#childe incorrect quotes

[rrcenic]

childe: from now on, we will be using code names. you can address me as eagle one

childe: scaramouche, code name: been there, done that

childe: zhongli is currently doing that

childe: kaeya is it happened once in a deam

childe: yoimiya is if i had to pick a girl

childe: diluc is... eagle two

diluc: oh thank archons

[hopefully-helpful-daemon]

Zhongli: Why is it so hard for you to believe me?

Childe:...!

Zhongli: Oh, right. The lying.

[everwalldigan]

Bruce being a toxic boy mom when it comes to nightwing will never not be funny as fuck he is literally the biggest nightwing defender one bad word against him and the next day he’ll show up at ur house

Bonus:

[jennrypan]

Dick: You use to be so cute and tiny..

Jason: And you use to be cool. We both changed.

Dick: Wha-?! I'm still cool!!

Jason: Okay, 'officer Grayson'. Cops aren't cool.

Dick: THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO

Jason: STILL FRESH IN MY MIND, PIG!

Dick: LET IT GO!

Jason: NO. YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SAID FUCK THE POLICE! THOSE WERE WORDS I LIVED BY!

Dick: OH MY GOD. YOURE THE ONLY ONE THAT STILL REMEMBERS THAT!

Tim, walking into the living room: I remember it.

Duke, from another room: I heard about it! You've lost 1000 aura man!

Cassandra, poking her head in: I've also heard about it.

Dick: EVERYONE SHUT UP.

Jason: Just like a cop to order people around like that, shameless.

Dick, groans: Fuuuuck-!

Dick: All of you are going to make me age like milk!

Damian, popping up behind him: Is it wrong to say it's too late for that?

Dick, practically shaking: Damian..I swear to God.

[overwhelmedandlonely]

[At a gala]

Janet Drake: Jack, honey, where’s the baby?

Jack Drake: Hm? Oh, Bruce Wayne asked to hold him. I figured he’d be safe.

[Bruce sprinting to the car]

Bruce: Alfred, start the car!

Alfred: Master Bruce, is there a problem? And why do you have the Drake child?

Bruce: Don’t worry about it, let’s just go.

Alfred: Sir, I don’t think the Drake’s would appreciate you abducting their baby.

Bruce: But-

Alfred: No “buts”, sir. Please return him, he is not an orphan.

Bruce: *under his breath* Not yet…

Alfred: SIR-

[queen-of-weird-girlboy-nation]

Percy: why can’t we steal from the rich? We stole Jason from his camp?

Annabeth: we didn’t steal Jason, he’s free to do whatever he wants

Nico: we literally dragged him here?????

[versatancore]

charles : i decided to adopt oscar.

max : lol charlie, you're late.

charles : what do you mean "you're late." ??

max : where do you think he got his maxplaining from?

[puppetmaster13u]

Riddler: What goes up, but never comes down-

Batman, new dad who just wants to fucking sleep: The level of exhaustion you bring into my life

[starch1ldz]

Y/n: no one actually thinks me and Spencer are dating.

Emily: Raise your hand if you think Spencer and Y/n are dating

The entire team including Spencer raising their hands.

Y/n: Spencer Walter Reid put your hand down.

[mermaidfanficlibrary]

SHE'S TAKING MY HUSBAND!

Child Y/n and Child Xiao: *Hanging out playing with each other. Morax and the other adepti are watching over them.*

Cloud retainer: *Looking at the two playing before focusing her attention on Xiao* I should probably take him for his lessons.

Morax: *Sips his drink lot looking up from the table* I wouldn't do that if I were you

Cloud retainer: *Ignores Morax and picks up Xiao* It's time for your lesson Xiao

Child Y/n: *eyes widen and trying to pull Xiao back down* No! Don't take Xiao!

Cloud retainer: *Looks down at Child Y/n trying to calm them down* Now Y/n he needs to do his lesson

Child Y/n: *Starts to scream and looks at Morax absolutely devastated Xiao wasn't playing with them* SHE'S TAKING MY HUSBAND!

Morax: *spits out his tea and starts to chuckle*

Cloud retainer: *Looks at child Y/n surprised and puts Xiao down unsure what to do now* Very well then...

Child Xiao: *Blushes not understanding what's going on as Child Y/n hugs him, then looks behind Y/n to stare at Morax* What's a husband?

Morax: *Walks up to the two kids and ruffles Xiao's hair* I'll tell you later

a/n: This came from the episode of Bluey called Hammerbarn. I swear this was so funny to me.

Do not repost or translate without my explicit permission! Reblogs are welcome!

[rainnyydaysworld]

Reader: *coughs blood*

Dick: Don't die, Y/N!

Reader: Don't tell me what to do!

—

Bruce: And have you learnt anything this Christmas, Y/N?

Reader: …Not really.

Bruce: Nothing?

Reader: Tell you one thing I have learnt—Christmas; ultimately, commercial holiday. Who's the real winner at Christmas? Amazon. they have drones now! Tiny little dystopian slaves delivering iPads and headphones. I ordered a toaster; It was on the doorstep five hours later! Do we need that? It was 4.99! For a toaster! I mean, someone's being exploited there.

—

Steph: You know guys, sometimes I feel like Reader doesn't take me seriously enough.

Bruce: "Sometimes"?

Jason: "Enough"?

Steph:

Jason: Change that to 'at all' and we'll talk.

—

Damian: Who wants to go out of the country on a road trip?

Reader: Yea, I could drink legally!

Tim: I could hang out with the boys!

Jason: I could hide from the consequences of my actions.

—

Damian & Dick: *accidentally set the kitchen on fire*

Dick: We need an adult!

Damian: Grayson, you are an adult!

Dick: We need an adultier adult! Get Jason!

—

Reader: Hey Jason, I’ve got an idea for how to solve this.

Jason, pulling out a shotgun: Yeah?

Reader: Wh- No! That’s not the idea, Jason!

[hopefully-helpful-daemon]

Childe: I feel like the world would be better if I'd never been born

Diluc: That’s not true

Diluc: it'd be exactly the same.

Diluc: You're not important

[firesmokeandashes]

Mha "could've been canon" quotes/scenarios

Fake Deku: *walks into the common room and over to Katsuki*

Fake Deku: "Hey Bakugou! Want to go spa-"

Half of class 1 a: *suddenly jumps the fake deku*

Fake Deku: "Wait! What are you guys doing! Get off me!"

Ochako: "Cut the bullshit, we know you're not Deku"

Fake Deku: *detransforms into some random villain*

Villain: "But how? I haven't done anything out of the ordinary!"

Todoroki: "Midoriya never calls Bakugou, Bakugou"

Tenya: "In fact we're not entirely sure he knows how to say Bakugo's real name"

Katsuki: Besides, danger sense would have alerted Izuku before everyone jumped you and gotten out of the way. So really you're just stupid"

Jirou: "Wait, sense this guy isn't Deku-"

Momo: "Where's the real one!?"

●●●●●●●

Meanwhile at the villain's hideout:

Izuku: "So you see, you can be whatever you want to be, you don't have to be a villain"

Villain 1: *sniffling* "That's so deep man"

Villain 2: *crying* "No one's ever told us that before! Thank you!"

Villain 3: *sobbing uncontrollably* "Thank you so much! Im gonna turn my whole life around now, I promise!"

Villain 4: *sitting in a corner contemplating their life choices and having a mental crisis*

Izuku: *slightly flustered* "There's really no need to thank me! You guys should have been told all this from the beginning!"

All four villains: *thinking* 'And he's humble too!'

●●●●●●●

Back at UA:

Aizawa: "So you mean to tell me he's been missing for FIVE HOURS!?"

Katsuki: *frustrated sigh* Yeah"

Aizawa: *insert groan of dissapointed and frustration*

Aizawa's phone: *rings*

Aizawa: "What!?"

Villain 1: "Um, is this Erasurehead?"

Aizawa: "Yes, what do want? I'm in the middle of important business!"

Villain 1: "Well, you see, we have one of your students, Midoriya, and we want to know where we should drop him off at?"

Aizawa: "...."

Aizawa: "What do mean 'drop him off at'"?

Villain 1: Well, he kind of gave us a talk about how we don't need to be villains and now we all feel bad about the stuff we did and want to give him back to you"

Aizawa: *sighs tiredly while dragging his hand down his face*

Aizawa: "Meet me at the abandoned choclate factory over on 15th street"

Villain 1: "Okay! Yeah, we can do that and I just want to say how sorry we are for kidnapping him! We're fully expecting to be arrested when we get there, so don't worry about us putting up a fight"

Aizawa: *sighs tiredly and hangs up*

Katsuki who listened to the whole conversation on speaker phone: "So he did it again?"

Aizawa: "Yup."

Katsuki: "And now you have to call the police and do more paperwork than you want to?"

Aizawa: "Yup."

Katsuki: "Want me to go with you to pick him up or..."

Aizawa: "Yes, lord knows he's gonna need someone to talk to on the way back and I cannot deal with him right now."

Katsuki: "So... what do we do with this guy?"

Katsuki: *jabs finger towards the shapeshifing villain who is tied and gagged with sero's tape snd spewing muffled curses at them*

Aizawa:"Hand him over to campus security and let them take care of him"

Katsuki: *nods and drags the screaming villain out the door with him*

Aizawa: "Im getting too old for this"

●●●●●

Later at the abandoned Chocolate Factory:

Aizawa, Katsuki, and a handful of cops walk into the Factory:

Izuku: *jumping up and down while waving his hand*

Cops: *rush over to arrest the villains*

Izuku: "Sensei! Kacchan!! Over here!"

Katsuki: "We know, idiot! We aren't blind!"

Villain 1 being arrested: *whispering* That's 'Kacchan'? I thought he'd be nicer"

Villains 2-4 also being arrested: *nod in agreement*

Izuku: *bounds over to Aizawa and Katsuki*

Izuku: "Sensei! Kacchan! You're not going to believe the day I've had!"

Izuku: *begins rambling*

Aizawa looks tiredly at Katsuki: "You take care of him, I have a big enough headache as it is"

Katsuki: *nods and turns back to listen to Izuku's rant and scold him for being reckless and getting in trouble again*

■■■■■■■

[luxthestrange]

RoR Incorrect quotes#183 Baby Fever

Do you THINK Hades is gonna stop at ONE baby?... YOU WISHED-

Your Eldest son came to visit from his boarding school...to find out his father felt empty nest syndrome the five minutes he left...and now your...very much pregnant-

Y/n*Smilling seeing your son after months* It's okay. You've been busy, Point is, you're here today. Now, give your mama a hug!~

Teen!Son*Gives you a weak one-armed hug*Oh, yeah, okay-

Y/n*grimly, pupils becoming smaller* I spent thirty-seven hours squeezing you out of my body, and this is what I get?

Teen!Son: O-Oh, I just didn't want to—

Y/n*threateningly*Give your mother a hug

Teen!Son*nervously with a squeaky voice nods* Okay.

You and him share a tight, warm hug

Part 2 of:

[menace-behaviour]

*During a School Group Firehouse Tour*

Buck: *Holding a Fire Grenade* This here is my favourite piece of firefighting equipment. It's cal-

School Child: You've said that about every single thing you've shown us so far.

Buck: Said what?

School Child: That the thing is your favourite. You can only have one favourite thing. That's, like, the definition of "Favourite".

Buck: Says who? I can have more than one favourite thing. Anyway, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted. This is called a Fire Grenade. Despite its name, it actually stops fires when it explodes rather than starting them...

[scoutswritingcorner]

Incorrect Quotes FT. Papa Alastor and Child!GN!Reader!

Alastor: Fawn? We need to speak.

Child!Reader: Okay..but in my defense Aunt Niffty bet me 2 lollipops that I couldn't drink the shampoo..

Alastor: That's not I wanted to talk abo- You drank shampoo?

Child!Reader: No...you're the one hiccupping bubbles.

Source: Brooklyn 99.