#except for damian

[puppetmaster13u]

You know what would be hilarious.

Trans Batman accidentally convincing Gotham that the batclan are like clownfish.

This is helped along when Red Hood comes onto the scene and is later also revealed to be a batclan member.

[arabian-batboy]

I picked the right time to leave this fandom, enjoy that ugly white American boy in the Super Sons movie (and I’m not talking about Jon) till the end of times.

[ghost-bxrd]

Let’s amp up the “Jason says ow and the batfam thinks he must be gravely injured” headcanon.

Jason calls Bruce or Dick for fun and says nothing but “goodbye” before hanging up (maybe it’s a dare by Roy who TOTALLY suspects the reaction Jay is gonna get).

Ten minutes late the entire Justice League is scouring Gotham, on the hunt for Jason.

[greenglowinspooks]

To be honest. DCxDP where the reason Danny meets the bats is Ace the Bat-hound

Like, just think about it for a second. Danny is in Gotham for college, or maybe he just moved out to find a city where having mad scientist parents isn’t actually that unusual.

He can see ghosts.

The ghosts know this.

Now he’s getting harassed left and right by spirits trying to get closure. Fine, whatever, most of them are a one-and-done type deal, and the amount of ghosts trying to get his help steadily decreases.

Except for this one very stubborn dog.

It just keeps showing up and leading him to crime scenes! He doesn’t know how many “anonymous tips” he can call in to the cops before they trace his phone! And this dog, this incredibly good boy, will not stop trying to help the city. He’s never met anyone with such a strong sense of justice, let alone a dog. Can dogs even have a moral compass?

And so Danny just accepts the fact that Ace isn’t going anywhere and becomes his reluctant sidekick/dedicated medium. He leans into the whole thing, dressing up in a mix of traditional magic-user attire and accessories that pay homage to the ghost dog.

He becomes somewhat well known. The psychopomp detective following around the shadowy figure of a German Shepard? That’s unusual! That’s weird! I mean, it’s not the weirdest thing in Gotham, sure, but he’s a new vigilante and he’s got a ghost dog that people can only see when it’s around him. Someone’s gonna notice.

Damian, as Robin, is the first to reach out to him.

Ace doesn’t know Damian but he does know a Robin, and while this isn’t his Robin, he’s still friendlier than usual. Danny’s panicking because oh god the bats are here and also is this kid gonna steal my ghost dog, Damian is absolutely delighted by Ace, and Ace is just happy to see a Robin again.

Damian decides that the psychopomp isn’t a danger to anyone, and there’s no reason to put this encounter into his reports, really, and perhaps Danny can help with some of his cases in the future.

Danny is sweating bullets because Damian basically tells him that he’ll keep him secret as long as he gets to play with Ace. Ace is happy that he’s finally getting some bat affiliated crime-fighting assistance.

And so, Danny is now both Ace AND Damian’s reluctant assistant. At least whenever he’s in trouble, he can always call a middle schooler to help him.

(Is Robin even in school? He’s out patrolling damn near every night, and he stays out late as hell. Does he have a bedtime? He should.)

Eventually it gets to the point where Damian is going over to Danny’s house. When he first sees it, he has a damn bitch you live like this moment, to which Danny responds that not everyone has the money to afford a nice place. Damian counters that he could at least take the time to clean up, and Danny replies that he’s working, going to school, and being a vigilante assistant to a ghost dog, something’s got to give.

Danny nearly has a heart attack when he checks his bank account the next day and sees that someone transferred him 10,000 dollars.

And so they get into a routine. Danny and Damian fight crime with Ace at night, and occasionally Damian stops by during the day to play with Ace and have Danny help with his homework.

(Damian is smart enough to do it on his own, but some of the instructions are written incredibly confusingly, and he would never admit to needing help to his family. Danny is just glad that the kid is in school and cares about his education, blissfully unaware that he’s basically emotionally adopted him.)

Damian is used to being in Danny’s company.

Eventually, when going over a case with the family, Damian absentmindedly remarks that he’ll have to ask Danny about some of the clues that they might be missing. Nightwing asks who he means and Damian makes a face like he just swallowed a lemon.

Cue shitstorm.

Who is “Danny?” Why is Damian willing to ask for help from anyone, much less someone outside of the family? Does he know who Damian is? Has Damian been compromised? What the hell is going on?

Damian now has to explain that Danny is the psychopomp with the ghost dog who he might have met hunted down while on patrol and conveniently not mentioned, but he’s not a bad person, really, and he lets him play with Ace, and he’s been quite helpful on certain cases due to his ability to talk to ghosts.

Bruce insists that the family meet Danny. Damian, hoping that he won’t just skip town the second he hears the news, relents.

Danny is surprisingly eager to meet the bats, considering his earlier fears.

Damian, blissfully unaware of what’s coming, sets a time and place to meet.

Once everyone is there, he gives Bruce the earful of a lifetime.

Robin is in middle school! Danny knows that there’s no way to stop the boy from going on patrol, but you could at least shift his schedule so he gets enough sleep on school nights! Does the Bat even know where he is half the time?! (No) And why isn’t he comfortable asking his family for help with both cases and homework? Did they ever even notice how much time he was spending at Danny’s house? If Danny was a bad person, he could have seriously hurt the poor boy! Shame on you!

Nightwing is mortified that Damian didn’t trust him enough to tell him about any of this. Red Hood is laughing his ass off, because yeah Danny is making good points but he’s also chewing out the literal Batman. Tim is recording the whole thing. Steph is delighted by the absolute gall of this Danger Twink™️, and already planning to add him to several groupchats. Damian is more embarrassed than he’s ever been in his entire life.

You, he points to Nightwing, did your academic life feel supported when you were a Robin? Nightwing is too stunned to speak. Red Hood, eternal shit-stirrer, says that oh, we all prioritized patrol over our education, that’s just how it is. Red Robin actually dropped out of high school to avoid distractions, did you know that?

Danny honest-to-god shrieks at this.

He finishes his angry rant and leaves, everyone too stunned to stop him.

And as it turns out, Tim wasn’t the only person recording the whole thing.

The entire internet is blowing up with Psychopomp The Danger Twink™️’s rant. People are taking sides. Things are getting messy. Red Hood literally admitting on-camera to previously being a Robin is somehow not the main focus here.

Eventually someone connects some dots from the video, as well as stories circling the internet about the psychopomp. A ghost dog named Ace, who is the literal only reason that the psychopomp is fighting crime at all, which seems incredibly fond of Nightwing and Robin.

A crime-fighting dog who wants constant attention from both the current and original Robin.

Oh my god, Ace the Bat-hound died and became a crime-fighting ghost.

And, somehow, that’s still not the strangest thing going on in Gotham.

[feyinvestigations]

I think if the robins had Twitter it would just be this 24/7

Edit: pt2

[IDs in Alt text]

[welcometogrouchland]

[ID in ALT] I've made posts before about Talia/Dick co-parenting Damian moments (will never happen but let me dream) and this came to me in a vision. Took me ages to finish for some reason 😭 and then even longer to post

[mammutblog]

i’ve been thinking a lot about batkid outfits so i drew as many as i can in one go

[phoenixkaptain]

Tim Drake is so funny because he’s like “Everyone hates me and honestly, same” when actually nobody does??

Tim: “Jason hates me :(“

Jason: “Tim is the only member of the Bats that I can spend time with without wanting to strangle him.”

Tim: “Dick just deals with me because he has to :(“

Dick: “I would kill for Tim.”

Tim: “Bruce doesn’t view me as family :(“

Bruce: “I literally adopted Tim.”

Tim: “My friends don’t trust me :(“

Literally all of his friends: “Tim said I should jump off this bridge and while that does seem stupid, it’s Tim asking, so I’m jumping.”

[hellofriendhawke]

Reverse Robins // Damian, Jason, and Dick at least

[spacedace]

It was the final hour. Doomsday at their door, with only hours left before the world was consumed entirely and every last living thing was devoured right along with it.

Summoning the High King of the Infinite Realms was the only option left, and even then felt more like choosing a firing squad rather than a noose at the end of the day. Pariah Dark might - might - accept the task of destroying the foe they faced, but tmit would come at a cost that was near equal to doing nothing at all. Provided the tyrannical ruler simply didn't let them all die, an entire planet dead was an entire planet to add to his endless armies.

They had to try. Stupid and suicidal as it was.

Zantanna and John worked in silence as they created the summoning circle, hands shaking and stomachs cramping as they worked under the apprehensive eyes of the rest of the League. They all understood that no matter what happened, they would all likely end up dead by the end of it. That the best case scenario meant that death was only the beginning of their problems.

Candles were lit. Insense burned. Blood spilled. Words spoken.

Nothing.

Nothing.

It failed, not so much as a flicker of magic. Which was impossible, they'd checked and confirmed a dozen times that they had the right ritual, that they were following the steps, they had done everything right way wasn't it working? What had they done wr-

"Ugh, gross is that blood?"

Elle Phantom, fifteen minuted late to the site of the ritual with both the boys Super, the most murderous Robin and a sugary abomination of an iced coffee from Starbucks, scrunched her nose in disgust as she looked at the summoning circle.

"This ritual is so out of date, where did you even find it? Wait is that Latin? Who tries to summon someone from the Ghost Zone in Latin?"

John had burned through every drop of alcohol and cigarette he owned hours ago while trying to find this bloody damn ritual and was very much not in the mood for the little hellspawn's color commentary on the process.

"I don't bloody well seeing you providing with any alternatives for summoning the Ghost King." He swore, turning away from the gremlin to tear through the ancient book he and Zantanna had discovered with the ritual inside.

There was a loud slurping noise as the undead hero sucked the last remnants of her drink through the straw. John's brow twitched, even Zantanna - who usually seemed endeared by the chaos goblin - looked at the end of her rope.

Then - "Oh, is that who you wanted to summon? Why didn't you say so?" She drifted over, handing her empty drink off to a disgruntled looking Batman, and began rummaging through the unused magival supplies left over from the - failed - summoning circle. "Here, give me like, five minutes."

John was fairly certain his head was about to explode.

"You know how to summon the Ghost King? You?"

Phantom rolled her eyes at him. "Duh, obviously."

"Obviously." Zantanna repeated, looking like she was half a moment away from having a breakdown. She didn't try to stop the ghostly girl, though, and to be fair neither was John. They were already fucked, might as well let the gremlin try her hand at it.

It took less than the five minutes Phantom had claimed she needed.

When she was done there was a significantly smaller circle on the ground. At the cardinal directions of the circle, written clockwise she'd drawn not any magical runes but instead what appeared to be the Roman Numerals for one, then two, then something akin to a sideways T with an additional mark rising upward from the long horizontal bar, then the letter L.

It had to have some kind of ancient magical significance John didn't know as Shazam made a noise like a dying goose and squeaked out the word Loss like it was a question. Phantom gave the Champion of Magic a sharp toothed grin before adding some words in a language John didn't know before she finally allowed gravity to pull her back to earth and plant her feet on the ground.

She wiped her hands together a bit dramatically, looking pleased with herself, but at that point John didn't care. He could feel the building magic, heavy and oppressive as she had begun her task. Unlike the circle he and Zantanna had attempted, this one was working.

He couldn't help thr nervous swallow he gave as Phantom then declared, with a strange amount of seriousness. "All that’s left are the words."

She took a deep breath, eyes closing for a moment, and the world went utterly silent around them. This, John could feel, this was the real deal. Fuck him sideways the hellspawn was actually doing it.

Phantom's eyes opened, glowing with that bright eerie green light of her power. Another deep breath and then -

"You are my dad! You're my dad!" He watched, any scraps of hope she'd instilled in him dying an undignified death as she gave a terrible little wiggle dance while she sang(?) Off key, "Boogie woogie woogie!"

Every last person on Earth was going to die and one of John's last moments was going to be spent watching the little undead shit do the Macarena. Well fuck him, he guessed.

Then there was the sound of the veil between the world's tearing in two and the fucking Ghost King was standing in Phantom's summoning circle screaming in a screeching falsetto:

"When will you learn? When will you learn that your actions have consequences!"

You know what actually at this point John would rather the apocalypse kill him.

[canigohomenoow]

Batfam as bumper stickers

dick

steph

duke

jason

tim

damian

cass

alfred

bruce

[absolutelynothoughtswhatsoever]

I know there are alot of angsty Tim does not believe he is part of the family takes but consider a hilarious twist on this where Tim 100% separates being a bat verses being a Wayne like its more of a family business type of situation. 

Like Jason goes on a full ass monologue about how Tim stole Robin and his place in the family as Dick’s brother and Bruce’s son and Tim is like??? chill I’m an employee dude. Damian tries to kill him to prove that he is the superior son and Tim is super confused because shouldn’t he go after one of Bruce’s sons instead of an unpaid intern?

Bruce has a whole heart attack when Tim tries to ask if he has a retirement plan or benefits lmfao 

Cue everyone trying to show Tim he’s part of the family except he is dodging attempts left and right (like that time he created a fake uncle just so he wouldn’t get adopted)

[hehether]

CHOOSE YOUR ROBIN 🗣️🗣️🗣️

[bruciemilf]

Jason being protective over Bruce just feeds my soul. I don't even need dinner, just give me Jason scaring off suitors away from his dad and I'll be CONTENT

LISTEN. Bruce is literally always sending Jason messages, texts, tries calling him, even sends him memes at Steph's recommendations, but nothing! Nada!

He always sighs and tries again, but eventually scores Jason's gonna talk when he's gonna want to.

He also leaves him voice mails, detailing about doing arts and crafts with Damian, how he tried Jason's training routines, taking cooking classes, - and he always ends the message with, " Don't get into trouble, Jay. "

It passes as I love you,

What does it? What finally stirs Jason back into the Wayne Manor? This:

" Jason Peter Todd. This better be the last time you prank call Tim in a middle of a meeting. You're more than aware our investors are, -" cut " I'm calling you for a favour. Could you watch Damian for me Thursday night? Everyone else is busy, and Clark made some reservations at a ridiculously expensive establishment, I-"

Jason marching through the manor with this voice mail at full volume, while Bruce and the others are trying to get him ready for the date. Dick is the first one who spots him. " Oh, no-"

" HE IS A FUCKING DEAD MAN!"

" Jason," Bruce is very calm as he attaches his nicest broach on. " Watch your language. "

" Who's this Clark guy? How long have you known him? What does he do? Do we have a background check? What about romantic history Who's? Who's side was he on in the Heard vs Depp trial? "

" He posts golden retrievers on that blue bird app you like. He's even...Approved? I think? But Dick told me not to mention it around you. And take that off, you'll scare him. He should be here any minute now."

" OH THATS WHAT I'M COUNTING ON - "

[minnow-doodle-doo]

Damian in the Sons of Anarchy AU still speaks English like that but this time its Jason's fault since he taught him to speak like a Victorian aristocrat because he was petty about being kidnapped and made a babysitter to his baby brother in a foreign country.

[oldmannapping]

Nope, I’m ranting about Batman’s parenting again.

Mr Wayne. You adopted a bunch of troubled kids and that’s swell but sir

The bar was so low.

A kid with severe trauma who had a gruelling manual labour job at 8 years old and whose best friend was an elephant.

A kid who was traumatised and homeless.

A kid who was severely neglected.

A kid who was abused and raised by literal assassins.

I could go on but BRUCE. MATE.

All these kids were self-reliant, used to taking on responsibilities above their age level, and fucked up.

Did you have your butler make them a boiled egg and then not die horribly in front of them or beat them?

Congratulations, you’ve exceeded their expectations!

Bruce I’m still so salty at you about skipping the toilet training stage for all your kids. These were fit, healthy, self-reliant older children with no concept of a healthy parent-child dynamic.

Bruce, the bar. Was. In. The. Basement. Of. The. Batcave.

And you still keep failing to reach it.