#pickle egg rolls

[secretly-a-pumpkin-spice-latte]

Appetizers and Snacks - Stuffed Pickle Egg Rolls Recipe These crab salad-stuffed, egg roll-wrapped, fried dill pickles make for entertaining finger food and simple party conversation.

[anotherandomspaceontheinterweb]

Recipe for Stuffed Pickle Egg Rolls These fried dill pickles stuffed with crab salad and encased in egg roll wrappers make for fun finger food and easy party conversation.

[kulturni-lift-jelkovec]

Stuffed Pickle Egg Rolls Recipe These fried dill pickles stuffed with crab salad and encased in egg roll wrappers make for fun finger food and easy party conversation. 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce, 1 can fancy crabmeat drained, 1/2 teaspoon seafood seasoning, 8 egg roll wrappers, 4 ounces cream cheese softened, vegetable oil for frying, 8 whole dill pickles halved lengthwise, 1/2 stalk celery diced, 1 green onion chopped

[morethansalad]

Vegan Cheeseburger Spring Rolls (Cheesecake Factory Copycat)

[foodwithrecipes]

Tomato-Egg Soup. Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Vitamin K, and Vitamin E as well as fiber, minerals, and beneficial antioxidants are found in abundance in tomato soup Read full recipe https://foodrecipesoffical.com https://foodrecipesoffical.blogspot.com/2023/12/488-healthy-food-recipe-tomato-egg-soup.html… http://foodrecipesoffical.blogspot.com

[recapitulation]

meal ideas!

low energy ("do not ask me to do any prep work at all, so help me god")

mozzerella cheese wrapped in pepperoni ("pizza tacos"!)

hummus and pretzels or naan (putting the naan in the microwave for like 10 seconds...heavenly)

canned chili (with shredded cheese and sour cream if you have it! boom done!)

instant miso soup (warm and lovely! put tofu in it for protein!)

cheese and cured meat, olives, canned fish, crackers, dried fruit, or whatever easy "charcuterie" type items you like

alternate bites of apple and spoonfulls of peanut butter (mixing honey or chocolate chips to the peanut butter is my favorite)

a "deconstructed sandwich": bites of lunch meat, pickles, cheese, cherry tomato, etc (I love roast beef and white cheddar for this)

yogurt and granola or fruit

put frozen potstickers + frozen edamame in the steamer/rice cooker, chill elsewhere with a timer set, then boom

tortilla chips + canned refried beans + cherry tomatoes + cilantro + jarred salsa con queso (or warm shredded cheese on top of the chips in the microwave for 30 seconds)

bagel + cream cheese + lox

microwave scrambled eggs (add things like green onion, soy sauce, or anything else you like!)

cottage cheese and fruit (mixed together or just on the side)

bowl of shredded rotisserie chicken + buffalo sauce + a bit of mayo + green onion (use a kitchen scissors to cut them right in!)

medium energy ("I'll boil water but don't ask me to chop shit")

boiled eggs and fresh veggies (put a little salt on top of the eggs!)

buttered noodles (my go-to nausea meal, it has never failed me. ideas of things to add: frozen peas, imitation crab, roasted garlic)

baked potato with toppings (I like cheese, bacon, broccoli, green onion, and sour cream)

quesadilla (add some canned beans, cilantro, or avocado!)

pot roast (requires a lot of time but not a lot of actual work. I love it with peas!)

cuban sandwich (bread, swiss, pickle, mustard, ham... my favorite thing to panini-ify by far)

pan-fried tofu with scallion sauce (this sauce goes well with everything and tofu is no exception)

pancakes or waffles! (I love mine with jam)

ham, pickle, and cream cheese roll-ups

fried eggs (with toast and lots of butter...so comforting)

fruit smoothie (bananas, frozen strawberries, yogurt...or whatever!)

I hate salad but could write essays on this copycat olive garden salad (throw it in a bowl! chopping required if you use onion)

spaghetti (controversial maybe but angel hair > spaghetti noodles)

pasta salad (olives broccoli fresh mozerella... those little mini pepperonis... yeah)

stir-fried thai garlic shrimp (I like using the mini frozen salad shrimps, it's easy! use jarred minced garlic to avoid chopping!)

tuna mayo onigiri

slow cooker ribs

buffalo chicken wrap (or any number of other wrap options! shred pre-cooked rotisserie chicken to make it easier)

if your local grocery store sells pre-cooked gyro strips, that can turn into an easy wrap with store-bought pita & tzatziki with tomatoes and onions!

couscous and chickpeas

tortellini + pasta sauce + spinach

high energy ("I don't mind chopping some things up!")

stuffed shells with spinach

chicken and roasted garlic (oh my god.....one of my all time favorites)

beef tacos (I like mine with cilantro and onion, and when I'm feeling especially high energy I love a tomatillo salsa)

chicken alfredo

tom kha gai (a thai soup and my absolute favorite! you just need access to galangal)

lasagna! (freezes well and then boom! low energy meal for later)

pad thai! (not as hard as you'd think, as long as you have access to tamarind paste!)

potstickers! (this is a lovely group activity if you want to cook with housemates!)

rice and beans

bang bang shrimp (ogughfhgfuh I love it. you can also do bang bang tofu!)

minestrone soup (so many nice veggies!)

fried rice (put whatever you have on hand in there! broccoli, peas, carrot, and beef is my favorite combo)

broccoli cheddar soup

spring rolls and peanut sauce

skewers (such as beef, onion, zucchini, bell pepper... you don't need a grill, oven works!)

roasted turkey with garlic parmesean asparagus

pork chop with mashed potatoes

panang curry

chicken gnocchi soup (use store bought gnocchi or make your own if you have a high energy day!)

bibimbap (super customizable depending on what veggies you like best)

butter chicken

plus! things that have helped me meal plan:

whenever you think of a meal you'd like to make, take 3 seconds to google search it, take a screenshot of the image results, and put it in a "food ideas" folder. instant visual menu!

the concept of "meal prepping" makes me recoil but I've learned that it can simply mean preparing shredded chicken, boiled eggs, or some other simple protein that you can customize throughout the week. shredded chicken can turn into wraps, salads, pasta dishes, etc... you don't have to meal prep yourself into the same meal all week!

when I have difficulty working up an appetite, I'll scroll through my favorite restaurant menus! there might be some foods I can't make at home, but many times they're very simple to recreate because the ingredients are literally listed!

[incorrectbatfam]

Batfam's favorite weird food combinations

Dick: *pours orange juice in cereal*

Bette: *cooks oatmeal with egg whites*

Cass: *puts whipped cream in soda*

Jason: *melts chocolate onto bacon*

Steph: *dusts fries with powdered sugar*

Cullen: *eats pickles with peanut butter*

Harper: *spreads the same peanut butter on a burger*

Helena: *wraps melon slices in prosciutto*

Tim: *slathers pizza in ranch*

Luke: *makes tuna salad with fruits*

Damian: *drizzles olive oil on ice cream*

Carrie: *adds chips to a PB&J*

Kate: *sprinkles sugar on tomatoes*

Duke: *buys chili with a cinnamon roll*

Barbara: *dips strawberries in balsamic vinegar*

Selina: *stirs butter into her coffee*

Bruce: *grates cheese on top of apple pie*

Alfred, offended: Who raised you all?

Alfred: *opens a can of beans with his toast*

[daisynik7]

“I’m going to crush No Nut November,” Ino announces proudly during dinner at your favorite Korean BBQ restaurant. It’s the first of the month and it’s also the first time you’re hearing about this. 

You raise a brow at him, smirking, flipping over the short ribs on the grill. “Since when do you practice No Nut November?”

“Starting today,” he answers confidently, placing a few pieces of rice paper on your plate. “We’ve been going at it too much. I get hard just thinking about you. It’s time to establish some willpower.”

Your smile widens, amused by this sudden proclamation. A piece of meat hangs at the end of your chopsticks when you say, “Okay. Well, as always, I’ll support you.”

Before you can bring it to your lips, Ino pokes his chopsticks at you, giving you a stern look. “Be serious about this babe! If you’re going to support me, that means you have to promise not to tempt me! No teasing!”

You fake a gasp. “Me?! I’m a good girl. I would never do such a thing!”

He shuts his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose, sighing. “See, this is what I’m talking about! You can’t just say you’re a good girl and not expect me to think of things.”

You roll your eyes at him. “Okay fine, no teasing, no tempting, no nothing. I wish you good luck, Taku.”

And good luck is definitely what Ino needs. 

Even without you provoking him in any way, your boyfriend manages to find every mundane thing you do to be somewhat erotic. At breakfast the next day, he stares at you with his tongue out, watching you eat a banana, claiming that the way your lips wrap around it is way too familiar to something else you do expertly. At night, he ogles you in your leggings as you bend over to pick up your phone that dropped to the floor, complaining about how good your butt always looks, especially in a compromising position like this. While you sleep, you actively avoid cuddling as to not “tempt” him into something further, but even with you rolled all the way to the other side of the bed, you hear him mutter to himself, “Pickled onions. Grandma’s dirty underwear. Pickled eggs. C’mon, go down, go down.”

Three days into November, Takuma gives up. He ambushes you as you’re brushing your teeth in the bathroom, his hands firm at your hips, his clothed erection pressed between your ass cheeks tight against your pajama bottoms. His mouth is hot on your ear. “Okay. I give up, sweetie. I’m weak. I’m so fucking weak for you.”

You spit the remainder of your toothpaste out into the sink, rinsing your mouth with water, some of it dripping down your chin. You grin at him through the reflection, sticking your ass out to grind on his hard cock. He moans, shuddering from your touch, already too far gone to go back. “Good boy. I knew you’d finally come around.”

[luveline]

What would happen if Roan went through a phase of calling Eddie by his name instead of dad because she hears reader and Wayne calling him it?

(This was loosely inspired by this TikTok https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJqukwNU/)

thank you for your request! eddie and roan —roan starts calling eddie by his first name and he doesn't know how to feel. fem!reader, 1.5k

"Eddie? You want horseradish?" Wayne asks, wiping his hands in a rag. 

Your eyes widen as Roan leaps up into your lap. You wrap your arms around her and almost get your teeth knocked out as she makes herself comfortable, one of her high ponytails tickling your cheek. Your laughter shakes you both. 

"Yeah, please. Ro, horseradish?" Eddie asks, standing behind the chair next to yours, hand out to receive the jar of horseradish. 

He takes the spoon. Roan settles at a sideways angle, giving you an ample view of her wrinkled nose. "No thanks, that stuff is stinky." 

"You can't have tenderloin without horseradish, sweetheart," Wayne says, putting your plate in front of you. Fragrant steam wafts your way. "Now come on, sit in your own seat." 

Roan sighs and turns to you morosely. "They always do this." 

"They're tearing us apart," you say agreeably, fondly, rubbing her arm before lifting her from your lap and into the seat right beside you. 

"They don't do anything. Horseradish smells a little strong, but that doesn't mean it isn't really, really yummy," Eddie says, sitting in the seat to your left. 

It's dark outside, later than you intended to eat. Wayne and Eddie went out looking for ground beef to make meatballs and came back with beef tenderloin instead, which takes way longer to cook. It's been a nice evening while you were waiting, filled with VHS kids movies, conversation, and a secret bowl of hard pretzels. 

"You said those pickled onions were yummy, too," Roan says, clearly disbelieving as Wayne puts her plate down in front of her. 

"They're an acquired taste," Eddie says. 

"A what?" Roan asks. 

"They're not for everybody," Wayne explains. "Do you need help cutting your dinner?" 

"It's okay," Roan says, picking up her fork eagerly. The tines look longer, more dangerous in her small hand, but you've learned not to worry. 

"Come on, sweetheart, I'll cut it up for you," Eddie says, rolling up his sleeves. 

You pick up your drink as Wayne offers it with a thank you, eyes closing in momentary bliss. Wayne makes the best sweet tea, and he doesn't skimp on the ice.

"No thank you, Eddie," Roan says, stabbing a piece of tenderloin. The fork scratches across the plate. Unbothered, she brings the beef to her mouth. 

You almost choke on your drink. 

"Excuse me?" Eddie asks. 

You laugh. Wayne sits down for the first time in the last hour and tucks in his chair, shaking his head in defeat as he grabs for the horseradish and begins spooning it onto his plate. 

"I said no thanks," Roan repeats around a nibble of beef. 

"I heard that part. What did you call me?"

"What, Eddie?" Roan asks. A little smile has her lips tilting upward, a fleck of beef on her chin. It's evidence that she knows what she's done. 

You lean over to wipe her chin. "Oh no." 

"No thank you dad," Eddie says emphatically. "Dad, daddy, hell, I'll accept papa." 

"Everybody else calls you Eddie," Roan says, shrugging little shoulders, her hair bouncing either side of her face. 

"I'm not everybody else's dad," Eddie says, slipping between your chair and Roan's. He sounds strange —not upset but shocked, an unusual colour on him. He eases the knife and fork out of her hands and begins slicing up her food into smaller bites. "I'm your dad."

"Okie dokie, Eddie." 

You can see Eddie sticking his tongue in his cheek while he stands there. He isn't mad; he rarely gets angry over things like this, and even less with Roan. Doesn't mean he likes what's happening, though. 

The evening continues like that. Roan can tell Eddie doesn't like being called by his name and it eggs her on. By the end of the night she's smirking every time she speaks to him, Wayne's clearly amused, and you're not sure how to feel. 

You have to use the bathroom, catching Eddie on the way back with a kind hand on his wrist. 

"Hey, handsome," you say, looking over the soft slopes of his cheeks, his puppy dog browns, his brows where they've furrowed. You stroke the pulsing vein bisecting his forehead in concern. "You cool?" 

"Why is she calling me Eddie?" he asks, shaking his head gently.

"'Cos she could tell you didn't like it. Want me to ask her to cut it out?"

Eddie nudges you. He's dressed nice for a day at home, a slightly too tight t-shirt bragging the lines of his chest and stretched at the curves of his biceps. You tug on one mindlessly. 

"No. Maybe I'll start calling her daughter, see if that works. Or tell her she can't call me dad, reverse psychology." 

"Probably shouldn't." 

"No, I shouldn't." He covers your hand at his sleeve. "Thanks for worrying about me, but it's fine." His face inches closer to yours. "It's kind of funny. I guess I just got so used to being called dad I didn't realise I'd miss it this fast." 

"She'll forget it by tomorrow," you assure him, closing your eyes quick as he presses a good kiss to the corner of your mouth. More than a year down the line and still his kisses make your heart skip. 

"She better." 

Eddie steals another kiss before giving your hand a finger-tingling squeeze and ditching you for the bathroom. 

You return to the living room faster than Roan must anticipate, catching her crouched by the doorway, eavesdropping. You raise your eyebrows at her.

"Whatcha looking for, gorgeous?" 

Roan looks as though she might pretend otherwise, but eventually admits, "I heard what dad said." 

"Which part?" 

"That he misses being called dad. Am I in trouble?" 

"Do you feel like you're in trouble?" you ask, bending at the waist to meet her eyes.

"No, but," —she touches her tummy— "I feel bad." 

You hold your arms out for a hug. Roan grabs your waist as much as she can with her shorter arms, head tilted to the side as you murmur in her ear, "It was only a joke, babe. Right? You were just being funny. Daddy doesn't mind." 

"Are you sure?" 

"You're so lovely," you praise, easing her head back, your hand encapsulating her cheek and ear. Her hair and skin are incredibly soft beneath your palm. "You have a super big heart, just like daddy. It's no biggie, okay? Ask him when he comes back if you want to. I know he'll tell you you're not in trouble." 

You rub the apple of her cheek in a tight circle as you stand. Roan nods against your hand, her back straightening as the bathroom door closes and Eddie's footsteps approach. He beams when he discovers you both together.

"Everything okay?" he asks, wiping his hands in his shirt. 

You encourage Roan toward him. "Tell dad." 

"Tell me what?" he asks. 

Roan puts her hand out toward him. You make you way to the kitchen as Eddie takes it. 

Wayne's smoking a cigarette by the open back door, smoke furling lazily from between his fingers and out into the backyard. 

You turn your attention to Eddie pulling Roan up onto his hip, poking at her sweetheart chin. "Babe?" he asks her. 

"You're good with her," Wayne says, flicking Ash haphazard into the breeze. "I don't think I've ever told you that. You can see how much she trusts you." 

Internally, you glow like the heart of star, joy like an intense and sparkling heat. Externally, you stay cool. Wayne is a chill man. You endeavour to be totally chill. 

"Thank you," you say, crossing your arms across your stomach. "I have a really good teacher." 

Wayne brings his cigarette to his lips. "You do," he says, taking a drag through his smile. He looks past you to where Eddie's standing, his arm holding Roan like a seatbelt to his chest. 

"Sorry if I hurt your feelings," Roan says quietly, looking down at his shoulder.

Eddie nudges her face with his, forcing her to look up. Her hesitance melts away at the loving smile on his face, more so when he says, "You didn't hurt my feelings, superstar. Don't get me wrong, I don't want you to call me Eddie 'cos I'm your dad. That's nice for me. It feels kind of like getting a hug. It makes me really proud 'cos it's you, but I was just being dramatic. You'll get it when you're older, all the grown up junk." 

It's charming to hear his attempt at explaining sentimentality. 

"Plus," Eddie whispers, nose to nose with her, "it was a little funny." 

Roan presents her face for kissing. Eddie plants a big one on either cheek. 

"I love you," he says.

"I love you too, dad." Roan fidgets. "What about if I can call you Eddie on the weekends?" 

"I'll have to think about it."

[notskinnyyenough]

recipes for when you think you're about to binge (and crave something that isn't only veggies !!!!)

and its okay to eat when you need it babe <3

personally i can't live without potatoes or pasta so here are some good alternatives to please yourself !!

Potatoes and sweet potatoes (225 cals)

2 potatoes (180g)

1/2 sweet potato (75g)

peel the potatoes and cut them in little cubes (same with the sweet potato). Add spices bc they could make a boring meal a chief's kiss one!! I personally add salt, paprika, rosemary and thyme

bake for 20min at 180°C

Sweat potato nugget (recipe is for 2 parts, one is 178 cals)

1 sweet potato (150g)

bacon (40g)

honey (10g)

tomato paste (75g)

peel the potato and cut it in cubes of about 2-3cm, then roll them in the tomato paste. roll the slices of bacon around it, and use a spoon to add a little bit of honey on top

bake at 180°C for 25min

Pasta gratin (recipe is for 2 parts, 1 is 393 cals)

pasta (160g)

cream cheese light (100g)

tomatoes (150g)

cook the pasta in a pot. once they're cooked, add the cream cheese and the slices tomatoes in it and mix. you can add spices

bake in the oven for 10min at 200°C

Pizza on the stove (312cals)

tomatoes (25g)

1/2 mozzarella (62g)

1 tortilla (40g)

tomato sauce

cut the mozzarella and the tomatoes. Put the tortilla in a pan and let it on low heat (do both sides). once both sides are heated up, add the tomato sauce, the mozzarella and the tomates (I also add thyme in the sauce). cover the pan with the lid and wait until the cheese has melted (about 5-6min)

Cauliflower but better (201 cals)

cauliflower (90g)

mozzarella light (100g)

cook the cauliflower in a pot with water. add spices (salt, pepper, paprika, thyme..) once they're cooked, put them in a dish, add the mozzarella on top of it and bake for 10-15min at 180°C

Cheeseburger salad (577 cals)

minced beef (112g)

tomatoes (60g)

pickles (12g)

mustard (7g)

vinegar (4ml)

salad (56g)

mayonnaise (28g)

grated cheddar (25g)

cook the beef in a pot for 6-8min. add salt and pepper if you want. once its almost cooked, add the cheddar so it'll melt a bit

cut the salade, the tomatoes and the pickles. For the sauce, mix the vinegar, the mustard and the mayonnaise.

put everything in a bowl and mix !

chocolate smoothie (305cals)

banana (150g)

almond milk (200ml)

cocoa powder (30g)

ice

mix everything in a blender and enjoy !!

scrambled eggs (230cals)

1-2 eggs (105g)

milk (12ml)

ham (12g)

spinach (12g)

olive oil

in a bowl, mix everything together. add spices if you want, and cook in a pot until its done

zucchini pizza (278 cals)

zucchini (230g)

tomato sauce (50ml)

mozzarella (50g)

cut the zucchini in slices of about 1.5-2 cm. add the tomato sauce on it, then the mozzarella. add spices if you want, cook for 8-11 min in the oven at 200°C

I probably will add some more later !! enjoy it <3

[bl0ated-w0rld]

🥖ANA Grocery List🥬

(for those who don't know where to start or just hate making lists)

Fridge

PH Balanced Water

Unsweetened Soy Milk (has better protein than almond/oat)

Vegetable Broth

Sugar Free Jello

Brown Eggs (liquid egg whites work too)

Low Fat Cream Cheese

Babybel or White String/Shredded Cheese

Provolone or Swiss Cheese Slices

Cucumbers (i prefer mini ones!)

Baby Carrots/Shredded Carrots

Plain Hummus

Sugar Free Natural Fruit Preserves (blackberry is my go to)

Sugar Free Powerades/Gatorades (electrolytes!)

Diet Coke (i don't drink it but i know y'all do)

Sugar Free Monster/Red Bull (also don't drink these but w/e)

Diet Cranberry Juice (for the girlies)

Zero Calorie Dressings

Low Sodium Soy Sauce

Plain Greek Yogurt (i say this but i always cave and get vanilla cuz plain is so nasty to me)

Apples (i buy them pre sliced)

Spinach/Kale/Lettuce (i buy this as a prepackaged blend of all 3)

Kombucha

V8 Vegetable Juice

Berries (raspberries, blueberries, blackberries)

Melon Slices (or cantaloupe)

Sugar Free Squeezable Applesauce

Avocados (i buy them already mashed)

Bananas (i refrigerate them idk)

Whole Grain/Wheat Bread (dave's killer bread is my go to and yes i refrigerate bread too lol)

Keto/Low Carb Spinach or Tomato Wraps

Cherry Tomatoes

Tofu Cubes

Lean Deli Turkey

Low Sodium Tuna Packets

Sun Dried Tomatoes

Baby Pickles

Grapes

Mandarin Oranges/Cuties

Diet Green Tea

Lemons

Freezer

Grilled Chicken Strips

Spring Rolls

Frozen Fruit Blends

Frozen Broccoli

Veggie Burgers

Salmon/Tilapia

Pedialyte Popsicles

Veggie Spirals

Cauliflower Rice

Diet Frozen Yogurt

Ice

Pantry

Plain Rice Cakes

Canned Veggie Soup (i get chicken and rice soup lowkey)

Pasta Sauce (i like newman's own)

Sweet Potatoes

Boxed Vegetable Noodles

Konjac Noodles

Plain Popcorn (i buy them in bulk kernels and keep them in a mason jar)

Protein Bars (clif bars are my fav)

Fiber Bars (for the girlies who haven't shit all week)

Unsalted Whole Almonds

Pistachios

Plain Rolled Oats

Sugar Free Dark Chocolate (i get the mini hersheys ones so i don't overeat)

Plain Black Coffee

Green Tea Packets

Sugar Free Granola

Cereal (i like great grains, kashi, etc)

Cinnamon (cinnamon gum too)

Chili Powder (or any spicy seasoning)

Hot Sauce

Natural Peanut Butter (a spoonful of this is a lifesaver)

Nutella

Everything Bagel Seasoning (i throw it on everything)

Wheat Thins or Wheat Crackers

Seaweeed Chips

Raw Honey

Quinoa

Olive Oil (or any vegetable oil)

Almond Flour

Stevia (or turbinado sugar)

Electrolyte Packets

(u can add more stuff this is just all i could think of)

now go forth and shop❣️

[kitchenwitchery72]

Herbalism 101: Dill

EP. 5

Fun fact! "Dill" comes from an old English word that means "to lull" because it was often used to soothe colicky babies.

Associations: Money, luck

Uses in the kitchen

Most commonly used in Eastern European, Russian, and Middle Eastern cuisines, dill is used in a wide array of food. You most likely think of pickles, which uses the top part of the plant. The leaves or "aerial" part of the plant is used most of the time in cooking. It goes great in acidic and savory foods, as well as with food like salmon and eggs.

Uses in healing

I tend to used the seeds more frequently when it comes to herbalism. I will often chew on a seed or two to help with bad breath. Some people also use the seeds in a tea to help with period cramps.

Uses in witchcraft

Carrying seeds in a small pouch or your pocket will attract luck and money. Similarly, using the herb in cooking with intention will attract the same. Because you can buy it dried for the kitchen, I love using it in spell jars.

Tips for growing at home

Dill is resilient and can grow in most climates in summer. An outdoor pot or garden is best though, because it can get tall. It is a great companion plant for cabbage but not carrots!

Recipe

One of my favorite family recipes is super simple and tasty. Dill dip is something we always have at family functions.

You need:

2 part sour cream

1.5 part cream cheese

1/4 part dried dill

1/4 part garlic powder

Mix and enjoy with Hawaiian rolls !

[corpsebasil]

The Pirate Lord 18+

The battle had raged on for days.

You stood at the prow of your ship, staring out at enemy sails as they loomed on the horizon. Your chest tightened. You were exhausted. Every ounce of your Grisha power seemed drained, and you could barely summon a drop of water, let alone the tsunami you could’ve created had the enemy not forced you to waste it on smaller fleets over and over again.

The enemy were chasing after an enchanted sword, one that rightly belonged to Ravka, and it’s prince. You wondered over your captain’s intentions. Sure, you’d heard rumors about the prince Nikolai, but you didn’t imagine that any pompous royal deserved this much dedication to return his stolen treasure.

But if it was important to Sturmhond, it was important to you. And too many Grisha and sailors had already been sacrificed in this battle to back down now.

A ringed hand clasped your shoulder, his thumb rubbing against a knot in your skin. You closed your eyes, letting out a sigh as Sturmhond, your captain and lover, stood beside you.

“Looks like a piece of cake.” He said, tone sarcastic until the end. You glanced up to find him smirking, those blue eyes filled with a forced lightness that hurt you to the core.

“Definitely.” You purred, but still ran a thumb over the seashell amplifier pressed deep in the center of your collarbones, the opal and iridescent hues catching the light of the setting sun.

It had been a gift from a siren, a creature you’d thought mythical, when you’d rescued her from a group of lethal, piggish pirates. The shell had sang the whisper of the deepest parts of the sea when it’d been crafted into your chest, and Sturmhond swore sometimes that your collarbones and skin seemed to shine with the colors of a thousand rare shells when you used your power.

The captain had also sworn that you were the most beautiful thing on the seas, from anywhere, and you rolled your eyes whenever he lavished you with compliments and praises. The only praise that truly hit you in the gut was during the dark hours of the night, when you managed to pull sounds from him that made your blood run burning hot.

“Do you think we—” you stopped, running your fingertips again over the shell. You cleared your throat. “Do we have enough rum? I’m not going into the last night of my life sober.”

Sturmhond’s booming laugh brought a genuine smile to your face when he turned you, pulling you into his arms. He ran a hand down your braid, an intricate style that he still couldn’t comprehend. It contained beads and cuffs of gold, and tiny pearls that sparkled in the moonlight.

“You truly amaze me.” He said, and brought your mouth to his, savoring the feel of you. He’d never admit it, but if he lost you tomorrow… “What do you think? One last sea-shanty?”

“Eggs and pickles?”

“Rum and ale? Lots of rum, less of the ale?”

You grinned fiendishly, looping your arms around his neck.

“Now you’re speaking my language, captain.”

It was his turn to smile, a wicked smirk that make your cheeks flush and heat blossom in your chest. Even more so when he moved a hand to grab your ass, yanking your hips flush against his.

“I love it when you quote me.” He drawled, that devilish gleam in his eyes making your heart drop straight into your stomach. “And maybe,” he murmured, bending his head to nip your earlobe, his voice warm against your neck. “if you’re good, I’ll let you kiss me all over, later.”

“I’m always good.” You lied, and the slap he sent to your ass made you squeak out a laugh. “Bastard.”

“Hellion.”

“Idiot—”

“Are you two done confessing your love for one another? Because we have serious planning to do.” Tolya stood not ten feet away, neither of you having had noticed his approach.

You fought a wince as a mortified blush washed your features, immediately pulling out of Sturmhond’s grasp. You didn’t look at him, instead giving Tolya a cool look that could freeze the coldest ring of the afterlife.

“If you’re done gawking like a pervert,” you cooed, resting a hand casually, too casually, on the hilt of your sword. “then fine. Lead the way.”

Tolya gave Sturmhond a pointed look before walking away, and you didn’t give your blonde captain a second glance as you follow his third in command.

The silence strained as you followed after Tolya, the crashing waves and your boots the only noise against the deck as you walked. You tried to ignore his comment, but.. You and Sturmhond were not in love. No, what you shared was an easy, sometimes vicious banter, a loyalty that crossed every boundary, and some of the best sex you’d ever had in your life. The position you both played in each other’s lives was straightforward.

There’d never been a question of love. You knew he didn’t have those sorts of feelings for you, his second, just like you didn’t feel that way towards him. But sometimes, when he was extra sweet to you, or when he’d sink his hands in your hair as he kissed you, murmuring the most kind of compliments onto your mouth, you felt a painful tug towards him that you couldn’t ignore.

And the idea of losing him, of him dying tomorrow in battle, was unthinkable.

-

That night, drunk as bandicoots and finished with your planning, you and Sturmhond crashed into his cabins, unable to tear one another’s clothes off fast enough. You gasped as he almost tore your shirt in half, throwing you onto his desk and yanking your legs up around him. You almost collapsed at the first thrust up into you, your voice breaking on a cry you were sure the entire crew most likely heard.

But who cares.

“Y/N,” Sturmhond panted, pulling you flush against his chest as he slammed home over and over. “gods, Y/N.”

“Sturm—” you didn’t manage to get the word out, not when his hand found the place between your legs just as his mouth sucked a dangerously rough bruise against your neck.

Your finish hit you so fast and hard it was almost embarrassing, your face pressed against his shoulder as you choked on a moan. He lifted you and moved the both of you to the bed, slowing his pace to a lazy, almost reverent one as you slowed your breathing. And when you opened your eyes, finding him blinking open his own, the vast blue of them and the softness in his stare made your throat tighten so quickly you had to turn your head away.

“Y/N?” He asked, pausing his movements. You couldn’t speak. Couldn’t get the words out. “Darling, what is it?”

“You—” you swallowed, unable to look him in the eye when you forced a joke, running a hand down the smooth skin of his muscular back. Even the touch of him was beginning to make your eyes water, to your horror. “The orgasm was so good I’m a little emotional about it. Sorry.”

He laughed boyishly and kissed your neck, his rumbling chuckle easing something in your heart. He rolled his hips against your own, so slowly you could feel every inch of him, and you couldn’t stop the pleasure filled sigh that left your parted lips.

“I don’t believe that for a second.” He murmured against your skin, but didn’t argue, not when you flipped him onto his back, taking control of what was your last time bedding the captain.

His face was flushed, blue eyes heavy-lidded, and you kissed him, savoring every single Saints-given second.

-

The next morning was chaos.

Not only did a storm break over the sky, drenching your hair and clothes, but the enemy had fired their first blast at you, rocking the supposedly impenetrable ship with a force that almost threw you over the side of the ship.

“Get back.” Sturmhond growled, yanking you away from the rail. “Do you want to fall and drown before we start? Because if that’s the case, you might as well do it willingly.”

His anger surprised you into a sudden flash of annoyance, shoving his arm away.

“Now is not the time to be an asshole.” You spat, glaring fiercely as you stormed past him, knocking your shoulder against his as hard as you dared.

And when the first enemy pirate ship came into range, you stepped right back towards the ship’s rail, taking a deep breath. You tunneled deep into your power, as far as it could possibly go. Closer. Closer. Just when you could see the whites of the enemies’s eyes, you threw your hands out, gritting your teeth as a tidal wave so large and overpowering it crested the ship, slammed down with enough force to crack rock.

And when the water settled as much as it could again, the waves still roiling, you wiped the rain out of your eyes and stared out at the spot where the ship was. Was, because now it was sunk.

A battle cry rose behind you from your crew as you swallowed, shoving the sleeves of your wet shirt up to your elbow. Through the darkness of the thunderclouds and the water spearing out of the sky, a faint glow caught your attention. You glanced down, finding that shell, that siren’s gift, glowing faintly. And damn him for being right, but that light seemed to travel along your collarbones, threading throughout your very skin.

More. The ocean whispered to you, a lethal voice inside your own mind. More, child.

You shivered, but didn’t have much time to acknowledge the seas unending hunger before the next ship came, then the next.

“Fire!” Tolya shouted, and tugged his arrow back in its bow, straining up, up, up, until he and the rest of the archers on deck sent a volley of lethal arrows towards the enemy. It must’ve hit the man at the wheel, because a second later the ship turned, crashing directly into the one beside it. “Again!”

The enemy advanced one by one, and while the archers fired, as the few Grisha on board did their best to guide the winds so that ships would collide, they still neared. So you worked. You brought wave after crashing wave, your skin growing tight as you sunk one ship, then another, then another. You felt your chest tightening as the bottom of your power approached, and had to grip the rail momentarily as you heaved for a breath.

One ship left. One. Your crew had taken them out, had survived, thanks to the Grisha, the brave pirates beside you, and Sturmhond’s advanced weaponry. Nothing could have prepared you, though, when a bolt shot out from the other ship. When the crew on that ship began to crank your own vessel towards them.

The cord was too far to reach with your sword, so you slammed the bolt with water, trying over and over again to dislodge the deep-rooted point buried in the ship’s side. No. No, no, no. Men began to throw grappling hooks up onto the rail, you and other crew members dashing forward to yank them out as soon as possible. You tugged on one as hard as you could, the damn thing refusing to give, and your mouth dried out when a burly man below you climbed up with inhumane speed.

You barely had time to jerk away as he swung his blade for you, the edge of it coming within lethal distance of your head, but was stopped by another sword that slammed against the pirate’s own with so much force that the man fell back and plunged into the water.

You whirled to Sturmhond; your eyes were wide, heart beating in your chest, and you wouldn’t be lying if you said his face was the most amazing thing you could’ve seen in that moment.

“You need to hide.” He told you, tugging you away from the edge as your crewmates fought every pirate that attempted to board. “Your power is gone. You cant fight like this.”

“I can fight.” You scoffed, but your limbs were indeed weak. You weren’t sure you could lift your sword if you tried. “Let me help.” You urged, meeting his hardened stare, every inch of lover gone. This was only your captain, and a fighter, telling his subordinate a command. “Let me.”

“No.” He growled, an inch from your face, and you didn’t even have enough energy to rage at him. But then his face softened, a single fraction, as he kissed you, hard enough to bruise. And when he pulled back, eyes scanning your face as if to memorize it, he said, “if we survive this, remind me to marry you.”

Your heart stopped, stopped in your chest, and you clutched his shirt tightly, unable to let him go. You only had seconds, but your eyes were shining with tears as you stared up at him.

“Remind me to say yes.” You whispered, a last, desperate promise to the man you loved, and you could only stand there looking pathetic, feeling floored, as he left your side and threw himself into the fight.

You backed away, glancing around the chaotic deck as if looking for a sign from the Saints. You pressed a hand against your chest, begging the voice that had spoken to you since you’d gotten your amplifier, for aid. Please, you pressed your hand harder against it, looking out at the sky, and the sea, and the battle. Please. Please.

No. Was the silent response, and you almost sobbed aloud. You do not need my help.

“Please.” You whispered, this time out loud, the word a lost attempt for aid slipping away on the wind. And so you looked to the fight, trying to steel yourself. You wouldn’t die like a coward. You would not be afraid.

But your cry of fear was genuine when an arrow flew through the darkness, slamming home into one of your crewmates. And then your vision went white as Sturmhond crashed onto the deck, his head cracking violently against the wood.

You weren’t sure if you were exploding. One second you were you, and then you were screaming. Screaming—maybe that was the sound that filled your ears, your head, your heart, and the fighting paused briefly enough that you knew you had been. You strode forward, eyes on Sturmhond, then on the enemy still attempting to climb.

“Get out of my way.” You snarled at Tolya, death incarnate, and dove low enough back into your power that something in you cracked.

And then the biggest wave of your life, angry and hungry, rose in front of your ship. Enemy were already screaming, running, fleeing as best they could. Some even had the audacity to jump into the water, the damned fools. When you sent the wave plummeting down, the audible crack of the prow of the opposite ship was deafening. Pirates screamed, on both sides, as you raged and raged, forcing the ship down, down, down, shoving every pirate, every scrap of debris, onto the ocean floor.

And you held it there, insuring that there were no survivors, before you fell forward to grasp the rail, but not fast enough for your legs to catch you as you blacked out onto the deck.

-

Your body hurt. Ached. Your hand moved involuntarily to your chest, resting against the shell. The ocean hadn’t lied. And whether She had aided you or not, pushing alongside that last drop of power, you realized you didn’t care. That She allowed someone to wield Her at all was a blessing in itself.

You peeled your eyes open slowly, glancing around Sturmhond’s cabin. It felt like every inch of you had been wrung out to dry. You noticed, though, that your clothes had been changed. Tamar, most likely. And then you saw the body in the bed beside you, his blonde hair rumpled in sleep, as he slept soundly.

You could’ve sobbed, then. You reached out, running a hand as softly as possible against his forehead. He reached up, waking slowly, and grasped your wrist. His thumb ran along your skin as his eyes opened, that wicked blue finding your own.

“Y/N.” He rasped, shifting slightly, then winced. “My future wife.” You ignored the world ending surge of emotion you felt at those words, attempting to prop yourself up on an elbow.

“You were shot.” You whispered, the terrible words unable to rise any louder. “Shot. I thought I’d—” you swallowed. And then you forced away the urge to joke, to say what you didn’t mean. “I thought I’d lost you. It almost killed me.”

“Literally, I hear.” He murmured, groaning low in his throat as he managed to sit up, brow furrowed in concentration. “Took out the—the whole fleet, huh?”

“Not the whole fleet.” You argued. “I almost couldn’t do anything at the end. But then you—and I—” you squeezed your eyes against the tears that threatened when the blankets fell away from his chest and you saw the bandages, the wound that had cut through his shoulder having had barely missed his heart.

And then, damn you, you did weep. You cried as you covered your face, curling into yourself. You doubted that you’d ever forget that damning sound, that crack of his head against the deck. The fear you had felt was like nothing you’d ever felt before. Because you loved him. Loved Sturmhond. And you would’ve gladly allowed your power to kill you if that’s what would’ve saved him.

“Darling, no.” Sturmhond sighed, reaching out with a strained sound to touch your shoulder. “I’m fine. Thanks to you.”

You managed to calm yourself as you moved over to him, propping yourself up on your knees as your body adjusted to movement. You reached out, running your hands over his face and neck, surprised to see moisture in his own eyes as well. He looped his arms around you, fighting his grimace.

“Did you mean it?” You asked carefully, avoiding glancing down at his wound. “When you said you’d..” False hope was a terrible fate, so you couldn’t finish the sentence.

He craned his neck up a fraction, silently asking for it, and you gave him the soft kiss he wanted. When he pulled away, a line of moisture running down his cheek, you wiped his skin clean.

“Every word.” He said firmly, eyes fierce. “I want to marry you. I don’t want to just be your lover, Y/N. Nor your captain. Your equal.” His eyes trailed to your amplifier, then up. “I knew the first time you took out a ship with that gift that I loved you. That I was in love with you.” He squeezed his eyes shut again as a stab of pain rocked through his shoulder, and his voice was strained when he spoke again. “You could sail…anywhere. A thousand miles from me. And nowhere on this planet could save me from my ties to you. You’re mine. Always.”

You were crying again, embarrassingly enough, and he cracked a half-hearted smile.

“The prospect too upsetting? If you want we can have separate bedrooms.”

“Shut up.” You scoffed, and kissed him again. The moment that man was healed, you were going to ravish him. Then you pulled back, glancing over to the sword resting against the wall, it’s emerald encrusted hilt glinting in the candlelight. “Now, what the hell is all the fuss over that sword?”

He grinned slyly, that smile that always told you when trouble was on the horizon, and tucked you against his chest the best he could throughout his pain. And as he stroked your hair, kissing the top of your head, he spoke.

“Later,” he said, and you felt his grin against your head. “when I’m healed, I’ll tell you. But I’m not in the condition to be punched right now.”

“What?” You demanded, and he laughed, tugging you back down when you tried to sit up.

“Later.” He insisted, and closed his eyes, slipping off into sleep.

hello helloooooo

[foodwithrecipes]

Garlicky and cheesy bread. Garlic bread is an incredibly delicious and flavorful combination of butter, garlic, and bread. Read full recipe

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[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

Ok remember that one shot where Adam finds out he’s pregnant, can we please please PLEASE get a part two where Adam (mostly Adam) and Lucifer are going through the turmoils of pregnancy including, morning sickness, hot flashes, weird cravings, and my oh so favorite mood swings

Okay! Part 2 of Adams surprise pregnancy.

Adam groaned as he rolled out of bed, hand going to his extended belly. He was about six months pregnant now, and the cheeky little shits liked jumping on his bladder making him pee all damn night. They were having twins, but wanted to keep the genders a surprise. "Seriously my babies? This is the fifth time tonight." Adam walked to the bathroom, his bladder felt full.

Might as well get ready for the fucking day he was up.

A wave of nausea hit him, oh no. Adam threw up in the toilet. Damn morning sickness. "You okay in there love?" Lucifer asked from the doorway.

"Just fucking peachy." Adam cleaned up and left the bathroom.

-

For breakfast Adam got Lucifer to go to that good place on Main Street. He got an egg, bacon and cheese English muffin with pickles, tomato, the muffins replaced with donuts and everything dipped in hot sauce.

For whatever reason, he needed to eat hot sauce with everything. Didn't matter if it was sweet or not. He craved spicy foods. And ice cream, he couldn't get enough of mint chocolate chip. "Mmm, this is so fucking good."

"If you say so." Lucifer wrinkled his nose as he ate his normal pancakes.

Adam was practically vibrating with how happy food made him lately, it was weird. Oddly enough, he didn't want ribs.

Adam reached over and took the pickle jar and drank half the juice. He ate the rest of the jar and polished off the juice. "We need more pickles."

"I'll get more this afternoon, my love. More hot sauce and ice cream as well?"

"Yes, thank you Luci.~" Adam placed many kisses on his boyfriends cheek and nuzzled him. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

-

"Oh my god you hate meeeee." Adam sobbed, tears pooled in his golden eyes. "You're yelling, you hate me!"

"I don't hate you! Adam, sweetie-"

"Then why are you yelliiiinnngg!" The rational part of Adams brain said no, Lucifer didn't yell he was just speaking up so he could hear him. But his pregnancy brain said otherwise and that part won.

His emotions have been all over the place lately.

Lucifer wrapped his arms around Adam's waist rubbing his baby bump. He spoke softly. "I love you, hun. I'm sorry I raised my voice."

Adam sniffed. "I love you too."

"And here I thought you were a whiney bitch before." Came Alastors voice and Adam's temper sky rocketed. His golden eyes flashed red, his blood boiled.

"THE FUCK DID YOU CALL ME YOU BAMBI REJECT!?" Adam roared, he picked up the closest thing by him, a lamp, and threw it at the radio demon who dodged and laughed at him. This only served to piss Adam off more.

"Shhh shh shh, think of our babies love." Lucifer tried to sooth, his hand rubbing soothing circles on Adam's belly. A baby kicked. Adam placed his own hand on his belly as he glared Al down. "I'll handle this." Lucifer whispered in his ear.

"Yes, think of you little devil spawns." Alastor sneered in disgust. He blinked when he felt a harsh grip on his shoulder.

Lucifer had brought out his full demon form grinning madly. "No speaks to him that way."

Adam sighed dreamily as he rubbed his baby bump and watched his love beat the holy hell out of Alastor. "Your daddy is truly amazing.~"

-

"Holy shit balls it's fucking hot in here." Adam laid on the bed, only in his boxers. He had fans pointed at him as he felt like he was on fire. He knew Hell was hot but damn!

He felt so warm he wanted to peel his skin off.

Lucifer was on the bed beside him, pressing a cold damp cloth to Adams forehead. It helped a bit.

-

"Luci, hey Luci, you awake?"

Lucifer cracked an eye open. "What is it?"

"Can you go get me something to eat from that place we love? Pleeeeease?"

Lucifer looked at the time. "It's 2am, I'm not sure they're open."

"I called they are." Adam grinned widely. He straddled Lucifer's hips and ground his ass on his dick, Adam gave a weak moan when he felt him twitch. "I'll make it worth it for you. That's not the only meat I want in me.~" He gasped when Lucifer jolted his hips up.

Lucifer sat up and placed a kiss on Adam's baby bump before kissing him on the mouth. "Of course my love.~"