#incorrect dc comics quotes

[lilho-ho-bo10]

Zatanna: Guys, I just made a mixtape!

Clark: Oh...you did...?

Bruce: ...

Diana: That sounds amazing *under her breathe* Hera help us.

Zatanna: Yeah! Check it out. *Plays it*

The mixtape: *Everything is backwards*

Clark: ...

Bruce: ...

Diana:...

Diana: It sounds nice...

Zatanna: Thanks.

*Barry and Hals enters*

Barry: What that noise!

Zatanna: My mixtape!

Hal: You released a mixtape?

Zatanna: Yes I did.

*Dinah enters*

Dinah: Hey, I you seen...What is that crap?

Zatanna: My mixtape. Oh! You should play it at your next concert.

Dinah: Uh, s-sure.

The mixtape: *Finishes*

Zatanna: What do you think?

Clark: I-It was nice.

Bruce: *no comment*

Diana: Apollo bless you.

Hal: I'm speechless.

Barry: Uh... Gotta go *speeds away*

Dinah: It was sound...

Trigon: That was the most shittiest thing I've ever heard in my life!!! The vocals were flat, the lyrics were uncreative, and the beat was the most basic thing I've ever hear in my life! Not bad actually...

Zatanna: What...

Lois Lane *pops up on tv*: This just in. Demons have suddenly started appearing in people homes!

The league and Trigon: ?

Zatanna: ...

Zatanna: I might have already started selling these mixtapes. I had to sell Alfred to Trigon just get it to sell.

Batman: YOU DID WHAT!!!

Zatanna: Tropelet!!! *Disappears*

Batman: ...

Trigon:*Tries to tip toe away*

Batman: Don't even think about it.

Trigon: Dammit...

[savemecassandracain]

holy shit, hi guys 👋👋👋

[bluejay-the-geek]

The 4 Essentials

*Jason and Tim arrive to a gate working on a case*

Tim, examining the gate: Closed.

Jason: Breaking and entering, my speciality.

Tim: So is punching, kicking, drinking and talking shit.

Jason: the 4 essentials of being a vigilante

[fandomtrxsh19]

Dick: What happens when people find out who you really are?

Kara: They will NEVER find out. That's the point of LYING

[vodrae]

Rich pregnant socialite: So we went to this clinic and let them manipulate our genes so we're 100% sure our child won't have any disease, he will have my hair and his father eyes and so much things we did for him! And you Bruce ?

Brucie: Found em in the trash. Except Tim, he found me in the trash.

[solarflare211]

peak damian and batfamily interaction is him using overly formal vocabulary and syntax AT ALL. TIMES. he will never not be proper. even a few years into living at the manor and with all the colorful dialogue styles there, he still talks like he’s 53 and some sort of medieval noble. this is especially funnier whenever he has any sort of normal familial interaction. like:

damian: todd i have come to make a request of you.

jason: what?

damian: i was hoping you’d acquiesce to my demands of having you read me your favorite book while i prepare for slumber.(liked he used to when damian was a baby)

jason: you want me. to read you a bedtime story??

damian: tt. of course not. you reading the book and me preparing for bed are entirely coincidental. i just desire to hear your interpretation of the authors message and the voices you use when narrating.

jason: ….sure, kiddo. go brush your teeth and i’ll be there.

damian: thank you. i shall see you in my chambers.

bonus points for entirely monotone delivery like see this shit just makes me go off it’s so funny

[bruciemilf]

Damian: Baba. I’ve acquired an enemy at the academy. He’s been ripping my drawings, teasing me about my lineage, and smearing your honor. I understand murder can’t happen. How shall I proceed?

Bruce: [Has a flashback of Thomas driving to his bully’s house, spiked brass knuckles on his hands, petting his head and smiling dangerously, ‘I’ll be right back, chum!’]

Bruce: …I’ll talk to his parents.

Damian: Todd?

Jason: Finally, an excuse to tackle a 10 year old.

[ashoss]

little brother duo supremacy

edit: sorry to disappoint yall but this isnt dick or virgil 😭😭 its duke in a nightwing sweater,,,,

[ditzybat]

bruce: he’s killed people

damian [who’s heard stephanie say this at least 10x a day]: but have you considered that maybe he’s just a teenage girl?

jason: yeah! have you considered that bruce?!

bruce: jason, you’re 22 and a male

[galaxymagitech]

Jason (Age 12): I’m not gonna die from inhaling cigarette smoke, quit worrying, B.

Jason (Age 15): *dies from smoke inhalation*

Jason (Age 19): Well, it wasn’t the cigarettes.

[incorrectbatfamandfriends]

Bruce: We need to talk about what’s going on with Tim-

Dick: The stalking?

Bruce: No, we settled that-

Jason: His cloning experiments?

Bruce: I thought he stopped that?

Damian: His hit list?

Bruce: What?

Dick: Dami, we’ve already talked about this it wasn’t a “HIT list” hit list- Is this about his spleen?

Bruce: spleen?

Jason: No it’s gotta be the-

Bruce: This was about his weed stash but I’m sensing there are more pressing issues I’ve not been made aware of?

[elecilaombre]

Tim * holding a can of Pepsi * : Do you guys want some Pespi ?

Jason* laughing* : Some what ?

Tim : Pespi .

Duke : It's PePsi not PeSpi Timmy.

Tim : That's what I said Pespi.

Tim : Pespi

Duke : Please would you...

Tim * interrupting Duke * : Pespi

Tim * shrugging* : It's normal it's because I'm ambidextrous.

Damian : Ambidextrous ?

Stephanie * chirping in* : He means Bisexual !

Dick * at the same time * : He means bilingual !

Bruce * tired dad™* : He means he has dyslexia.

[91-1lover]

What if Damian and Tim love each other and even like? It's just more of a situation "Manipulating others is easier ". Maybe an example will help;

Damian: Father, May I go to Zoo today?

Bruce:No Damian, you're grounded.

Tim:Oh, that's bad. I could go with you to take photos of otter, but if you are not going I think I will stay too. What's a zoo without company. Maybe I will go with Kon next week.

Bruce *Super happy in a moment of thinking his youngest kids getting along*: If you two agree not to kill each other, Damian can go

Tim and Damian:*Knowing looks*

Or situation like;

Tim who has abandoned issues and is having fear of people leaving him: Dick is mad at me. Can you stab me so he will be in his mother hen mode Instead?

Damian who would like to have 5 minutes of peace from Grayson: Say no more

[fandomtrxsh19]

Jason: If I had a life, I'd hate it

[goodoldfashionedengineer]

The only time when all the batkids will work together in perfect harmony is to prank Bruce.

And for the best prank all they needed was a few label makers.

Labels are put on everything.

On every mug, on every plate, on every bandaid package.

The chocolate bars are labeled "BatSnack".

The fruits become "Batana", "Batricot" and "Batermelon".

Every button on the microwave, every key on the keyboard, it all gets a label.

"Batstop button", "Batstart button", "Bat-A-key", Bat-Enter-key".

Bruce's desk isn't simply the "Batdesk". It is the "Batwood construction surface".

There is a label beneath the desk too.

Originally named "underside of Batwood construction surface".

It takes days, weeks, months to remove all the labels.

Until one day, when Bruce makes a few new installations in the cave.

Surely some higher being is laughing at him right now, Bruce thinks, as he pulls of the last one.

"Batceiling"

[yjcorefourenjoyer]

AU that the batkids are all serious and bat-like ONLY WHEN BATMAN ISN’T AROUND

Like when they’re on their own team/out of Gotham? Most respected, calm and serious person there. They have a plan and it will work. “Oh yeah I memorized all the exits and people here the second I entered, you didn’t?” That’s them.

But in Gotham w/ Batman? Pranks galore and singing on patrol, they forget to sleep and forget to eat. When Batman tells them their gonna have a longer patrol they all sigh and complain while trying to give other siblings their work in exchange for doing that sibling’s chore.

But nobody knows that they act like that!! Batman would say something like

“Gosh my kids blew something up I have to go,”

AND EVERYONE WHOSE EVER MET THEM IS ALL CONFUSED LIKE “BUT THEIR A BAT?!?! HUH??!”

and Batman would respond

“Oh yeah you know them, always doing something their not supposed to”

JL: “NO?!”