#hal jordan incorrect quotes

[heavenlyangeliq]

“Honestly You’re starting to piss me off”_ Hal Jordan

“I piss off somebody every time I get out of bed, you’re not special”-Jason Todd

[frownyalfred]

Bruce, sitting through the mandatory psych eval he created for the Justice League that Clark is also making him take:

Hal Jordan, underlining something on his clipboard: “Name a weakness.”

Bruce: “All of my questions sound like insults.”

Hal:

Bruce:

Hal: “…can you give an example?”

Bruce: “Can you not think of one yourself?”

[ivebeenghosting]

click here to see batmans private only fans nudes leaked!!!!! (100% real not a virus!!!!!!)

[incorrectbatfam]

Hal: Hey Batman, do you take criticism?

Bruce: I do not, and do not speak to me or my son ever again.

[raileurta]

Idk what this is honestly

*After a Justice League meeting*

Green lantern: You know spooky with your army of children you must be quite the ladies man.

Bruce has decided to mess with Hal.

Batman: I gave birth to them lantern.

Green Lantern: I- what?

Batman: *deadpan* I. Gave. Birth. To. Them.

Green Lantern: But- I- you're a man.

Batman: I don't know how that is relevant to this conversation.

Batman: I must depart I have important business elsewhere.

Hal tells everyone, no one believes him.

[gothamundernightlight]

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Nightwing: *gets a call

Nightwing: Hello?

Green Lantern: Hey, Wing, I’ve got a question for you.

Nightwing: Sure, what’s up?

Green Lantern: I got an email from Batman earlier tonight, and I’m not sure if it’s a mistake or a threat.

Nightwing: Why, what does it say?

Green Lantern: I hope this email finds you before I do.

Nightwing: …

Nightwing: That’s a threat. Evacuate the planet.

Green Lantern: *static and then silence

Nightwing: Damn, too late.

[superbat-love]

Green Lantern: So Spooky, truth or dare..?

Batman: I refuse to play your childish games, Lantern.

Green Lantern: Spoilsport. Fine, I’ll ask someone who actually knows how to have fun. Supes, truth or dare?

Superman: Truth.

Green Lantern: Tell us about your first male crush.

Superman: Wha-? I-I don’t…

Green Lantern: You have to tell the truth, Boy Scout~

Superman: [sighs in defeat] I was a kid.

Green Lantern: Ooooh, was he a celebrity?

Superman: One day, a family from out of town drove by my house, and their big fancy car suddenly broke down. They were stuck there for a while. I saw this boy around my age sitting in the back. He looked pretty lonely, so I invited him to play baseball.

Green Lantern: Did you fall in love with his athleticism?

Superman: Err…he kinda sucked at baseball. So I tried to teach him.

Green Lantern: So he was wowed by your athleticism.

Superman: Not really, he threw me over his shoulder.

Green Lantern: [bursts out laughing] That’s hilarious! Sounds like something you’d do, Spooky!

Batman: …

Superman: We sparred for the entire afternoon and his family stayed for dinner. It was fun. Sadly we never met each other again after that.

Green Lantern: Should have known you’d go for the fiery ones. What do you think he’d say to you if you meet him again? Can you imagine the Superman having a crush on you?

Batman: He’d say you’re an idiot.

Green Lantern: Hey! Nobody asked you, Spooky. Well, what would you say to him if you meet him again, Supes?

Superman: I just hope that he’s happy now, wherever he might be in life.

[if-you-like-pina-colada-s]

Bruce, walking into the manor: Hello people who do not live here.

Clark: Hi :D

Diana: Hey!

Oliver: 'sup man

Dinah: yo

Hal: Hiii

Barry: Heyo

Arthur: wassup

Billy: Hey

Bruce: Why are you here??

Barry, mouth full of doritos: We ran out of doritos

----

Bonus:

Bruce: Alfred, why the hell did you let them in??

Alfred, casually having tea w J'onn, whose just happy his son has friends: They ran out of doritos master Bruce, what was I to do? Let them starve??

Bruce: >:(

[arrowmaker15]

(Red Hood and Batman on a patrol again)

Red Hood:

Batman:

Red Hood: I heard that you and Wonder Woman-

Batman: We are not.

Red Hood: C'mon, B, I have always wanted an Amazonian stepmom.

Batman: Since when?

Red Hood: Since I found out that you and Diana are dating.

Batman: For the final time, that is just a rumor, me and Wonder Woman are not dating, it is strictly professional. And once I find out who started spreading this rumor, I will lecture them.

Red Hood:

Batman:

Red Hood: It was Hal-

Batman: Indeed.

[gotham-exclusive]

Bruce: Thanks to Hal, my children have taken up cursing

Diana: Really? How bad?

Bruce: Last night, Damian referred to bedtime as a “fucking crisis.”

[ahfrickenfrick]

j’onn: we are gathered here for this meeting to talk about why our minds have been having this recent disconnect during missions

hal: *grumbling* maybe if some assholes didn’t cheat during monopoly

oliver: *slamming his hands on the table* just because bats and i have actual experience in it doesn’t mean we are cheating!!!

barry: *not as mad as hal but has to match his energy in any scenario* being a capitalist isn’t a good thing oli, you dumbfuck

[heavenlyangeliq]

Red Hood: “Murder wasn’t on today’s agenda”

Green Lantern: “It isn’t on anyone’s”

Red Hood: “No it’s on mine, just not until next Tuesday”

[oh-theatre]

Hal, admiring a sleeping Bruce: You’re so cute

Bruce, half asleep: I could kill you

Hal, lovingly and trying not to laugh: I know

[niiwa-angel]

Superman, sitting down at the Watchtower Cafe table: I'm worried about Batman.

Green Lantern: we're all a little worried about Batman.

Superman: No I mean, since Nightwing moved out for college.

Aquaman: Oh, I thought you were just making a generalization.

Flash: yeah like, I'm worried about Batman someday setting off a low yield nuclear device because the cafeteria ran out of lime jello.

Superman: I think Batman really misses Nightwing.

Green Lantern, leaning over to Aquaman: lend him Garth for the weekend.

Superman: he got a cat to keep him company.

Flash: you're kidding.

Superman: he takes it everywhere. To bed, to the bathroom-

Flash: he takes the kitty to the potty?

Aquaman, to Flash: Dude, we talked about this.

Batman, walks by the cafeteria table holding a cat.

Batman: gentlemen.

All, awkwardly: hey.

Green Lantern: Batsy, you gonna introduce us to your little friend?

Batman: apologies. Gentlemen I'd like you to meet Dr. Robert Oppenheimer.

Flash, Green Lantern, and Aquaman: hi, hello.

Batman: now if you'll excuse me, the father of the atomic bomb wants a saucer of milk.

Exit Batman and Dr. Robert Oppenheimer.

Green Lantern: Okay, I get it we're worried about Batman

[incorrectbatfam]

Hal: I think we should get a divorce.

Barry: What are you doing?

Hal: Just practicing.

Barry: Why are you already planning your hypothetical divorce?

Hal: I don't know. I'm 42, I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.

Barry: You don't even have a partner.

Hal: Hypothetically divorce me.

Barry: Okay, then I'm hypothetically taking half your assets.

Hal: Well you didn't sign the hypothetical prenup.

Hal, to Bruce: It's called a prenup, right?

Bruce: Yeah, it's a prenup and you DID hypothetically sign one.

Barry: Who the fuck is this guy?

Bruce: I'm his hypothetical lawyer in this divorce case.

Barry: Well then, I'm taking the hypothetical kids.

Barry, to Clark: Right? We can get those, right?

Clark: Yes, we can definitely get the hypothetical kids, don't worry about it.

Hal: Who the fuck is this hypothetical nerd? Fucking idiot glasses-wearing nerd.

Clark: Wow, that is a lot of hypothetical insults. I need to keep these on for continuity because I look like the other lawyer.

Barry: This is MY hypothetical lawyer and we have been hypothetically sleeping with each other.

Hal: How could you hypothetically do this to me?!

Barry: Because you hypothetically are an alcoholic!

[waterfire1848]

[ Hal and Bruce going on a dangerous mission. ]

Hal: If something happened to Bruce…I couldn’t live with myself.

Barry: Of course, you wouldn’t have to because Clark and Diana would kill you.