#incorrect got

[shining-m00nlight]

Some time ago in the Vale:

Ned: Well, who cuts people's hair in the middle of the night?

Robert: I do! They call me the Midnight Barber.

Ned: Yeah, well that's an infringement of people's liberties. So don't ever be doing that to me.

Robert: I DO do it to you.

Ned: ...what?

Robert: Who d'you think cuts your hair, Maester?

Ned: My hair just doesn't grow very fast

Robert: What, you think it stays that length naturally? I'm in there in the night, styling away.

Ned: How dare you do that to me in the night, when I'm oblivious.

Robert: I do my best work when you're oblivious. I lean you up against the pillow, and I go at you.

Ned: That's perverted!

[ratcoon]

Jon, to Dany: NEVER apologize for being Sicilian

[great-and-small]

Turdus aficionados of Costa Rica please know I love your national bird but this is objectively hilarious

[fandom--incorrect--quotes]

Marcille: so what’s for d-

Laios, already grabbing the nearest monster:

[muiltifandomnerd]

By the way, podrick x Sansa ship name is podsa

“Sometimes a family is a mom and a dad and their kids, and sometimes a family is a gold-handed man, a lady knight, an alcoholic dwarf, a princess, and a squire”

—Podrick Payne probably at some point

[bruciemilf]

Bruce: I know it’s hard, but you must remain forgiving and merciful, Jason.

Tim, who had to watch Bruce skin a man alive like a piece of salmon with a batarang for saying something rude about his then deceased son, throw him in the back of the Batmobile, and drive him to the hospital just to beat him up again:

[anyknotrants]

-after Damian turned 16, at the family dinner-

Bruce: so... Damian, do you remember the Oreov girl you met at the gala last week?

Damian: *looks up* yes

Bruce: what do you think of her...?

Dick: *tries not to laugh*

Tim: *fails not to laugh*

Steph: *doesn't even try not to laugh*

Damian: she was... acceptable, if a bit annoying, why do you ask?

Tim: He's trying to set you up!

Batkids -Damian: *laughs*

Damian: *stares blankly*

Bruce: of course, you don't hav-

Damian: father, are you unaware that I'm in a committed relationship?

Duke, Tim and Dick: *choke on their food*

Steph: *chokes on her drink*

Cass: *smiles*

Batkids: WHAT?!

Bruce: ... I-....

Jason: *laughs so hard he almost falls from his chair* oh Jesus Christ! The world's best detectives at their finest!

Dick: you knew? And you didn't tell me?!

Jason: where the fuck do you think he went almost every fucking friday?

Bruce: *turns to Damian* I- I though you were having sleepover with Jon

Damian: I was.

Dick: but you just-

Batfam: *stops all their movememnt as they realize*

Jason: *actually falls from his chair laughing*

Bruce: JONATHAN SAMUEL KENT!

-over at the Kent farm, also having family dinner-

Jon, who heard Bruce shout his name: I feel like I'm going to get murdered by a bat in my sleep

Clark, who was also listening in: right after you explain why I had to find out you're dating Damian throught their family dinner

Jon: hehe... fuck

[gothamite-rambler]

Duke Thomas: What’s your biggest fear?

Jason Todd: That I’ll never be good enough for anyone.

Tim Drake: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.

Dick Grayson: Vampires.

Jason Todd: ...

Tim Drake: ...

Dick Grayson: I got turned into one once and nearly killed peoples. It's a bloodlust, you never know when you'll be fully quenched and every non-vampire is a succulent vessel... But I'm not a vampire anymore and that is in my past.

Dick eats his apple after that.

*silence*

Duke Thomas: Holy crap stick, Batman.

Tim: Can I change my option to Dick Grayson?

Jason: Same.

[demonicsuffrage]

Somehow, in the far future, Tim's canonical age finally moves past 17, and his siblings take him out for his 21st birthday

Dick, placing some vodka shots in front of him: Time for your first drink! I can't believe you've already grown so much!

Jason: Drink those slowly, alright? Do you need us to dilute them or-

Tim, already downing the shots in under three seconds flat: Can i have more

Jason:

Dick:

Cass, covering Damian's eyes:

Tim: uh I mean ooh! It burns! It's...so bitter haha

[purpleangiie]

Damian: "Grayson, what are you staring at?"

Dick: "Sh!"

Tim: "Leave him be, D. He's emotional."

Damian: "Over what?"

Dick, staring at the two quiet figures in front of them: "Would you believe that? Jason and Bruce existing in the same space and not throwing a tantrum, but actually behaving like two adults? They're even working together at the same desk. Unbelievable."

Damian: "Wait, has father just ruffled Todd's hair?"

Dick: "And he didn’t even punched him back! I'm so proud of how far they both have come. *sniff* Now we could all be one happy family."

Damiam: *looking absolutely bewildered, gazing up at Tim who just shrugs*

Tim: "Give them 15 minutes."

Damian: "12."

---

Jason: "Bruce. Bruce WHERE IS MY PEN?"

Bruce: "Y-your pen, Jason?"

Jason: "Oh my god. You don't even remember it. My pen, Bruce. My personalized red and golden Montblanc you gifted me for my 14th birthday. I left it here, where is it? You threw it away, didn't you? LIKE YOU DID WITH ANY REGARD YOU EVER HAD FOR ME AND MY FEELINGS? DID YOU FORGET I WAS YOUR SON TOO? WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU TO LOVE ME?"

Dick: "Damn! We got so close."

Tim: "And that'd be 10 minutes and 35 seconds."

Damian: "-TT- Pay up, Drake."

[shining-m00nlight]

Rickon, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him?

Robb: You did WHAT–

Arya: William Snakepeare

[headcanonthings]

Tim: *dies* Stephanie: Timer starts now! When do you think he’ll be back? I say two months Damian: Bullshit. One month Dick: nah, half a month Bruce, sobbing: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? TIM JUST DIED! Jason, scratching his chin in thought: One week

[itsmyfix]

Regulus: you’re so soft for me

James: hey that’s not even true

Regulus: you cried yesterday when i accidentally put your shirt on instead of mine

James: *biting his knuckles remembering how small he looked*

James: *choked up* i think you’re exaggerating slightly

Regulus: where are all my shirts, James

James: wow that’s so weird i’m not sure but you can wear mine until you find them

[ev-arrested]

is this anything

(Handyman Bill AU from @waty_mot and @LosanPostle on twt)

[r3ynah]

"Despite being ‘at a loss for words’, Danny scolded me for the next 45 minutes."

DCxDP prompt

Dani was completely flawless in everything she did, or so she proudly stated to everyone, which was true to some extent. She handles most of the missions handed to her by the Justice League dark with flying colors, she was sometimes called in to replace Constantine when the man was unavailable, finding lost scrolls, and performing magic she could do with ease, but she was not perfect she knows that well.

So, when she accidentally angered one of the most powerful demons to ever exist dangering not only herself but also the whole embassy of the Justice League, up to the main heroes and then down to Young Justice, Dani knew she kinda fucked up and made an error in her calculations on how much she could taunt the said demon, and now everyone was panicking which was...

Not an ideal condition for her because when everyone panics, she also starts panicking, not because the demon she angered was now spewing threats here and there (which was one of the corniest villain monologues she had ever heard).

No, she was afraid considering that since she had disturbed the peace between the living and the supernatural which was technically the dead if you based it on the horror movie franchise —BUT that was not the point, the point is that she cannot control the current situation, and that means she needed to get help from her....Brother....Eugh.

'Let's just get over this.' she sighed as she grabbed a dagger from her chest cavity, Dani's movements caught the eye of everyone present in the room, the ones that weren't occupied by the demon were watching her carefully to make sure the little ghost doesn't make anything worse than it is.

One, Dani closed her eyes.

Two, she took a deep breath.

Three—then she sliced her palm with the dagger, green ectoplasm oozing out of the wound.

Four. Everyone panicked.

Five. Finally, A portal surfaced.

It took only five seconds for Danny to head her call, exactly 20 minutes to calm the dispute happening, and 7 seconds for Phantom to regain his composure to look at his younger sister in the eye.

Dani avoided eye contact with her brother, not just her brother, while also avoiding eye contact with everyone in the room at the same time, whistling innocently as if nothing had ensued, Dani tried her luck and glanced at the levitating figure a few paces before her.

Phantom looked so done and constipated at the same time, Dani wanted to take a picture and show it to Dan afterwards.

"I'm at a loss for words."

"Despite being ‘at a loss for words’, Danny scolded me for the next 45 minutes."

[anonymousacres]

me when i (how the fuck do you work tumblr)

look at that there's a part 2