#incorrect brooklyn 99 quotes

[badwolfarcadiabay]

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Sirius: Is he crying? Is he crying?

James, on the phone with Peter: A little.

Sirius, snatching the phone from James : You should be WAILING, you stone-cold bitch!

Remus, walking in: What the hell is happening?

James: pads is making me call his friends and tell them he's dead to see how they react.

Remus:

Sirius : Now call Reggie.

[batfamgalore]

Bruce: Once Alfred and I are gone, Dick will be in command.

Dick: Dick in charge! No look high five. Whoo!

*holds out hand and hits Bruce’s ear*

Dick: That’s not your hand. Wait. Is that a healed over earring hole? Do you have a scandalous past?

Bruce: I was stabbed while out on patrol. The scar extends through the lobe and into the neck.

Dick: No one likes it when you do that.

[gardentool]

[Another Itadori training session]

Nanami: You couldn’t use Black Flash fast enough. You just killed Y/N.

Y/N: Honey…

Nanami: I can’t hear you, Y/N. You’re dead.

Nanami, to Yuji: They bled out in your lap. How will you break the news to me? Let's see.

Yuji: We don't have to do this.

Nanami: Ah, Itadori, how are things going with Y/N, the love of my life? Wait, why are you here at this late hour? And whose blood is that?

Yuji: Okay, I get it.

Nanami: It's Y/N’s? This is devastating. I'm inconsolable. And…

[Nanami snaps his fingers]

Nanami: I’ve killed myself.

Yuji: Cool. I can see this is gonna be fun…

[lukas-dusk]

Dustin : Eddie, give me your bat!

Eddie : My bat??

Dustin : Don't you carry a bat in your bag?

Eddie : Have you ever met a person carrying a bat in their bag??

Dustin calling Steve : Hey Steve do you carry a bat in your bag?

Steve : Of course, I'm not an animal.

[violent138]

Dick, back from an undercover mission: "All right, fill me in. Tell me everything I missed."

Steph: "Won't take long. Only three things happened. Jason chipped his tooth and had a lisp for a week."

Jason: "Lithen up, theeven. I'm Thorry, did I thay thumthing amuthing to you? Anther me, you thun of a birth!"

Duke: "Number two, Stephanie and Damian wore the same outfit to work one day."

Steph: "How does it look better on you?"

Jason: "And Bruce banned headphones while masks are on, due to the Tim Incident."

Tim, rolling his eyes, shouting across the Cave: "I like listening to music sometimes! Patrol gets boring!"

Dick: "Great recap."

[catxart]

James: No Sirius, you're fine. Just be yourself.

Sirius: Be myself? James, I have one day to win over Remus's dad. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?

Peter: Couple weeks.

Remus: Six months.

Regulus: Jury's STILL out.

Sirius: See, James? "Be myself," what kind of garbage advice is that? I hope you're not telling Harry that crap.

[daddiesdrarryy]

Regulus: I cannot believe you lost Harry’s blankie, Sirius. He can’t sleep without his blanket, and if he doesn’t sleep, then James doesn’t sleep, and if James doesn’t sleep, then—

Sirius: Reggie doesn’t sleep

Regulus: No. Sirius doesn’t live

Sirius: Oh my god

[thebat-musicman]

Bruce: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me

Tim: Okay, but in my defense, Steph bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink that shampoo

Bruce: That’s not what I wanted to-you drank SHAMPOO?!

[book-place-incorrect-quotes]

Everyone: *chatting around the dining room table for a family dinner*

Tommy: *hands Y/N the salt*

Y/N: Thanks, dad

Everyone: *stops talking and stares*

Y/N: *confused* Why is everyone staring at me?

Ada: You just called Tommy ‘dad’. You said, ‘Thanks, dad’

Y/N: What? No! I said, ‘Thanks, bro’

Tommy: Do you see me as a father figure, N/N?

Y/N: Pftt- no! If anything, I see you as a bother figure, cause you’re always bothering me!

John: Hey! Show your father some respect!

Y/N: I didn’t call him ‘dad’!

Tommy: No, no, Y/N, I take it as a compliment

Arthur: It’s no big deal. I called Linda ‘mom’ once and she’s my wife!

Y/N: Guys, jump on that! Arthur has psycho issues!!

Finn: Old news. But you called Tommy ‘dad’

Y/N: Guys, for the last time, I didn’t call Tommy ‘dad’!

Tommy: That’s alright, I believe you-

Y/N: *sighs in relief* Thank you

Tommy: -daughter. You want to talk about it later over a game of catch?

Y/N:

Y/N: *tears up* I'd like that

[jeena-says-hi]

The middle section of Nimona was basically:

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Sirius: I've learned some truly horrible things tonight. You were right, and I was wrong.

Remus: Fuck. James is sleeping with Regulus?

Sirius: What? How could you possibly know that?

Remus: "You were right and I was wrong."

Remus: You must have been shaken to your core to say that to me.

Remus: James is your most trusted friend besides me, so he has to be involved.

Remus: Your use of the word "horrible" leads me to believe that the matter was sexual in nature, given your obvious immaturity.

Sirius: Pfft. We've had sex.

Remus: And, of course, you would be most upset if James were to have slept with someone you are extremely protective of, your little brother.

Remus: Thus, the solve: James and Regulus.

Sirius: That was amazing. You can really read my mind I guess.

[batfamgalore]

*Bruce talking to Dick and Jason after a mission*

Bruce: Both of you have done exemplary work, which I appreciate.

Dick: And I can see that by the absolutely no indicators on your face.

[dumbnotstupidfuck]

Angel, being carried out of a fight by Husk: Do I even weigh anything to you?

Husk: No. It’s like holding a couple of grapes.

[lukas-dusk]

Castiel : I knew you were going to be stressed so I brought back some pie.

Dean taking the pie : God I love you.

Castiel : I love you too Dean.

Dean :

Castiel : You were talking to the pie, weren’t you?

Dean : I can love two things.

[oxandthorn]

is this flirting?