#except for Jason and Barbara

[zhelin-thames]

Everyone in the bat-family is banned from cooking in Alfred's kitchen.

Except for Barbara and Jason, as the only two people in this crazy vigilante family who can cook and manage to NOT set the Kitchen on fire while making cold cereal.

Then there's Danny who made the turkey come to life for Thanksgiving......again

[sisaloofafump]

I appreciate the diversity in sounds

[whoracleoracle]

are you truly a comic book fan until you have the crushing realization that your fav will probably never go through permanent meaningful character development, and if they do it will probably be reversed for the sake of a cool action plot?

[gaywineauntsstuff]

Bats on Christmas (where are they?)

Dick: with the titans, has been pleasantly buzzed since 8 am. Phone has been off since midnight. Ate his weight in Christmas dinner and candy. Will meet each of his siblings one on one every day after (Jason and him get shitfaced on new years) but currently his head is on Donna’s lap and his legs are on Roy’s and he’s in a constant state of almost sleepy bliss (no one is dead shush)

Jason: binging Xmas movies him and mom used to watch at his apartment. Alfred sent him a full spread (listen in my country we do turkey and fix ins for Xmas idk what Americans do on Xmas) and he’s just been enjoying a quiet day in a nice apartment (bc I refuse to acknowledge or accept anyone being ok with Jay not having a nice warm apartment. If Dick Gave him a safe house he bought with mob money or he actually kept his drug lord money idc he has a very pretty apartment idcidc)

Tim: with Steph and Bernard, they’re shit talking him to bond, him and dick will meet and exchange presents the day after Xmas and he’s panicking bc he completely forgot to buy dick a gift so the three of them are at the mall while Tim gets increasingly worried

Damian: mad he’s not with Dick, at the Kent’s instead. Got the most presents bc all his siblings gave him stuff and both Dick and Bruce bought way too much stuff

Bruce: doesn’t do anything for Xmas and hasn’t since Jason died. His mom was Jewish so until the kids it just wasn’t a good time for him (for obvious reasons) and now his kids don’t really come home so he had a very peaceful night in and unlike literally any other time Christmas is surprisingly quiet in Gotham.

Steph: has collected a bunch of embarrassing Tim photos and is showing and telling Bernard info Tim wouldn’t let be known on his death bed while Tim is panicking over dicks gift. She spent Xmas eve with her mom so now she’s just chilling bc she already bought Dick, Cass, Damian and Tim gifts so she’s safe.

Cass: with babs since her dad has to work they’re having a very small and quaint Xmas together but it’s nice and them

Alfred: actually goes to mass

[casscainmainly]

I headcanon that Jason, Cass, Barbara, and Duke are the major lit lovers in the Batfam, but they have very different tastes. Jason's taste leans toward British literature, stuff like Shakespeare and Alexander Pope (and Austen of course), but he also enjoys dystopian novels like Brave New World, 1984 etc.

Cass loves contemporary novels, including romance (stealing this from Shadow of the Batgirl!). She prefers stories with happy endings, and she also loves detective fiction, specifically British/American Golden Age - I think she'd adore Agatha Christie's cosies.

Barbara has the most diverse reading taste, and is the only one who can discuss books with the others without it devolving into a fight about whose taste is better. Her specialty is feminist fiction, stuff like Virginia Woolf, Mary Wollstonecraft, and Audre Lorde. She's not big on poetry, though.

Duke is THE poetry fan. He's a big defender of contemporary poetry, particularly poetry by POC authors, and loves Hanif Abdurraqib, Toi Derricotte, and Ocean Vuong. He does love Harlem Renaissance too, but makes fun of Jason if he brings up Langston Hughes (along the lines of 'oh is that the one Black poet you know?'. Jason, as a genuine Hughes fan, hates this). Duke, like Cass, loves detective fiction, but he prefers hardboiled noir over cosies. Cass and Duke get into tons of fights about this.

Duke and Jason both loathe BookTok, while Cass enjoys it. Barbara is neutral but prefers BookTube. They tried to form a book club once but Barbara didn't show up (she knew what would happen), Duke left halfway (he can be very elitist in his literature views), and then Cass threw Jason out a window (he insulted her reading taste).

These are just my thoughts, feel free to disagree/add on with any of your own!

[raghhhhhyperfixations]

Alien reversal Au Pt2

(I love this au so much)

Adding onto my alien reversal au, here are some things Bruce doesn’t understand because well, he’s a big blob of alien.

1: He doesn’t understand humans aging.

For instance alfred and Gordon, the two obviously get older with time, grey hair maybe they slouch more and they become more weary but Bruce doesn’t understand??

He panics when he sees the obvious white in Gordons hair and then sees it happening to Alfred too (What exactly is this aliens lifespan?? hmmm… think like an elf, he just ages really, really slow, time can pass but he’ll never know.)

Which leads to a very complicated discussion about human lifespans, alfred having to hold Bruce and shush him and promise, promise he won’t ever leave Bruce.

-

2: Bruce doesn’t understand-boundaries.

Period.

Normal bruce doesn’t either but what can you do? Bruce is the type of alien to stick his whole hand into a cheesecake just to see how it feels because woah, cheese mixed with a cake.

Tim can’t stomach cheesecake after that incident.

Or:

Bruce huddling all his children into a nest like space because he’s instinct henning and, hey apparently this includes gordon’s daughter Barbara and Kate and— so many other humans they’ve never met?! Alfred is exasperated when it’s over.

-

3: Bruce has no concept of gender and quite frankly doesn’t care.

-

And to expand on this Au, what about the villains and heroes?

I guess to say atlantis and the Amazonians would still exist but quietly, Bruce technically would be allowed on the island considering his no concept of gender whole thing and the fact the amazonians can’t even dub what he is.

atlantis would be as peaceful as possible ignoring mantis and Aquaman’s brother who would remain villains for the sake of the drive and plot, aquaman only not destroying land because somehow his pseudo son (Aqualad) befriended one of these human kids (Guess which bat kid it was.)

And for the villains, catwoman would still be a thief, a pickpocket but without the batman, she doesn’t have to dress as a weird cat to do it, she just, thieves normally.

Two face would just be harvey dent but with either a DID or bipolar disorder struggling NOT to lose his license whenever he changes mood, having to flip a coin to act on his decisions and having slight bouts of paranoia and anxiety.

He would have an assistant called edward nygma who likes to distract him from his panic manic with random questions and riddles.

Lex luthor is the same, except he’s running an anonymous ‘ALIENS EXIST’ youtube channel and reddit, with semi blurry pictures of Bruce and a ‘I hate that reporter Clark kent.’ account.

Poison Ivy would just be a really active eco friendly girl running a flower shop and totally not laundering the money to help her girl Harley quinn.

And Joker? Well he’s still insane, he’d be an alien hunter, crazed out his mind, i wouldn’t change him much except for the fact he’d go to wild lengths to capture Bruce and prove his existence, dawn him on a stage and dangle him off like an actual bat.

He probably went mad from the lack of people believing him or the fact there’s an alien in his city, either way, he would still harm people to do it and would still end up in the same ‘Joker’ position either way, he would still hurt everybody.

Damian would still be conceived the same way but he’s a little half alien and Bruce would love him very much and Damian might pick up on his father’s instincts for instance, except in the animal variety. (Damian would kidnap so many human animals)

Thus how they get their pets.

As for hal jordan?

He just wishes this alien would stop kidnapping humans and causing trouble for the green lantern corps

(HES TIRED)

Basically superheroes do exist but i’m taking the trauma away from the villains and trying to redeem SOME of them, for instance the flash family would still exist and so would green arrow, heroes are needed after all, but these villains live day to day lives.

(With the occasional, ‘are you being good?’ from Bruce and gordon)

Also shoutout to: @hngryazn for making art <33 i wasn’t expecting it but it was really good and i’m super appreciative, go check that out ^^

[theeternalfool]

dc sketches while I work on a more detailed version of the teen titans designs 🫶

(as always, tap for (slightly) better quality)

[bookburners]

Do y’all think Barbara and Jason ever had a book club, something with just them in the back of the library? Or that Stephanie and Alfred ever talked about theater? Maybe Tim taught Cassandra photography so she could capture the things only she could see. Maybe Alfred showed Barbara how to make those superhero plushies. Maybe Damian and Bruce bonded over bird watching, or Cass and Dick finally started getting along over acrobatics, and Jason and Duke do writing workshops together? Perhaps Cass and Barbara took a dance class? Do Kate and Jason go shooting together? Maybe Tim showed Barbara how to skate in a wheelchair? Do Damian and Duke go to paleontology exhibits?

Just the Batfamily bonding over their interests.

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 299

Hear me out- Ghosts have wings. They have wings, which are affected by their cores, and can make them disappear from sight if they want or need to. You got that? Good. 

Ecto-contaminated people? Don’t have wings. Liminals and Halfas, who have developed cores? Do have wings, and they can’t hide said wings, because unlike ghosts? Their bodies are physical living flesh. 

Now Gotham? Ecto-contaminated, there’s no doubt about it. The amount of portals that have been opened there and death pits and death cults… yeah it’d be surprising if it wasn’t. But again, no one really notices, because at most? Most just get a bit of eyeshine. 

The Bats however? Oh man are they freaking out when they wake up with aches in their back and feathers starting to poke through their skin. Curse? Nope! Welcome to Liminality, enjoy the second puberty of wings, emotion-sharing, fangs, claws, and whatever else you might develop- also enjoy the whole eating fear thing. (Wait, the what-)

[rh1a]

just saying jason todd probably wrote batman fanfic as both a form of therapy and karma

my evidence:

- he's a lit nerd. every lit nerd has written fanfiction at somepoint. if you're a lit nerd and you haven't, you're a liar or you will be writing fanfiction soon. be ready.

- you're a liar if you think the batfam didn't have a giant fandom in gotham city (and other cities that had batman shipped with their hero (metropolis im looking at you))

- he'd get to tear the shit out of batman with well thought out arguments against stuff without actually having to try and make bruce listen

- the authors notes.

- 'sorry i haven't updated in two years, i got blown up resurrected and turned into an assassin by my step-mum. here's some fluff as an apology'

- i feel like i could go on for a while but I'll leave it there

[im-a-lil-bitch-boi]

EDIT: after bein explaimed to the affects lobotomy can have on someone, ill have to amend this post by sayin i would not lobotomize the joker. i would srill do SMTH, jus not like. . . this. makin this edit as i still agree w alot here aside from the lobotomy and vegetable comment(which have neen explained to me as ableist). also another reason for this edit is so others can see this w out me havin to take this down but also so i dont have to do major edits whilst half asleep 👍

ngl of i was Batman i woulda lobotomized the joker i,f he kill my son. fuck him, and fuck Superman! that mfer aint finna srop me

Supes: u cant kill the joker

me: ik that y ima lobotomize him, he killed my son. u think ima let him get away w that?

tbh i woulda lobotomized him the 2nd time he commited mass murder ngl, i ain fuckin round w thqt shit. Barbaras not gonna become disabled bc of him, Tim aint gonna become joker jr, amd Jason sure as hell aint finna die bc the jokers gonna become a fuckin vegetable when Dick is still Robin

ALSO i woulda gotten therapy the moment i realized i was fuckin up Dicks n i's relationship. i woulda offered him to join me in some family therapy n not do wut emotionally constipated Bruce "I am Vengence" Wayne did tf

[too0bsessedformyowngood]

Batfam incorrect quotes pt. 6 (with some Young Justice, Titans, and other heroes thrown in there for pizzazz)

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3 | pt. 4 | pt. 5

-

Steph and Duke: *making animal crossing characters noises*

Tim: *Sitting silently on his computer*

Damian: “I’m going to kill everyone in this room except for Thomas”

Duke: *curling over trying to hide his laughing*

Damian: “Wait was is Thomas, not Drake?”

-

Cassie: “Who are you more afraid of, Freddie Fazbear, or your teammate?”

Bart: *mumbling* “My teammate”

Cassie: “Good”

-

Dick *at titans tower*: “being in the kitchen making dinner make me feel like ‘a single mom who works two jobs who has her kids and never stops’”

Gar: “it’s who loves her kids”

Dick: “No no, have is enough”

-

Duke: *over coms* “What if Jarjar’s name was actually Jojo, the person introducing him was just Australian”

Cass: “Horrible news”

Barbara: “You have lost speaking privileges”

-

Roy: “my emotional, mental, and physical health is all on thin ice”

Wally: “I aspire to have thick ice one day”

Roy: “I aspire to be the iceberg to someone else’s Titanic”

-

Damian: “Richard there is a creepy guy following me again”

Jason: *right behind Damian*

Jason: “You literally showed up outside my house yesterday”

-

Clark: *driving to Disneyland with six people in a five seater car, four are crammed into the backseat*

Clark: “All I want is a churro, all I wanted was a churro”

-

Robin Dick *passenger seat of the Batmobile*: “Why are there so many vans? And truck, but small truck not big truck, better than big truck”

Bruce *driving*: “Much better than big truck”

-

Tim: “So I was going down the hill on my skateboard, and I didn’t stop at the gate because I was going like 20mph and too afraid to stop. I thought “the grass will stop me,” but they were doing work on the grass, so there was rope all around. I realized I had three options, go under the rope, into the rope, or jump over the rope. I’m not going under because my neck, I’m not going into to I try to jump, but the thing is my jump is, *tiny jumps* wimpy. So I jump and run into the rope and my body went, *grabs a paper, folds in half.* The rope went forward and started pulling the metal rods holding it in, out of the ground and bent them. I then fell on my face. I was fine. I think I got a mild concussion though.”

-

Jason: “Being framed, been there, done that”

Barbara: “I don’t think you were framed very often, I think you just committed crimes Jason”

[arrowmaker15]

(Everyone gathered in the living room of Wayne Manor)

Dick: You know what time it is!

Damian: I do not need a costume, Grayson.

Dick, ignoring Damian: This year's theme is superheroes and/or vigilantes! I'll go first; I'll be dressing up as the Flash!

Tim: Wally's version, I assume. I'll go as Superboy.

Jason: Do I have to?

Dick: Yes.

Jason, sighing: Male Wonder Woman.

Damian:...

Damian: Batman.

Cass: Black Canary.

Barbara: Batgirl.

Duke: Can she- whatever. Black Lightning.

Bruce:

Bruce: Superman...

Steph: Red Hood.

(Everyone looks at her)

Steph: Yes, I'll be going as my boyfriend. Don't give me that look, Tim's going as his!

Bruce: Excuse me-

[skylee-spider-lillis]

Just ignore my silly batfam texting headcanon(s).

Damian Jason the literature nerd and Barbara all have perfect grammar and a high vocabulary in texting and the rest of the batkids is like wtf. Weirdos. In group chats.

Though Damian probably uses emojis a lot. Probably a lot of angry emojis.

And also Jason is very brief and stiff in his messages.

[gaywineauntsstuff]

Stephanie brown 🤝 Dick Grayson

Being the only likable bats

[binglepringle]

(A few of the) Batfamily and their Hozier songs!

because I have not slept I’ve barely eaten I have only listened to Hozier for the past week and done class work sheets in a trance-like state of unconsciousness

So if this doesn’t make much sense, you know why. It’s the voices telling me.

Bruce: As It Was

Dick: Be

Jason: In a Week

Cassandra: Like Real People Do

Damian: Shrike

Duke: Sunlight

Stephanie: Wasteland, Baby!

Barbara: Jackie and Wilson