#and their “mom” was a dick

[lonely-space-ace]

*smacking the doctor upside the head* YOU HAVE GIANT FAMILY YOU DUNCE JUST GO SAY HI TO THEM MORE THAN ONCE A DECADE

[redactedrem]

Headcanon where after so many arguments between the batkids and Bruce over his paranoia and complete disregard for his kids privacy, the entire family had compromised with (in the healthiest way possible) downloading life360 on their phones and that's how they all keep track of each other.

Now Bruce knew that this is mostly for his benefit and is supposed to be a healthy alternative for his unhealthy paranoia and helicopter parenting, but what he wasn't expecting was for his kids to start keeping track of him.

He's putting gas in his car and Dick calls him because apparently Dick has been watching him drive around on the app? And Bruce is currently at a gas station thats right around the corner from a Taco Bell and now Dick wants him to get food for everyone since he's already there.

He's driving home from a meeting and Steph calls him because her and Duke were shopping in the area and wants to know if he can pick them up, when he asks how she knew he was on the same street, he gets a "Oh I just like to stalk everyone on the app for funsies." as an answer.

Jason calls him and he can barely get out a hello before Jason cuts him off, "Bruce why the fuck is your phone battery on 5%, charge your damn phone" which completely stuns him because why does he know that. He clears his throat before answering. "Jason, what?"

"Everyone can see each others phone batteries on '360, now charge your phone." Is all he gets before Jason hangs up on him.

[everwalldigan]

I love the idea of all the robins kinda being clones of each other with just a few differences and a concussed Bruce not being able to tell who he’s squinting at so he just says generic statements and avoids saying any names

Bruce (sitting at the breakfast table): so… how’s the weather… dick?

Jason (grinning): you do know I’m gonna hold this against you for like, the next 2 months right

Bruce: (groans into his hands)

Bruce (walking into the living room): hey have you read through the files I gave you yesterday?

Dick: (confused cause he took a day off to surprise Bruce) ?

Bruce: so?

Dick: er… no?

Bruce: Dick?? What are you doing here?

Bruce (walks into the kitchen with a fresh concussion): Jason? I thought you were on a mission with the outlaws?

Tim: (frozen through mid fridge raid, having assumed they were past Bruce calling him Jason since yk. He’s a shit brickhouse now and Tim is, well, obviously not): uh?

Bruce: *turns around and leaves*

Bruce: Oh hey Cass, when did you arrive from Babs’?

Damian: (slowly turns around in the black hoodie he’s wearing) we’re not even the same gender

Bruce: (under his breath) yeah but the same height

[ditzybat]

tim drake is the type of guy to drop random lore then walk away.

tim: ugh i hate baseball, it’s like, when you have to play it in order to save a whole planet once, every game after seem boring

dick: that’s not…

tim: only downside to that was how we almost totaled barts brand new spaceship

dick: what spaceship??

—

tim: oh, hi mom

shiva: hello timothy, how are you? still keeping up with your training i take it?

bruce: mother? she’s not your —

shiva: let’s spar then timothy, let’s leave it strictly non lasting injuries, i don’t rather feel like dying by your hand again today

tim: of course!! ^-^

bruce: again?

—

tim: man i forgot to take my meds again

duke: your meds for what?

tim: i have no spleen, so i have to take probiotics, it really is manageable but i dont know where those pills went

duke: i’m almost scared to ask, tim, how did you lose your spleen?

tim: weird spider dude, it was a whole thing

—

tim: you talk a lot of shit for someone who got replaced as heir to your immortal grandfathers empire by me

damian: you what!?

tim: i regularly beat his ass at online chess every week too, and i don’t think you’ve seen him since he stole your corpse

—

tim: here

jason: what’s this?

tim: a box of all the photos i took when i obsessively stalked you for your entire tenure as robin

jason: thanks?

tim: you’re welcome, bye!

jason: … creepy ass kid…

—

steph: so how did you to get together?

bernard: well —

tim: i saved him from a getting cut open by chaos monster cult members

bernard: yep, i was rescued from being a vessel for a greek god, and we just really clicked afterwards

steph: well, it’s better than the brick

[garpen]

12 yrs old Jason having just been dropped off at Wayne Manor: Do you just take in every orphan you meet off the street?

Bruce: No, you're the first kid I picked up off the street. I picked up my last one at the circus.

Jason: Is that a joke? I can’t tell if that’s a joke.

Bruce: My son's name is Richard, but he insists on going by Dick.

Jason: And he’s…from the circus?

[calsvoid]

i just know jason gets SOOO embarrassed when he does something and it’s similar to dick or bruce. he says a phrase dick often says and dies inside or he is talking and realizes he’s using the same tone and words his dad uses. he’s doing a move in combat and remembers exactly who he learned it from. his hair looks a little too much like bruce’s one day. dick would wear this hoodie. he’s eating takeout from a restaurant dick introduced him to. he’s just like his dad and his big brother and he wants to scream because EWWWWWWWWWW

[fanaticalthings]

it's tough being the oldest.

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Bonus:

[tiredbitchposts]

Ok, but Shen Jiu being Shen Yuan's father is so funny in a very tragic way. Shen Jiu is a ball of traumas and all types of issues and i truly believe there's not a single one that man doesn't have, so, you give him a baby!Shen Yuan, a little ball of life that depends on him for survival, cannot walk away from him and is culturally wired to pretty much love him and if not, to at the least respect him above all else, you cannot tell me that this man would be normal about him. Also, imagine Shen Jiu, who'd be the type of parent to project traumas the way only a mother could, having a child that looks like him but with a "sweeter" personality (which, by the way, is bullshit, they just have never seen that boy rip into a book he disliked but wouldn't stop reading) that has the effect on men Shen Yuan has, he'd lock that boy up in a tower to "cultivate" and consequently create a rumor about the Qing Jing's beauty who was so bewitching their peak lord father locked them in a tower because that's just his luck. Loving Shen Yuan wouldn't fix him, but it'd create a whole new set of issues that'd cancel out the other ones

[dc-and-damirae]

robin(dick): What if I turned into a villain? cat-woman: Aw, you'd have the cutest mugshot. robin [very pleased with himself]: Thank you cat-mom.

[arrowheadedbitch]

Dick: Okay, now we can begin

Damian: Wait, where is father?

Tim: Is he making out with Catwoman again?

Dick: Wh- no-

Jason: I am NOT calling her mom

Dick: Guys-

Tim: You don't even call Bruce dad!

Dick: Guys, let's focus-

Jason: My point still stands.

Damian: IMBECILES! Grayson is trying to speak

Dick: Yes, thank you damian. Bruce isn't here because he has league business

Tim: Oh, so he's fucking wonder woman

Jason: NO!

[flyrobinflyy]

dick was definitely a “no no no no shhh don’t tell dad” older brother to jason

[hello-eden]

dcxdp #33

I am back to continue the de Aged Ellie and Dan, a child of Danny and a bat boy agenda. this time with dick Grayson.

Ellie and Dan de-stabilized to a core form. Danny is of course panicking trying to figure out how to bring them back but they're safe for now. Clockwork tells him that he needs to incubate the cores himself but that it's going to take a lot of energy and that it's probably not safe for him at this moment. Clockwork sends Danny to the DC dimension to have a calmer time away from all the fighting and to make sure he can recover mentally and physically from everything that's happening in Amity. It basically turns into a summer holiday away from home/ vacation.  

Dan needed more than just Danny's DNA to stabilize Due to Dan being a hybrid of Danny and Vlad originally, so Clockwork sent Danny to the dimension to pick a donor not that Danny knew that. Danny decided to incubate both cores at the same time so that biological change also happened to Ellie. 

Danny meets dick while he is there and has a cute Summer Fling with him while he's in that dimension. In dicks timeline he's in the range of still being Robin or just going out to bludhaven. Danny starts incubating the cores while in the DC dimension around dick mostly because he knows it's safe for him there. 

He has one human doctor's appointment there and then goes back to his dimension for the rest of the technical pregnancy. Dick has no idea about Ellie or Dan as well as no idea about Danny being from another dimension. The two of them had a civilian Romance.

Danny later returns to the DC Dimension with Ellie and Dan years later after having a very bad run in with the GIW. All of them are recovering and Danny accidentally runs into dick. Danny doesn't know that due to being around dick in the start of the pregnancy caused a lot of changes in Elie and Dan's biology.

Danny and dick See each other a couple of times like going for a coffee before dick finds out that Danny has kids. Danny not knowing the kids are dick’s doesn't feel like it's relevant to tell him especially after the very bad run in with GIW which makes him overprotective.

The kids would be about 6 or 7. 

Dick meets the kids and does a little bit of mental math realizing that there is a possibility the kids are his. He is in denial for a moment thinking that Danny would tell him if they were his especially now that they've talked again but then he does research. He doesn't find anything on Danny except for the one doctor's appointment from when he was still in the dimension last for pregnancy. The doctor was heavily liminal so they understood what they needed to for pregnancies but they also did it in human terms to stop anyone from realizing the pregnancy is different on file. this definitely freaks out dick because they were still seeing each other when they went to the doctor.

[ghostbsuter]

There was a teen in the cave.

A teen no one knows and looks like he could be a wayne, stands in the cave.

"Actually, I'm a wayne." He says with a shrug.

Bruce, Batman, carefully thinks of the implication.

"Not yet," The teen, Danny, doesn't say anything. Simple smiles. "You're not a wayne, yet. You will be. But not yet."

Then Bruce sighs, dropping the batman mask in order to take in the teen.

"Does future me know of the time travel?"

Dannys smile grows into a grin, deciding to take pity on the man. "You, grandbat, have..." He makes a vague gesture. "Theories, which none of your children ever confirmed."

The bat's mind short-circuits at the choice of words

Dick is sputtering incomprehensibly, there are Baffled expression all around.

Because.

Because that child isn't Bruce's, but one of theirs.

"Who is it?" Jason demands, hand clenching his gun uselessly.

Danny continues to smile, a hint of mischief now peeking out.

The cave is filled with theories, some yell, some sob, yet all eyes leave danny.

All but one pair.

She had known the moment his body language switched just enough for her to read.

She had known the moment he disappeared before the clan.

Had known when his hand found hers, shoulders bumping.

Her heart clenches, throat dry and memories of her childhood flooding to mind.

So she asks, voice soft and hesitant.

"Am I a good mother?"

And danny looks up at cass, adoration and pride laid out plain for her to see and accept.

"You're the best."

And so they both watch the clan together, silent and comfortable.

(Cass doesn't question when she finds him, how and why. All she knows is that she's more attentive when out on patrol, looking and waiting.)

(This is how Cassandra Cain-Wayne returns one night from patrol, a child, barely out of toddler stage and clinging to her form.)

(This is how the Batclan officially meets one Daniel James Cain-Wayne, freshly washed and clothed, a cookie in hand and hiding shyly behind Cass.)

(When they meet, all they say is "Welcome home, danny," and "Good to see you again.", Danny doesn't necessarily get it, but that's okay. Maybe his new mom will explain it one day when he's bigger.)

[emacrow]

Orphan's baby

Cass was in the middle of helping the Batfam along with Batman raids through the the hidden base they had found underground lab in an abandoned hospital messing with a neon verison of lararus pits liquid.

Red Robin had already adjacked the security and was going through the files with Spoiler. Nightwing and Red hood beating up the guards while batman was battling with the main boss behind it all.

She was with Robin as they were taking some samples and destroying the remaining ones.

She had already crack through most of seemingly important hidden rooms that seem to be hiding completely full with containers full of lararus pits with tags of PH4N70M, and a winter blue colored marble in a container sealed to the safe that was spelling out electricity every minute in the container.

It looked important, but why a marble..?

She broke the container holding the marble, taking most of the lararus pits containers as well while destroying the remaining unaware of the glow that pulsed in the marble.

By the time is was to retreat, everything was in the clear as Spoiler needed to unscramble hidden files that were behind multiples firewalls.

They were at the batcave when they were securing the containers of lararus pits for later sampling, only for the marble to be missing..?

She was sure that she place it in her bat waist pouch, but it wasn't there anymore..

Did she dropped it accidentally while collecting the containers of larausu pits?

It was already too late to check back now, so she decided not to tell anyone yet.

Until 2 months later, she started feeling downright sick nauseated. Right after Dinner of Alfred's infamous lasagna Tuesday, but.. it tasted a bland which was throwing her off completely.

She was only dropping down by the batcave to just self analysis herself.. only to stop walking half way the secure containement holding all the lararus pits that they brought back..

She couldn't stop herself from staring at it with vast hunger before the swirl of neon green filling her vision and blank her conscience out the window..

Only to wake up in her room on her bed, 3 empty containers with not a inch of lararus pits left inside as if it was wiped-or licked clean. She hide the containers under her bed and stood quiet later on as nobody had noticed yet what she had done.

She doesn't know what had happen, but the nausea and sick feeling went away as if nothing happen.

Hopefully it would be a one time thing...

Bruce and his long lines of lawyers had disbanded the GIW completely over the illegal experimentally on sentient aliens of another world which they tried to label them as ghosts until they tried to accused Superman of being one of them which quickly label their entire Government supported work as hate crime and was steady being searched, along finding a couple of missing traumatized teens, adults and children that had vanished the months before in the other hidden labs.

...

....

.....

She had her head in her hands as she silently groaned when she peak her eyes between her fingers to see several dozen empty containers and immediately close her eyes to try and pretend she didn't see them.

It only been 5 months since that incident and she had seemingly got away with it, but then nausea came back with vengeance like no other, and the increased appetite was new, but yet it didn't filled her belly with the bland taste or satisfaction even though she did felt a bit feint during the couple of night patrols despise feeling energized earlier.

Something was wrong and she know it as she went to the only person who could help her right now.

She went to Alfred straight away silently explaining the situation going on because she honestly have no idea was going on with her and she know she loves his food, and the feint spells, and the monsterous appetite and the insatiable need to swallow a crapton of lararus pits with twelve milkshakes and fourteen bags full bat burgers.

Alfred could only stared with his eyebrows raising slowly with every word spilling out of her mouth.

Alfred helped her get examined in the batcave medbay, and 2 hours later the blood result came in.

Case was pregnant, but It was a almost cryptic pregnancy.

Alfred didn't had the equipment out for a ultrasound at all yet, but from he know from Cass it was during the Raiding of that hidden lab and her being in contacted with this 'marble' that seemingly disappeared after she grabbed it.

That was 7 months ago, but luckily Alfred caught it in time before it literally became a cryptic pregnancy.

Oh the ultrasounds pics of the little baby fetus with his fast beating lil heart beating were precious as he got tiny misty eyes a bit compare to Cass's awestruck look staring at the screen then back at her belly.

He does help get extra vitamins pills, and call her off of Crime duty until further noticed . Bruce on the otherhand was concerned but all he got from Alfred was the You Better not investigate this because I have major blackmail of embarrassing toddler photos against you.

This is Alfred moment that he been waiting for since Bruce became a new adult but not yet sired a baby at the Wayne Manor at all. He is savoring this for the memories and scapebooking time. He is cranking opened that forgotten but clean baby nursery of forlorning hopes.

2 months later, By the time Cass was ready to deliver the baby on February 11, and at February 12th, 12:01am.

Wren Alf Cain was born premature yet crying softly into the word.

[lygma-nygma]

Being a batfam fan is funny because people will make a post like “here’s my headcanon-“ and it’s just something that’s directly canon to the story then post about major canon events and get everything wrong.