#incorrect Tim Drake

[timmydraker]

Tim, finally able to go sleep after solving a rough case: Alright, line up.

Cassie, Bart and Kon: *all line up and stand at attention*

Tim: When I say don’t add to the population, I mean…?

Cassie, Bart and Kon in unison: Do not get pregnant, get someone else pregnant, clone someone, give a robot or Artificial Intelligence a consciousness or mess with the time stream and accidently increase fertility rates again.

Tim, nodding in approval: And when I say don’t remove from the population…?

Cassie, Bart and Kon: Don’t kill anyone or thing that has a soul or consciousness directly or inadvertently unless through the legal system or if it’s a genuine accident, in which it is not our fault.

Tim, rubbing his eyes tiredly and yawning: If you’re going to leave the planet or time period?

Cassie, Bart and Kon: Tell you or a trusted adult.

Tim: and who is a trusted adult?

Cassie, Bart and Kon: WonderWoman, Superman, Oracle, and Batman between 1 am to 11 pm only.

Tim: good job, gold stars all round.

Cassie, Bart and Kon: YES!

[hopefully-helpful-daemon]

*after Tim dyed his hair for something*

Bruce: You look like the girl from monsters Inc.

Tim: Boo

Bruce:

Tim:

Bruce:

Tim: That's her name.

Bruce: Oh. I thought you were trying to scare me

[thebat-musicman]

How Jason as Nightwing should have gone

Jason: Im Nightwing now

Dick: Okay

Jason: This doesn’t offend you at all? You don't want to brutally murder me?

Dick: No…?

Jason: *sigh* Man, I gotta apologize to Tim

[nana-mizu-shiki]

Steph, walking in at the perfect time, spitting her non-existent drink out in shock: WhAt!!! TiM what THe FUuh--!!

Dick, walking in oblivious and watching Steph break down on the floor for some reason: Uuuh- anyway, Dami! I found Alfred (the cat) in the library! You can finish that sketch of them you were making!

Damian, ignoring the obviously demented Brown while she tries to call him and follows his big brother to find his cat: Tim, Dick's going to be in the library with me and Alfred

Tim, previously paying zero attention but wait that sounds wrong he's like 9-: Wait, whAt- ???

Steph continuing to have a meltdown and choking because she can't breathe and angry yet so glad she's being ignored in the presence of this chaos because of Tim's idiocity: *Dying* I cAn'TT- CaN''t BReaThE!!

Damian, entering the living room: Oh, Drake. I didn’t realise you were here too.

Tim, distracted on his phone on the couch: Yeah, best WiFi around. Keeping busy?

Damian, looking in cupboards and chandeliers for acrobatic older brothers: Looking for Dick.

Tim absently, not looking up from Grindr: Mm, me too.

[babydipper]

jason, mid argument: well, I died!-

tim, deadpan: ohhhh my god, you died? should we tell everyone? should we throw a party? should we invite ra's al ghul?

[cardinalcheerio]

Tim: Hey dick?

Dick: yeah?

Tim: Sooo... if someone were to hypothetically steal a sculpture called "The Hand". Would they call the heist, "The Hand Job"?

Dick *grinning and searching sculptures*: be a worse crime not to name it that

[jasonsthunderthighs]

Dick: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.

Tim: My life is a little too much fall out and not enough boy.

Jason: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance

Damian: My life is a little too much imagination and not enough dragons.

Bruce: *Facepalmin* All I asked was how your weekend was.

[incorrect-waynemanor]

bruce: damn it, jason!

tim: jason’s not home

bruce: force of habit. damn it, tim!

tim: nice try, but it wasn’t me either

bruce: what? then who left the warehouse door unlocked?

cass, halting outside the kitchen:

[ryemiffie]

More of me and my bro as bat bros incorrect quotes:

Dick, accidentally clicking the wrong thing on the bat computer: Oh wait, shit, I didn't want you.

Tim, standing ominously behind him: That's what Bruce said when I became Robin.

Dick:

Tim:

Dick: Tim, noo..

[tmnt-queen-og]

Jason: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve.

Dick: I think you mean cards, Jay.

Tim: He does not.

Jason, pulling out knives: I do not.

[wondersinwaynemanor]

a scenario after Bruce comes back.

he's catching up with how everybody is until he sees...

Tim: *holding his and Kon's baby*

Bruce: *feels dizzy and thinks "I just came back home. Do I have another?"*

Bruce, gulps: Is he-is he mine?

Tim: No, he's not.

Bruce: *feels even dizzier and thinks "Did my kids adopt when I was gone?"*

Bruce, holds the edge of the table: So, whose is he, Tim?

Tim: Mine.

Bruce: *feels likes he's actually going to faint now and thinks "I kept telling them about protection, right? Last time I checked, I held a lecture."*

Bruce, does a breathing exercise: I already told you to be responsible -

Tim, shrugs and looks down at the precious bundle on his arms: Mine and Kon's clone baby.

Bruce, shrieks: WAIT, WHAT?????

Tim: A clone, B. Of me and Kon. He's your grandson.

Bruce: *faints*

Kon, appearing from behind door: He pretty much got the same reaction as me.

Tim: *shrugs while cooing for the baby*

Kon: You should have told him after he got some rest.

Tim, shrugs: It's alright. We need everyone unconscious in this house if we are to make a new clone baby of us.

Kon, blinks rapidly: Excuse me?

Tim: You heard me.

Kon, shrieks: WAIT, WHAT????

Tim: I want another, Kon.

Kon: *faints*

[timmydraker]

Tim, holding something behind his back: don’t be mad.

Bruce, already getting mad: I won’t get mad, you can always talk to me. What’s going on?

Tim, revealing a swaddled baby: I messed up when cloning Kon and accidently spilt my DNA into it and now I have a clone baby with my dead situationship.

Bruce, flabbergasted: ..???

Bruce: why were you cloning- when did you start datin- I’m a grandpa?! No, go back, how did you ‘accidently’ spill DNA aren’t you paranoid too????

Tim, who may or may not have been crying over one of the clones and accidently cut his lip trying not to sob and got blood into a test chamber: that’s not important.

Bruce, hyperventilating: why is it so small????

Tim: cause she’s only two months old.

Bruce; I understand that, but even an average two month old should be-…

Bruce: two.

Bruce: you said two months.

Tim: you said you wouldn’t get mad.

Bruce: you hid a baby for TWO MONTHS?!

Tim: I WAS PANICKING LEAVE ME ALONE!

Bruce: IVE BEEN A GRANDPA FOR TWO MONTHS AND YOU DIDNT TELL ME?!

Tim: WELL! I don’t know I’m seventeen, what did you expect?

Bruce, actively loosing brain cells: if you can clone your dead boyfriend-

Tim: we never actually started dating-

Bruce: -then you can tell your father you had a baby.

Tim: …

Tim: I’m not exactly sure what stage of being an adult I am, I started a little young I think.

Tim: but I am a mother now so don’t you dare yell at me.

Bruce: …

Tim: …

Bruce: …

Bruce: … can I hold her?

Tim, grinning in victory: wash your hands first and then you can.

LATER:

Bruce: why is she a girl if you and Kon are both male?

Tim: are you questioning my baby’s gender??? That’s so homophobic, gay men can raise girls.

Bruce: you know damn well I didn’t mean-

[hopefully-helpful-daemon]

*batkids going out in gotham for the night*

Bruce: And what do you do if you get stopped by the cops?

All of the kids: let Tim or Jason deal with it as the two white passing ones.

Bruce: Good, now go have fun.

[thebat-musicman]

9 year old Dick: If you’re a friendless loser and you know it, clap your hands!

Bruce:

Dick: Clap. Your. Hands.

Bruce: *clap clap*

———

12 year old Jason: HEY YOU!

Jason: HEEEEEY YOU!

Jason: HEY! YOU!

Bruce: It’s not polite to not call people by their names, Robin.

Jason: Nice try, Hey You. I know my mentor’s name.

———

13 year old Tim: You see this coffee, Bruce?

Bruce: Thank you for making this for m-

Tim: This is my coffee. You are having water. Only people who don’t break mugger’s fingers get coffee.

———

Clark: Batman, your Robins are so polite. They must have been a joy to raise.

Bruce, through clenched teeth: Such a joy.

[venominomenon]

Kon: Robin, why don't you like cats?

Tim: I like cats! I just like other animals better!

Cassie: Oh, yeah? Like what?

Bart: Wild cocks. Wild heterosexual cocks with rabies.

[sodamnbored]

Damian, entering the living room: Oh, Drake. I didn’t realise you were here too.

Tim, distracted on his phone on the couch: Yeah, best WiFi around. Keeping busy?

Damian, looking in cupboards and chandeliers for acrobatic older brothers: Looking for Dick.

Tim absently, not looking up from Grindr: Mm, me too.