#incorrect batsiblings

[incorrect-waynemanor]

damian: unlike some people, i'm a very mature person. i apologize when i'm wrong

steph: but i've never heard you apologize???

damian: are you saying there's times where i've been wrong?

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce: My twelve-year-old son recently started to stream on Twitch. After weeks of zero interactions, he was ecstatic to announce that he had not only a viewer, but a follower also. I've never seen a happier human being.

Bruce: I am that follower. He can never know.

[vodrae]

Rich pregnant socialite: So we went to this clinic and let them manipulate our genes so we're 100% sure our child won't have any disease, he will have my hair and his father eyes and so much things we did for him! And you Bruce ?

Brucie: Found em in the trash. Except Tim, he found me in the trash.

[olailamajnoon]

Headcanon: Jason, after coming back from the dead, decides to fuck with Bruce for revenge and also because it slaps, but mostly for revenge ykwim

Bruce blames coffee and lack of sleep for the fact that the pizza delivery boy looks like Jason, the club bouncer looks like Jason, the clerk in Damian's school looks like Jason

Jason: here's your pizza, mister *shoves it into Bruce's face*

Bruce: 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 can I ask your name

Jason: Percy, but everyone just calls me Purse. Like in "cut purse"

Bruce: *under his breath* jesus, you even SOUND like him

Jason, wide innocent eyes popping out of his chiseled man face: you okay dude?

Bruce, convinced he's finally lost his mind, but still holding on to the "illusion": Do you want to come inside?

Jason, deadpan: dude you're rich white and famous, you really think imma let you take me inside your gargantuan Gothic mansion? Being killed one time's enough

Bruce, turning around: *wHaT dId YoU sAy*

[invincibledc]

Batsib!reader: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife?

Dick: Rude.

Damian: That’s fair.

Jason: Not again.

Tim : Are you going to want this back?

[goodoldfashionedengineer]

The only time when all the batkids will work together in perfect harmony is to prank Bruce.

And for the best prank all they needed was a few label makers.

Labels are put on everything.

On every mug, on every plate, on every bandaid package.

The chocolate bars are labeled "BatSnack".

The fruits become "Batana", "Batricot" and "Batermelon".

Every button on the microwave, every key on the keyboard, it all gets a label.

"Batstop button", "Batstart button", "Bat-A-key", Bat-Enter-key".

Bruce's desk isn't simply the "Batdesk". It is the "Batwood construction surface".

There is a label beneath the desk too.

Originally named "underside of Batwood construction surface".

It takes days, weeks, months to remove all the labels.

Until one day, when Bruce makes a few new installations in the cave.

Surely some higher being is laughing at him right now, Bruce thinks, as he pulls of the last one.

"Batceiling"

[shyjusticewarrior]

Tim: I thought Jason still wanted to fight me and I was like "what is this guy's problem?"

Tim: He grabbed my wrist and pulled me like awkwardly close to him and he was like "so are we brothers now or what?"

Tim: And I was like "ooh, you're crazy!"

[demonicsuffrage]

Dick, holding Tim close while hissing at the hundreds of people gathered outside the Manor who all want to adopt: Who the hell posted an 'Available for adoption' advertisement for Tim?!

Damian, actively printing more adverts: I have no idea

Jason, posting them all over town: Must have been Alfred

Tim, who had designed the ad in the first place: Just let it happen, Dick

Bruce, running in: Can I adopt him again

[animemangasoul]

Tim: If I wanted to murder someone, would you help me cover it up?

Damian: Of course Drake. Surely there is a brotherhood code for such things.

Tim: Thanks, demon.

Dick:......

Dick: I'm highly concerned but also *wipes tears* so touched. You've come so far, guys.

Bruce:......

Alfred: Perhaps this is why you ought to raise your own children Master Bruce.

[firerose18991]

Literally anyone meeting bruce and his family for the first time: So how did you get so many kids by 30?

Dick: HE WAS A TEENAGE DELINQUENT

Jason: *shouting over him* HE LEFT MY MOTHER AT THE ALTAR

*tim is sitting, just happy to be included*

Bruce: BE-quiet.  They're ADOPTED!

Jason: *not a beat missed* Because he��s never known the touch of a woman.

[incorrect-waynemanor]

dick: so, i got banned from jason’s safehouse because i’m apparently a “liability” and “reckless” and “dick”

dick: that last one’s just my name, but you should hear it the way jason says it

[incorrectbatfam]

Dick: The real reason Howl kept his castle moving was tax evasion.

Jason: This sounds like a joke but I read the book. This is the literal reason.

[fanaticalthings]

I really like the idea of the bat kids designating Dick and Jason's apartments as sibling gathering spots but for opposite reasons.

Sibling needs some comfort? Some eldest daughter advice? A shoulder to cry on or just a lil getaway spot from the chaos of Gotham? Dick's apartment is perfect.

But if a batkid wants to complain, maybe wants to talk shit about Bruce, or maybe even wants to discuss a lil felony in a judgement free zone? Jason's place it is.

And I like to imagine that while Dick readily keeps his doors open and reminds anyone that they can drop by anytime, it's the opposite for Jason.

Dude's got his place riddled with traps and locked up to the high heavens. He makes it obvious he doesn't want visitors, and vaguely insinuates that there are bombs rigged somewhere in his apartment so there's a always a 50/50 chance you might get blown up if he's feeling particularly bitchy one day.

But does that stop his siblings? Absolutely not. Unlike Dick (who assigns himself as the guiding older brother), Jason has been forcefully labelled as the older sibling you go to if you need to complain and stir up havoc. The hundreds of traps in his place mean nothing. And it's worse because Jason is never prepared for when someone drops in.

-----

[Jason, 3 hours into his sleep, blearily waking up to a weight on his chest at 4am]:

[Damian, perched atop him, eyes dead-centre locked onto Jason without blinking]: Hello, Todd-stop screaming it is unbecoming-I just came to tell you that father won't allow me to adopt another stray I found on patrol.

Jason, half-asleep and like 70% sure he's hallucinating: Wha-

Damian: I need you to blow up his car.

Jason:

-----

[Jason, arriving home after a 6 hour patrol, exhausted out of his mind, turning on the lights]:

[Stephanie, previously baking brownies in the pitch black darkness before Jason arrived]: Oh hey! Just thought I'd drop by, y'know, for fun.

Jason: Bruce yelled at you again.

Stephanie: Bruce yelled at me again.

And yes, while most of the time, it ends up as wholesome sibling bonding, sometimes the other batkids just feel like inconveniencing Jason just whenever, because what are siblings for?

[Jason waking up and seeing all of his traps and security systems disarmed and very deliberately broken in a way where he'll have to replace all of them instead of being able to reactivate them]:

[Jason, immediately dialing his phone angrily]: Tim, I swear to GOD-

-----

[Jason giving himself a rest-day and cooking some meals]:

[Dick somersaulting in through the open window unannounced (he missed his brother)]: Whatcha up to, littlewing? :>

Jason: GET OUT-

-----

[Jason casually reading a book, feeling a sudden chill up his spine]:

[Cassandra standing in the corner without so much as an exhale, watching Jason intensely. Who knows how long she's been there]:

Jason: Are you here to kill me

Cass:

Jason: Just make it quick.

[olailamajnoon]

Tim: so do you have Tumblr.

Bruce: no.

Tim: get it! Please! It will be so much fun. *sees Bruce looking doubtful* Also a bonding experience 😌

Bruce: uh okay.

Bruce: *buys Tumblr*

The next day:

Bruce: Tim I have Tumblr now

Tim: that's great Bruce! So, what's your username? I can think of a few dumb ways you would try to sound smart.

Bruce:...uh

Tim: it's fine if you don't wanna tell me.

Bruce: you meant

Bruce: you meant an account

Tim:...

Tim:...yes?

Tim: Bruce.

Tim: what did you do.

Bruce: Uh nothing. I—excuse me a moment.

*Goes into next room and phones Lucius*

Bruce: Lucius. I need the purchase to be anonymous. Completely anonymous, not a word of it gets out! Especially to my family.

Lucius: uh huh...sure. Anything I can do to make you look less ridiculous.

Bruce: what are you talking about.

Lucius: never mind. As usual, I know nothing.

*Lucius keeps the phone*

Bruce: *coming out* So. Tim. Where were we.

Tim *looking up from his smartphone with a shit-eating grin on his face*: You're fucking with me. Tumblr? You thought I was telling you to buy—?

Tim starts laughing uncontrollably, literally rolling on the floor.

Tim: Bruce you complete and utter DWEEB 😭

(continues laughing)

Bruce:

Bruce: well I suppose this could be considered bonding.

[dc-gotham-instincts-wild]

Smol Au where Bruce heard one 1 detail about Tim’s home life and immediately went into Bat-Dad Override Mode.

Like, imagine Tim offhandedly mentioning something like, “Oh yeah, my parents used to forget I existed sometimes. I once had to fake a break-in just to get their attention.” And Bruce just freezes. Cue the world's longest internal monologue:

"Wait. What. What do you mean 'forget you existed'? What do you mean 'fake a break-in'? TIM, WHAT DO YOU MEAN—"

And the next thing you know, Tim blinks and—boom, Brucie Wayne has casually committed legal theft.

Paperwork? Done. Custody battle? There was none. Jack Drake? Doesn’t even realize he’s been replaced yet. Bruce just pulls some billionaire strings, has Alfred pack up Tim’s things, and suddenly Tim legally belongs to the Batfamily (As if he didn't emotionally belong to them already)

Tim: “Wait, what?” Bruce: “You live here now.” Tim (Scared of Jack): “But my father-” Bruce (Hugging him): “No. I'm done seeing you go back to a place where they don't care.”

Meanwhile, Dick, Jason, Cass, Steph, and Damian are in the background, going absolutely feral over the fact that Bruce didn’t do this sooner.

Dick is so happy he picks Tim up and swings him around like a ragdoll.

Jason takes the opportunity and breaks into the place and steals the expensive stuff that Tim mentioned he liked.

Cass just smiles and nods approvingly before immediately making Tim do some ridiculous high-difficulty sparring because "You are true family."

Steph is thriving because she’s been screaming about how her twin deserved better for years. More chaos fun for them now.

Meanwhile, Damian is pretending to be normal about it.

He’s sitting there like “Hmph. This changes nothing.”

Internally, he is losing his mind. “Father should have stolen custody a long time ago.”

He spends the next month being extra insufferable about Tim’s new legal status but also follows him around just a bit more than usual.

Then Duke shows up later, and the other Batkids make sure he gets the memo.

Cass just hands him a file labeled “People We Hate.” Jack Drake is at the top.

Jason corners him like “If you ever see a Ouija board, we’re using it to haunt Jack Drake.”

Dick just gives him the reasons straight

Steph just mentions it once or twice.

Damian openly insults Jack at a gala

By the end of the week, Duke is fully briefed and casually says “Screw Jack Drake” at the dinner table, earning an approving nod from Jason.

[goodoldfashionedengineer]

Dick: *posts a video consisting of multiple clips to social media, in which Jason is seen sitting in a chair, reading something on his phone*

---

Jason: *widens his eyes and leans forward, gripping one of the chair arms*

Jason: No, the fuck, he didn't?!

Jason: That's not something he would say, but fine.

Jason: *blinks a few times* *looks up* *stares at his phone again* *blinks again* *raises his eyebrows*

Jason: *lies his phone aside, grips his hair while he paces around the room, clearly suppressing a scream*

Jason: I know I sometimes turn into a masochist when it comes to reading, but this is on a new level, even for me

---

Tim: *walks into the frame and takes Jason's phone away*

Jason: Give me back my pho-

Tim: YOU READ BATFAMILY ON AO3?!