into it.” You laughed at the grumbling man. “Can you fly me around? Are your powers really magic? Like Zatanna? Are you single?” At the girl’s rapid-fire questions, Mark grumbled something about never meeting his fans.

“Easy there, kid-“ Roy jumped in as you processed the questions, trying to coax the teen to calm down. “Sorry, she really wanted to see you-“ You shook your head. “It’s fine. And the answer is yes, to all questions.” Lian smiled at you, eyes gleaming with mischief. “Do you like redheads?” Roy almost choked on his breath as he covered his daughter’s mouth, deliberately ignoring the way Jason’s head snapped to him and the way Mark and Nolan seemed to tense up. “Alright, that’s enough-“ In one quick move, a giggling Lian was under his arm, and Roy was moving back toward the door. “We’re getting takeout, have fun!”

“Cute kid.” You snickered once the redhead left. “He’s-“ The crime lord choked, “Please. Don’t date my friends.” Jason mutters, fingers twitching. “I don’t know Jay, the kid’s real cute.” You couldn’t help but tease him. “Going to take a nap, wake me up when they come back with the food.” And like that, the family went their own ways, Mark agreeing that a nap would be nice.

Jason just sat down on the couch, his eyes settling on his hands, brows furrowed. That- Why was he about to say that? Jason would never use his friends’ pasts against them, and especially not something like Roy’s addiction. He knew better, he was better than that- And yet he almost did. “Hon’?” Debbie’s voice gained his attention. “…Are you okay?” Jason blinked at her. He just smiled and nodded.

Debbie didn’t quite believe it, but she wasn’t going to push it. “Alright… how about you show me how your TV works, I was never good with technology-“ She wasn’t going to leave him alone either, and despite her terrible lie, Jason couldn’t help the genuine smile appearing. She reminded him of both Selina and Talia.

Tag list: @bat1212 @trashlanternfish360 @shycreatorreview @syrooo @a-lurking-fae @alittletiredcry @kittzu @plsfckmedxddy @blackhood1229 @nxdxsworld @leeiasure @dandelion-delusion @lovebug-apple @sillysealsies @tsxukikami @enchantingarcadecreation @alishii @d3nnji @itsberrydreemurstuff @yuyuzi-ling @welpthisisboring @1abi @mxvoid26 @persephone-kore-law @bluevenus19 @ryuushou @asillysimp @aalunar @cxcilla @sirenetheblogger @pinkluv29 @br33zy-blizzardz @victoria1676 @of-poetry-and-dreams @djpuppy-kittens @wizzerreblogs @galaxypurplerose @burningkittenprince @swanluver @ohnoivefallen @eyeless-kun @bunniotomia

Sneak peek ch 27:

Oliver looked between you and Bruce as you slammed the glass down. His eyes remained on the older man’s tired face. Bruce, sensing eyes on him, turns his attention from your whining form to the toddler sitting in his highchair. As the man gives the kid a small smile, Oliver isn’t having any of it, his little face scrunching up as he points at Bruce. “Ugly.”

[luciaintheskyainthi]

I just realized that May never got the chance to show Peter's baby photos to Jason... and now I need some shenanigans where Peter is turned into a child and Jason needs to take care of him.

I've had this sitting in my inbox for TOO LONG but I wanted to write a little drabble for it and needed the spoons for it!!! I'm finally forcing myself tho because this is getting embarrassing.

"Okay, so don't be mad."

"Says the guy I'm about to be real mad at," Jason predicted, not even bothering to look up from his favourite grappling gun. The trigger felt sticky on the last swing and Jason wasn't dumb enough to take any chances.

"It's Peter."

That got Jason's attention. His head snapped up and Dick took a step back, hands up like he expected Jason to shoot him with the grappling gun.

"What about Peter," Jason said, choosing to be the bigger man. He didn't set the grappling gun down, though. Dick eyed it nervously.

"So... you know how there was that rumour about a new magic user kicking around Burnley?"

"You're right, I am about to be mad."

"I didn't even-- I told you not to be -- crap, doesn't matter. So Peter and--"

Jason held up his hand. The one with the gun. Dick's mouth snapped shut.

"Start from the beginning," he commanded, "and maybe I won't be earning my way to the tippy-top of the sibling food chain."

"I mean, technically, Cass is older than you--"

Jason tilted his head and cocked a brow. Dick caved.

"Okay, so Peter and Steph were patrolling Burnley when they came across the magic user--"

"They're calling themselves Wild Child," piped up a Tim who had up to then been doing a very poor job of pretending not to be listening in.

"Yes, thank-you Timmy. So they tried to apprehend Wild Child while they were attempting to rob a bank."

Jason frowned. Stopping the robbery of a bank at night wasn't especially Peter's style. Victimless crimes and all that. But he allowed Dick to carry on. He was feeling temporarily magnanimous.

"Pretty sure Steph just wanted to mock them about their choice of name," Tim explained, catching Jason's disbelief.

And -- yep. Yep, that made a whole lot more sense. Seriously, who thought pairing Peter and Steph together was remotely a good idea? Granted, they had excellent results -- most crooks turned right back around the moment word got out that Spider-Man and Spoiler were on the hunt together -- but Gotham was just as likely to end up embroiled in chaos as it was a resolution with those two in cahoots.

"So they came across Wild Child turning an ATM into a cow. " Dick grimaced. "Engaged before they could take a knife to it."

"Cash cow. Seriously?"

"They took the name Wild Child. Do you expect any better?"

"If you're about to tell me that Peter and Steph got--"

"Jason!"

The high-pitched voice -- a child's voice -- stopped Jason in his tracks. He'd shoved the grappling gun away before he'd even located the origin of the speaker.

Alfred had emerged in the cave, carrying a tray of -- milk and cookies? Didn't matter. What mattered was the pair of tiny children -- what the fuck, when were kids allowed to be that small? -- skipping along beside him, as cool as you please despite the fuckass dinosaur and the giant coin and that stupid fucking jester card that by all rights should have stolen their attention.

A blonde and a brunette. The latter had big brown eyes and a grin that was far too familiar.

Jason turned on Dick with dread. The metal stairs thundered as the kids flew down. T-minus ten seconds.

"Tell me they fucking didn't," he begged.

Dick's grin was wincing. "They absolutely fucking did. Sorry?"

"Language," said Tim, smug enough Jason would have thrown hands then and there were it not for the children.

[suzukiblu]

WIP excerpt for Cheshire behind the cut; "think pink", a.k.a "Kon meets pink kryptonite and decides to fuck Tim and his boyfriend about it". This man knows what he's about, friends; we can't judge him for that. (( chrono || non-chrono ))

“I’m going to go find more towels,” Tim says abruptly, then turns around without lifting his head and heads towards the bathroom. It is . . . not especially illuminating, Kon’s gonna go with? Yeah, no; definitely not all that illuminating. 

“Uh . . .” He looks after Tim, then glances back at Bernard, who’s very obviously barely repressing laughter. “Are there towels I am not aware of on this boat? I really don’t remember there being that many towels on this boat.” 

“There are not, no,” Bernard says. “At least not the last time I did laundry, anyway.” 

“You do each other’s laundry?” Kon asks, not really sure what he thinks about that. 

“Technically I’ve done your laundry now too, if you were actually wondering where your clothes are and count, you know, the sheets and everything else we fucked into filth,” Bernard says with a shrug and a dismissive wave of his hand. Kon thinks if Tim does not actually marry this dude, he is never gonna forgive him for fumbling this one. 

“That’s actually disgustingly domestic of you, man,” he says. Bernard grins at him again, then reaches up and pinches one of his cheeks. 

“Look, if you’re gonna be busy being fucking adorable all weekend, I gotta channel my cuteness aggression somewhere,” he counters reasonably. “So like my options were domestic chores or fucking you awake and that one seemed rude since we didn’t talk about that kind of thing when we did our quickie negotiations.” 

Kon briefly considers the idea of waking up feeling either Bernard or Tim already inside him and then wonders exactly how cold Tim’s shower gets. Probably not cold enough to let him have a normal response to that idea, yeah. 

Goddamn invulnerability. 

“I mean, like–I wouldn’t have complained,” he says, trying to at least sound normal about it. 

He kinda does not sound normal about it, yeah. 

“Right, well, that’s a core memory now,” Bernard mutters under his breath. “Good to know.” 

Kon laughs, feeling his face flush redder again. Just . . . goddamn, that’s flattering. Like–Bernard says a lot of flattering shit, is all. And Kon’s used to joking around with people a lot, even while he’s flirting them up, but usually the people he’s joking around with aren’t using the opportunity the way Bernard’s been. Like–usually it’s like the teasing and ribbing and roasting kind of joking, but Bernard’s been being, like . . . 

Flattering, again. 

Being–complimentary, basically. 

It’s kinda weird, getting talked up like that. Joking and flirting, yeah, but also like . . . he doesn’t know. Pink kryptonite-themed supervillainy and club jackets and jokey future fantasies and custom sex toys and . . . 

Bernard really does keep doing that, doesn’t he. Like–getting teased by Bernard’s been the literal opposite of getting roasted, really. 

So just . . . flattering, yeah. 

Tim does, in fact, come back with more towels, which Kon is not convinced he didn’t steal from a neighbor via Bat-drone or something just to have an excuse to cover for whatever that whole “ngh” thing a minute ago was over. Like, that would just be a very “Tim” kind of solution to that kind of thing, is all. 

“Where did those even come from, babe?” Bernard asks, wrinkling his nose. “Are those even yours?” 

“Yes,” Tim says with literally zero tells or signs of lying. 

So like, he’s definitely lying, yeah. 

“Uh-huh,” Kon says, raising his eyebrows at him. Tim continues to show absolutely zero sign of lying or any hint of guilt or shame or hesitation. 

“Shower’s ready,” he says. 

“Did you buy those?” Bernard asks incredulously. “I–how, babe?!” 

“God, you’re such a fucking weirdo, Rob,” Kon says, and really cannot keep himself from sounding like a fond fucking dumbass about it. The fact he can think of like six different ways Tim would buy some weird random thing he needed for whatever weird random purpose just off the top of his head does not make him feel any less like a fond fucking dumbass, though. 

This absolute friggin’ nerd, for frick’s sake. 

“I have no idea what either of you are talking about,” Tim says. “Which of you wants first shower?” 

Kon glances reflexively towards Bernard, who just shrugs. 

“Up to you, buddy, you’re the guest here,” he says. 

“Uh,” Kon says, and then has the very weird experience that is not actually being able to decide if he wants something as basic as the first shower or not. Like–not even in the sense of feeling like he needs to pick “right” or whatever, just . . . like, there’s kinda just . . . 

Like it’s just–not working, is all. Which, like . . . what the fuck? 

Kon tries to make his stupid useless brain work, or at least make his stupid mouth say–something, even just “sure” or “whatever’s good” or “naw, you pick” or even fucking “rock paper scissors you for it?” or  . . . just, like–just anything, at this point. 

And Tim . . . tilts his head a little. 

“Mm,” he says, his eyes tracking something across Kon’s face that makes Kon immediately regret having a face and also makes him immediately want to stick said face in Tim’s face. “We really have been scening a lot, haven’t we.” 

“Uh . . . kinda, I guess,” Kon says, still feeling–weird, kind of. Just . . . like the thoughts just won’t connect, or like he’s forgotten how to just . . . how to . . . 

He doesn’t know. Just–like he’s forgotten something, kinda. 

Which, yeah, forgetting something is totally a thing that Kon is cool and good and fine with doing and feeling and not at all freaked-out by or–

“Why don’t we let Bernard go first, then,” Tim says less like a question and more like an order, and that whole stupid useless brain that’s been refusing to work in Kon’s head just immediately rolls over and goes belly-up and bares its throat and wants Tim to pet it, ideally with Robin’s gloves on. So that’s, like, a thing. 

And it’s specifically a thing that really clears out Kon’s stupid useless thoughts, because it immediately feels like every single smoldering ember of anxiety and uncertainty and weird stupid senseless bullshit just waiting to flare up somewhere in there just went out all at once, easy as blowing out a candle. 

Yeah. That’s really a fucking thing. 

[on-the-clear-blue]

Dead Man's Diner pt5

Danny groggily propped himself up as he heard the loud bang of his door being thrown open

"DANIEL VLADIMIR FENTON!"

Blinking a few times to get the sleep out of his eyes, Danny glared at Tucker, "Middle name? Really?" He hated it, so very much, hated that he thought it was cool when he was a kid, and hated it so much more after the portal incident, it wasn't enough for his parents to have Vlad be his godfather, Danny's middle name had to be that fruitloops as well.

Damn his parents for being such caring friends.

Tucker met Danny's glare as he crossed his arms in the doorway into Danny's room

He would cut an intimidating figure if Danny didn't know him, suit and tie perfectly pressed with a PDA held in one hand.

"I know you said that you got the Bats at the diner place thingy you are working at now last night, but did you have to call them out? Red Robin and Oracle have been trying to track you for the last 5 hours, I have had to summon Technus in the WE employee bathrooms! Thank God Mr Wayne included baby changing stations in each stall or I would have had to carve a sigil into the fucking wall! And I think *he* bricked the Batcomputor!" Tucker screeched as he paced the clear area of Danny's messy room

Scrubbing at his eyes, Danny sat up fully, more awake than he was a minute ago, "S-sorry? Didn't really think about them being sore bitches about it, I tagged them like once and set it online, they probably get hundreds of tags an hour. How was is supposed to know that they would read it?"

Tucker snarled, holding out his PDA for Danny to see "Not just Nightwing and Red Robin, half the God damn Young Justice team, The Titans are all over Nightwing, and all the rest of the bats are laughing their asses off! Look!"

<@Superboy_(the_hot_one)

[@not-that-red-robin.real wow Rob, if I knew u were broke I would have have asked Lexie to give u some cash]

<@Beep-Beep!_(official-Impluse)

[ @not-that-red-robin.real that's not very lit fam Gucci of u RR not very rizztastic and definitely isn't skibidi

@living-legend(Yes_that_wondergirl)

<@not-that-red-robin.real for fucking shame Red Themyscira has laws for bitches like you comere I am gonna cut off your thumbs.

Letting out a laugh, Danny was grinning as he scrolled through to Nightwings part.

<@theonetrueblueborg

[@.realwing: it's giving "my daddys rich and will take the bill" wing]

<@veggiemonster

[@.realwing: bro

:BRO

:Broooooooooooo]

<@Goth (Taylor's version)

[@.realwing: shame.]

Danny was full on laughing now, ad from what he could see through tears, so was Tucker, standing up with a weaze, "O-oh my Ancients....ugh t-that is just great"

Letting out a few more chuckles, Danny handded the PDA over to his friend, "I am sorry about getting the Bats aware of me, but I am not sorry for calling them toxic thinks."

Tucker sighed, running his forehead but still had a smile on his face, "You do know #NightwingsAssIsCancelled is trending right now?"

Danny couldn't hold back the cackle that shot through him at that.

---

Tim held his head in his hands, above him was his laptop, cycling through rebooting and then crashing, it had been five minutes so far, and if the last cycle had told him anything it would be up to that for another five minutes.

Groaning, Tim dragged himself up, he hadn't slept much last night, spending most of it trying (and failing) to get any information on the employee of Big C's, Danny nolastname he could find.

That was part of the problem, anytime he got even a smidgen close, it was like someone bitchsmacked him away. Even Babs was having trouble, she got a single thing before getting locked out of her own systems with baby shark playing on loop through her speakers.

He didn't know what to feel, humiliated that he was being actively cock blocked for information or excited since this is the first time in a while something was so difficult! The bear fact that he was being blocked so hard meant that there was something to block with this kid!

Stumbling down to the dining room, Tim didnt spare the table of his family a glance until he had gotten the pre-made cup of coffee from Alfred, letting the bitter drink wake him fully.

Finally turning to the family at large, he saw Bruce doing his best impression of a stone statue (Normal Damian was openingly glaring at him (slightly less normal), Dick was face down in a bowl of cereal (vaugly normal) and Cass was giggling while putting clips and sparkling things into Dicks hair (okay back to normal again)

Sitting in his spot across from Damian, Tim sighed, which seemed to be enough for Damian to go off on him.

"Are we paupers Drake? Has the CEO position at WE pay so little? And what of your own company? I was unaware that Drake Industries has fallen on such hard times!" Damians words rolled out like a lazy river, smooth and uncaringly cold.

"Oh my God, I am already planning on going back tonight and settling the fucking tab Dami, lay off it." Getting the expected "language" statement from both Bruce and Alfred, Tim drained his coffee cup, not so slamming it down but close to it before Damian could respond.

Eyes shooting to Bruce he huffed, "Meeting. Vlad Masters. One ish hours away."

Bruce's eyes shot to Alfred who only raised a brow at the two and Bruce stiffened "We can speak later in my Study Tim, eat something other than coffee and we can go do that." Getting a nod from Alfred, Bruce seemed to deflate with a sigh.

Grumbling, Tim picked at the plate of food Alfred placed in front of him, before forcing himself to eat, he would need energy more than coffee.

After managing to finish half his plate, Tim stood, "Come on, I need yo clue you in to somethings I was researching last night B..."

---

Bruce stayed silent as he sat down in his office, a tablet on his lap as he went through the test results once again.

"...are you saying me and Dick had Lazarus water laden food last night?" Tim said with frigid calmness

Biting back the urge to clam up and try and keep his son from worrying, Bruce nodded, "Trace amounts yes, I am unsure of its origins, the samples I was able to pull were much more pure than we are used to. How are you feeling?"

He watched as Tim held his face in his hands, massaging his temples before speaking, "Fine really? A little tired, appetite isn't there but that's normal...been feeling a strange sensation in my side but that is just likely phantom pain."

Noting everything down, Bruce nodded slowly, "Dick mentioned that he was still full feeling after a night's sleep and that some old wounds were feeling strange, I can only assume you are feeling your splenectomy scar?"

Sighing at Tim's agreement, Bruce noted a few more things down, making holding the last line to ask Damian if he had any knowledge on eating food effected by the pits, and another one not to tell Jason about this all in case it triggers something in him

"Putting that aside, B, what about Masters? Vladco makes medical stuff right? Shady business practices?" Bruce gave a grunt, switching the tabs on his pad to show him thr information on Vladimir Masters.

"Age 48, male, standing 6'1, weighs about 180, doctorate in theoretical quantum mechanics, had a lab incident preparing for a theise that left him hospitalized for some time, after he recovered and graduated is when his suspected criminal activities began, since then he has had several business owners simply sign their lively hoods to him...I suspect he is Meta with some sort of mind control abilities, the lab accident would make sense in awakening his Mets gene."

Bruce spoke as he handed the tablet over to Tim, "He sponsors several scientists with various types of study, two that stick out are Doctors Fenton and CADMUS."

Tim pulled a face as he followed along through the tabs of research "CADMUS? Really? So we are looking at some Midwestern millionaire that is totally not a supervillian in the making...what's up with the Fentons?" Handing the tablet back Tim flopped down into the chair opposite to Bruce.

"I am trying to figure that out, so far I know they went to school with Masters, and were there with him during the lab accident, the continual funding Masters is giving them makes me suspect they are just as involved in what ever Masters is to to..." Bruce was going to continue when there was a knock on the study door, and Alfred poked his head in.

"If you wish to be on time to your meeting, I would suggest Master Timothy get dressed now so you both might be in the car while I drive it to Wanye Towers."

Bruce frowned, but nodded, giving time a small smirk as the teen begins to realize he is just in a winkled t shirt that Bruce was 95% sure was Conners, and a pair of shorts that Bruce was very sure were Barts.

[sophiethewitch1]

What We Want - Chpt. 7 - Black N' White Knight

In Which A Romantic Breaks The Universe

(Yandere!batboys x f!reader) 18+ MDNI!

SUMMARY

Another lonely birthday, another empty year. You miss your family. You're late for your bills and rent, and even then, you got robbed last Tuesday.

Still, you buy yourself a cupcake, because you need it. I mean, hey. What's dessert for if not to get over cheating boyfriends and dead relatives?

As you blow out the candle, watching the clock switch from 11:59 pm to midnight of the next day, you make a wish.

And because the world doesn't like to make much sense, it comes true. Your life is suddenly flipped on a dime, and you're stuck trying to catch up with it. Fantasy becomes reality. You're a Wayne now, apparently. Or you used to be. You're loved, you're rich, you're talented and powerful.

Well, sort of. Careful what you wish for, right?

(TRIGGER WARNINGS AND MASTERLIST HERE)

PREV - NEXT

“I can’t believe that just happened,” Dick tells Tim, hand carting through his hair. The two of them are in the kitchen, at the breakfast bar. Tim sitting in front of his laptop with his legs crossed, and Dick tapping one foot agitatedly against the marble floor. While Tim might not be grinning ear to ear, it’s pretty obvious for anyone who knows him that he’s delighted by the tale Dick just regaled to him.

And what a tale it was. He hasn’t seen you in a year and a half, and then when he does, he finds you teary eyed staring at a picture of him shirtless at the gym. Bruce had always told him the way he played with the paparazzi would come to bite him in the ass one day, but he really can’t say he expected… that.

Obviously, it had to be a prank. That’s his first thought. That���s his only thought, really. What other explanation could there be? An accident? Maybe you’d forgotten what his room looked like. It wasn’t like he kept much personal stuff in his Wayne manor room, the only markers his clothes and the letters he kept in his drawer from his parents.

And you were wearing his clothes, of all things. He’d be surprised if you forgot how much of a Superman fanboy he was, seeing as he’d spent many hours ranting to you before the explosion. So, a prank. A show of good will, an olive branch maybe? It was more likely you were just fucking with his head, as you’d done in the past. Never like this, though.

This was just… bizarre.

“I can’t either,” and of course, Tim sounds near estatic saying that. The love of chaos ran true in that one.

Dick had managed to wrangle his life under control a few years back, and despite the universe seeming to try to unravel it at the seams, he was indisposed to let it simply happen. Even if you of all people had changed. No, Dick was getting older, and he was finding his taste for chaos a lot more… limited.

He didn’t want to suffer it’s affects. He was currently suffering it’s affects.

“I knew something was going on when she showed up to the party, but this…” Tim pauses, leaning back in his chair, “It’s gotta be a prank, right?”

It said a lot about their family that this was all the assumption they defaulted to.

“It could be something else. Did you even take her to the hospital after?” Dick offers instead, overthinking as always. This situation seemed to be made for overthinking, though.

Tim hums. “No, we did not.”

Then he turns his stare to Dick, like he’s expecting something from him.

“Seriously?”

“What? You’re the friendly one.”

Dick very much did his best to seem like the friendly one, at least. Tim was well aware it was a complete farce, though. Dick was nice but he could also be a bit… well… a bit of a dick. Another thing he’d been trying to overcome. He was doing better than when he’d been seven, at least.

Dick sighs, pressing his hand to his forehead, “I’d probably just end up accidentally nagging her, and then she’d never speak to me again.”

“That’s not my problem,” Tim shrugs, glancing back down at his laptop and squinting.

“It is, actually. Because if she stopped talking to me you’d probably be the next one till the girls and Duke came home who has to talk to her.”

“She could talk to Jay,” Tim offers, because he’s a shithead. Dick bets he did the same with Bruce, “And besides, I’m busy doing surveillance.”

“You mean stalking.”

“I do it to everybody, stop making such a big deal out of it.”

Dick sighs again.

“Hm, you might want to check your phone,” Tim says, in a way that suggests he has once again tapped the network. Keeping him out of Dick’s private life was like Sisyphus and his boulder. He still wasn't going to give up, and the time Tim and Steph mercilessly bullied him for getting dumped over text had made him all the more so.

‘Dont_try’: hey. can you come pick me up? thx

“Please, tell me you sent that and are just messing with me,” Dick begs, staring down at his phone in mild despair. Chaos. Always fucking chaos. Despite how hard he tried, he could not keep his family out of trouble. God damn it, when he’d gotten this job he’d been the one made for trouble. Where did he go wrong?

“Honestly, sounds like the sort of thing I’d do, but the girl just got bitch slapped so I really think you should respond fast.”

“What?!”

“She’s fine now, run to the bathrooms I think. You know for such an upstate place you’d think they had better camera positioning,” Tim mutters, complaining that he can’t watch every single little movement you make. Dick thinks he should probably worry about this, as it’s a clear sign of another decline for his sanity, but he’s now got this shit to deal with.

“Why, Tim? What is going on? Just tell me what’s going on.”

“Hm?” he’s engrossed by the computer, ���Ah, the shitty boyfriend… some soup- ha, how is she such a clutz? Maybe we should get her head checked again- and… an altercation of some kind? I don’t know, I can’t see it properly.”

Dick leans forward in his stool, clasped hands covering his face for a moment.

“Are you going to reply? If you don’t soon, she’ll probably make it a bigger shitshow,” Tim says, nudging his foot against Dick’s. Dick, good big brother that he is, takes a deep breath and steadies himself. Even if this is really not what he wanted for his holiday, he’s dealt with much, much worse.

The press will have forgotten about this within the week. You, however, likely not. He’d promised to help you all those years ago, and even if he had no idea why you were reaching out to him, or if you would even be amicable when you met again, he’d still damn well do it.

He glances back down at his phone.

“What is going on?” Dick repeats to himself, and Tim’s head cocks to the side. There’s that familiar cat that got the cream grin spreading across his younger brother’s face, and it just really isn’t welcome right now.

“Intrigued yet?”

Unfortunately for both him, Tim and especially you, Dick already was.

He’s in his car in five minutes flat, finger tapping against the premium leather wheel. The sound of it is the only thing that manages to keep him sane.

Riding up to the place, Dick realises that no, maybe the press won’t be over this within the week. Considering the amount of paparazzi swarming the place, he doubted you’d be free for at least a few months. To be fair, the mysterious ex-wayne making such a scene was a bit of a big deal. Before you’d been basically invisible, despite your immense wealth and past.

Invisible? Dick thinks he spots at least twenty cameras. And that’s not even mentioning all the phones inside that would’ve gotten up close videos of whatever happened. Their legal team would handle it fine, that which Barbara or Tim couldn’t wipe from the face of the earth. And that was very little, all things considered.

Dick has to push past the calls of his name, ignoring all the intrusive questions volleyed his way like the pro he was. He still makes sure to listen carefully and store away every vital bit of information, as well as remember the logos on the film crew’s van. Eventually he makes his way to the front of the line, and the flustered front of house immediately recognises his face and sweeps him inside. Dick ducks in with a thankful smile, which he admits, falters when he enters the scene.

A scene which you are not in. Your gold digging boyfriend was, though. Of all the things Dick regrets with you, it’s not breaking the horrid relationship the two of you had apart. Or well, the fact that you totally, loudly hated his guts. He was a sensitive guy, y’know!

He sees your terribly boyfriend - George, Dick remembers - raging at some poor servers, and he knows he need to go sweep in and save the pour soul. It’ll be a hard fight, he can already tell.

Before he does so, he sends a quick text to his phone.

Underwear_guy: Where are you?

Don’t_try: I’ll be right out.

Shockingly, that was the truth. You come striding into the restaurant, and immediately all eyes are on you. It makes you stutter-step. Dick can see you visibly stiffen up, before you manage to gather your courage and keep walking. You don’t even pay him a single glance as you walk straight towards your fuming boyfriend.

You try to whisper, keeping your voice quiet and your conversation private. The boyfriend seems uninterested in the idea.

“What the fuck are you thinking?!” he cuts you off.

You glance around, and then say something else. It seems like you’re trying to defuse the situation, but George seems uninterested by the idea. 

“This behaviour is ridiculous. You need to get it together, we’re in public!” he yells, like he isn’t the one causing a scene. He seems to be trying to intimidate you back into silence. But today and well, yesterday too, something is different about you.

Okay, that’s enough of that. Dick’s intervening.

“You cheated on me! You deserve it and everything that’s coming to you!”

Or, uh, maybe you’ve got it covered.

-

George’s shocked face is almost worse than when you literally bit him. Guess he expected you to be a bit more demure after that encounter. He should know better, the other version of you seemed to have been even more spiteful in nature.

Today again, you prove you are a less than stellar person. You’d stopped caring about George as soon as you’d discovered he’d cheated, but you were still angry. Not jealous, but furious. Bubbling up your throat, rage and bile and the urge to attack him once again, even if you just want to go home.

Your teeth grind. Your jaw ticks. And oddly, you realise you have a real taste for George Lancaster’s limbs.

Though your life had changed (literally) in the past few days, you were still the same girl from your first twenty-first. You wanted George Lancaster to suffer. Even more so, now that the evil cunt had hit you right in the face. The hit had stunned you, though. More emotionally than physically, but it had shocked you.

You couldn’t say you were a coward. You’d spent far too many days in your teenage years indulging in self-destructive behaviours to think that. But something about this pathetic man was scaring the shit out of you. You think that made you more pathetic, but you couldn’t quite tell. That’d be victim blaming, right?

You did have a habit of blaming yourself. It was just usually your fault.

…Maybe you shouldn’t have bit him, no matter how much the response was instinctual or his screech was satisfying. This was all too confusing, all too much. You needed to get back to your apartment, lock the doors and barricade them so nobody bothers you. And then maybe hibernate for a week. You needed some time to process all the stupid bullshit you were experiencing. The wayne manor was too much, your horrible white apartment was too much, George fucking Lancaster was too fucking god damn much.

You take a deep breath, and manage to stop yourself from bolting like a deer. Deal with the problem at hand. Deal with it now, deal with it!

“I’m leaving, and we are done. It’s that simple,” you tell George, trying to drill in a message that he seems unable to comprehend. At this point you’d assume he’d be trying to apologise, manipulate back into his good graces, but you think you might’ve completely broke him. Broke the script.

Good. That was damn well good.

“Can we talk about this somewhere else at least?” George replies, eyes flicking to Richard Grayson’s angry gaze. At least you think he’s angry. You can’t quite gather the courage to look directly at him.

Also, there’s the manipulation! You wish you weren’t right this time.

“Sure, but I’m bringing him, and my answer will absolutely not change. You hit me.”

“You bit me!”

Well, yeah, not your best moment. You don’t think you can regret it, though.

“Then I think this relationship is ending on equal terms,” you reply, trying your best to just get him to quit it. It is obviously not working by the way his expression darkens.

“I’ll tell the press everything,” George threatens, which, well, is sort of a shitty threat because I don’t even know what he’s threatening. ‘Everything’? Couldn’t he be a bit more specific?

You shrug. It is the wrong response, you know it is, but you’ve completely ran dry of fucks to give. Couldn’t be much worse than the bullshit happening right now. The press were already very well fed, considering the situation that was today. George makes a small sound of fury.

“We’ll sue,” Richard Grayson, the white knight that you’d daydreamed about, comes to your rescue. Is it odd that it’s kind of flustering? You probably shouldn’t be flustered.

George immediately snaps his gaze to Grayson’s, giving the man a look with a healthy dose of fear. Couldn’t blame the guy. Even if he was the second smallest of the three remaining brothers, he was still well known for being strong. His family often did kick-boxing, and their sister, Cass, often whooped their asses. It was sort of satisfying to watch. Anyway, his physical prowess from fighting to weirdo gymnastic bullshit was evident in his svelte build.

George was many things, but he wasn’t an idiot. With just the one threat from the Waynes legal team, he skitters away like the little rat you know him to be. He leaves the restaurant, and he very obviously does not pay or even leave a tip. You suppose you have the cash to make up for it. Then, ignoring the paparazzi, you were technically home free. You glance to the side. Richard Grayson’s beautiful face looks a mix of confuddled, frustrated, and exhausted. He still saved you, though, even after the fool you made of yourself.

White knight, indeed. It almost feels a bit anticlimactic, but it’s the results you wanted. And yet, an ominous feeling befalls you. Somehow, you don’t feel you’ve seen the last of George Lancaster. You just really hope the old you hadn’t committed any crimes. A tabloid? Humiliating, but livable. Prison? Not so much.

Not that the rich stayed in prison in Gotham, or even the rest of the world. It was kind of strange to realise you were sort of above the law now.

You glance at Dick, pulling your uncomfortably wet shirt away from your chest. You’ve sort of been bled dry of any shits you could give at this point, so you decide, very maturely, to make jokes and ignore all your problems. It had gotten you this far.

You’d seen this behaviour before. Many, many times. It was what usually got you fired. But now you didn’t really have to worry about that, so why should you worry about causing a scene and ruining your life a bit more? It wasn’t yours, after all.

“What do you think?” you joke, elbowing Dick. He looks down from glaring at the entrance George just slipped out of, to you. His blue eyes are a damn near shock to the soul. It takes everything in you not to start fidgeting.

“Think of what?” he responds, and despite how hard you try, you can not read his expression.

“I’m trying to make some more news. Don’t think the reporters got enough the other day,” you say, gesturing to the giant stain. It’s still Dick’s shirt. You hadn’t realised till now, but the Beatles was now some sort of green soup. Is it kind of gross of you to acknowledge that at least the soup smelled good?

Probably. You didn’t actually get to eat anything here. It’s also probably a bit weird that you’re thinking about eating at a time like this. Probably.

“I think you’ve done enough, honestly,” he says, glancing at the camera flashes from outside.

He sounds exactly like your mother, it’s almost uncanny. Well, this version of him technically knew her. You’re still not sure how well en-meshed your two families had been before the disaster, but maybe he’d picked up some traits from her.

…That… you’re not sure how to feel about the idea. The old green monster bubbles up at the thought, and you can’t tell if you’re jealous your mum got to meet Dick Grayson, or that Dick Grayson might’ve gotten to know your mum.

“We should leave,” he says, cutting off your bitter inner thoughts, “I know you don’t like it when the magazines bother you.”

You don’t? You don’t. Yes, that makes sense, ‘you’ definitely wouldn’t have. And it’s not like you feel comfortable with them either. In fact, if you think about the fact your drowned rat appearance will be on every tabloid in the city by tomorrow, probably alongside photos from your birthday, you feel so nauseous you could collapse. Going to compartmentalise that one.

“Yes, going, let’s go,” you say, following Dick out of the restaurant.

Despite the fact that the security guards are trying their best, it’s getting quite rowdy out here. When Dick wraps an arm around your shoulder, shielding you with his body, you almost just pass out right there. His muscles… Your heart simply can’t take it. As it is, Dick notices you jump like a foot in the air, and backs off. He still makes sure to try and protect you from their vision as much as possible.

Still, in an act that is purely rebellious, you turn and give them a big smile and a wave. Even as you hate every single person on the other side of the divide, you want to make one thing very clear. You will not be cowed by someone like George fucking Lancaster. Your peace sign and wink are a message to them, to him, and to yourself.

Despite the fact that this new life is one you have no idea how to handle, you know one thing. Put on a face, and it’ll always be easier.

Dick is probably wondering what the hell happened to you for you to be acting this way. Your shirt has a giant stain on it, you just broke up with your cheating boyfriend, went through a traumatising experience just a few days ago, and you’ve got the biggest grin on your face. This behaviour speaks more and more of a full blown mental breakdown. And it’s not the first you’ve had or the last.

There’s paparazzi snapping thousands of photos of the two of you, and instead of shying away as ‘you’ used to, you throw up a peace sign. One of the papps drops their camera. That confuses you a bit, as your peace sign deflates slightly. Didn’t they want more pictures? Weren’t you supposed to pose…?

For all you stalked celebrities online, you realise you have no idea how to pretend to be one. This is going to become an issue, you can already tell.

He points at a car, and you assume it’s his because he starts making his way over. He’s obviously done this sort of thing before, using and guiding the security with a smooth confidence. Even still, the two of you are a bit too close for comfort.

Which you prove, by putting your foot directly in your mouth.

“I don’t have abs, but do you think the press would like my stomach like they like yours?” you say, and almost immediately regret it. Another poor joke. You are deflecting so hard. And why the hell did you bring that up, you dunce? You feel your brain cells draining the more you’re around this guy, it’s not healthy for you.

“Please don’t pull your shirt up in public,” Dick sounds like he’s about to have a mental breakdown. It’s spreading, like the plague. You’re patient zero, of course. Even still he gets you guys to the car, and opens the side door for you. You follow his wordless command and slip into the passenger seat.

“I won’t. Sorry, sorry,” you reply, to relieve him of some of the trauma you’re currently inflicting.

He glances back to the papps, and then back down at you. His smile bowls you over like he’s getting the last strike in a fucking 300. He genuinely is the most beautiful human being you’ve ever seen. Thankfully, he closes the door so you have a moment to gather your sanity before he goes around the car and gets in the driver’s seat.

You hope you’re subtle when you shift away from him slightly. It shouldn’t be that surprising really. You were stupid on average. You would be stupider around attractive people. You would be frankly disastrous around someone as blastingly hot as Dick Grayson. The Waynes in general turned you into a drooling idiot.

Good god, you need to get out of this car. As soon as you think that, Dick is pulling away from the parking spot and out onto the streets. He makes slow progress because Gotham traffic, but eventually you manage to flee the horrifying stares of the cameras. Already you can tell it’ll be giving you nightmares. Probably along with images of the guy who tried to rape you and Damian Wayne sneering at you.

“So, how are you feeling?”

Despite how you wish it not, Mr. Grayson decides he’s going to start a conversation with you.

“Good,” you reply, the answer instinctive and an obvious lie.

You can feel his gaze on the side of your face, but you don’t dare return it.

“That’s good to hear,” he says, and his voice is gentle. Sort of infantilising if you’ll be honest.

While it is very clear to anyone who looks at you that you have no idea what you’re doing, you’d rather he didn’t bring it up. You’ll figure it out. You’ve always managed to figure it out. This is what you get for asking for help. Really, despite your momentary panic you could’ve taken George. Probably not physically, but…

“You can talk to me if you want, you know?”

“Can you stop the car, please?” you respond, when that question immediately activates your fight or flight response. Dick must notice something about you, because he quickly shoots forward and into a momentarily available parking spot.

You scramble with the door, shoving your way back out onto the asphalt. The immediate distinct smell of Gotham, even Gotham’s richer districts, calms you down. Sewage, the ocean, and the ever present smoke and fog.

Fuck’s sake. You aren’t making yourself look anymore well put together.

Clearing your throat, you turn and find Richard Grayson coming around the car hood towards you. There’s a worried look in his eyes, and you really don’t know how to deal with it. It’s like you made a deal with the devil. By getting rid of George, you’d gotten a new problem - and an infinitely more complicated one.

Shit, you need to stop making rash decisions when you’re having panic attacks. You’d say you should probably try and stop having panic attacks entirely, but you don’t really know how to do that.

The sound of your name has you snapping back to attention. Dick looks even more worried.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” he asks, taking a few slow steps towards you. Again, infantilizing. Like you’re a wild animal about to run. Wait, weren’t you just comparing yourself to a chihuahua? Well, it’s not the same when other people do it.

“I’d like to take a walk,” you say, hand scrunching into your pyjama pants, “Alone, I’d like some time alone.”

“…In that?” He glances down at the stain that is slowly starting to dry. It’s making your skin itchy, but at least it’s not as cold.

“I can buy something,” you say, remembering one of the apps on your phone was connected to your bank account, which you had to assume was pretty full. It’s kind of stupid that you haven’t checked that yet.

You’re starting to feel a bit defensive towards your own intelligence. Maybe it’s because you seemingly keep making all the worst decisions.

Dick doesn’t make it any better.

“Do you have cash on you?” he asks, showing how little faith he has in your general abilities to survive as an adult in Gotham.

“I do, I’ll be fine,” you insist, because god damn it, you will be. You just need a fucking minute.

You ran from the Wayne manor because you felt like you were being watched, and then as soon as you showed up at the world’s most uncomfortable apartment, the haunting wraith known as George dragged you out in your P.J.s. You could figure it the fuck out, if these people would give you some fucking space.

Richard Grayson seems to realise that you’re getting upset, because he goes quiet for a moment. After staring at you for a moment longer, for which you manage to find the courage to maintain eye contact through pure stubborn will, he asks you one final question.

“Are you sure you don’t want a ride home or something?” he asks, still seeming so determined to help you.

His suggestion brings flashes of images of you breaking down in front of the Bruce Wayne to mind. From almost a birds eye view, you see yourself sobbing against your own ruined dress as the billionaire looked on. Bile literally jumps up your throat, and it takes a lot of willpower not to grimace at the suggestion.

“Look, Mr. Grayson, I really appreciate-”

“That’s the second time you’ve called me that.”

Once again, you feel the urge to simply sprint away from your own problems, but you manage to hold yourself still. Still, you can’t think of a solution. You can’t really think much of anything. Instead you stare at Richard Grayson with your hands threaded together and your lips pressed into a thin line.

Though you open your mouth to speak, you find you have no excuses ready or available. You’ve talked yourself into a corner already, and it’s your third day in this world. Marvellous. Maybe you should just tell the truth.

Still, the dangers outweigh the pros. They don’t know you, they don’t have any real reason to take care of you. If they believe you, they’ll toss you out onto the streets penniless. And if they don’t-

You blink. There’s a highway sign behind Dick, and it catches your attention like a lightning bolt. ‘Arkham Asylum 800 miles’. It’s white blocky letters on green panelling feels like a sign from god, warning you from the path you consider taking.

And then you realise that you might actually get sent to Arkham if you say anything, and you resolve to never tell a single soul about what has happened to you. You’ve heard enough stories about the asylum, and by god, you are not being roommates with the fucking Joker of all people.

Eventually Dick realises he’s not getting anything out of you and he sighs, shaking his head. His annoyingly perfect hair mesmerises you for a second, but you manage to wrangle your brain back under control. He really doesn’t make it easy.

“I just want to know if you’re safe. If you’re going through anything, you know we’re always happy to help-”

“Dick,” you say his name, face twisting in discomfort, “This was a… a one time thing. Usually I can handle my problems. It just… it caught me off guard. George cheating was a huge shock, and I needed someone to stand by me.”

“And you know I always will, right?”

Ah. That’s… Dick Grayson was a stranger. You didn’t know him, and more than that he did not know you. He did not know what you would do, could do. You didn’t think anyone did, not even yourself.

It’s a silly idea to expect your celebrity crush to save you, and it’s one you find you can’t stomach it at the moment. It makes you feel disgusted with yourself at the idea. It’s too indulgent, too silly. It’s very simply, not possible.

You’ve given up on relying on miracles. These lessons had been beaten into you, really. You didn’t want to have to learn them again.

Your feelings must show on your face.

Dick lets out a whoosh of air, frustration palpable. He carts his hand through his hair. It still looks perfect. The world is unfair, yadda yadda.

“You run hot and cold, you know?” he gives you a grin. It says a lot about his ability to act, seeing as it seems almost natural. Almost, being the key word.

Also, he is absolutely correct. The chihuahua effect is in full-swing. And you know what? You are probably going to continue to run hot and cold, because you’ve never made a decision in your life. He’ll just have to get used to it.

You raise your hands and shrug, in the universal ‘what-can-you-do?’ motion. He wasn’t wrong. You were being completely erratic. Not even you knew what you’d do next. At least life isn’t boring these days, right Right? You wonder who you are trying to fool, because it’s certainly not yourself.

“I’ll contact you if I need anything,” you lie, because it seems to be the right thing to end this torturous conversation, “And I’ll make sure to keep contact with Alfred. You can talk to Jeanine if you need anything, as well.”

Dick, unfortunately, calls you out on your bullshit.

“But not you, right?” he says, smile still printed on his face.

Woof. You think… you’ve hurt his feelings? Ah shit, you instantly feel like the scum of the earth. Still, you don’t know how you could fix this. Arkham is a genuine threat lingering over your shoulder, you don’t know enough about your new cut-throat billionaire world, and you can not lose any faith they have in you. Any that you have left, that is.

You’re sorry, but this is coming down to survival. And you are a greedy person, after all.

In the end, you don’t have anything to say, and Richard Grayson leaves without a word. Watching him walk towards his car, you feel… bad. Really bad. The part of you that is still crushing on this guy, a very large part of you, feels like you’ve ended the earth. The other part, the one that recognises that once again you’re going to have to fight for yourself… well, she thinks so too.

Maybe… maybe you could fix this. Apologise. Once you’ve gotten your bearings and know you’re safe and 100% financially stable, maybe you’ll figure it out. Give him his shirt back after you’ve dry-cleaned it.

For now, you give him your back as well.

MASTERLIST - NEXT

[wondersinwaynemanor]

i think there's an act for thinking that the batkids lie, making up stories all because Dick told the Teen Titans when they were kids that Bruce Wayne is Batman. so when they tell the truth, the others think they are straight up lying.

Dick: Little Wing is back! He's Red Hood.

Donna: Here we go again.

Gar: Nice one, Dick. But nah.

Wally, pouts and hugs him: Hey, I know you miss your brother. It's okay, Dick.

Dick returns the hug regardless.

Roy: Nah, cus Red Hood is built like a brick. By the way, I have to say it, he's hot as fuck.

Dick: Heyy, that's my brother you're talking about!

Donna: The last time we saw Jason, he was tiny and so adorable.

Raven: And he wasn't violent at all.

Dick, whines: I know but trust me, Red Hood is Jason.

Kory touches Dick's forehead to check if he has a fever after he hit his head during a mission.

---

Jason: I'm living with Roy and I'm going to adopt Lian.

Artemis: Really? The Big, Bad Red Hood?

Bizarro: You and Roy? You adopting little girl?

Kory shakes her head, patting Jason's head.

Jason: Why are you all looking at me like I'm making up bullshit?

Roy: We're getting married, live with it!

---

Tim: I'm missing my spleen.

Cassie: That's crap!

Bart: Ha, not funny, Rob. That's not crash.

Kon: Really? How come you're alive then?

Tim, rolls his eyes: Cus it's just my spleen.

Cassie, Bart and Kon look at each other and laugh.

Cassie: Reminds me of that time when you told us you're straight.

Kon: That was funnier though.

---

Cass: I killed.

Steph stops eating.

Babs stops typing on her computer.

Steph: We're waiting for the punch line, babe.

Cass: Not a joke.

Steph and Babs exchange looks, before shrugging and continuing their tasks.

Steph: I could kiss you right now, but I'll do it after I'm eating.

Cass rolls her eyes, but she's smiling.

---

Duke: I'm a meta.

Daxton: Whaaat?

Duke: You heard me.

Izzy: How come you never told me about this?

Riko: Cus he's obviously lying.

Izzy: Besides, doesn't Batman only have human kids or?

Duke: Doesn't mean me being a meta isn't true.

Daxton: Uh, anyways... Let's get some burgers!

Duke is getting ready to show his powers, when Izzy holds his hand and he just shuts up on cue.

---

Damian: I'm gonna call my dragon bat.

Jon: DRAGON BAT????

Damian: We need back up. And he's the best one.

Jon: Why didn't you tell me you have a dragon bat???

Damian tts.

Jon: Don't tell me you have a dragon rat too.

Damian: Do they exist is the question.

Jon: You're so funny, Dames.

Damian: I wasn't telling a joke, Jonathan.

[k0nanharv3y]

Alfred who came down after hearing so much noise: What's going on here, Mr. Bruce, Mr. Tim?

And Tim's face turned to Alfred like a rubber band. Bruce's face took a little longer, but he also looked at the old man in pain, seeking comfort or advice from his father

Alfred looked between Tim's heartbroken face and Bruce's wounded face: I don't know what's going on here, but I would advise you both to change and take your conversation upstairs

And Tim only saw red

Tim: This is- I'm so done!, I'm so fucking done, with you!

He pointed aggressively at Bruce

Tim: You!

Damian, who had stood on the sidelines and now seemed personally offended

Tim: And you! And everyone else in this fucking family!

Finally he pointed at Alfred even more aggressively

Alfred, shocked by the open display of hatred towards him, he felt his heart heavy: Mr. Tim- I-

For the first time in perhaps ever, Alfred hesitated

Damian: Hey! You have nothing to yell at Pennyworth for!

He defended

Tim: Shut up Damian, this isn't about you!

He silenced him and turned to both adults now

Tim: It's about you, and what you did to me

Both adults looked at each other and remained silent

Tim: You, you were an abuser and I didn't deserve that, any of this, I've always tried to please you, to live up to what you wanted! And you?! You left him, Alfred, and I wish I didn't hate you like Dick and Jason do, but all I see when I come into this house is an abuser and the person who let him! Don't play dumb, Alfred, you- You're just as bad as Bruce! And even if Bruce was the problem, you never made me feel welcome! Never-! I had to walk home a hundred times with bruised ribs, ribs that you bandaged up and then pretended didn't exist!

His throat was now raw and his voice had become cracked and squeaky. And both adults, when they saw Tim, didn't see the 17-year-old running a multi-million dollar company, they just saw the 12-year-old excited to be Robin and looking for any kind of validation they could give him

And this was what they gave him, a house where he didn't feel safe or welcome, a family he avoided like fire avoids water, thousands of reasons not to return and they robbed him of any kind of childhood he could've had

And the two adults remained silent, unable to deny or say anything, because they had nothing to say. Tim had said enough for them

Tim: You say you loved all the children in this mansion, but guess what, Alfred, I was once a child myself, and the only thing I ever got from here, never came from you. When I came here to become Robin, I thought... I thought I might get something like Jason and Dick got, too, but it seems the only thing I'll get from you is an inscription on my grave. What will you put this time, Alfred? "A good soldier," "A good son"?

Silence was his response

Tim: Fuck you all

He pulled off his cape and threw it on the ground

Tim: Fuck you all. I'm tired of this, tired of-! Of everyone wanting something from me! I quit

He ripped off his tool belt and threw it at Bruce

Tim: I quit your stupid last name, I quit your stupid company, I quit being Red Robin, I quit everything

When he had nothing left to tear off, he kicked things off the floor

Tim: I'm done! And if you ever- And if you ever care even a little, don't look for me! I don't want anything to do with this family, all of you-!

He looked at the people in the cave and seemed about to cry

Tim: I hope you-! Fuck you all, I never deserved this! Fuck you, I hope you all fuck off and-!

His voice broke and his crying intensified

Tim: I hope you die

His voice trailed off as he tried to wipe away the tears that kept running down his cheeks

Tim: I hope you suffer at least a fraction of what you did to me and...! And... And why can't I hate you...? Why can't I hate you...?

His voice sounded so tired

Tim: All I ever wanted was to be... to be enough, for you to love me... and I want to hate you but- but you're my father, and they're my brothers and... and I'm so tired, I want to go home, I want to feel safe and I want to hate you! Why can't hate you?!

He collapsed on the ground, like all his other things, like a pathetic spectacle of a pathetic child. He felt miserable in the eyes of the people who hurt him, he felt vulnerable and naked and... and he didn't care anymore, the weight he had been carrying for so long finally lifted from his shoulders and he felt satisfaction at the heartbroken look on Bruce's face and the pain on Alfred's face, and Tim simply didn't care about being on the ground anymore

He didn't care about anything anymore, just like he didn't matter

///

Part 1 Jumpscare!!!

That awkward conversation I had!!

///

And no one gets any comfort because god knows I don't know how to write about comfort, Tim deserved that breakdown and Bruce and Alfred deserved to have someone point out to their faces that they were, in fact, abusive and ruined a child's life

I would do this with Dick, Jason, Damian and Barb too, but I haven't read many comics about them, fanfics? sure, but I don't know how much of it is canon and what their real personalities are

Bruce ruined his children's futures, but canonically he also saved them. Dick was saved from becoming GraySon, Jason was rescued from the streets, Damian was saved from the League of Assassins, and Barb... Barb made choices

But Dick was also condemned to the superhero life and all the harm that entails, Jason was condemned to die, Damian went from an abusive mother to a neglectful father, and Barb... well, she's now permanently in a wheelchair

There's just too much to unpack there!!!! And my psychology books are begging to be opened again, but Tim is my favorite and that means everything I think of will be about or referring to him

[tartarusknight]

I want more platonic stobin and bisexualy disaster Steve and gay disaster Eddie in my life. So I wrote some :)

Steve wanted to scream as he tried the handle again. "Steve. Steve!" Robin pulled him away from the door. "They aren't opening the door, and you're just gonna break the handle. Keith already hates your guts. Don't make it worse." She pointed out, weirdly calm about all of this. "Plus, it's not like we don't share space normally." She says and sinks down to the floor, tugging him down with her.

Steve looked at the door, "Why can't they accept that we're only ever going to be platonic?" He asks and runs a ran through his hair. He was sick of this. Of the comments and the teasing. It stresses him out.

They kept pushing the two of them together, and Steve was worried that it could mess up what friendship he had with Robin. Because Steve's used to messing up and hurting someone, and he really doesn't want to hurt Robin. He has nightmares of outing her by accident and ruining her life. It terrifies him.

"Steve, come on, it's okay. It's just a stupid bathroom. We've shared a bathroom stall. This is bigger than that." She jokes, and he pulls his knees up to his chest.

"I can't do this, Rob." He admits and watches her freeze. Her walls climbed up like he said something really stupid. "I'm sorry, but I'm just-"

She cuts him off, "I get it. You don't want to deal with the backlash of being a lesbian's friend." She says, and he blinks.

"What? No! I don't want to say the wrong thing. I get bitchy when I'm annoyed and I'm easily annoyed when I'm stressed. And I'm stressed! So I don't - I can't be the one to out you. I can't mess that up for you." He says, and it's nice to finally admit his fears.

Robin blinks at him, "That's what- Steve, that's what bothers you about all this?"

Steve nods, "I mess up everything I touch. I can't do that to you, I won't do that to you. Honestly, you should probably find better friends. One who thinks with his brai-"

"Shut up." Robin snaps, and he stops speaking. Looking at her with wide eyes. "You can't talk about my best friend that way. I won't let you," She states.

"You're best friend?"

Her eyes soften, "yeah dingus. Who else would be my best friend? We're soulmates," She decides, and he's confused because she sounds like she means it. "Platonic, with a capital p, soulmates."

He swallows back a ball of emotion, "even if all the kids I babysit-"

"Mother."

"Babysit," he stresses, and she smiles. "Try to get us together at every opportunity and won't believe that we aren't in love. Or that I'm in love with you at the least. I think you're better off because you call me dingus more than my name," he mused.

Robin sighed, "I won't say that it's not annoying. But I'm used to dodging questions about boys, and this way... with you, I have someone to be myself with. That's more important to me than some stupid preteens who think locking us in a bathroom would get us together."

Steve smiles, "last time we shared a bathroom did go pretty well, honestly." She knocked her knee into his. He glanced over at the door. "Do you think they'll give up?"

Robin snorts, "Dustin's more invested in your love life than you are. I don't think he'll give up unless you're dating someone else or the truth comes out."

Steve sighed, chewing his lower lip until something clicked in his head. "What If I come out?"

Robin blinked, "you- what?"

Steve nodded, "I mean I like both but I could just say I favor guys." He shrugs, "it's not like they could disprove it since it's mostly true."

Robin stared at him, "Steve... since when did you- what? Steve oh my god," She shifted onto her knees and slammed into him. "Since fucking when! Why didn't you ever tell me!"

Steve raised an eyebrow, "what do you mean since when? I literally point out hot guys all the time! When we watched watched Rocky Horror, I said Tim Curry was sexy!"

She shook his shoulders, "you did no such thing! You ask if I also think a guy is hot and you said- oh." It clicks for her and she falls back on her ass. She covers her face, "holy shit."

Steve smirks, "holy shit."

A giggle escapes her lips, "you so have a type."

"Shut up," he groans.

But before they can really dig into it, there's a loud knock on the door. "We're gonna open the door in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!" The door swings in a Dustin's hand is over his eyes like he's gonna be scarred at the sight of them.

"We're literally just sitting on the floor Henderson. Not having freaky bathroom sex," Steve rolls his eyes and stands, Robin following suit.

Dustin looks upset like he expect his plan to work. "I don't get it." Steve ruffles his hair as he passes the kid. Robin lets out a small laugh as she stretches her limbs like she had been stuck in there for more than just 15 minutes. Steve turns, and she locks eyes with him, a silent question.

"Kid, I've said this a million times, but I'll say it one more time." He glances at the other kids that had either always been there or gotten here at some point since he'd been locked into the bathroom. "Robin and I will never date. She and I have no romantic feelings for each other. And if you pull this shit when we're at work again, I'll kill you."

"It's not like it was hard to figure out how to check someone out," Max shrugged and Steve huffed at her nonchalant grin from behind the counter.

Steve ushers the kids out from behind the counter before taking his normal spot, looking around at the empty store. Robin moves and bumps shoulders with him. "Platonic feelings only." She gestures between them.

Dustin groan, "I just don't get why!"

Steve glances at Robin, "because I'm too gay for her." He states and everyone goes quiet. "Honestly boobies are so high school." He winks at Robin who looks at him like he's bravely stupid.

"Wait but you dated Nancy?" Mike questioned arms over his chest.

Steve rolled his eyes, "so? I am more picky on who I date. Doesn't matter the gender. Robin doesn't tick my boxes."

"But she should!" Dustin complains and Robin groans.

But then Steve sees someone in the windows, heading towards the doors to Family video. "My type is more," and he just gestures just as the door dings to call their attention to the newcomer.

Eddie Munson glances at the kids and then at Steve. "Sheepies," he says. Eyebrows raised in confusion at the eyes on him. Eddie glanced at Steve, "Harrington, you break the kids?" He asks as all the kids continue to stare at him as he moves to the horror section.

Steve waves his hand, like he can brush off the confusion. "Nah, they're just shocked that I'm not completely in love with Birdie over here."

Everyone's jaw is on the floor as Steve leans his arms on the counter, not even bothering to hide the way he checks Eddie out when the man looks away. "Right," Eddie sighs and grabs a movie. "Well, not everyone's type is jocks." Eddie teases slightly, having warmed up to Steve little by little when Steve picks the kids up from Hellfire.

Steve takes the movie from Eddie, giving him his one free movie he gets for the week and hands it back to Eddie without charging him. "I'll win ya over." He winks, and Eddie's eyes go a little wide.

Eyes glanced around like he could ask if anyone else saw that. "Um, well, yeah, how-how much for the-"

"Consider it on me." Steve waved his hand and then leaned more into Eddie's space, "I haven't seen this one yet."

Eddie swallows, "You should check it out. It's, uh, pretty good."

Steve smiles, "I'm shit with horror, maybe if I had someone to hold my hand through it." He sighs overdramatically, then snaps, "Oh, I know! If you're not busy we could watch it together. I mean, it seems like a scary metalhead like yourself would be capable of holding my hand through the jump scares."

Eddie's eyes are blinking rapidly, "it's for the boys." He says, looking lost. Steve frowns, and Eddie jumps into action, "But I could-" He stops himself and groans. "I've got to- plans- fuck-" He stumbles and practically smacks into the door in his rush to leave family video.

Steve sighs and leans his head down on the counter. Robin pats his back, "I miss my whiteboard." She sighs and he looks up to glare at her.

[a-bad-case-of-the-stephs]

But can we talk about how much War Games hurt Bruce Wayne?

Like, seriously. This girl he cared so much for, practically his daughter, who he just wanted to protect died literally in front of him.

Like Steph started a gang war on purpose. And he still felt bad she died because Bruce just loves his kids SO much, even when they do villainous things.

And then he had to see Crystal (she’s Steph’s mom or something idk) blame BRUCE for her dying???!

We were robbed!! We should have had a scene where Crystal apologies to Bruce for blaming him.

And then all along Steph FAKED her death?? Like she put Bruce Wayne through all that pain for literally nothing, she was fine! and she got away with it scott free??

At the VERY least we deserve a hurt /comfort moment where Bruce gets an apology from Steph and all of his kids

Like it’s almost manipulative how she showed up just when Tim couldnt be Robin anymore while Bruce was emotionally really vulnerable and basically threatened and coerced Bruce into making her Robin. It’s really fucked up if you think about it. Steph definitely manipulated him. And then she disobeyed him and cursed him out whenever he tried to set healthy boundaries (firing her).

But he forgave her anyway because he loves his kids so much :(((( He’s a girldad!!!

[mamawasatesttube]

man... "time machine" by autoheart has me pondering the agonies. like fuck rebirth not doing that, but. a situation in which via magic or something, everyone [temporarily] forgets kon rebirth style. and he has to deal with that. and oops! what's that? oh it's just his suicidal tendencies coming back in FULL force, haha.

like its devastating enough when his friends don't remember him. but john henry? ma kent? clark?

what's he supposed to do with himself now? he has nothing and no one. he knows what he was made for, though. he wants to die a hero. he wants to die a hero. it won't hurt anyone this time because they forgot they love him. why is he here? he's a hero. he wants to die a hero. except heroes are remembered even after they die. what are you when no one remembers you, other than "dead twice over"? and you keep thinking of how unfair it is that the first time you died it hurt everyone you love. and now they forgot you so you may as well be dead. you kind of wish you stayed dead.

so he's not exactly taking it well. and of course ma and clark take it in stride when he shows up at the farm in distress. maybe it's a case of inadvertent dimension travel or something, clark muses, stroking his chin. and kon looks at the notch on the leg of the sofa that krypto accidentally scratched while wrestling on the floor with kon three months ago and says, haha yeah. maybe.

BUT! this time all the discrepancies and all the little things that don't add up? they're the point. kon gets to go to centennial park and point at his statue next to clark and say look. look, i'm real. i lived. you loved me. i died. i'm real. i'm real. i'm real.

and i think clark gets really quiet at that point. and then he's devastated. and furious. because he has a little brother/son/cousin/Little Guy. and someone robbed him of all of his memories of him. he has so few kryptonian family members and someone took one of them from him in the most raw, horrific way possible. they took his little guy from him so thoroughly he isn't even grieving. and isn't that in itself a horror? that there's no grief where he knows grief should be?

and i think kon here just kind of sticks Hard to clark's side at this point. if anyone remembered him or the people he loved, they'd find it odd and notable how conspicuously he's avoiding tim, bart, and cassie. unfortunately, no one knows him anymore, so no one notices. but kon just can't face the complete lack of warmth in their faces when they look at him. and it feels like far too much to explain "sorry, you don't know me, but you're supposed to love me. i love you and it's tearing me apart." so he just needs as much space as he can get.

(there's definitely a subplot of tim's nosy ass going "hey bruce, who was that guy with superman and steel at the jla meeting? what was that about? he looked a lot like superman huh?? hey bruce what's up with that guy? hey bruce what's going on--" and bruce, a paranoid asshole on the best of days, just going "i don't trust him." but tim is a nosy little ferret who will not be deterred and quite possibly pulls bart and cassie in on trying to investigate the guy who looks like superman but isn't superman.)

(however, for some reason, the guy who looks like superman but isn't superman seems to want absolutely nothing to do with the three of them. isn't that weird??)

anyways it has to have a happy ending where the curse is lifted or whatever and everyone gets their memories back and kon gets to have an incredibly cathartic breakdown into ma's lap. but probably not before he nearly gets himself killed at least 4 times first. oops!

[glitter-stained]

A very important thing to me about the batfam magical girl AU is that the rest of the characters are classic dc comics characters. Which means that while they have many similarities (magical girls are like lantern corps with more glitter and less police anyway, and the magical batfam story can get really dark and tragic at times), they're constantly faced with the clash between comics logic and magical girl anime logic. By which I mean:

______

Bruce, waking up the morning after adopting Dick on impulse and then sleeping the sleep of the dead: Wait, since when do I have a son? Eh, it doesn't matter.

Clark, who was listening into Gotham for whatever reason: The fuck it doesn't?

_____

Lex Luthor: How did you know about my evil evil plan?

Tim: A little bird told me.

Kon: Really, robs?

*cue glittery red robin with a crescent moon on its head landing on Tim's shoulder and speaking in an annoyingly high-pitched voice*

_____

Jason: With the power of love and this gun I found-

Kyle: Can you be serious for one fucking second?

Jason: No actually I am. I was gonna shoot the guy and accidentally left my heart open to channel the energy of the Galaxy and in doing so I saw the man for all that he could be and the magic of the Robin and the Wolf combined to make the gun magic and when the bullet hit him it changed the man on a fundamental level and he realised he wanted to follow his lost dream of selling portraits by the beach instead of trafficking people.

Kyle: what-

Jason: he died a few minutes later though. I did still shoot him in the heart.

_____

After Justice League shenanigans lead to a multiverse portal opening:

Failsafe!Batman: -so I pulled out the shark repellent to fight he jokerized space sharks, and then I fell from the moon-

Magical!Batman: That doesn't make any sense! Shark repellent spray is an absurd thing to have in your utility belt and besides, you don't just fall off from the moon!

Green Arrow : Finally somebody said it.

Magical!Batman: You have to take the magic portal on the other side of the moon!

Green Arrow: ...Spoke too soon.

[moriitis]

What are all the creeps' opinions of each other?

I LOVE THIS ASK

Let's me ramble like a little bitch.

And before anyone is like 'b-b-b-but tim and brian are not creepypastas!!!!!!!!!!!21111!!!' I literally don't give a fuck. I'm including them.

Gonna include the creeps I only really know well enough btw.

Toby -

Compares himself a lot from the other creeps, so his opinion on them differs. I wouldn't say he's a jealous person, but I do feel in a sense he's a little insecure that he doesn't fit the whole 'spooky' theme. Like Jeff with his scars, Jack being a literal demon. Bare in mind, Toby is a proxy so I personally don't see him meeting much of the other creeps due to his prolonged time out in the woods or in civilisation.

Jeff.

In regards to Jeff, Toby feels super uncomfortable being around him. Give's him big bully vibes which obviously doesn't settle well with his past. Toby would probably force himself to laugh at Jeff's jokes, or try his best to impress him when really he's just really fucking awkward and Jeff judges the shit out of him. He wouldn't choose Jeff if he wanted to hang out with someone, that was for sure but if there were no other choice then he'd just have to endure it.

Ben.

Same kinda vibe with Ben really, although he doesn't find himself hanging out with Ben a lot. Just the same, awkward silence and small talk. Can't help but feel the urge to pick Ben up because he's so fucking small, the idea making him chuckle.

Eyeless Jack.

100% Feel like Toby would really get along with Jack. I think Jack's the best person to get along with, he's quiet, a good listener and only adds input into conversations when needed. Toby loves blabbering his ear off and learning more about the creature. Besides, he's seen Jack a lot due to the amount of injuries he plagues himself with, so it's refreshing to see that familiar blue mask.

Laughing Jack.

The other Jack makes him soooo fucking uncomfortable, like a really horrid reminder of his shitty childhood. Not only that, Jack rocking that whole clown looks just unsettles him. I don't see Toby interacting with him a lot but he defiantly feels unsteady being around him. I feel like Jack would have a really nostalgic smell to Toby's childhood too and it triggers him a little.

Jane.

Doesn't speak to Jane often but always gets this feeling that she hates him and he doesn't know why. Maybe because he dated Clocky? So, he'll avoid her too unless he has to speak to her. Lowkey just feel like Toby would perceive Jane to be a total bitch?

Nina.

Really gets along with Nina! He likes hearing her ramble about things and always gets her opinions on his outfits. Yes, he would absolutely bring her back little trinkets he's found, like nail polish in some chicks bedroom or even a bracelet he robbed off a corpse. Wouldn't be surprised if Toby had a small crush on Nina, but he wouldn't admit it. At times she could be annoying though, especially when Toby doesn't have the social battery to deal with her.

Clockwork.

Hella awkward. Toby would always say the wrong thing and bring up things that she opened up to him when they were dating and it makes things so fucking awkward. He likes her because thankfully they ended on pretty good terms, but he'll never feel a sense of ease around her. Plus, he can't help but notice she's changed a little since he did date her; which, good for her?

Brian.

Has always looked up to Brian more out of Tim. Perhaps it's because Brian's words carry a little more kindness whenever he messes up or becomes a little too emotional. He has a lot of trust with Brian, and finds himself opening up more to him than anyone else. Always refers it as a 'bromance' which is weird because Brian oddly gives him soft, older brother vibes.

Tim.

Yeah, he hates Tim. Sure, at times Tim makes sense in their arguments, but fuck is that guy a stubborn son of a bitch. Always makes Toby feel as if he's fucked up something one way or another. Defiantly has gotten in a lot of physical fights with Tim, which doesn't fix anything in the long run.

Slender.

And he hates Slender too, although he would never admit it. Maybe because Slender is to blame for.. everything. Well, not for his shitty father or Lyra's death, but he needs to find a blame for someone! He hates that faceless prick, the way he controls and twists his own mind. Like he has no control over himself anymore and he hates it. Maybe he would be a different person if it wasn't for Slender lurking in the depths of his mind.

Bloody Painter.

Didn't know he existed until he stumbled upon him once in the forest, painting. He's a good artist, he'll give him that but the kid is boring as fuck. Barely talks and when he does, he speaks either in riddles or is just plain rude. Toby doesn't bother to find a conversation with him.

Sally.

Being with Sally is bittersweet for him, thankfully he's pretty good with kids though. Really enjoys a child presence despite the fact it puts him on edge a little. There are.. some things about her that do bug him but he wouldn't admit it. I wouldn't say he bullies Sally, but teases her a lot or laughs in her face when he falls over.

Kate.

Really gets along well with Kate, always kinda looks at her like a sister, which is hard for him considering Lyra, so unknowingly he becomes very protective over Kate. Despite the fact that she can fully fend for herself and is strong enough, Toby hates the idea of her being sent out on missions on her own.

Jeff -

I always feel like Jeff hates everyone, so tbh I don't see him getting along with many of the other creeps. He's kinda like a loner and appreciates his alone time, though if he can get a laugh out of other peoples misery, he'll take it. Wouldn't really hang out with people for them, just himself because he's a self absorbed asshole.

Toby.

Toby is just another weirdo to Jeff who frankly he can't stand around to be with. The only upside about Toby is that he's willing to do things dumb and stupid which makes Jeff laugh. Best part about Toby is that he doesn't feel pain, so Jeff abuses that a little. He can.. vibe with him at times, just not all the time.

Ben.

Ben is just another weirdo in his eyes, but someone he can moderately tolerate. What he does with all that tech stuff is cool, but slashing people is a lot more better.

Laughing Jack.

Jeff doesn't like Laughing Jack much, probably because he's taller than Jeff and puts him at a disadvantage. Not much to say when he's near him, so will maybe crack a joke about his shitty outfit and lowkey find himself regretting it. Either way, tends to also avoid the clown.

Jane.

Despises her because he's a little pussy and finds her utterly terrifying. He will avoid her at all costs, but tries to put on a whole tough guy persona when really he's scared shitless of her. Will avoid eye contact if needs be.

Nina.

Just another crazy bitch in his eyes that he avoids. Feels like he just has a thing about women in particular. Jeff does give incel vibes tbh.

Clockwork.

This is a chick he can.. moderate but really tends to avoid her too. She's boring and lame.

Brian.

He always views Brian as a softy and cringes a little when he's near him. Maybe because the dude is too nice. Besides from the occasional bumping into each other in the woods, Jeff won't strike a conversation with him.

Tim.

Same with Tim, but this guy has serious issues and Jeff ain't about that life. Guy is too old anyway and he can't be bothered to hang around some guy who mopes around the whole fucking time.

Slender.

Lowkey feel like Slender is a love-hate relationship. Like he can tolerate him, but won't admit it because he's stubborn. Has gotten into a lot of fights with Slender that usually leaves him limping away with his tail between his legs essentially.

Bloody Painter.

Tbh, Jeff has never met the guy or spoke to him. Well, he's seen him about but hasn't had much of an interaction with each other for him to form a solid opinion on the guy.

Sally.

Ew, fucking kids. Sally is annoying and yet, she's the one who hangs out with Jeff the most. Fuck knows why, even he doesn't know but sure, whatever. In a sense, he does feel bad for her and will find himself chatting to her more than anyone else.

Eyeless Jack.

Huge love-hate relationship but it's mostly one-sided for Jeff because Jack is oblivious to this shit. As stubborn as Jeff is, he likes to speak to Jack to find out any gossip Jack may have heard. Also, weirdly enough, likes hearing Jack teach him a little about the human autonomy.

Kate.

Doesn't speak to her often and she puts up a hard wall with anyone she isn't comfortable with, so Jeff doesn't bother to interact with her. From what he could tell, she's nice and if he tried, he could maybe get along with her.

Ben -

Ben is pretty laid back and gets along with almost everyone. I see him being problematic from time to time, but it's pretty rare. Lowkey reminds me of Sombra and likes to find dirt on people.

Jeff.

Probably gets along with Jeff the most considering it's one sided. Although their friendship often results in arguments, Ben prefers Jeff over anyone else. As long as he can vibe with them, he's not bothered.

Toby.

Always finds Toby pretty weird but can also tolerate him to a certain degree when that awkwardness is gone. He has some pretty interesting shit to say and lord, does that guy have some shit on him when it comes to the internet.

Laughing Jack.

Ben vibes with everyone so Jack doesn't really bother him in the slightest. Sure, he's tall as fuck and most the time treats him like nothing but prey, but he's an interesting character.

Jane.

She's... interesting but they don't speak much. Either she's avoiding him or he's unknowingly avoiding her. Doesn't bother him anyway.

Nina.

Get's along with Nina pretty well! They spend a lot of time browsing social media, Ben helping judge outfits she has pinned on her Pinterest. A weird friendship he didn't expect out of her, but he enjoys himself whenever they do spend time together!

Clockwork.

A bit like Jane, they don't speak and on the rare occasion they do, she's pretty unfriendly. He's had times with her that were nice, just gotta get past her stoic self. Good company from time to time.

Brian.

Rarely sees Brian so can't really form an opinion on him. Just a proxy, hard worker and seems nice.

Tim.

Same with Tim, they don't talk ever. Hard worker, seems pretty cold though.

Slender.

Guy gives him the creeps a little but he can tolerate Slender. Doesn't view him as a God per say, but he's thankful for the things he has.. done.

Bloody Painter.

Sooo boring, guy talks so slow and always acts as if he's better than everyone else. Probably the one of the only guys Ben actually dislikes openly.

Sally.

Get's along really well! Enjoys her company and likes to play her little games, best game is Hide and Seek in the forest. She's a sore loser and that's the best part because he can tease her about it.

Eyeless Jack.

Guy keeps to himself so it's hard for Ben to interact with him. Not only that, but he's either skulking away in the Med Bay or he's not seen for months at a time so Ben doesn't speak to him often. Either way, he's nice.

Kate.

Haven't interacted before.

Laughing Jack -

He knows he creeps almost everyone out aside from a handful, so tends to keep to himself. Feels as if everyone is out of his time and 100% says shit like 'well back in my day!'

Jeff.

Always views Jeff as a little brat and finds himself holding back from wanting to snap his neck. Just nothing but an annoying ant at the bottom of his shoe and willingly goes out of his way to avoid Jeff purely because he fucks him off so much.

Toby.

Toby is always so tense around Jack and he's not really too sure why? Jack could probably get along with him somewhat, but only if he stops being so weird around him. Wouldn't go out of his way to form a friendship though, plus Toby is always busy out on missions, so it's rare for him to bump into the kid.

Ben.

Ben is the only one who treats him.. well, normally. Although he can't resist the urge to kill Ben whenever his eyes land on him, so small.. so childlike, it's tempting and he can't blame Ben to avoid him.

Jane.

Doesn't speak to her often as she keeps to herself and seems to avoid everyone, but she is nice when she wants to be. Only thing is, they have nothing in common to speak about. She did mention she likes this one specific candy and now Jack always sorta goes out of his way to give her one just to make her day a little better.

Nina.

A bubbly character that he gets along well with, at times. She can irritate him quickly, as she's almost too childlike.

Kate.

Doesn't interact with Kate as she is also out on missions a lot. She is approachable for someone who never smiles or rarely shows their face.

Clockwork.

They don't get along well, she must not like clowns.

Brian.

Have never interacted, he spends too much time out in civilisation.

Tim.

Same with Tim, have never interacted.

Slender.

Gets along well with Slender, probably because they are both old as fuck and can talk about shit that is nostalgic for them (?) Plus, they both meddle in disappearances with children, so there's that in common.

Bloody Painter.

The only time they had ever interacted was when BP painted a picture of Jack and it was the most twisted, beautiful shit he had ever laid eyes on. BP didn't talk to him after that and he doesn't mind.

Sally.

Easy to get along with considering he is a clown and he attracts children. They play a lot and more often than not, Sally will ride on his shoulders.

Eyeless Jack.

Jack is very mature for his age, so Laughing Jack can find himself get along with him well enough.

Jane -

Always imagined her to also keep to herself, so she doesn't interact with many of the other creeps. Defiantly has a lot of trust issues toward men sorry

Jeff.

This is self explanatory so I don't think I need to go into much detail here. Pretty obvious that she despises him, hates him even; just looking at him makes her blood boil. If she didn't have some sort of self control, she'd made him gurgle on his own blood. Even then, death would be too kind to him. He needed something worse. For now, she avoids him at all costs.

Toby.

Although he doesn't seem too harmful, he does make her feel uncomfortable. She knows deep down that he can't help his tics, but something about his twitching really unsettles her and so she also avoids him.

Ben.

Doesn't like him due to the fact that he gets along well with Jeff.

Nina.

She didn't like Nina at first, purely because she felt like a carbon copy of Jeff but Jane gave her the benefit of the doubt and gets along really well with her. She was hesitant at first, her mind playing tricks on her that Nina would betray her but Nina's character is entirely different than what she pumps out. Jane can't help but think that Nina might not even like boys..

Kate.

Jane see's herself in Kate a little and due to the fact that Kate is younger than her, she can't help but take up the older sisterly role whenever they hang out. Always tries to lecture her and warns her to be careful around certain people. Kate is sweet but broken, like her.

Clockwork.

Despite her odd choice in men, Jane gets along well with Clocky and even at her lowest times, finds herself crawling back to her for some company. It's not often Jane is vulnerable, but when she is with Natalie, it's a different story. At times they have shared moments of bliss.

Brian.

Despite his puppy dog demeanour, Jane knows there is something a lot darker within that man so tends to also avoid him.

Tim.

Probably the kind of man she would've been interested in before her trauma and before she figured out her sexuality. Doesn't speak to him at all.

Laughing Jack.

She avoids him.

Slender.

A bittersweet relationship, she doesn't trust him and yet she feels swayed by the things he has done for her. She's mad that he hasn't done or said anything in regards to what happened to her, what happened with Jeff, so that little bubble of hate still is settled within her.

Bloody Painter.

Does not talk to him. He is weird.

Sally.

Nothing speaks female rage more than when she looks at Sally. The pain within her knowing what happened to Sally, knowing how cruel people men can be. Each time she looks at the child, she wants to cry because her innocence was stripped from her without her choice. It's unfair, it's cruel. Sally didn't deserve this. Jane adores Sally, gives off the same older sister vibe as she does for Kate whenever they interact.

Eyeless Jack.

Hear me out, probably the only man she can tolerate, but that's because it took a lot of convincing from Nina. Doesn't really have much of an opinion toward him, just tends to stay away unless Nina is by her side.

Nina -

A pretty bubbly character, so naturally she gets along with everyone. Really social with a loud mouth, probably either your best friend or not; but most times you will be. Lowkey can and will give off mean girl vibes. She's also a huge trouble maker.

Jeff.

She was head over heels with him, until he treated her like shit and now she despises him for it. Plus, she's a girls girl, so after she found out what happened between him and Jane, she hates him even more.

Toby.

On terms of her BFF's list, Toby would be third. She adores hanging out with him, loves his humour and how relaxed he is around her. Total boyfriend material, although she would never date him herself because that's her friends ex, ew. So, she made him a tinder one day and they browse through it together. Slender did find out and they got in serious trouble.

Ben.

Ben is awesome! When he isn't with Jeff anyway. She enjoys his company and he's always willing to hang out whenever she forces him to.

Kate.

At first Nina got this weird vibe off Kate, that she didn't like her perhaps; but then she realised that it was just Kate's personality. After some time, they got along pretty well! They are total opposites, she is outgoing and Kate is as introverted as anything, but they work well together in a beautiful mix. Maybe Nina has a little crush on Kate.

Jane.

She has a lot of trust issues, so same with Kate in regards that it was hard to form a friendship with her. After some time, they spoke and they get along pretty well! Jane is mature, whereas Nina is pretty immature; so most times it feels as if she irritates Jane. But it's all fun and games.

Clockwork.

They get along well! Nina was so invested in the gossip when Natalie and Toby split up though, she still teases her a little for dating such a goof.

Brian.

He's nice! Although she doesn't seem him often, only when they are home from being out and about. She always probes him about his love life and when he becomes awkward, she will laugh in his face.

Tim.

She knows that she annoys him, but she doesn't really care. At some times, he can be alright!

Laughing Jack.

Tried one of his candies once and threw up, does not trust him since. But they still get along well.

Slender.

Surprisingly, they don't interact much.

Bloody Painter.

They speak, but she doesn't consider him a great friend. He's hard to have fun with, soooo boring.

Sally.

BFFs!!! Adores Sally, who the fuck wouldn't?! They always have sleepovers with one another.

Eyeless Jack.

Nina gets along well with anyone, even the most introverted people! And she doesn't like to brag, but she has made him laugh once or twice before.

Kate -

Much like the other pasta's, she keeps to herself and her job. The main people she interacts with are Tim, Brian and Toby considering they all work pretty closely together. Occasionally she will speak to other people, but prefers her alone time.

Jeff.

Seen him around, but hasn't made the effort to interact with him. Something about him makes her feel uncomfortable, so she promptly avoids him.

Toby.

They get along really well. Despite her not being very talkative, Toby fills the silence by babbling her ear off about random things or facts. At times he can become a bit too much, especially when he follows her around everywhere; but she would never say that to his face.

Ben.

Haven't interacted before.

Laughing Jack.

They don't interact much.

Jane.

A bit like Toby, Jane takes a bit of a protective role over her. Sure, Kate is a little younger; but she is strong and agile and knows how to take care of herself. She enjoys Jane's company when she isn't lecturing her.

Nina.

Another person she gets along well with, when she has the time to speak to Nina that is. She enjoys her and her character, surprisingly. They kissed once.

Clockwork.

Have rarely interacted with one another, but she has heard some stuff from Toby. Doesn't have much of an opinion on her.

Brian.

Enjoys working alongside him and likes the peace he keeps when moments become rough or tense. Almost like a little ball of sunshine they need. Has some really interesting and funny stories. Kate trusts him.

Tim.

Very tense, so tense even that just being around him makes her feel tense too. Considering how closely the trio work together, she doesn't speak to Tim much. And that is nice and she prefers it that way.

Slender.

She does not like him. No other words are needed.

Bloody Painter.

Haven't interacted at all.

Sally.

They don't interact much but Sally drew her a picture once and she has cherished it with her whole life.

Eyeless Jack.

Has only interacted when she needs to be bandaged up, he's taught her a lot of useful things. It's a little awkward when they are together though because they are both pretty introverted.

Clockwork -

I'll be honest, I view most the girls (aside from Nina) to be pretty introverted. Clocky gets along with most people, but she does keep to herself too.

Jeff.

She hates him and she's pretty sure he has no idea that she does. Avoids him.

Toby.

Awkward, so tends to avoid him too. He'll shoot her a wave and it makes her cringe a little. He's a nice guy, but yeah, it's just weird.

Ben.

Doesn't have much of an opinion on him, he's tolerable. At times he can say funny things.

Laughing Jack.

She doesn't like him, not too sure why she doesn't admittedly.

Jane.

An odd friendship she never expected frankly. A part of her expected Jane to not like her and was confused when she kept coming back from time to time; lingering around like she wanted to say something. Has a little crush on her but doesn't want to push anything.

Nina.

A little annoying, but she can be funny and enjoys her company. They get along well.

Kate.

Haven't really spoke nor interacted with one another.

Brian.

Also don't speak much.

Tim.

Only spoke once, doesn't have much an opinion on him.

Slender.

A bit torn between how she should feel toward him. Doesn't particularly like him though.

Bloody Painter.

They've spoken once or twice. She understands why many people feel the way they feel toward him, but once you understand him a little more, he is easy to speak to.

Sally.

Not big on kids, so feels a little uncomfortable around her but still forces a smile here and there.

Eyeless Jack.

He is nice and a good listener, so whenever she needs to speak to him, it's reassuring to know that he isn't one to judge.

Brian -

Don't get me wrong, Brian can be pretty dangerous and I do feel most of his 'bubbly, friendly' persona is a character he puts forward to hide something a lot darker. Naturally, Tim and Brian are forced into working for Slender, so I don't imagine them to interact with many other Pastas.

Jeff.

Seen him around in the forest but they have never spoken face to face. Brian has heard some things, but not a lot. Indifferent toward him really.

Toby.

He gets along well with Toby, the amount of missions they have done together has encouraged their friendship. Toby comes to him to vent when needs be and Brian is always open to lending an ear or even a shoulder to cry on.

Ben.

Haven't interacted before.

Laughing Jack.

Haven't interacted either but he makes him a little uncomfortable.

Jane.

He knows Jane avoids him and he knows why. Feels a little indifferent toward her.

Nina.

Nina is friendly and he likes that, despite her appearance that can be unsettling for some. She always makes him blush whenever she interrogates him about his life and usually results in her teasing him for it.

Kate.

She's quiet and he understands that maybe she just wants to protect her peace a little. When they have a moment together, he'll check in on her and ask if everything is okay.

Clockwork.

They don't speak much but he used to see her hang around with Toby many years back.

Tim.

A person he goes way back with, somebody who knows him down to the T. A little like Yip and Yang, they are an unspeakable duo despite the times where their friendship seemed tense. Brian would trust Tim with his life, despite everything. Brian feels as if he has known Tim forever, but due to the memory loss; doesn't know how long back that is.

Slender.

He would hate him, if he weren't brainwashed into working for him.

Bloody Painter.

Have never interacted before.

Sally.

Seen her around by herself in the forest from time to time and he's lectured her to not be out on her own. She is nice and they get along well.

Eyeless Jack.

Have rarely interacted but he has seen him in the forest from time to time. Brian is convinced that Jack is not human.

Tim -

Tim is mostly just perceived as an asshole at times, but that's because he's battling with himself most the time. He hates what he does, he hates being alive sometimes. Just another proxy that's been brainwashed, his memory dotty and at times he is forgetful. Hence why he doesn't get along with people very well.

Jeff.

They rarely interact, if at all. Thinks he is some kind of creep, so stays away.

Toby.

The kid is unbearable at times, but he's strong and smart. Some underestimate him for that. The only issue is, Tim is tough with him because there's a part of him fighting against Slender in some attempt to make Toby see past his own brainwashed mind. Toby could be a good kid.. But he's hard headed and in more times than not, they fight. Tim knows Toby hates him.

Ben.

Have not spoken before.

Laughing Jack.

Haven't interacted either.

Jane.

They don't speak and he has a feeling she doesn't like him.

Nina.

She speaks to him a lot and he doesn't know why. At times she can be irritating; but she is friendly and that's more than most.

Kate.

Deep down, Tim knows Kate is way too young to be involved in this mess and a part of him wishes she saw that too. But she's also under the influence of the sickness, the brainwashing, so she doesn't see that. Perhaps a part of her genuinely thinks she is doing the right thing? She doesn't open up much purely because she can't remember her life before.. well, this. They don't speak much unless needed.

Clockwork.

They've spoken once, she was nice though.

Brian.

Nostalgia always hits him in the face whenever they speak, like he's known him before, from somewhere and he doesn't know where. Same with Brian, Tim trusts him with anything and despite their petty arguments or fights; he's always been there for him in times where perhaps Tim didn't deserve it.

Slender.

Hates him.

Bloody Painter.

Haven't interacted ever.

Sally.

Also have not interacted with one another.

Eyeless Jack.

Have not spoken either.

Slender -

This entity knows everyone hates him one way or another. But everything is going to according to plan and really he couldn't care about some humans opinions on him. In his opinion, he has saved everyone.

Jeff.

A bratty child that feels as if he needs to make his point known with violence. Jeff doesn't know that Slender was the whole reason why his life is so much better. Doesn't like him much but doesn't convey those feelings unless necessary.

Toby.

Abused and manipulated him at his lowest, after Lyra had died. Of course, Toby would never know that the reason Lyra drove into that tree was because Slender himself and he knows that if Toby did find out; he would lose his shit. He is aware that Toby doesn't like him but he's a hard worker because Slender is just controlling him really.

Ben.

They get along moderately well although they rarely speak. At least Ben seems thankful.

Laughing Jack.

They get along well and occasionally will work together. He is a nice laugh from time to time.

Jane.

At times they get along well, but one time she yelled at him during one of her episodes.

Nina.

They don't talk much.

Kate.

They spoke once, when she was little. He knows she doesn't like him.

Clockwork.

They speak from time to time. No opinion on her aside from the fact that she is a hard worker.

Brian.

He can feel the hatred, although he doesn't portray his emotions much toward Slender.

Tim.

Same with Tim, Slender can feel Tim fighting against him.

Bloody Painter.

Although they don't speak, he knows that Helen is somewhat thankful for the life Slender gave him. He is sick and twisted, as he should be.

Sally.

Probably the only person who gets along with Slender, but then again its natural for most children to feel some kind of attachment toward him.

Eyeless Jack.

They speak but Jack isn't keep on being friends with him, they for real only speak on business terms.

Bloody Painter -

Just a guy who prefers painting over speaking. Kinda see him as an asshole, so doesn't really get along with people well. Not Jeff kind of asshole, just 'leave me the fuck alone' asshole. I see him being on the spectrum and most times goes nonverbal.

Jeff.

They haven't properly spoken to one another but he already know he dislikes the guy. Too loud, too much.

Toby.

They spoke once and surprisingly, he's good muse. After their interaction, found himself doodling Toby a lot (secretly of course.) He could get along with Toby but it seems Toby isn't interested in interacting again.

Ben.

They don't speak but I'm pretty sure he knows Ben doesn't like him.

Laughing Jack.

Drew him art once and now Laughing Jack always tries to talk to him, kinda annoying.

Jane.

They don't talk.

Nina.

They talk occasionally but she overwhelms him a lot.

Kate.

Haven't interacted before.

Clockwork.

He likes her, she's understanding and doesn't speak much. So sitting in silence with her is nice too.

Brian.

Have never interacted.

Tim.

Haven't interacted with one another either.

Slender.

Not sure how to feel about him, mixed feelings for sure.

Sally.

She's too much and being around her drains his energy. Doesn't like nor dislike her really.

Eyeless Jack.

They get along relatively well, Jack eats whatever is left of the corpses BP leaves and it saves him the job of discarding them. They've done a handful of missions together and BP enjoys the fact that Jack doesn't talk much.

Sally -

Naturally, as a child she gets along with almost everyone. She has her moments where she won't like them, but those reasons are stupid or petty.

Jeff.

She knows he doesn't like her but she doesn't care. He can be nice at times even with the whole 'bad guy' persona he puts out. In a sense, she looks up at him a little but she wouldn't admit it.

Toby.

They get along well! There's always a hint of sadness in his eyes whenever he looks at her though and she's unsure why, a part of her feeling as if she's doing something wrong. He puts her on his shoulders a lot and she loves it!

Ben.

He's nice to her! He takes the time out of his day to play with her but he can become pretty mean if Jeff is around.

Laughing Jack.

A clown that likes to make her laugh! What more could she ask for?

Jane.

Sally looks up to her a lot and appreciates what she does for her. She's not willing to play a lot of games but I think Sally understands why.

Nina.

Nina always gives Sally makeovers and she loves it! Loves Nina dearly.

Kate.

They don't speak but whenever they see one another, Kate always gives her a little smile and wave and Sally loves it.

Clockwork.

She seems a little tense around Sally, so she tries to avoid. Sally feels they could get along pretty well though.

Brian.

Toby talks about him a lot but she doesn't seem him often. Maybe once and he lectured her, but he was nice about it.

Tim.

Haven't interacted.

Slender.

At first she found him scary, but she adores him!

Bloody Painter.

She doesn't like him. One time he got mad at her for drawing over one of his pictures with crayon.

Eyeless Jack.

She adores him too. She loves to play hide and seek with him and tease him by throwing sticks or rocks in another direction to throw him off. He always catches her and she loves the chase!

Eyeless Jack -

Another chill, laid back guy. It's hard to be in his bad books unless you speak too loud or just generally piss him off. Looks terrifying but lowk a softy. Gives off 'he wouldn't hurt a fly!' vibe lmao.

Jeff.

Jeff is hot and cold. Some days he hates him, some days he likes him. There's no in-between but Jack doesn't really notice when Jeff is being an asshole as he minds his business too much. Neutral toward him, but likes him on the days he has questions about the human body! Gives him the chance to nerd out a little

Toby.

Likes him but sometimes he's too loud and it really hurts his sensitive hearing. Comes in a lot because the boy is always bleeding somewhere. His blood smells so fucking good..

Ben.

They don't speak often.

Laughing Jack.

They get along well but don't have a lot in common, so conversations can run dry pretty quickly.

Jane.

He had a feeling Jane didn't like him but she's warmed up a little. She only really comes with Nina on her arm, but he doesn't mind.

Nina.

She can be funny! He loves when she whispers though, makes his spine tingle a little.

Kate.

They both don't talk often when they are together but he prefers it that way. She is nice but awkward, like any kid really.

Clockwork.

She opened up once to vent while he was stitching her up and ever since, she comes back just to vent. He doesn't mind, if she needs to talk, he can listen and offer some advice when needs be. Frankly, he's a little confused why she feels so safe around him, but it's whatever.

Brian.

They haven't spoken before but he's seen him around.

Tim.

Haven't spoken.

Slender.

Doesn't mind him per say.

Bloody Painter.

He enjoys BPs company, especially when there is food involved!

Sally.

She's nice and he likes her. They only really play when he has the time.

Didn't expect to write this much tbh. But thanks for the ask! I love talking about the creeps. Half of these are my HCs btw, so take it with a grain of salt. Different for everyone after all.

I 100% would've added more characters but maybe I'll do another post for this or something.

[suzukiblu]

. . . so like, no PROMISES for doing the whole month, buuuuut . . . day one of “Kon meets pink kryptonite and decides to fuck Tim and his boyfriend about it” behind the cut. (( chrono || non-chrono ))

“Oh, should I? In all the spare space I’ve got in here?” Tim asks, still sounding wry. 

“Buy a bigger boat, babe, I don’t know what to tell you,” Bernard says reasonably. “How’re we gonna keep a kept boy without a bigger boat, huh? You want a big pet around, you gotta have a big space for him. Let him really stretch his legs, you know? Or spread ‘em, whichever.’ 

Kon buries another laugh in his arms and Tim rolls his eyes, smiling fondly. Jokes aside, they really are crammed in pretty tight on the bed–it is just not that big a bed to be fitting three people in–but Kon minds literally nothing about that. Not even a little bit does he mind that, in fact.

He likes it, more like. Likes being all up in someone else’s space even without anyone actually fucking each other or even making out or like–just, anything, he guesses. He doesn’t get to do that often enough, it always feels like. Everybody’s always–busy, or moving, or . . . 

He just wants to, like . . . get to do this kind of thing more often, he guesses. 

Doesn’t hurt that it’s Tim whose space he’s currently all up in, either. Like–he has definitely not gotten to be all up in Tim’s space too many times that weren’t directly related to one of them saving each other’s ass in a crisis situation. Or, like, occasionally being transportation to a crisis situation; that has also been a thing more than once. 

. . . actually, fuck, thinking too much about being Tim’s usual designated transportation or just being all shoved up in each other’s space while the world was trying to end while he’s gay is not something he’s gonna be able to be normal about, huh. 

Like . . . wow, yeah. Not even a little bit normal. 

Jesus. 

“Oh, I see, so this is just another excuse to try and get me to trade in my perfectly sound and perfectly outfitted boat,” Tim says, which sort of distracts Kon from his own personal Chernobyl: Horny Edition. Like, kind of, anyway. “Is there literally anything that we have not managed to do in this bed? Genuinely, please tell me what position you have in mind, I’m honestly curious.” 

“Well, what about letting your boy sleep at the foot of the bed?” Bernard asks even more reasonably, which actually just made Chernobyl: Horny Edition like, twelve billion times worse, probably. Just–Jesus, again. “You think you’ve got the real estate for that on this mattress? No you do not, because you’ve failed to plan ahead and you should be ashamed.” 

“Yeah, Rob, shouldn’t you have a Bat-contingency plan for that?” Kon teases past more laughter, and Tim sighs. 

“You know, I did worry if you’d get along with each other or not, but I think it’s worse that you do get along with each other,” he muses, picking a peach slice up off the plate in his lap and eyeing it assessingly, because Tim is literally incapable of not assessing things, apparently, boyfriend-delivered breakfast or otherwise. “Actually, no, it’s worse that you encourage each other.” 

“I’m a very encouraging person, man, what can I say?” Kon says, flashing him a sharp grin. Tim rolls his eyes again, but with that little fond smile again, and Kon feels warm and heady and a little bit desperate to get his mouth on his cock again or, like–get kissed again, maybe. 

It’s maybe a little stupid, how he can’t really tell the difference between those things. Like–which one he really wants, he means. But like, in his defense, he is still experiencing his own personal Chernobyl right now and he’s just doing his best with the resources he’s got available, okay? 

“Oh absolutely, yes, I’m always so encouraged in your presence,” Tim says wryly. Kon grins at him, then sticks his tongue out at him instead. Tim drops the peach slice on his tongue like a weirdo, and Kon represses another laugh and pulls it into his mouth. What, it tastes good. And it’s not any weirder than getting hand-fed a protein bar was, either way. 

Well–maybe still a little weird, but whatever. 

Tim picks up a piece of waffle–Bernard cut them up in quarters, Kon guesses–and holds that out to him, and that . . . Kon hesitates a bit over that, because . . . 

“Sorry,” Tim says. “Don’t want it to get cold.” 

“That’s, like–your plate, man,” Kon says, his face feeling a little hot as he flicks his eyes up from the offered waffle chunk to glance at Tim’s face, because for some ridiculous reason his brain’s gotten stuck on that over a waffle, even after not really thinking of it with just the peach. Though that seemed . . . less deliberate, maybe, so . . . 

“No it’s not,” Bernard replies matter-of-factly, shaking his head as he picks up a banana slice off his own plate and pops it into his mouth. “Tim’s plate has way fewer waffles on it and blueberries instead of peaches. Also oh my god, Tim, don’t feed your boy dry-ass waffle with nothing on it. There’s whipped cream and caramel sauce over here, you want any, Kon? Also butter, if you’re feeling basic. I won’t judge, sometimes the vibe is just butter.” 

Kon takes a long moment to process the fact that Bernard put the plate he made for him on Tim’s lap, and also that Bernard went to the effort to make his plate different, for like . . . whatever reason. 

“. . . um. Caramel, if that’s cool,” he answers, a little belated, and wondering if Tim, like–told Bernard he likes peaches, or . . . well, he’s pretty sure peaches and caramel sauce are not standard waffle toppings, or at least not standard in most people’s usual breakfast setups, so like . . . “Uh–thanks.” 

“Gotcha, man,” Bernard says easily, reaching over to the tray and coming back with, weirdly, like a little, like–carafe, or whatever? pitcher? like the kind of thing people put coffee creamer in, except just full of caramel instead–and passing it to Tim. 

Which . . . okay, low-key weird that Bernard felt the need to pour out the sauce bottle into a fancy little pitcher, but Kon isn’t gonna lie, he’s a little charmed by it. Like, it’s just a funny little quirk, but . . . 

“You’re so fucking cute, man,” he says, laughing again and then grinning at Bernard in amusement. “Like, A+ hosting, don’t get me wrong, totally killer hospitality, but I wasn’t gonna knock down Tim’s Yelp rating if the bottle was sticky or whatever.” 

“Huh?” Bernard asks, wrinkling his nose with a puzzled expression, then seems to realize something and clarifies–“Oh, no, Tim only has the shitty cheap syrup that makes a shell when you put it on ice cream or whatever, I wasn’t gonna put that on waffles, I just made my own.” 

“You made it?” Kon says in bemusement, a little startled by the idea. That’s like–a thing? “Like–what, from scratch?” 

“Yeah, Tim said you liked caramel but again, the only caramel he had on deck was shitty cheap stuff,” Bernard replies with a shrug as Tim pours some sauce onto–Kon’s plate, apparently–and swipes the waffle quarter he’s holding through it. “Personally I’m more the whipped cream type but like, caramel is way less annoying to make from scratch when you don’t have a stand mixer, which your bestie continues to refuse to invest in because of some nonsense about ‘limited counter space’. So like, normally he whips the cream, because it’s his fault I gotta do it by hand anyway and also, you know, he’s got all those sexy, cream-whipping vigilante muscles that I was pretending not to notice but was not above taking advantage of. But we didn’t want you to come up without somebody around, so today my arm is sore, fuck you, babe, buy at least a hand mixer already.” 

Kon . . . blinks, once or twice, and feels–weird, maybe, because that rattled-off chatter makes it sound like . . . like Bernard made that sauce, like–specifically for him? Like . . . just because of him? 

Did he?