#incorrect superman quotes

[headcanonthings]

Clark: *Laying face down on the floor* Lois: So Bruce said he liked you? Clark, muffled: Yeah Diana: ...and you asked him to marry you? Clark: Yeah Lois: Oh shit. How did he react? Clark: Dunno, I ran before I could scare him even more *Meanwhile* Bruce, kicking in the door to the Manor: Kids, Alfred! Holy shit I'm gonna get married!

[ryemiffie]

Dc incorrect quotes with quotes from my day:

Tim: Oh go suck a dick!

Kon el: Will it be yours?!

Tim: ??

Tim: No??

Kon el: Then I don't want it!

Tim: ??

[lilho-ho-bo10]

Superman: *Jerks awake* !

Batman: Bad dream?

Superman: Yeah, I had this terrible dream where everyone I loved die-

Superman:...

Superman: Bruce, what are you doing in my house?

Batman: Well you see I...

Batman:...I like watching you sleep.

Superman: !?

Wonder Woman: *Comes out of the shadows* And I like watching him watch you sleep.

Superman: !?!?

Batman: !?!?

[paradisechid800]



Diana: Hey, I heard you two watched the Barbie movie. Clark: Yeah, we just came back from seeing it. Bruce: It was okay. Diana: Just okay? Bruce: ... Clark: ... Diana: ... Bruce: ... Bruce: *Starts crying* IT WAS AMAZING!!!! Clark:*Also Crying* We bought the whole doll collection. Diana: I knew it.

[mylifeisfruk4ever]

Bruce: I'm probably one of the smartest and most skilled people in this building.

Clark:... Is your hand stuck in a candy machine?

Bruce: I paid for mY SKITTLES, I'M GETTING MY SKITTLES

[queerryan]

Bruce: what would you do if we broke up?

Clark: what? I don't know.

Bruce: what you mean you don't know?

Clark: I don't expect us to break up, I don't think about it.

Bruce: it's just a hypothetical.

Clark: okay, let me think... I guess it would be weird for us at the league, I would've be sad, probably need some time to think... And you? what would you do if we ever broke up?

Bruce: I have a copy of the phantom zone device in the batcave, I would just send you there and then lie to everyone that you died.

Clark:... What?

Bruce: you know too much Clark, it's either from here to our grave, or to your grave. *Cheek kiss* now come on, Alfred finished dinner.

Clark: 😧😦

[fayebum]

Jon: *sneaking into his room wearing his supersuit at 5 am*

Clark, sitting on jons desk: excuse me WHERE WERE YOU?

Jon: i was with dami!

Damian, turning on the light: try again.

[lithiumseven]

Clark: This will give you the time to examine and process what you’re going through emotionally

Bruce: I don’t like it

Clark: Really? I love feeling feelings

Bruce: …

[youroriginalsublimecupcakestuff]

Damian : Why are you squeezing me with your body ?

Jon : It's a hug , Damian, i'm hugging you.

[gotham-exclusive]

Bruce: Yeah, I get that there are moments, small moments, very infrequent moments, where I’m not the easiest guy to work with, but who the hell is?

Clark: I am

Bruce: Fuck you

[eddiemsguitar]

Lex: Hey how are y'all-

Bizarro: *makes Bizarro noises*

Lex: AHHH! GET YOUR FUCKING DOG

Clark: He doesn't bite

Lex: YES HE DOES!

[headcanonthings]

Clark: You… built a panic room in the Fortress of Solitude while I was away? Bruce, shrugging: I had a weekend off

[ryemiffie]

Stuff from my day as justice league incorrect quotes this time!

Superman: Yeah I'm pretty sure that'd kill even me.

Batman: Oh don't act like you're above my cooking, I saw you munching on batteries earlier like they were chips.

Superman: I like their zappy taste.

[lilho-ho-bo10]

Diana: Hello?

Bruce: Where are you?

Diana: Clark asked me to come with him to run some errands.

Bruce: Be careful, he hasn't been the same since that fight with Manchester. I think he did something to him.

Diana: You worry too much about about him. Besides, Clark seemed to be normal.

Bank alarm goes off

Diana: What?

Clark: *Jumps into car with bag of money* Sorry that I took so long.

Diana: Clark, what are you doing!?

Clark: I'm robbing the bank.

Bruce: !?

Diana: CLARK, WHY ARE YOU ROBBING THE BANK!?!??!?

Clark: I don't know, I just felt like it. NOW GO!!!! We'll blend into traffic, no one will notice us.

Diana: CLARK, MY CAR IS INVISIBLE.

[batfamhyperfixation]

Kon: Clark, did you read the Smallville Mischief Report today?

Clark: The what?

Jon: Smallville Mischief. It's the section of the newspaper that reports all the crimes that have happened in town the past week. It names names and everything.

Clark: That could cause a lot of trouble.

Lois: It doesn't. No one reads it but these two knuckleheads.

Clark: The people of Smallville respect each other's privacy. If someone wants to commit a crime, that's their business.

Kon: It's interesting you would say that, Clark, considering what I just read. Ahem. "This weekend, someone knocked down "Vera Warren's British chimney sweep garden gnome. A single boot was left on her lawn."

Clark: Oh, that's one of the most famous garden gnomes in town. When you press a button on it, it says, "'Ello, gardener."

Kon: "Vera believes the boot belongs to... Clark Kent."

Everyone: *gasping*

[mylifeisfruk4ever]

Clark: You still haven't told me who treated you like you were a whore.

Bruce, joking: What, you want the list in alphabetical order?

Clark, in full kill mode: Yes.