#ed recovery help

[ikarus-wax-wings]

Tw: ED (mostly about recovery?)

I don't know how to count calories. It involves math and being Awake and problem solving and all that shit I'm bad at. It also feels weird. That's associated with restriction. I just want to get to a point I'm eating a normal amount. This is supposed to be my healing.

I don't know how else to find out how much I should be eating. I've lost reality on that. I don't have an appetite so I can't just eat until I'm full. And I don't remember to eat even when I'm kinda hungry because I forget it's hunger. I don't just know how much food is normal. I think I should eat three meals, but that sounds like a lot, and I'm not good at knowing what constitutes a meal anymore. I eat a cereal bar for lunch. That's not a meal, but how much more is a meal?

I don't know how to give myself a goal without this. But I also don't understand how it works. My cereal bars say how many calories they have. It's 78 per bar. I'm supposed to be eating 2,400 calories every day because of my age according to my quick Google search. 2,400-78= 2,322. That's not very much. Sometimes I don't eat much more than my stupid cereal bar. I know it's better than nothing. 2,322 is better than 2,400. I'm doing something.

I don't know how much the meals I make are though. They're made up of all these different materials and idk how much or all the numbers. I don't know how far I have to go to get to normalcy. My toast might be less than my cereal bar, but today I put cream cheese and smoked salmon like I'm at a fancy cafe writing my book of poetry. I was told a long time ago now that fish and cream cheese have lots of fats and fats are good for your brain and they "stick to your ribs". But idk how many calories that is. Idk how well I'm doing.

I've never heard how you get better from this. For most people it's about their size or shape or weight. Their bodies. So the recovery things I see are focused on fixing that hatred and anxiety, and the eating enough part seems to supposedly come naturally after you don't think about how it could make your body look. It's not natural for me. I'm not sure it is for other people too, but that's what it seems like. Idk.

Maybe I shouldn't try to calorie count. I'm just not sure how to make goals for myself ig.

[ed-recoverry]

To anyone who was suicidal at age 14 or younger, here’s your permission to grieve. Here’s your permission to not joke about it or just flat out ignore it. Here’s your permission to acknowledge that lost child who felt way more pain than any child should ever feel. You’re allowed to cry for that child, whether you healed or are still suffering the same thoughts. Finally allow yourself to grieve for that child filled with undeserved hurt.

[catgirl-kaiju]

me: hmh getting hungry

adhd: u can't eat rn you're already doing something

autism: there is nothing in the house that u like

anorexia: like u even need any calories

trauma: u've barely done anything today. you don't deserve to eat

little anime girl: burg her

me: burg her...

me:

little anime girl:

[sonasi]

Reasons why you should recover 🖤

To see your skin glow under the sun

To let your hair grow long and healthy

To smile & laugh genuinely

To travel the world

To see the clouds turn pink when the sun sets

To see your family and friends smile when they look at you

To smile at yourself in the mirror

To have a happy & healthy family in the future

To taste yummy cooked meals

To dance outside in the rain

To run & play with your pets

To go on dates

To take warm baths in the winter

To have healthy nails to paint

To sit next to a campfire

To drive anywhere you want

To be strong

To feel comfortable in your skin

To cuddle with your pets late at night

To stargaze

To wear fuzzy socks & pj pants on a cold night

To play in the snow

To go swimming under the sun

To jump in a pile of leaves

To go on walks with your pets

To listen to music

To go on road trips

To make someone smile

To hear the words “I love you.”

To know it gets better

To think clearly

To care for your body

To light up a Christmas tree

To go Trick or Treating with friends or family

To celebrate your birthday

To celebrate any holiday

To eat your favorite foods & drink your favorite drinks

To love your life

To love yourself <3

[this-smile-is-real]

Hi, I’m Hannah.

I am trying to build my life after 49 hospital admissions in 8 years. After 20+ years of trauma, an eating disorder etc. I have diagnoses of cPTSD, Anorexia, Fibromyalgia, Functional Neurological Disorder and my large bowel no longer works. I have been on the disability pension since 2019 but have increasing medical costs, increase in rent, more and more specialists and appointments weekly, fortnightly and monthly. I currently have 11 people on my team but can only afford to see 2 regularly.

I am needing help financially that I can’t find elsewhere. I am doing all that I can and am also currently studying at university but have become so overwhelmed, in thousands of dollars debt and am always behind in bills. I would be so grateful for any donations. Thank you

[scary-friend]

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

[inkskinned]

im gonna start a fight; and, at the same time, i need you to take this in the most good-faith way possible, but:

videos that involve body-checking and intentionally (and uncritically) show a mealplan of an unhealthy number of calories are just a revamped version of pro-ana food diaries.

and yeah, i know there's arguments. i address some of them under the cut. but at the end of the day, we're just coming back to romanticizing mental illness; we've just found a better platform for it.

this is already something we've done. we knew it was wrong and tried to stop it. and tbh. it just wasn't enough.

there are people who argue "well, what if you have an eating disorder, you can't help it if you don't eat!" except that as someone with an ED; we are not infants. we know what we're doing. part of having an ED is that you are like, maybe too self-aware. even if we can't help our own food choices, we don't need to fucking romanticize the disorder - something we've been warning you about since 2013. there are hours of setup, filming, and editing that go into these videos. they do not happen to fall into place randomly. there is a reason they are pieced together to be beautiful, bright, inspiring.

there's this woman who pretty much only posts daily plans under a normal amount of calories, and everyone defends her saying but it's better than nothing! and i'm like. except she opens those with images of her showing off her body and provides no context in the video or caption that suggests that she believes what she's doing is unhealthy. she has hundreds of thousands of followers on a platform designed for young kids and teens. i refuse to believe that by accident her content just happens to be cheery advice on "healthy" versions of starving.

for any other symptom of mental illness, we would be incredibly enraged by this kind of placid acceptance of a "tips and tricks" fast-start guide. imagine if people posted pink & pretty videos saying "best places to cut yourself" as if it was a fucking storytime. we, as a society, are so fucking fatphobic that we would rather accept blatantly harmful displays of self harm than admit that we are obsessed with a hyper-thin body type.

i am not suggesting someone never talks about their disorder. i talk about mine. actually, it's a plot point in my book.

here's the difference: i recognize it's a fucking mental illness. i am very careful to never mention a specific weight, eating pattern, or calorie plan. i always make sure to position it as something that ruined my fucking life. i do not put cheery music in the background and hearts and sparkles over my worst moments. i do not film it in bright light. i do not start each passage with an image of a thin body followed by "here's how to look like her."

eating disorders should not be framed as aspirational. and the problem is that society worships the "after" image, so long as you don't get too sick. there is a reason so many people who quit being "influencers" will later admit - i wasn't eating well that whole time; an obsession with food was completely destroying my life.

we let any uncredited, uncertified person write the most backwards, fucked up shit about how to get the body you desire! because the underlying, secret belief is: well, at least they're thin! and the real thing that fucking gets me each time - they make fucking money off of it. their irresponsibility and societal harm literally pays off for them.

"why do you care so much." "don't like it don't look." "so what if people experiment with new ways of thinking of food?"

thank you for asking. we're about to get extremely personal. it's because when i was 18 i discovered "thinspiration"/"thinspo." and it absolutely influenced, shaped, and codified my pre-existing eating disorder. i went from having some troubling habits and traits to being incredibly unwell within what felt like a matter of days. there were actual pages designed to train me on how to have an ED correctly. it was all so suddenly easy. i was sick; and the nature of the illness meant - i wanted to be sicker.

it takes an average of 7 years for a person to fully recover. i know this personally - even now, 10 years from the worst of it, i still fucking struggle. i am so much happier now and i eat what i want and i literally don't think about food at all (19 year old me would shudder) and yet - i still fucking know the calories of plain toast with butter.

an eating disorder is one of the deadliest types of mental illness. over 1 in 4 people with an ED will attempt suicide.

and i'm sorry. i just do not see the exchange rate of "high rate of engagement" versus "the value of a human life."

[growandrecover]

if you're gaining weight in recovery and feel bad about it, that's your body trying to keep you alive. I know it's extremely difficult to deal with your body changing, especially because our disorders are so image based, but your body isn't thinking about that. Its sole purpose is to keep you alive, and that's what it's doing for you.

Your body may not be able to trust you right now, and if you feel out of control, that could be why. But don't worry, a day will come where it can begin to rely on you again to give it what it needs.

[stargirl-and-potts]

It’s actually so important to me that Ed cries over Izzy in front of the whole crew. We’ve seen him bite back his tears in front of Frenchie and Lucius, and at Mary and Anne’s, when he was too low to help himself. But we’ve only seen him willingly, fully cry in front of Stede, once. And even then that was after a debilitating flashback that left him in a very young state of mind.

But Stede returning to the Revenge restarted the experiment Ed had begun when he sung to the crew — the experiment of being “just Ed.” Finding out what makes Ed happy. Letting his guard down. Playing and learning and apologizing, showing up soft, since Stede was there to protect him from the consequences. This was Stede’s ship again; no one would hurt Ed if he let himself put his weapons down.

And then Ed gives up even the protection of Stede’s captaincy and the safety of his ship and leaves, and tries being soft all on his own. He learns he doesn’t much want to do it without Stede; but he does want it. So when he comes back (having read that love letter, knowing he is cared for as deeply and permanently as he cares, knowing his presence matters to Stede as vitally as Stede’s does to him) — when he comes back, even with his leathers on and his gun and knife strapped to his thigh, he’s still just Ed. He can’t armor it back up again.

Izzy bleeds, and tells him he is loved, and he doesn’t reject it, and he doesn’t run from the pain. He sets down his panic and the emotional distance of trying to fix it, and he sits with him. And he sobs. And the crew cries with him.

Ed isn’t alone with his griefs anymore.

[pansyboybloom]

honestly? shout out to bears and the bear community for helping me want to recover from my eating disorder. i want to find my natural weight. i want to be fat and healthy. i want to love and support others through loving and supporting myself. i want to accept my body as it is. bears i love you so much <3

[ed-recoverry]

Shoutout to all Asian LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Bruneian LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Burmese LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Cambodian LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Filipino LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout all Hmong LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Indonesian LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Laotian LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Malaysian LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Mien LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Singaporean LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Timorese LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Thai LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Vietnamese LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Afghani LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Armenian LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Azerbaijani LGBTQ+ folks.

Shout to all Georgian LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Kazakh LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Kyrgyz LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Mongolian LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Tajik LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Turkmen LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Uzbek LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Chinese LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Japanese LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Korean LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Okinawan LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Taiwanese LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Tibetan LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Bangladeshi LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Bhutanese LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Indian LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Maldivians LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Nepali LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Sri Lankan LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all Pakistani LGBTQ+ folks.

Take pride in it all. Your culture, your identity, it’s all so beautiful. Celebrate where you are from and who you are. It makes you you, and that is something to be proud of.

post for Pacific Islanders, post for Middle Easterners, post for Oceanic folks , post for Hispanics, post for Africans, post for Native Americans, post for Caribbeans

[tryingreallyh4rd]

Trying to become obsessed with self care the way I was obsessed with self destruction.

[asking-jude]

Do you want free mental help? What about remote, pay-what-you-want counselling? Visit askingjude.org.

[this-smile-is-real]

Hi.

My name is Hannah and I am 27 years old.

I have lived with Complex PTSD and Anorexia since I was 6 years old.

Over the years I have also been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, panic disorder, Functional Neurological Disorder, Fibromyalgia, a large bowel that no longer works and Costochondritis. I have had 46 hospital admissions both medical and mental health over the past 8 years to date (date of posting is April 2024)

I require weekly psychology, dietitian,, GP and physiotherapy appts as well as weekly medication costs, and other specialist appointments frequently.

I have been on the disability pension since 2019 but that doesn’t even begin to cover half of what I require and I have thousands of bills outstanding and money required to access the supports that I need to not be in hospital every few weeks.

I so appreciate the current cost of living but would be so grateful any donation large and small so that I can begin to truly live. Believe me when I say I have exhausted every option possible to try and get on track and moving forward.

Thank you for reading x

[smoshpostiing]

TW: ED discussion

i think its time for me to share some of my story and also talk about angela <3

this is a positive post but contains heavy topics, please proceed with care ❤️‍🩹

for my whole life, or as long as i can remember, i have struggled with body dysmorphia and disordered eating.

when i was sixteen, these issues got really serious and took over my life. i was hospitalised, and over the next few years saw endless GPs, specialists, dietitians, and referred to day stays and recovery programs. it was neverending. i never felt good enough, or "sick enough", and was stuck in my own mind.

eventually i became okay with the idea of recovery and at around the same time, my love of smosh rekindled itself after being a fan for many years. i had seen angela giarratana in starkid musicals and smosh videos and loved her so much, i related to her a lot.

around the start of recovery i had noticed subtle comments and allusions she had made to her own experiences that many may not have noticed unless they had been in a similar situation (moments talking about her sword af character being like herself, etc)

then came her short film "guts". the combination of these things made me feel so seen and valid and safe and brought me so much comfort. it was the push i needed to commit to real recovery. and now i am months into recovery. ❤️‍🩹

her openness and subtle vulnerability has brought me immense comfort. she deserves the world and there is no way i could ever thank her enough for the impact she has made if she even knew how she had contributed to my recovery.

being able to relate to her and finding reasons to take back control of my life is something i think i should finally share with you all on here.

i still have days where im not doing so great. but i am reminded that i am not alone and i can get better. angela is one of those reminders. <3

i was so lost until i was reminded there was hope for me.i wont say recovery is easy, because it isn't. but if you are struggling, you are seen. i promise. there is hope for you.

angela, thank you❤️‍🩹

thank you my nearest and dearest moot @unknownteapot for the nudge to put my story out there in the hopes that maybe there is someone else who may be in a similar position. please share if you can <3

[inkskinned]

maybe i'm a bitch but if i hear you go out of your way to judge someone's weight, i immediately lose trust in you & will probably forever find you a little unbearable . yes also the little floating bar over my head will start reading [hostile]. this is natural and u caused it.