#clark kent is batman

[nana-mizu-shiki]

"You are breaking up with me!"

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Good morning, please have this thought:

Due to shenanigans that Clark cannot possibly comprehend, let alone understand, Bruce has somehow talked him into being Batman for a week.

He comes out of the experience bewildered and wondering how in fuck's sake Batman ever held onto his no-kill rule.

And then he runs into Dick Grayson who is staring at him with starry eyes.

Clark is ten seconds away from a meltdown can you please help him Bruce -

No, help does not mean lean against the doorframe sipping coffee and hiding laughter dammit Bruce HELP HIM -

Clark thinks it's over.

And then he fills in when Jason is Robin. Ten minutes in, and Clark is infinitely fonder of this Robin. Robin gives him magic? God, so cute.

Tim is entirely too smart and sleep deprived and scares him, but at least he puts his brain towards being a menace on main towards Luther.

Stephanie is a national treasure, he thinks, and they join forces for sassing sessions against Bruce.

Damien... He's totally not helping this kid sneak in a tiger, Bruce, just look the other way.

This is perfect

Thank you for the thought

I am enjoying it immensely

I will probably spend a significant portion of the day ruminating on this idea

[sully-s]

Listen, if I had the time I would just make Justice Leauge the mockumentary, lol.

[begaycommittreason]

officer: are these your children sir?

damian, forcefully raided a petco to liberate the animals: hello father

jason, released said animals on unsuspecting tourists for fun: sup old man

bruce: …nope

officer: oh, then them?

steph duke and cass, covered in equal parts confetti, dirt, and blood, waving:

bruce: oh no, im not touching that one with a ten foot pole

officer: …so it has to be one of them?

alfred, got into an altercation with someone at home goods over the last crockpot: i have no regrets master bruce

tim, hacked the cia to put himself higher than jason on their wanted list and accidentally implicated himself in an unrelated crime: i’m more disappointed in myself, really

bruce: …i’ve never met these people before

assorted incarcerated batkids: *various outraged clamor*

officer: then who are you here to collect?

bruce, pointing to a different cell, sighing: that one’s mine

clark, was pulled over for following all the gotham road laws (incredibly suspicious behavior): hi bruce!!!

[kal8elle]

Art by https://twitter.com/hokkemaruyaki

[ditzybat]

jason: what’s your darkest secret?

tim: i wrote the most kudos’d superbat fanfic on ao3

damian: i was his beta reader

jason: first you steal my costume, now you steal my spot as most kudos’d fic?!

[lovesick-joey]

fyi your dad is a whor—

[arguablysomaya]

from left to right: clark, bruce, diana

[t00thpasteface]

i am unironically obsessed with adam west batman not only trying to be a good dad to robin, but actually succeeding. also love robin's insane energy levels and his ability to go from seething bloodlust to manic glee in record time. i think any superman worth his S would fit right into the family ^_^

[dieubius]

The in-universe Gothamite's guide to shipping your resident billionaire 💀

...

Comes with labels

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Okay but which of the batkids would start the new 'rumor' of Batman being Clark Kent?

(Yes this is inspired by the comic panel of people mistaking Clark for Bruce when Clark is borrowing Bruce's clothes)

Also, which one of the batkids gleefully encourages it?

I imagine it started by Damian by accident, which he is completely horrified by, but then it is gleefully perpetuated by every other batchild. All of them. Except Damian who is regretting everything.

But if the rumor were to be started on purpose I think it’d be Duke and/or Cass. Because no one would suspect them at first and they want to see what kind of chaos comes from it.

[snow-bees]

Worst case of youngest child privilege I have ever seen

[bbbbbbbbatman]

Bruce gets accosted by reporters and one of them asks "Is it true that you're in competition with Superman to win Batman's affections?" and he is so taken aback bc what the fuck are they even talking about? There are a million questions going through his head such as, since when was superman into batman? since when was this public knowledge? wtf did bruce say to imply that he was into batman as well? And he doesn't have an answer to any of these questions so he just smiles and says, "No, I'm not. The word competition implies that Superman has a chance, which he does not."

why did he say that? Bruce doesn't know, it just felt like that's how Bruce Wayne would've responded bc what's more Brucie than fighting with Superman for Batman's heart? anyway, upon reflection, this was maybe not the best response in terms of long term consequences, but he's committed to the bit now.

a week after all this goes down, news reporter Clark Kent is caught saying that Batman deserves better than Bruce Wayne, so is a third suitor putting his hat in the ring to win over batman?

[bruciemilf]

I fucking love a Clark Kent that's carved from sunshine and refuses to forfeit his hope and faith in humanity, but ONE OF THESE FUCKING DAYS MAN, one of these fucking days I hope to see him with that wolfish grin smile, bared wide and voice shaking, " I'm gonna laser the next person I fucking see I swear to GOD"

And for Battinson to calmly tap his shoulder. "Hello."

Then it's back to Kansas apple pie boy, " Oh my god! Bruce, hi!"

[frownyalfred]

If Clark is kidnapped, he knows without having to ask that Bruce is going to hunt him down with the help of the entire Justice League. They’ll find him! He’ll be fine!

If Bruce is kidnapped, he’ll just sit there — maybe getting lightly tortured — and dread the arrival of all 17 of his kids, one angry Kryptonian without his emotional support human, Alfred having a RED moment, the Batcow, and all of the active JL members who don’t hate him right now (Hal Jordan will probably still come with, but he will complain the entire time)

[ditzybat]

tim with a knife in his hands: damian, step away from the computer

damian reading superbat fanfiction on tim’s personal laptop: i wanted to play roblox, but this is adequate writing, are you in need of a beta reader by chance?