#stephanie is a little shit

[ahfrickenfrick]

a video of tim and steph is making rounds with different media outlets, it’s literally just tim teaching steph a skateboarding trick

but a bunch of the outlets are claiming she is a pick me because the video shows steph falling over, tim laughing, and her tugging him down with her, and then them play fighting

in retaliation all the brothers painted ‘pick me’ on shirts and it was the only thing they all wore out for six months, and steph posted a video of her also wearing a shirt, landing the trick, then flipping off the camera with a shit eating grin

[deadsetobsessions]

“Did this place pick up a ghost when I was dead or something?”

Tim whipped his head towards Jason, who looked mildly perturbed.

“You too?!” Tim demanded.

“What?”

“The ghost! I kept thinking it was a hallucination, you know? But even when I laid off of the caffeine, there’d be a fucking shadow at the edge of my vision! At night! You saw it too, right?” Tim rambled, increasingly agitated. “It even moves the fucking coffee mugs! I know where I left my favorite mug, and it sure as hell wasn’t in the sink!”

Jason blinked at him, face morphing into concern.

“Replacement, when was the last time you got some sleep?”

Tim inhaled. “Jason, I swear to god I will replace all of the shampoo in your twenty six safe houses with glitter glue if you don’t tell me whether you saw it or not.”

Jason nodded immediately. In his defense, Tim grew up to be a scary motherfucker. Diabolical little shit would have been a fucking terrifying villain.

“I knew it.”

——

Danny hummed. Tim was going to freak when he found his cowl three inches to the left.

He merrily avoided all of the set up cameras by simply going invisible and intangible, save for his arms that he uses to sweep the cowl to the side.

He could hear the static on the cameras. Danny grinned. Operation Gaslight, Ghostkeep, Girlboss is on.

——

“Tim-” Dick started, only to be cut short by Tim whirling around and jabbing a painful finger into his chest.

“You owe me this, for that Arkham comment when B went missing.”

Dick raised his hands in surrender, guilt flaring.

“Drake, what kind of pointless scheme are you getting us in, now?”

“Not now, demon brat.” Jason elbows the kid. “Just go along with it.”

“Look.”

“Well. I guess we were right, yeah, Tim?” Duke muttered, eyeing the moved cowl. “My ghost-sight isn’t seeing anything. Not even wind movement.”

“What’s going on, boys?”

“B, there’s a ghost in the manor.”

“He’s freaking out because it moved his coffee mug like three times.” Steph chimed in.

——

“Danny?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you seen anything weird, lately?”

Danny tilted his head. “No…?”

“Not even in the house?” Jason asked.

“Shadows? Anything?” Dick asked, eye bags prominent on the normally exuberant man. Danny snickered inwardly. They’ve been up for three days trying to “catch” the ghost.

“Uh. I mean the floorboards creak sometimes? But in terms of shadows… I think I saw them outside? Kind of looked like Batman, actually. But my eyesight gets bad at night. Why?”

Danny could see in the dark just fine.

“Nothing! Let me know if you see anything, okay?”

“Uh. Sure? Maybe you guys should… get some sleep?”

“Uh-huh.”

The bats file out of his room.

——

Danny locked glowing green eyes with Tim and Dick. He did some quick thinking and contorted his ectoplasm into something more grotesque.

“Kkkhggggghkkkkeeee!!!” He screeched.

“AHHHHHHHHHH!” The two of them screamed, both bolting and throwing things at him. It was impressive how fast they backpedaled.

“That was close,” Danny muttered. He quickly scribbled on Damian’s whiteboard with conspiracy theories and dipped before the rest of the bats came thundering.

He fell into a light sleep just as Stephanie checked up on him, work done.

[batcavescolony]

*Comic bats+rogues get dropped into Gotham tv show universe*

Batman: *on tv* to all my rogues, you have 30 minutes to meet us in Robinson Park, or I send the kids after you. If you can't get to the park in 30min you're all smart enough to find a way.

Voice from the back: WHICH ONES.

Batman: Hmmmm, All of them?

Voice from the back: ...DOES ROBIN HAVE HIS SWORD?

Batman: yes

*a few colorfully dressed people part from the crowd towards Robinson Park*

[analviel]

Dick's friends at Tim Drake: little shit (creepy but endearing)

Dick's friends at Damian Wayne: little shit (annoyed will throw hands with an infant but somehow eventually endearing against their will)

Sorry I put a lot in the tags and am too lazy to retype them here

[ghost-bxrd]

Slightly dark/insane batfam who is overjoyed to have Jason back from death is one of my favorite aus ever. Like imagine Bruce being oh so proud of his son who ended entire gangs and built an empire in a matter of months before he even turned 19. Ofc he's gonna brag to this fellow JL members. His kid is just so driven and smart! Jason has no idea if they were always like this or if his death made them this way but he's not complaining (much).

Ooo that would be interesting!

Like, a Batman who still doesn’t kill and adheres to his moral code but has absolutely no problem if his kids turn murderous. He’s a proud and supportive dad either way, the only rule he has is that they keep it strictly to criminals and leave alone the regular civilians.

He went a little cuckoo when he lost Jason. As did Dick. (And Tim wasn’t sane either way lmao)

[violetbumblebea]

Damian, preparing to stab one of his siblings: >:)

Bruce, not even looking up from his newspaper: *Grabs a near by water spritzer and sprays* No, Damian

Damian: *angry and betrayed cat noises*

[e-elizabeth-l]

Damian: Nightwing

Damian: Nightwing

Dick: yes robin

Damian: Nightwing 

Damian: hi 

Dick: yes, hi 

Damian: *looking at the joker with an innocent look*did you know that it only takes 2 pounds of pressure to drive someone's nose bone into their brain

Dick: that’s...

a police officer: What?!

Damian: *bringing a crowbar from behind his back* 2 ponds that’s it 

Joker:*remembering the time when Damian beat him up with a crowbar, and the time he ran him over with an ambulance,ect* why are you telling them this

Damian:*fake innocent smile TM* revenge

Jason: *proud* that’s my boy

[gonnacatchthemallcausehes]

The Floor is Lava!

After dinner was all cleaned up was when the game of Floor is Lava started. Dick, while leaving the room, had suddenly jumped into the door jam, blocking the way out into the rest of the manor, sans kitchen, and shouted with a grin “The Floor is Lava! The floor is lava! Get off the floor!” 

Jazz immediately sighed and Danny’s mischievous grin grew to near inhuman standards. 

The rest of the Wayne family had immediately dedicated their focus to getting off the floor as quickly as possible. 

Cassandra leapt onto the windowsill and Steph claimed possession of the dining table (much to Alfred’s displeasure). If anyone dared try to also jump onto the table, she would body them back off the table and onto the ‘lava.’

Barbara stayed where she was. When an exasperated Dick scolded her, she would just raise an eyebrow and say “No part of me is touching the ground. Only my wheelchair is.” 

Tim, running on an hour of sleep from two days ago, glared at Dick before sinking down to lay on the ground. Danny thought he heard the quiet grumble of “just succumbing to the inevitable. I’m too tired for this shit.” Damian immediately stepped directly onto Tim’s back, staring down anyone who looked at him.

Bruce simply sat back down at his seat at the head of the table and reopened his newspaper, his legs folded beneath him. Even Alfred moved to step onto a rug, hiding a smile by turning towards the tea set. Only Jason saw his amusement as he had chosen to push himself up on the tea tray (after moving everything to the side, he wasn’t a monster).

It was only after everyone else found their perches that they looked over to see Danny simply sitting cross-legged in mid air with Jazz holding onto him like a backpack. Danny, of course, had the biggest grin. Jazz stared at Dick with the most dead-pan expression.

[mzminola]

Bruce sets up an elaborate mindfuck for Tim's birthday in an attempt to make Tim less trusting of even allies, giving him a mental breakdown. Bruce claims this will make Tim a better vigilante.

Tim, upon figuring it out, throws his Robin uniform literally in Bruce's face, cussing him out (like, actually censored swears, which Tim usually doesn't use), and quits. He talks with Steph about how messed up it was, and she empathizes out of her own messed up experiences with Bruce.

An unclear but short time later, probably a few days, Tim un-quits and states to Bruce that he doesn't expect an apology (not because it's unnecessary, but because he knows Bruce).

~

Stephanie returns from presumed death, finds Bruce, and accepts his orders to not reveal herself to everyone else & to take extreme actions to, once again in Bruce's estimate, make Tim a better vigilante.

This includes running around town in her original costume so Tim thinks his dead friend has a copycat, hiring people to attack him, working with a bomber, and even after knocking all that off, not sharing pertinent information about it with Tim, resulting in Tim being caught in an explosion.

Tim yells at Stephanie and says "Don't let me catch you wearing [the Spoiler] costume ever again." When she tracks him down a little later, he refuses to speak with her.

An unclear amount of time later, probably a few months, Tim is willing to work with Stephanie to stop a supervillain plot.

~

Some fans treat Tim's word-choice in the confrontation with Steph as him trying to control her. As him thinking he's got the authority to decide who can and cannot operate as a vigilante, at least in Gotham.

But. Like. One, aside from this one conversation, he takes no actions to stop her. He doesn't steal her gear (like Bruce sometimes steals people's uniform), he doesn't go and tell other people to stop working with her, he doesn't even go snitch to her mom.

Tim just. Tells the friend who got him very badly hurt while mindfucking him that he doesn't want to see her in the field again.

Two, it's a pretty dang similar response to when Bruce mindfucked him in the first example. Tim is the one who insists Batman needs a Robin. And here he is depriving Batman of Robin.

Yet if I tried to claim "Tim quitting Robin is his attempt to control Batman, is Tim acting like he has authority to stop Bruce from being a vigilante" you'd laugh in my face. Because that is a huge leap to make, with convoluted logic, and isn't supported by the rest of the text.

Bruce & Stephanie both screw Tim up really badly.

He confronts them and says he's breaking ties.

Then after a little distance, he goes right back to working with them.

And some people think this is...controlling? Don't get me wrong, Tim has some controlling tendencies, they all do, but it's usually teaming up with Alfred to stop Bruce patrolling while injured, and lying his ass off to everyone so he can do what he wants.

This? Is not that.

[last-boy-03]

HAPPY TURKEY DAY EVERYONE! 💚

NPMD headcanons: Thanksgiving edition

.

Before becoming friends with Steph, The Nerdy Bunch Trio spent every thanksgiving at Pete’s house. (Mostly because Ted let them do whatever they wanted, as long as it was safe/supervised.)

Then when they became friends with Steph they would go to her place and have an awesome time! Before that her dad was never home for thanksgiving, (doing a mayor speech about how important thanksgiving is and blah blah blah) so she had often spent it either alone or off at some lame party before the nerds.

.

Grace always spent it with her family, but will go to a friends-givings on a separate day with The Not Prudes. She was raised with the “Family doesn’t stop at blood.” moto and always made sure to invite Richie and Alice to her actual thanksgiving. Though she understands why they never went, she was still a little upset when they didn’t show up. (My previous headcanon that Richie and Grace see eachother as sibling, now expanded with uncle Paul and goddaughter/sorta cousin Alice!)

.

Max eventually started joining The Not Prudes for thanksgiving. He never had a real thanksgiving because of his dad, and was pleasantly surprised how nice it was to spend time with people he cared about. He would bring the drinks mostly, but also brought a killer baked mac and cheese.

Ruth screamed at him for a good minute the first time he brought it, begging for him to teach her how to make it.

There was one time in college none of them could make it home for thanksgiving, (They somehow go to the same college, don’t question it-) so they spent it in Max and Richie’s dorm. In the end the dorm was completely trashed, Pete and Steph were cuddling asleep in the corner, Ruth was completely zoned out drunk while watching The Addams Family, and Richie was sitting in Max’s lap on the couch while he was braiding Grace’s hair who was sitting on the floor in front of them making way too many friendship bracelets.

[rane-whatever]

Batfam and co as things me and my friends have said PT 3 (holy shit-)

Tim “I like to collect rocks, sometimes flowers-“

dick “I collect mentally ill introverts!” (silence)

Batfam “ U S ??????” dick “duh.” ———————-

Jason “What up bitches!” bruce “language.” jason “oh sorry.” {clears throat} “WHATS UP BITCHES??”

————————

Damian “ANARCHY!!!” Tim, on two hours of sleep “YEA”

—————————

{older} Jon “I gotta sneeze-“

{Older} Damian “If you make me spill any amount of this nail polish I swear to EVERYTHING YOU FEAR-“

——————————-

Steph “I have thick thighs- I feel like I could fit a teenage male on my lap and be okay-“

Duke {sits on lap}

/silence

Duke “….was I not supposed to-“

Steph “THIS IS MINE NOW!!!”

[ahfrickenfrick]

steph: *accidentally gave tim a 100 mg gummy instead of 10; driving him across town to a safe house, hitting tim’s leg playing a car game*

tim: no- don’t

steph: yeah sorry i was getting the bugs off your pants

tim: NO

[deadsetobsessions]

What Do You Have There?

A knife!

Danny plunked the butter knife in its pedestal of importance. The nice thing about having a billionaire vigilante for a... foster is the amount of money Danny was allowed to drop on his hobbies. For example, his extensive collection of souvenirs.

They're not just any old regular souvenirs. No, no, no. That would be so boring! No, these souvenirs, he obtained from the various muggings, knife fights, and various other situations he's been in ever since he was dropped ungraciously into Gotham.

The butter knife? Damian. Precocious, stabby Damian who he had startled into the stab instinct. A point of pride, really. Danny knew Damian was good at fighting! It was practically, in ghost terms, a super enthusiastic hello! Yes, the butter knife would be kept in the well lit part of the wall. Alfred had told him to stay home today to recuperate. He didn't need it, since the wound would heal in an hour or two, but he'd take staying at home any day.

A couple of hours later, well into the afternoon and right before what Danny knew to be their patrol hours, Danny had a visitor.

"Danny."

"Oh, hey, Damian! What's up?" Danny turned around to see Damian hovering awkwardly near the door.

"I am here to... check upon your wound. It is imperative that it gets proper treatment."

Ancients, Damian was exactly like those alley kids. He just ate a thesaurus instead of the drawling accent the alley kids picked up. Which meant Damian endeared himself to Danny pretty quickly. Like a little ghostling.

"Oh, I'm good. See? No blood is leaking out of the wound." Danny held up spotless bandages.

Danny watched Damian step into his haunt- his room- with a pleased hum. Damian inspected the bandages and stepped back with a sharp nod of approval. His eyes flicked to the wall that Danny was rearranging (again) and did a double take at the butter knife in the middle.

"Is that the butter knife I stabbed you with?"

"Why, yes, it is!" Danny beamed.

"Why on earth would you display that?"

"Because you stabbed me with it?"

"That makes absolutely no sense, you simpleton! When someone stabs you, stab them back!"

"That would be mean!"

Damian spluttered. Danny tugged the kid closer to the wall, cheering inwardly as Damian didn't shove him away. It might be because he was exaggeratedly wincing as he moved his "injured arm" but Danny has learned to take a win where he could find them, especially with ghosts. Not that Damian was a ghost, but he sure acted like one.

"Do you want to see my collection?"

"Your collection?"

"Yeah!" Without giving him time to answer, Danny barreled ahead. "So this is the knife you stabbed me with. Which, by the way, was an awesome show of strength and accuracy."

Damian grimaced. Danny continued blithely, secretly memorizing Damian's reactions to laugh at later.

"And this is the knife those guys stabbed me with that one time Cass found me. And this one is a bullet someone shot at me down by the docks. I think I interrupted some kind of meeting?"

Damian's jaw had a slight tick to it that would have been a baffled frown on anyone else.

"And when was this?"

"Oh, like a week ago."

"What? When did you go to the docks?!"

"At night. I couldn't sleep."

"And you went to the docks?! How did you even get there?!"

"Walked," Danny lied, like a lying liar. He floated, obviously, but none of them knew that. "Anyways, this is a law book! Someone threw it at my head!"

"Hey, guys! What're you doing?"

Danny and Damian turned around.

"Richard? Brown? What are you doing here?"

"Oh, Bruce wanted me to come back for the weekend," Dick said. Danny knew it was code for "something's going down and we need back up." Man, he still couldn't believe they didn't know he knew they were crime fighting vigilantes.

"Same!" Stephanie said. Danny was glad to see that her wounds from "cartwheeling in the manor" were healed.

"I see. Danny was showing me his collection of... objects people have used as weapons against him."

"What?!"

"Yeah!" Danny beamed, completely innocent. "Come on! I'll show you!"

With that, Danny continued to ramble. He just knew that the way Dick's and Stephanie's smiles strained would give him a good laugh for weeks to come. "And this is the glass bottle a drunk tried to shank me with in Crime Alley, and this is a knife the Red Hood himself threw at me."

Dick interrupted, face stiff. "Hood threw a knife at you?!"

"Yeah, but that was because my kids broke into his safe house and I was trying to get them to stop looting the place. And he didn't know I was a kid too, so he aimed a gun at my head. He shot at me too, but I couldn't go back to get the bullet, or else it would have joined my collection." Danny grabbed a box and shook it, metal rattling inside.

Dick smiled sweetly, Stephanie and Damian inching away from it.

"Oh, wow, I see!"

----

In his apartment, Jason shuddered. He grabbed his guns.

"Something's wrong. I just know it," he muttered to himself.

----

Danny smiled innocently as he described the horrific, near death events he got his souvenirs from.

"This is my bullet box! Man, Gotham has a lot of gun fights. I got shot so many times!" Danny complained, shaking the box like a rattling toy.

"Did you know Danny snuck out to go to the bay?" Damian snitched immediately, like a snitch.

"The Bay?! Danny! You know that's where people dump bodies, right?!" Stephanie poked him in the arm.

"Yeah, but like... I wouldn't die. And besides! I missed my friends!"

"You mean the minions you made in Crime Alley?" Steph asked. Danny pouted, eyeing the way Dick's gaze roved over his souvenirs and paling the more he realized how often Danny "got hurt."

Damian bumped a shoulder against Dick's arm. Danny returned to the conversation.

"If anything, I'm their minion." He said, remembering the times the Alley kids sent him on food runs.

"Fear Danny, the overlord of street rats."

Danny snorted. And- "Oh! Yeah, there was like a weird owl looking guy? And then they stabbed me with a finger and I kept it because woah, cool talon looking thing, right? And then they threw a bunch of those tiny knives at me? And then they just kind of vanished? Gotham is so weird."

And now, with all of them pale and stressed out of their minds, Danny swung a devastating blow called guilt trip.

"And that's the batarangs!" Three heads swung over to the line of batarangs. "Those vigilantes kept throwing them at me! One of them even hit me in the arm. Those things are sharp, man."

"Uh. Which ones?" Stephanie asked.

"Hm?" Danny hummed obliviously.

"Do you know which vigilantes?"

"Oh, it was like... the purple one. And the sword one? And like the one with the yellow insignia in the middle. And... all of them, I think? Except for signal. That guy's cool."

Stephanie and Damian had matching veiled looks of guilt. Dick shot them a sharp look. Danny decided to deal the last bit of damage to Dick.

"I'm glad you guys are way less stabby than the general Gotham public though, butter knife incident aside. At least I don't have to worry about you guys getting into danger, right? If you guys got hurt like my family did... I don't know..."

Danny smiled-squinted at them, channeling Cujo at his cutest and saddest: when he doesn't get to eat off of Danny's plate. So, pretty sad and pathetic.

"Uh, yeah." Dick said, guilt splayed all over his face. "Alfred said dinner was almost ready."

"Yes," Damian cleared his throat, looking away. "We shall partake in Pennyworth's hard work."

"Ahaha!" Stephanie laughed, nervously. "Welp, let's go bother Tim!"

Falling into step behind them, Danny grinned.

[sluggishslugcrimes]

At Bruce's 46th funeral because man doesn't understand a vacation day doesn't mean fake your death, but bats are gay and extra so.

Dick: it's giving cunt.

Jason: he ate.

Tim: slay and slaughtered.

Stephanie: he worked it up till death.

Cass: it's giving he's in the Bahamas finally getting the rest he needs.

Duke: it gave.

Damian: he severed it up.

Jarro: *starfish alien speech for he's going to eat his chair.*

Barbara: so checking off jumping off his own building off the list, this would be alarming if it wasn't Bruce.

Jim: I hope he's having a nice vacation, but maybe we should tell him to not do this though... I don't know how much more my heart can take anymore.

Dick: welp funeral is done, Jay and Cass share the Batman mantle I'm going back to work see you guys later. *Claps hands and Wally came and got him.*

Jay and Cass: *high-five each other*

[random-sparks-98]

Divorced. Beheaded. Died. Divorced. Beheaded. Survived. Tonight, Gotham, We Are LIVE! (3905 words) by Sparky441 Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Batman - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Dick Grayson, Barbara Gordon, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown, Cassandra Cain, Duke Thomas, Damian Wayne, Harleen Quinzel, Pamela Isley, Edward Nygma, Jonathan Crane, Oswald Cobblepot, Harvey Dent, Selina Kyle, Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth Additional Tags: Chaotic Batfamily (DCU), Tired Parent Bruce Wayne, Crazy Gotham City, Inspired by Six the musical, Crack Treated Seriously, Life in Gotham City (DCU), Gotham City Rogues, It's Halloween Folks, Dick and Harley are on the same wavelength, Chaotic Harleen Quinzel, Chaotic Dick Grayson, Jason Todd Being a Little Shit, bat kids being little shits, Dick Grayson Being a Little Shit, Stephanie Brown Being a Little Shit, Tim Drake Being a Little Shit, Duke Thomas is a Batfamily Member, Duke Thomas Being a Little Shit, Damian Wayne is a Little Shit, Cassandra Cain Being a Little Shit, BAMF Barbara Gordon, chaotic selina kyle, I'd love to say, no beta we die like robins, but there was actually some beta so-, some beta we come back like robins

Summary: Dick bursts into the room. “I’ve just had the Greatest Idea for a group costume this year!!!”

Jason glances over from where he’s holding Damian’s katana out of reach. “Will it fuck with Bruce?”

Dick grins widely. “Of course!”

The assembled bat kids all share a maniacal grin. ”Say no more. We’re in.”

–🦇–

Meanwhile, across Gotham:

Harley bursts into the room. “I’ve just had the Greatest Idea for a group costume this year!!!”

Ivy looks up from the plant she was tending to. “Will it fuck with the bat?”

Harley grins widely. “Of course!”

The assembled rouges all share a maniacal grin. “Say no more. We’re in.”

–🦇–

Meanwhile, in the Batcave:

Bruce shudders as a sudden chill runs down his spine. He brushes it off and turns back to the case file he’s working on. It must be the normal coldness of the cave.

Surely not something else.

Summary:

Dick bursts into the room.

“I’ve just had the Greatest Idea for a group costume this year!!!”

Jason glances over from where he’s holding Damian’s katana out of reach. “Will it fuck with Bruce?”

Dick grins widely. “Of course!”

The assembled bat kids all share a maniacal grin. ”Say no more. We’re in.”

–🦇–

Meanwhile, across Gotham:

Harley bursts into the room.

“I’ve just had the Greatest Idea for a group costume this year!!!”

Ivy looks up from the plant she was tending to. “Will it fuck with the bat?”

Harley grins widely. “Of course!”

The assembled rouges all share a maniacal grin. “Say no more. We’re in.”

–🦇–

Meanwhile, in the Batcave.

Bruce shudders as a sudden chill runs down his spine. He brushes it off and turns back to the case file he’s working on. It must be the normal coldness of the cave. 

Surely not something else.

[spite-and-waffles]

I'm going to start taking it personally when people say the girls are less of a disasterfire than the boys. No the fuck they aren't. They're completely dysfunctional, self-destructive, arrogant little goblins who've never met (1)healthy coping mechanism. They're Bats for Christ's sake. What comics have you even been reading.