#incorrect batjokes

[yourmomxx]

Jason (to his family): What took you guys so long? I thought you were gonna be here an hour ago!

Bruce: Well, we were making good time in traffic until I got cut off by some crazed motorcycle hoodlum in black leather.

(Roy enters)

Roy: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck behind some walnut driving six miles an hour.

Bruce (points at Roy): That's the hoodlum!

Roy (points at Bruce) : That's the walnut!

[ryemiffie]

More quotes from my day but as Lego Batman incorrect quotes:

Lego Joker: Me? Evilly scheming an evil scheme in my evil scheme room for evil scheming of evil schemes that I evil scheme in the evil scheme room for evil schemes? I would never scheme of it.

Lego Batman: Fucking liar.

[superbat-love]

Joker: Stay out of our fight, Superman! Batman is mine! Nobody understands him more than I do.

Superman: That’s where you’re wrong, Joker. I know everything about Batman. I know how he thinks, how he talks, how he moves, what his heartbeat sounds like, how much air is circulating in his lungs and how fast the blood is moving through his veins. I know Batman on a molecular level.

Joker: And they call me obsessed.

[kazuko-stuff]

Actually, it’s…

Jason: This isn’t the Pride and Prejudice antique edition! This is an ordinary modern copy of Pride and Prejudice that has been squished up, slightly creased, soaked in sweat and kissed with Nightiwng Blue number two Semi Gloss Lipstick!

Tim: *Wearing the lipstick* Actually it’s Nightwing blue number-

Dick: *bonks Tim on the head with one of his Eskrima sticks*

[le-sluagh]

#15 Incorrect Batman: Vigilante (My AU)

Poison Ivy: I am Poison Ivy, I speak for the trees. Chop them down and I snap your knees.

*****

Joker: I just got the best idea I've ever had in my entire life!

*Later*

Lex Luthor, to Joker: That was the worst idea you’ve ever had in your entire life.

*****

Mad Hatter: Just be careful, Dear Scary!

Scarecrow: *heading out the door* I'm always careful, Matty!

Scarecrow: It's everything around me that's careless.

*****

Harvey Dent: I give up. I am so tired.

Joker: Get the emergency supply!

Harley Quinn: *carries Grace and places her in front of Harvey*

Grace Lamont: *smiles*

Two Face: AND I AM BACK BABY, LET’S GOOO

*****

Mad Hatter: Hey, wanna help me commit crime?

March Harriet: What the hell!?

Mad Hatter: Oh, sorry, my bad.

Mad Hatter, whispering: Wanna help me commit crime?

March Harriet, whispering: Sure. How can I help?

*****

Joker: *pretending to joke* So when are you going to go out with me?

Batman: I don't know. When are you going to ask me to?

Later

Harley Quinn: And you just ran away?!

Joker: I didn't expect him to flirt back!

*****

Two Face: What can therapy do for me that screaming in my car for 30 minutes can’t?

*****

Music Meister: Hey, Mad Hatter, do you have feelings for me?

Mad Hatter: Yeah, anger.

*****

Penguin: You know what the problem is? You’re really cute, so no one ever told you to shut your pie-hole.

Riddler: You think I’m cute?

Penguin: SHUT YOUR PIE-HOLE!

*****

Joker: A fistfight CAN be romantic.

[somnus-in-law]

Jason: *ranting about how Batman should just kill the Joker*

Bruce, internally: He doesn't know our life force is connected, so if he dies I die.

[incubaeswriting]

Joker: I’m ovulating, Brucie<3

Bruce: absolutely fucking not.

[zitzootjucefan]

John and Bruce on their 'practice date'

Bruce: Just… ask me a question. Try to get to know me.

John: Okay.

John: ...

Bruce: Well?

John: I'm sorry. I can’t think of anything to ask ... My mind is blank.

Bruce: Just… ask the first thing that comes to mind-

John: HOW BIG IS IT?

Bruce: ... really?

John: Oh God....

[bougiebutchbinch]

sighs

adds this song to the batjokes playlist

[ajtheweirdo]

[theawkwardqueerturtle]

Bruce: As far as I'm concerned, I don't blush. John: Oh, really? What if I do this? (kisses him on the cheek) Bruce: Nope. John: (kisses the other one) Bruce: Nada John: (hugs him) Bruce: Goose eggs John: (kisses him hard on the lips) Bruce: Nothing John: Well, (sighs) I guess I got nothing too. (Walks out of the room) Bruce: ...(turns red as a tomato)

[author-chan06]

Just some Incorrect Quotes!

BatJokes Style!

And as a extra treat some with Antic, Faye, and Y/N! (These are OC’s Of Mine ahah)

(Antic and Faye are from this Series of Mine)

[sparkylilacs]

Incorrect Lego Bat-Man Quotes

Barabra: Let me get this straight. After you lost your parents instead of going to a therapist to talk over your grief you decided to put on tights and a mask and punch criminals at night?

Bat-Man: Well it was a heck of a lot cheaper then therapy.

Barabra: But you are a billionaire!

Bat-Man: And I didn't get to be one by spending it all on frivolous things like therapy.

Barabra: But you inherited your wealth- you know what forget I ever asked.

[mrskillingjoke]

Batjokes married couple fight:

Joker: What were you thinking!?

Joker: have you even been thinking?

Batsy: Jaybird-

Joker: You could have died!

Batsy: so?

Joker: So?!! Remember that i'm the only one who is allowed to kill you! If I don't kill you then you are Not allowed to die!! You're Not allowed-

Batsy: Jay

Joker: I hate you

Batsy: I hate you too. Next time I'll be more careful, alright?

Joker: You better be or I really gonna kill you!

[le-sluagh]

#7 Incorrect Batman: Vigilante (My AU)

Poison Ivy: We just ate. Why are you making pancakes?

Harley Quinn: For the hyenas.

Poison Ivy: Why are you making pancakes for the hyenas?

Harley Quinn: They don't know how.

*****

Alfred: When's the last time you slept?

Batman: Uh... a few days ago, I think.

Alfred: A few- how many?!

Batman: Uh... *starts counting on fingers* I need more fingers...

Alfred: What you need is sleep!

*****

Scarecrow: What’s up with you?

Bane: What do you mean?

Scarecrow: You’ve been nice with me all day. What’s your game?

*****

Poison Ivy: Do you cook?

Harley Quinn: I made cake sometimes.

Harvey Dent: Yeah, it’s good.

Harley Quinn: Really?

Two Face: Don’t make him lie twice, Harley.

*****

Riddler, pointing Joker and Harley dancing outside, with Scarecrow in the middle, on the top of a tree:  What are they doing?

Poison Ivy:  Scarecrow say that he could survive at a struck lightning, so Joker and Harley make the dance of the rain, to make it arrives faster.

Scarecrow, screaming: COME AT ME LIGHT!!!

Joker and Harley Quinn, cheering: YAY!!!

*****

Mad Hatter: Hey, can we stay in your lair tonight?

Two Face: Why?

Mad Hatter: Scarecrow fiddled with an ouija board and cursed us.

Riddler: And Scarecrow doesn't know how to ‘banish spirits’, so he just throws salt at them and yell "DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HOTEL TO YOU?!"

*****

Joker: Are we fighting or flirting?

Batman: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck-

Joker: Your point?

*****

Riddler: There's nothing worse than people using big words they don't understand.

Scarecrow, grinning: I photosynthesize with this.

*****

Two Face: Who the fuck-

Penguin: Language!

Harvey Dent: Whom the fuck-

Penguin: No.

*****

*Playing whould you rather*

Two Face: Would you rather kill Riddler, or—

Mr.Freeze: Yes, kill him.

Two Face: I didn’t say the other thing—

Mr.Freeze: I don’t need to hear it.

Riddler: …I’m feeling a little unsafe.

*****

Mad Hatter: You know, you were right.

Riddler: About what specifically? Because I’m right about a lot of things.

[meganeto]

all BatJokes hate is founded on the (INCORRECT) assumption that Batman, at his core, is a good, virtuous man

he is not, and i will die on this hill