#harper and harley

[fairygothmotherisgay]

DC Social Media AU Part 8

[oldmannapping]

Mama - a Red Hood fanfic

Directly inspired by this post by @webshood

Excerpt:

You don’t jack a car in Crime Alley. And you definitely don’t jack a car in Crime Alley that almost certainly has a child in it.

The “Welcome To Gotham: 10 Things You Need To Know” pamphlets that Harley Quinn earnestly distributed to newcomers to the Gotham underworld were very clear about Red Hood’s list of Dos and Don’t.

Among the top Don’ts were:

Crime in Crime Alley

Crimes against women in Crime Alley

Crimes against children in Crime Alley

Mama

It wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t been so goddam cute.

Felicia Aidia, barely a year old. Couldn’t quite walk yet, but she could stand unassisted for five seconds of startled jubilance before her own shock at the situation would send her flopping back on her adorable diapered butt. Huge almond eyes that were nearly black, wispy black hair and full pink cheeks, she looked altogether too cherubic to be real.

Felicia had been strapped safely in a booster seat, poking at the condensation on the window of the rideshare car she was in with her babysitter, when they were carjacked by an idiot with either a death wish or less situational awareness than a stoned beetle.

There was no other excuse for why this man jacked a She-Share, one of the brightly-marked cars in a fleet that was famous for being Gotham’s first rideshare company to boast child seats in every one of their vehicles at no extra cost.

They were famously affordable and primarily utilised by single parents in low-income areas such as Crime Alley.

You don’t jack a car in Crime Alley. And you definitely don’t jack a car in Crime Alley that almost certainly has a child in it.

The “Welcome To Gotham: 10 Things You Need To Know” pamphlets that Harley Quinn earnestly distributed to newcomers to the Gotham underworld were very clear about Red Hood’s list of Dos and Don’t.

Among the top Don’ts were:

Crime in Crime Alley

Crimes against women in Crime Alley

Crimes against children in Crime Alley

The car thief had shoved the driver and Felicia’s babysitter out of the vehicle but utterly failed to notice the giant car seat and the appropriately-sized child occupying it.

A city-wide Amber Alert was out within minutes, which honestly was pretty good considering it happened in Crime Alley and Gotham police liked to pretend that area was just a mysterious Bermuda Triangle kinda place where people just mysteriously went missing, who can say why, oh well, what can you do.

The police were fast but Red Hood was faster.

The vigilante was leaping across rooftops with the speed of a panther. One police helicopter pilot completely forgot their assignment and started following him instead of the stolen car. People livestreamed blurry videos of the car careening around corners that hadn’t yet been blocked off, panning up to catch a glimpse of red metal and brown leather streaking across the sky in pursuit.

The end was anticlimactic. Hood crashed onto the roof of the car from the awning of a deli like a feral beast and punched straight through the driver’s side window. He knocked the driver out and wrested control of the vehicle until it skidded to a stop a few blocks away from the official police cordon.

Before any officers got there, Hood had hogtied the unconscious car thief and carefully extracted Felicia from her carseat.

She let out a small, uncertain wail at the sight and sound of cheering locals, crowding close to film and too boisterous with relief to realise they were scaring a baby.

Felicia pouted. It had been loud, and then fast, and then unfamiliar, and then loud again, and suddenly she was outside, and she was supposed to be napping, and she didn’t know any of these people.

Wait, yes she did. The man cradling her protectively with one arm and holding the other out to the crowd, telling them to, “Back off, back off, give her some space,”, she’d seen him before. She didn’t know how but he was familiar. His big red face (no eyes, very strange, no mouth too! How did he suck his thumb?) wasn’t scary. He was the man on the wall painting! The big wall near the playground had a picture of him painted on it. The playground was safe, and he reminded her of the playground. He was holding her protectively and he was all nice and warm.

Felicia didn’t know many words. But she did know the word she used for the person who felt safest.

“Mama!” she said loudly, clinging to the red man’s arm. “Mama!”

“It’s okay, kiddo,” he said in a very soothing voice for someone without a mouth, “We’ll get your mom.”

A police officer arrived and tried to take Felicia away. She did not appreciate it.

“Mama!” she cried louder, torn between frustration and fear. No one ever listened to her! She reached for the red man. “MAMA!”

Well. Like we said. She was so goddam cute. All eyes were on her fat little face, her adorable, freshly-rescued, chubby little hands reaching out to Red Hood. Everyone was filming her on their phones.

And she called the Red Hood “Mama”, in a perfectly clear, tiny, adorable little baby voice.

Of course it went viral.

For a while, it was a fun in-joke between Gothamites. People playing vigilante bingo to see who they’d spot each night would jokingly ask each other if they’d seen “Mama” down by the docks. Goons blustered amongst themselves that “Mama” didn’t scare them, as they kept their heads down and prayed he didn’t notice them. One bold news website captioned a picture as “Red Hood/Mama” in a story about Felicia’s rescue, while the commenters lost their minds either rofl skull skull skull dying laughing or warning the editors that they should be careful in case the trigger-happy vigilante didn’t have a sense of humour.

Closer to Hood’s home though, the reception was different. And, to him, wholly unexpected.

It started with Felix, the 16-year-old who’d been a sex worker until Hood cleaned up the under-18 scene in the Alley, and who now helped shuttle street kids to the lowkey safehouses Hood and his team had set up. Felix was a good middleman the kids trusted to take them somewhere with food, water, electricity, and no one called CPS. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a good compromise until Hood could clean the stink out of the city’s social services.

Felix was smoking on a stack of crates one night, chatting to a couple of his friends, when Hood strolled over.

“Hola, Mama,” Felix greeted casually, taking a drag of his cigarette as his friends choked.

Hood just sighed. “Not you too.” With a weary exhale, he got to business. “I got those extra blankets you needed for the safehouse on Cedar. They’re at the Warehouse B if you want to run them over tonight. Sheila knows you’re coming, she’ll sort you out.”

And so, with Felix not dead and two witnesses with big mouths to tell the tale, word spread. It was open season on Red Hood’s new nickname.

“Hey, mama!” called the girls on the corner as Hood checked to make sure none of the johns had gotten too rough.

“Mama’s here!” crowed the gays and theys across the block as he dropped off condoms and hot soup.

“It’s mama!” announced the receptionist at the shelter when Red Hood stopped by to do an inventory check.

Everywhere he went.

Whatever. It would pass. People’s attention spans were shot to shit, and the loudest viral jokes always burnt out the fastest. At least, Hood was pretty sure. He wasn’t really online much but it was impossible to exist in the world without hearing a few meme references, and they always seemed to die out fast. When was the last time anyone talked about Baby Shark? Or that kid who said “corn” weird? This would blow over.

Granted, it was taking a bit longer than Hood initially expected.

When Dick gleefully changed his name in the Family Chat, Jason ignored it. He never replied to that thing anyway.

When Red Robin said, “Mama, you’re clear,” in perfectly neutral tones during an otherwise routine surveillance operation, and several comm lines immediately muted themselves, Jason ignored it.

When Damian’s new black kitten, with huge blue eyes and a white streak on the forehead, was named Mama, Jason started to get annoyed. Even DAMIAN?

When Roy answered his call with, “Mama, I missed you!” followed by thirty seconds of unhinged cackling, Jason hung up the phone and didn’t speak to Roy for three days.

When Cass used the ASL sign for Mom to relay information to him during a mission brief, his shoulders dropped.

When Alfred gave him an exquisite pink cupcake on the second Sunday of May, Jason thanked him, left the room, walked into the nearest bathroom, carefully put the cupcake on the bench, and screamed into a towel for six minutes.

When Duke finished a story about growing up in the Narrows with, “Mama knows what I’m talking about, right?”, Jason was defeated.

Fine. They win. Everyone wins.

He worked so hard on a legacy. He dug out of his own GRAVE. He clawed himself back from insanity and anger and reclaimed himself, reclaimed Red Hood, reclaimed his home. He carved a new space for himself, not quite a vigilante, not quite a villain. He made his own rules. He built an empire.

And now, he’s FUCKING Mama.

Life isn’t fair. Sometimes the Joker kills you and you sever heads and butcher bad guys and build up a reputation and then one goddam adorable child says two goddam syllables and you’re fucking MAMA for the rest of your goddam life.

Fuck it. He’s going home. He’s too tired for this shit.

[tiredofsatansbullshit]

Another chapter of my "The Waynes on Twitter" work on AO3

Masterlist of Tweets

34 - broose

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[redhoodforreal]

Now now, for both selina e kate "baby girl" is bruce and you know that.

The real question is: who will fill the two missing spot? I wait your answer

[m-sciuto]

Bat Ladies color wheel

[the-swift-tricker]

breaking down the members of the batfam:

bruce wayne (emotionally repressed autistic dad/tired but loving/"i'd die for you. ask me to die for you.")

alfred pennyworth (beloved grandfather and backbone of the house/"cool you were in the circus too alfie?" "a different type of circus master richard"/the most flexible on the whole no killing rule thing)

dick grayson (embarrassing "stay silly" older brother/eldest child/self-titled "bruce's little angel")

barbara gordon (adopted bruce more than he adopted her/this family would not survive without her it support/only one who knows how to work the router)

jason todd (the try hard wanna be cool accidentally cool but not in the way he meant brother)

tim drake (gifted child syndrome overachiever middle-child-and-mentally-ill-about-it bisexual nerd)

damian wayne (asshole baby man with a heart of absolute gold and a closet full of swords/tiny and feral/why does he have so many swords??)

stephanie brown (the goldilocks of the family/showed up one day and refused to leave/heartbreaker/know-nothing know-it-all, "get your feet of the furniture, stephanie")

cassandra cain (the darling daughter/autistic queen/"cuddled nicely" and "bit my ass" rolled into one/don't look directly at her too long or you'll fall in love)

duke thomas ("finally someone normal around here"/"oh no he's just as bad"/the day shift/probably does way too many light related puns)

selina kyle ("hot milfs in your area"/bruce's lover on the down low that literally everyone knows about/enamored by his autistic swagger/not married to bruce but would take the kids in the event of divorce)

kate kane (fucking rad lesbian wine aunt/kicker of ass, spoiler of nephews and nieces)

harper row ("alfred where did this punk child come from?"/"SHE'S GOTTA GUN"/best music taste out of any of them/once turned a lawn mower into a drag car/it was awesome)

lucius fox (other grandpa/ twead wearing dad/"bruce you need to pay your taxes"/"bruce getting shot point blank in the back is not advisable"/"bruce the hague tends to frown on child soldiers")

lucas fox (conceivably he should be smarter than getting mixed up in all this/still got mixed up in all this/"don't you think batwings a little too...on the nose?" "says the guy that calls himself batman")

helena bertinelli (cranky cousin that is beloved by a few and feared by all/"why doesn't her boyfriend have a face?"/"SHE'S GOTTA CROSSBOW!")

harley quinn (bisexual vodka aunt that's really just bruce's friend from college/has invited herself over for every hanukkah ever since finding out bruce is jewish too)

[felizketch]

LIKE WHY ARE WE PITTING TWO BAD BITCHES AGAINST EACH OTHER??? 😭 They both have their pros and cons, and at the end of the day, I like them both :”)

[tuxedosaurus]

The DC characters with the top 30 number of appearances is very sad.

Superman has ten thousand less appearances than Batman, and Wonder Woman has a further ten thousand less. Hal Jordan having a comparable number appearances to characters 20 years older than him is terrible.

The bottom 6 characters is equally saddening when Harley Quinn, invented in the 90s, has more appearances than Billy Batson or Roy Harper, who have existence since the 40s. Billy was once the most popular superhero ever as Captain Marvel.

All three of those Titans should have at least a thousand more appearances.

[jasonsknight3]

I decided to write about one of my favorite Jason's. Arkham knight Jason. These are just some thoughts I have.

Jason smokes. A lot would be an understatement. It's almost constant. The few times he isn't smoking is when he is in the mask (obviously) or in a non-smoking area. Does he know its bad for him? YES,it's a struggle. Does he think about quitting? Yes. However, it feels good. It relaxes him. His near constant tense body gets a break when he smokes.

AK Jason has serious sleep issues. Between the sleepless nights in Arkham and not even knowing when the night has begun or ended has messed him up. All the nights he’s been doing morally grey vigilante work. He doesn’t exactly care anymore either but that’s because he doesn’t necessarily care about himself too much anymore.

He keeps to himself for the most part. When he’s out and about he doesn’t say much. Only speak if necessary. Most of the time he’s thinking. Always thinking. Mowing over the choices, his life, how it could be different.

He. Is. Violent. He hasn’t really dealt with the trauma. He is still burning with hate. Sure he switched sides as the morally grey Redhood but he still feels the blackness. He is violent when he’s angry. Sometimes may hurt you. Now whether he means to or not is a different story. He may not even know himself if he meant to.

AK Jason has lost a major amount of hearing in his left ear due to his time in Arkham. All the beatings, all the hits to the side of his head. It was inevitable really. He will use a hearing aid when he’s in civilian attire but not as he’s alter because the mask has built in hearing enhancement. In his right ear however luckily he only lost 5% of his hearing.

Jason twitches like crazy. It’s usually what he would call phantom shocks. Being tortured the way he did with the “shock therapy” he probably has nerve damage too. He doesn’t really know but he doesn’t find it a priority to find out.

It takes a sweet heart to break down his walls, a caring woman with soft gentle hands. A woman with patience and time.

He’s not necessarily a physically affectionate man. He’d feel anxiety if you try to touch him in any way. However if and when you get close he will display some sort of physical affection. Holding your pinky, or wrist (never your whole hand though, that feels scary for him. That will come even later.)

Begin with him is a risk. As mentioned in his violent headcanon he may hurt you. He’ll wonder why you’d stay but he’s not necessarily complaining though.

The only creature he will let touch him is his cat. Finley or Finn for short. He is the only think Jason will willingly show love to and let show love back. In a way, Finn is teaching Jason how to be gentle again. How to love.

In his heart of hearts. In the deepest part of himself he is just a man who forgot how to love and how to be loved.

[arrowmaker15]

(Jason looking up at the whole Batfamily)

Jason: In my defense-

Duke: How the fuck did you start a cult!?

Tim: For the second time!

Duke: Yeah, for the- wait he what?

Steph: We don't talk about the first time.

Duke: Why not?

Dick: Somehow the cult ended up sacrificing bats, and they were all dressed like us.

Cass: Made all uncomfy.

Jason: It just happened-

Damian: Honestly, Todd-

Babs: Boys.

(silence)

Bruce: How'd it happen?

Jason:

Jason: Okay, so, it all started when Roy left me unattended with Lian-

[vodrae]

I asked myself "wich member of the batfam is the most likely to give up everything and become a luchador in Mexico ?"

All of them, maybe they already are.

[dc-marvel-crossovers]

DC/Marvel parallels + Ao3 tags

[makeyouminemp3]

oh boy, do i love the irony in this

[bitsofbats]

DC vs. Vampires #11, 2023 James Tynion IV, Matthew Rosenberg, and Otto Schmidt

[bruciemilf]

No Capes! Actor AU ft. Baby Cass, Damian, and Steph bc why not

based on this amazing idea

[soranatus]

Gotham Girls by irispardom (x).