#mention of bruce wayne and batfam

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce is constantly asking the kids what they like to eat so he can freeze dry their favorites into oblivion as apocalypse rations

[spectral-honey]

AU where Jason gets his revenge by becoming a lawyer and getting joker sentenced to the death penalty

Bruce is conflicted about it but any time he tries to say anything on the subject Alfred just talks over him like "oh we're so proud of you master Jason you finished college and you didn't even use your father's extensive resources that could've easily gotten someone in this family a degree aren't we so proud master Bruce that Jason got himself a respectable profession--"

[aus-for-shitsandgiggles]

Duke: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate, malewife our way out of it this time. (It a non vigilante problem)

Damian and Jason: Manslaughter

Dick: manwhore

Everyone: 👀👀👀

Dick: manslaughter it is

Tim: its time to girl boss *calls Cass, Babs, and Steph*

[catpriciousmarjara]

DC x DP

Bruce finds out Dick is dating Dan(Dark Danny) Phantom

Bruce: You can't date an eldritch ghostly abomination!

Dick: Oh my god Bruce don't be so ectophobic

Bruce: He destroyed the world and killed us all!

Dick: ooooh come on that was like an entire timeline ago. Get over it already! Ghosts change! He even did community service.

Bruce: You still can't date someone that murderous!

Dick: You dated Khoa! I was there for that mess!

Bruce: That was different!

Dick: Oh it was? Then I guess I'll go and date Slade then! How about that huh?

Bruce: ......

Bruce: Eldritch abomination is fine. Bring him around for dinner.

The batsiblings watching this all happen from the sidelines - entertained as fuck

(Later)

Tim: So are you gonna tell Bruce you're seeing Jazz or?

Jason: oh hell no

[wondersinwaynemanor]

when Lian started calling Bruce "Grandpa", his kids didn't want him to forget it.

Bruce passing by outside of Dick's room.

Dick, announces in his loudest voice: Ay, there's Bruce Wayne! The best Grandpa in town. No wait, second best, after Alfred.

Bruce gives his eldest a look.

Dick, lowers his voice: Sorry B, Alfred is the best in everything.

Bruce: Hn.

Bruce stands up from his chair at the dining area to get more tea.

Cass, smiles as she hands Bruce the teapot: Here. Don't tire yourself.

Bruce: Thank you, Sweetheart. But I can get my own tea-

Cass, signs "Grandpa" and leans down to kiss Bruce on the cheek.

Bruce, can't help but smile: Hn.

Steph, peaks through the door of Bruce's study room: Oooh, what's this I hear? Brucie Wayne, famous billionaire and playboy, is now a Grandpa? What would the ladies say? What would the male nation say now?

Bruce, pinches the bridge of his nose and focuses on the papers on the table: Hn.

Red Robin, speaks through the comms: I'll drive the Batmobile to you.

Batman: RR, I got it. Stay there-

Red Robin: Nah, I heard you complaining about your back pains the other night.

Batman: It's a regular occurance at this point of my life.

Red Robin, smirks: And we don't want it to be worse, right?

Batman sighs through the comms.

Red Robin: Exactly. ETA 10 minutes. Grandpa.

Batman, growls: Hn.

Duke: Just checking if you need anything before I head out for patrol, B.

Bruce, smiles: I appreciate it. Thank you Duke, but I'm good.

Duke: Steph and Tim said-

Bruce, narrows his eyes: What did they say to you?

Duke, grins: Nothing!

Bruce thinks Duke has left the Batcave but he suddenly shouts,

Duke: Watch your steps carefully when you come back up here, Grandpa. Maybe put more lighting in your cave.

Bruce: Hn.

Damian: How does it feel to be a Grandfather now, Father?

Bruce, smiles instantly: Really good. Lian is wonderful.

Damian, tries to hide a smile: I'm aware, Father. Does this mean Richard gets to be Batman again?

Bruce: What makes you say that?

Damian: Cus I don't you working too hard like Grandfather. That was unhealthy.

Bruce: I'm perfectly healthy, Damian. No need to worry-

Damian, turns off the batcomputer: I insist, Father. We shall put you to bed now.

Bruce: Isn't that my job?

Damian: I don't want to hear another word.

Bruce: Hn.

During breakfast

Jason, turns to face Bruce: Lian has been asking when she can visit her Grandpa.

Steph, howls: Brucie Wayne, the famous Grandpa of all time.

Tim, snickers: Batman, the greatest detective? More like the greatest Grandpa.

Duke, raises his glass of water: Hear, hear.

Cass, giggles as she covers her mouth.

Dick, laughs : Children, not in front of our food, please. Learn how to respect your elders.

Damian: Eat some more, Father.

Jason, laughs: They still at it, huh?

Bruce, sighs and covers his face behind the newspaper as his kids continue to tease him.

[lovelylonelymoonlight]

Any dc writer with balls should have Bruce go through a whole ass mental breakdown when Jason dies

I don’t mean just yelling no at the sky and then punching people in the face- I mean going catatonic for hours at a time, refusing to eat or sleep, he goes mute again like he did as a child, he maybe even makes an attempt on his life, and yeah he’s also punching people but he’s Lettjnf them Hit him Hurt him because Alfred took away anything he could use to hurt himself with at home

It drives Dick away not because he doesn’t care but because he Can Not Do this. He’s also grieving and his dad looks through him like he’s not there. He doesn’t talk or even look at him most of the time and so he can’t be home he physically cannot fucking be home

And then Tim comes along. And Tim will talk to Bruce even if he’s not listening, even if he’s not there because he’s used to talking to himself. And he’s said robin died but he’s not in grief like Bruce is- he follows him out on patrol where if Bruce gets hurt or refuses to talk Tim could get hurt a Child could get hurt. Bruce is forced to eat and sleep and take care of himself because Tim is there and Tim needs him, or at least he pretends to and that’s what matters

[arrowmaker15]

(All 5 of the original Robins meeting thanks to the Flash family fucking with the timeless/multiverse again)

Jason (As Robin 2): Wait a fuckin' minute, I *die*!?

Tim (As Robin 3): Yes, that is correct.

Dick (As Robin 1): I'm still stuck on the fact that not only do I get fired, but four more Robins come after me. And that this eleven-year-old stalked both me and you for years!

Tim (R3): I'm 13, almost 14.

Steph (As Robin 4): I'm only around for a few months? Why?

Damian (As Robin 5): You initiated a protocol that Batman was meant to be around for without telling him. You then caused a gang war, Black Mask discovered your identity, he kidnapped you, tortured you, then assumedly killed you. Dr. Thompkins in actuality faked your death and after a while you returned. Then you started dating Drake.

Tim (R3): Is that part really important to mention?

Jason (R2): Yes, now, how the hell do I die, Replacement?

Tim (R3): Joker beats you with a crowbar then blows you up in a warehouse in Ethiopia.

Jason (R2): And... And B doesn't kill him?

Damian (R5): No. But Grayson does.

Dick (R1): I what now!?

Steph (R4): Don't worry, the B-Man brings him back to life shortly after.

Jason (R2): He does fuckin' WHAT!!??

[frownyalfred]

A very young Bruce Wayne, phoning his butler from a random party: “Alfred can you come get me? People here are doing cocaine.”

Alfred, who’d been snorting cocaine like James Bond for two decades before Bruce was even born, and only stopped because it set a bad example for his ward: “…certainly, sir.”

[ghost-bxrd]

Slightly dark/insane batfam who is overjoyed to have Jason back from death is one of my favorite aus ever. Like imagine Bruce being oh so proud of his son who ended entire gangs and built an empire in a matter of months before he even turned 19. Ofc he's gonna brag to this fellow JL members. His kid is just so driven and smart! Jason has no idea if they were always like this or if his death made them this way but he's not complaining (much).

Ooo that would be interesting!

Like, a Batman who still doesn’t kill and adheres to his moral code but has absolutely no problem if his kids turn murderous. He’s a proud and supportive dad either way, the only rule he has is that they keep it strictly to criminals and leave alone the regular civilians.

He went a little cuckoo when he lost Jason. As did Dick. (And Tim wasn’t sane either way lmao)

[lesbiankermitposting]

Finally reading through battle for the cowl and as much as I dislike when people just go off fan interpretations for what they consider to be canon I’m reminded of just how STUPID comics can be lmao (coming from a comics lover). What do you MEAN Jason becomes Batman who uses guns and kills?? What do you MEAN he builds a secret evil batcave?? I love villain Jason as much as the next guy but jfc dude

I think the best fic/fan works are made by people who’ve read the comics and love them but understand that sometimes. Sometimes they’re stupid. And then they go “this is what it COULD look like if character was prioritized over action scenes”

[incorrectbatfam]

Has Bruce ever packed the kids lunch when Alfred wasn't there? How'd it go?

[Wayne Enterprises]

Tim: Finally, time for my break.

Tim: *opens his mini fridge*

*dozens of apples fall out*

———————

[the library]

Steph: *chugs a gallon of milk*

Cass: *bites into a bread loaf*

Barbara: I'm not even gonna ask.

———————

[day patrol]

Duke: *opens his lunchbox*

Duke: *sighs*

Duke: *pulls out his bat-skillet*

Duke: *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg—*

———————

[West-Reeve Middle School]

Damian: Kent, I will trade you your cupcake for this head of lettuce.

Jon: ...

Jon: Deal.

———————

[Bludhaven]

Jason: Bruce packed our lunches. He said we're supposed to share.

Jason: *hands him a bag*

Dick: What'd you get?

Jason: A frozen turkey. You?

Dick: *opens it*

*fire alarm goes off*

[daemonmage]

I keep thinking about this AU where Bruce just stays in college and becomes a doctor but still gets dragged into the superhero world.

Ok so Bruce is a doctor and is known for never turning down a patient because he’s still Bruce and he just doesn’t want anyone to die. He still lives in Gotham which is still a horrible place. He still tries to help Gotham by donating and creating his Wayne foundation but it’s hard because the inherent corruption in Gotham hinders anything he does this way.

The mob is still super active in Gotham and a lot of Batman’s rogues still happen because a lot of his rogues just happen with or without Batman. Poison Ivy still becomes an ecoterrorist. Penguin still becomes a powerful mob boss. Mad Hatter is still just the worst. Tommy probably still tries to kill Bruce. Just so many of Gotham’s rogues still exist, except there is no hero to stop them in Gotham. People try, but Gotham is never kind to any hero. Bruce is immensely frustrated by all this but he can’t really do anything. Hell sometimes Lesly’s clinic (cause I feel like he would work there) gets harassed and extorted to help heal mob members and crime wars. He hates this a lot but he’s trapped. He doesn’t have Batman training or gear, the best he can do is help where he can.

However there are still other heroes in this world and Superman is literally just a quick flight away. The JL forms without a Batman and they see Gotham as a powder keg. So they try to help when they can and sometimes they get injured. It comes to a head when a Metropolis (Lex Luthor specifically) and some Gotham rogues team up to get rid of the main hero pain in their necks. Lex creates kryptonite bullets and disperses them to the Gotham rogues to use. Lex sees this as a win because he can get Superman killed without doing much and the Gotham rogues see this as a win cause they have a big weapon against Superman.

So Superman gets shot at with kryptonite bullets. They aren’t the best so they hurt him but only one really makes it through and hits his skin. He has to call in back up and the JL comes to help. I can image Wonder Woman or Flash getting there first. They have no idea what to do because holy shit Superman was shot. That shouldn’t happen! But they’ve heard of this doctor in Gotham that’s supposed to be really good. Maybe Oliver or Dinah suggest Bruce idk. So they take Superman to Dr. Bruce Wayne.

Dr. Bruce Wayne is at his manor with Alfred and a young Dick Grayson (because I firmly believe Bruce would still adopt the kids) and then there is a knock on the door. Alfred goes to answer and in barges the Justice League with a bleeding Superman. Bruce is immediately on his feet barking orders to the JL to get equipment he can use and telling Dick and Alfred to stay back. He doesn’t know what’s going on or how freaking Superman is bleeding out in front of him but he doesn’t care. Bruce realizes quickly that the bullet is cause Clark more pain so it can’t be a leave the bullet in there scenario. He gets the bullet out and asks the JL how to help Clark heal. They say sunlight helps but this is Gotham! It’s polluted and over cast all the time, he won’t be able to get enough sunlight. Bruce remembers a sunlamp they have from a science experiment for Dick. He tells Dick to go get it and they pray that it works. It does by some miracle, though it’s no substitute for actual sunlight.

The League is grateful for Bruce and Clark is also immensely grateful cause holy shit he got shot. The Justice League has to now figure out how these bullets got out in the first place and well Bruce can’t help but be nosy so he mentions that a few of his patients, the mob ones, let it slip that the higher ups got into contact with someone in metropolis and Bruce knows Lex hates Superman. So he helps them out a bit too.

And after that any time they need help with some medical issue they go to super doctor Bruce. He’s also still Bruce and can’t ignore his detective brain so he helps them with mysteries too from time to time. Idk I feel like this still needs more fleshing out but I think it could be funny. Or sad. Or both.

[slarguien]

When Bruce gets lost in time, Tim sees evidence that he might be alive and so spends days staying up getting evidence to show the others that he was alive. He gives it all to Dick and then passes out, forgetting the last week he spent awake.

He wakes up confused as to what happens with a note from Dick saying he is taking over the case and to watch over Gotham. Dick didn't tell anyone where he is going and Tim can't find his laptop (Dick took it) so they have no idea where Dick is. Tim is now Batman.

At first, he is worried Jason might find out and attack him again but he doesn't seem to be in Gotham. (He is on the other side of the world wondering why Nightwing is breaking into a museum.)

It isn't until patrol that Tim realizes that being Batman means working with Damian. Tim doesn't like Damian and is an asshole sometimes, so he riled up Damian until he attacks him then used that as an excuse to bench him.

This continues for two months before Stephen finds out and teaches the art of pranking to Damian. While Tim could bench Damian for attacking him, he couldn't for doing pranks as Tim did a few pranks to provoke Damian when the usual jabs weren't working. Damian is allowed to patrol.

Tim still doesn't want to work with Damian and Damian doesn't want to either so they patrol separately and don't tell the others. This results in 5 cats, 2 dogs, and 1 raccoon living in the manor. Batman and Robin are seen together for the first time in months.

Over their time working together they start to bond. Damian shares his drawings and Tim shares his pictures. Tim admits he was an asshole and Damian apologizes for trying to kill him when he first arrived.

Tim takes over Wayne industries, after seeing how the city suffers a bit for not having the usual donations and how everyone is wondering what happened that made Bruce stop donating. Also because it allows him to get an internship for Damian.

Being in the justice league meant not being on the teen titans, so Tim after getting tired of having to deal with pranks whenever he and Damian disagree on something sends Damian to be the titans' problem.

When Dick comes back with Bruce, Tim and Damian end their prank war to team up and prank Dick for leaving without saying anything. Dick responds by recruiting Jason.

[audhd-nightwing]

basic hcs i have for the batfam

alfred (??):

- 5’8”

- british

bruce (41):

- 6’2”

- portuguese & italian

babs (25):

- 5’11”

- scottish & french

dick (23):

- 5’10”

- romani, turkish, greek

jason (20):

- 6’3”

- filipino & puerto rican

cass (19):

- 5’5”

- chinese american

steph (18):

- 5’7”

- polish & dominican

tim (18):

- 5’6”

- korean & japanese

duke (16):

- 5’9”

- african american (also half immortal?? still not super sure what exactly Gnomon is)

damian (14):

- 5’4”

- arab, chinese, italian, portuguese

[ruhrohherewego]

jason todd as robin being overconfident or arrogant has so much comedic potential. it’s like a little dog thinking they’re a big one. every time he sees dick he challenges him to a duel and every time he thinks he’s going to win. he doesn’t. after every fight he says to bruce “clearly i need to up my training regimen, next time i’ll get him!” and bruce doesn’t have the heart to say otherwise.

[stickyvoidpaper]

I feel like steph and Jason have inside jokes.

Steph: God, why the hell do you give more leniency to Damian than anyone else. He's an asshole.

Jason: ... You promise not to tell anyone.

Steph, leaning in: Tell me everything you know right now

Jason: Everytime he gets a little too annoying, a little too up his own ass, I just think - "I fucked your mom", it does wonders to the psyche.

Steph losing her mind : What The fuck

Jason: It also works for Dick, you know how broken up he was about Kori.

Steph: WHAT

later

Steph: damn my moms being really annoying about studying, saying I should get my head down and focus.

Jason : Hey, you should introduce me to her, I'm sure I could find a way to distract her.

Steph : STAY AWAY FROM MY MOM