#funny drabble

[ravenwriter16]

'Star's Don't Shine...They Burn' with no context

Y/n reading a book: Peace and quiet... Random Noble going to ask them a question: Hey there, my lady--, Sun kicking the door down: NOPE! NOPE NOPE NOPE! Moon grabbing the Noble: No bothering Starlight! Noble: What?! It's a public library! Sun helping Moon drag the guy out: Yes, but Sunflower said to give her ONE HOUR to herself- Moon: -then we get to spend the rest of the day with her. Sun: Without any complaint from her as well! Y/n slamming book shut: Oh for star's sake-GET OUT! Sun and Moon dragging the guy out: Sorry sweetie! We love you~! Y/n throws the book at them... ***

[urprettylittlething]

Swamp Boy

Gojo Satoru, Geto Suguru, You

A/N - I don't know if this could actually happen but its funny to think about lol

summary - He teases, you turn him green.

warnings - like one swear word

genre - little Drabble thing

Imagine back when you were all teenagers in jujutsu high, when everyone was still alive and there and happy. 

You were an underclassman to Gojo, Geto and Shoko and on the occasion you would bump into the three of them with Nanami and Haibara.

But it became more common for Gojo and Geto to bump into you from time to time, and it also became common for Gojo to tease you. 

Mostly lighthearted teasing, he just loved to rile you up and see you all flustered and frustrated because he would always have a response to anything you would try and say back.

Even on the rare occasion Geto would join in with teasing you, granted a little friendlier than Gojo but still. You would always pout at him all betrayed as he teased you with Gojo because he was supposed to be the nice, friendly, doesn't-bully-you one.

It was always their cocky attitudes that really set you off, again, mostly Gojo. It was always his cocky smirk, cocky attitude, cocky self that just really pushed your buttons. 

And one day when it was you three standing next to a vending machine outside (it was only you that wanted a drink, Gojo saw you and pulled them both over to bother you), you just end up saying something like,

“Say one more thing and I'll put green hair dye in your shampoo. I would love to see how cocky you are when looking like a swamp.”

Gojo was dumbstruck and Geto choked on his drink that he ended up buying at some point.

And of course he just ends up brushing it off, making jokes and being an annoying little shit, all giggly because he managed to get another rise out of you.

But you weren't joking.

So when the next day comes and it's your turn to act all cocky, sipping on some random drink outside the same spot you were all gathered yesterday when Gojo storms up to you with Geto right behind him cackling his head off.

Your eyes bulge and your face goes bright red in your effort not to laugh as he says, “My hair is green, GREEN! How am I supposed to look cool now?” He’s whining while you're struggling to keep your composure as Getou starts taking pictures while wiping tears from his eyes.

You eventually reassure him that it's temporary hair dye, but still. Your glad Geto caught a photo of his face when you called him ‘swamp boy’.

You never let him forget that.

[callmeizukunotdeku]

jason and tim have a huge sibling rivalry, not because of any actual drama going on between the two of them, but because tim runs a corporate conglomerate and jason runs a small business

specifically, tim runs WE and jason is a crime lord. tim has repeatedly argued that jason runs what might as well be a drug conglomerate and jason knows it's true, but refuses to acknowledge it, and instead talks about how Big Business is shitting on the little guy

[soulsforsales]

Imagine Jason Todd and you attending a friend’s party.

You’re laughing, making small talks, looking fire in your fit and Jason; all 6’4 of muscles, scars, and tattoos of him, is just standing beside you with a scowl and looking like he’ll shoot anyone who even breathes wrong. (He’s just terrifying like that.)

And his expression only softens when he looks down at you and his hand doesn’t leave your waist—not once.

I just know people mistake Jason for that kind of toxic, overly possessive, controlling boyfriend because he looks like it.

When in reality, he’s just a big ass puppy who cries when you’re mad, holds you like you’re sacred, cooks for you, pouts when you say no to cuddles, and gets anxious in gatherings if you’re not with him.

And I think that’s everything.

[olailamajnoon]

Dick on the phone, at 3 pm in the afternoon: Forgive me father for I have sinned.

Bruce, just woken up, squinting at the alarm clock: Dick it's 3 pm. what is this.

Dick, tearfully: My confession! I couldn't sleep, Bruce. I was the one who drove my hamster to suicide! I didn't feed him malt cookies like I was supposed to! He climbed on the exercise wheel and didn't stop running until he died.

Dick: *continues sobbing*

Bruce: okay so first of all.

Bruce: I'm not a priest.

Bruce: And second of all. Animals don't commit suicide.

Dick: Mari did!

Bruce: You named your male hamster after your mother...?

Dick: NOT THE POINT, BRUCE!

Dick: but yes.

Bruce, sighing: There's so much to unpack here I don't know where to start.

Dick: I killed him, Bruce. I should have died along with him!

Bruce:...

Bruce: It's possible that you've associated your hamster's death with the trauma of your parents' death, possibly because of shared names, and you've displaced your survivor's guilt from the first onto the second.

Dick:...

Dick: So what should I do.

Bruce: In my experience, the best way to deal with survivor's guilt is to save as many people as you can, possibly people in the same situation as the loved ones you have lost, hoping that the heroic nature of your deeds lets you sleep at night.

Dick: And what if that doesn't work?

Bruce: Then you drink. Get shitfaced drunk every time you feel a pang. Or you can pray to a nonexistent god and an uncaring universe.

Dick:...

Dick: If I come over, will you break out the good whiskey.

Bruce: I thought you'd never ask.

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

katsuki who breaks his sleep schedule ONLY on your birthday because he wants to be sure he’s the first one to text you.

at exactly midnight .on.the.dot. you get a string of messages from your boyfriend saying :

“happy birthday, moron.”

“i love you and all that stupid mushy shit”

“you better say it back. fucked up my sleep for you.”

“❤️”

he doesn’t even care if you’re already asleep, he’s already sure he was the very first one to text you but if you are still awake he’s even more proud cause you saw it happen. him who you (and his friends) tease all the time for going to sleep at like 8:30 sharp stayed up doing fuck all just to be the first to wish you a happy fucking birthday.

so yeah, you bet your ass he’s proud. and he’ll go to sleep and knock out immediately with a smirk on his face when you text him a “thank you sm, katsuki !!! i love you sosooososos much💕💕”

“yeah you better. go to bed, g’night <3”

n’ yeah okay, maybe he’ll be a bit crankier than usual, but it’ll be worth it seeing how bright you smile and jump to hug him, kissing all over his cheek with thank you’s and love you’s.

he’ll just take it out on kaminari.

[1930sdarlin]

(Meme made by Me, @1930sdarlin )

[softaestluv]

John Price who leans real close when you talk to him, dips his shoulders so he can hear what you’re saying. Makes you flustered everytime he ducks his head next to yours when you two sit together, his shoulder pressed flat against yours.

You think it’s because he likes you. A gesture to show you that he wants to be close to you and listen to what you have to say.

Whole time it’s cause he’s so old he can’t hear shit 😔💔

[nanamisgirly]

Body hair?? not stopping him from his meal! ྀི

CW oral (f. receiving), kento calls her 'greedy thing' & honey, he's eating wellll, hairy reader!, college au., once spitting, I had young nanami in mind with his pretty blonde bang, established relationship, pussy drunk!, a bit of plot ig either we're diving right in 😼

you're kissing

messily, hungrily—your lips part with a wet pop as you gasp for breath. kento's full weight is pressed against your body, his thigh slotted between your legs, his lower stomach grinding hard against your core. one of his hands cups your jaw roughly, angling you where he wants it.

“i didn’t know we would go further…i didn’t shave and uh..im quite hairy. even my stomach” you mumble shyly. “i didn’t even shave my armpits. or down there.” your fingers threading through the long strands of his blonde bangs—trying to get his attention. 

you gently push them back, letting your hand slide into his hair until you’re gripping a handful at the nape of his neck—a deep groan escapes his throat at the tug.

doubt is creeping in you…

“i didn't know we were gonna go this far tonight…” you repeat. “i didn't shave. like, anywhere...”

kento pulls away from where he was attacking lovely your neck with wet kisses. his eyes met yours—heavy-lidded, pupils blown so wide they almost eclipse the warm brown of his irises. his brows furrow, not in judgment, but because he genuinely has no idea what you just said.

“honey, i quite literally have no idea what the problem is,” he says, and then drags his fat tongue sloooowly, obscenely, all the way from your collarbone to your jaw. as he feels his glasses slide down his nose, he adds : “actually, take my glasses off. . don't want them in the way while i’m tasting you.”

“but kento—”

“i said. remove. them.”

“it's probably not hygienic,” you whisper. “i mean—body hair and, like… going down on me?”

kento's lips curl slightly. “who said that?” he mutters,  then sinks his teeth a bit harshly into the crook of your neck. “society?” he continues, words muffled against your skin. “tell me this, do you wash your pussy properly?”

“y-yes—” you gasp.

“then where the heck is the problem?” his voice dips into something dark so sure of itself, it turns your whole body to liquid. one of his hands slip under your shirt and slides up, palm pressing against your stomach—and when he feels the soft trail of hair leading down…

“fuuuuck,” he breathes in the soft hair of your neck. “you smell like soap and lavender, your skin's clean and soft. i don't shave either, by the way. i'm not exactly hairless under this button-up.”

he presses down harder, strong abs pressing deliciously against your heated core.

“now stop worrying.” his teeth graze the skin above your waistband as he mouths hungrily at your stomach. 

he's already undoing your pants with one hand, the other braced beside your head like he needs leverage to keep himself from just tearing them apart. he doesn't even slide them down—he rips them past your hips in one desperate motion, underwear bunched and clinging wet to your center. 

there's a split second where he just stare—jaw slack, lips parted.

the soft dark hair above your slit glistens with the damp warmth beneath it, “fuck. fuck—fuck..” he spreads your legs wide—too wide that they ache instantly. he loses no time to bury his face between your legs, nose hitting your dripping folds and sniffing. he swipes his tongue devastatingly precisely, from your clit to your entrance and back again, groaning into the slick mess he's creating.

as your hips jerk up violently, he brings his hands to your hips and pin you down, keeping you in place. his tongue works in filthy little circles, mouthing and sucking enthusiastically your clit. when he pauses to speak, his voice is hoarse and soaked in spit. “this…this hair—” he pants, dragging his tongue right through where you have them the most. “don't you dare wax this pretty pussy. you taste divine, honey.”

he presses two fingers to your puffy hairy lips, spreads them open, and spits—watching it drip down between your folds. he dives back in, slurping so loudly it’s the only thing you can hear in the room.

kento can't help but grind onto the mattress—his hips rutting in rhythm with his tongue that trusts into your hole. The friction against his huge cock, trapped tight in his slacks, is maddening. he's not even trying to hold back the pleasure he’s having from this—choked and whining noises leaving his lips :(

“kento, please—” you sob, pleasure crackling up your spine.

“mm-mmmhh” he hums against you, tongue getting sloppier. to have better access, he lifts your hips, tilts them just right and devours you from underneath, tongue circling your clit only to drop and lap at your dripping hole again, wide flat strokes followed by desperate, suckling kisses. 

he moans loudly as his rough fingers part your folds once again, exposing that sensitive bundle slick and twitching for him. “greedy little thing,” he grins.

“ken—ken…i—t-too much,” you whines.

“too bad,” he growls, voice deeper than usual. he bites into your inner thigh, rough and claiming, then licks over the sting. “thought i'd care about some hair…?” he shakes his head in disapproval. “i want it messy. sooo messy, you have no idea.”

he’s glassy-eyed when he looks up at you—dazed. drunk on taste and scent.

“i’m gonna fuckin’ lose my mind if i don’t stay down here,” he mumbles, voice hoarse, tongue darting back out to drag one more slow, obscene stripe through you. “look at this. look at this mess. it’s all mine.”

“you're just so pretty, honey. i need more.”

  ˶‾᷄ ⁻̫ ‾᷅˵ 

[parrish-the-thot]

A continuation of this post I made

I imagine Steve genuinely doesn’t think about Eddie, like at all. Besides the occasional “what is he yelling about in that table” or “ Munson actually showed up to class” or once in sophomore year he thinks “how much does Munson charge for an ounce of weed? Would he take a $50 for an ounce” which causes Eddie to wait around all day at the picnic table wishing for some shmuck to offer $50 for just an ounce, but no one shows up (Steve had to go pick up Dustin after school and didn’t want him to find weed the weed when he inevitably starts going through Steve’s car)

The lack of soulmate thoughts really irks Eddie, because he knows his soulmate is in Hawkins, but he never thinks about Eddie, like at all??? Positively or negatively?? Eddie jumps on more tables, he blares loud music from his van, he is in a band, he is the drug dealer for all the teens in Hawkins and all his soulmate thinks is “why the fuck did Munson double park his van, I’m going to be late looking for a parking spot now” it absolutely drives him crazy.

He eventually figures out his soulmate must be a jock of some kind because one day he hears “what is Munson doing under the bleachers?” when some sports team is let out of playing with balls practice. He is briefly heartbroken his soulmate isn’t a nerd like him, but then spends the night thinking about how a certain fluffy haired jock could play with his balls anytime.

Steve isn’t not thinking about Eddie on purpose, but they just don’t run in the same circles, so he doesn’t really think about him too much, just in a genuine, “I don’t know them, don’t interact with them, so I don’t really think about them” sort of way. Especially after befriending the kids, Steve’s focus goes to keeping them safe and being a babysitter instead of finding his soulmate.

Steve’s experience with his soulmates thoughts is completely different. Starting in middle school he heard his soulmate think he was cute which he thought was nice. As he got older his soulmate would still think he was cute, but also handsome or pretty which, he doesn’t know any girls who call their boyfriends pretty but ya know, he can roll with that. He thinks he will have to roll with a lot of stuff, since hai soulmate seems to into a…a lot of interesting things, to say the least. Steve has dated a lot of girls but none of them seemed to want to rub their face in his chest hair like his soulmate did, who also wonder is Steve was that hairy everywhere which- he was but he didn’t think a girl would want to know about that.

He would be in the middle of a basket ball game and he hit with a 15 minute monologue about how wonderful his ass looked in “thise little green shirts that ride up his ass in the best way” and how his soulmate “wanted to be those shorts” causing Steve to miss three different shots. Also with all this wildly kinky stuff and even general sex things Steve has never heard of or thought about he figures he should become more knowledgeable to better be prepared for his soulmate.

One day when Steve is cleaning up a drink he spilled in the cafeteria and heard “god Harrington looks good on his knees, bet he would look even better with my cock in his mouth” figures chances are his soulmate isn’t a girl at all.

With not much else to loose and a new door opened up to him, Steve starts spending time thinking equally horny thinvs about different guys he sees in class, just to see if they will react to what he is thinking. This is how he figures out Eddie is his soulmate.

Steve notices eddies table is getting a little rowdy, as is always does before Eddie gets up on someone’s table and he rants about jocks and preppy girls while stepping on people’s lunches, Steve thinks “what if comes over here, spits in my stretched out hole, and fucks me right next to Heathers Halloways tuna sandwich”

Eddie, whose soulmate didn’t even think about Eddie that one time his car got spray painted a fit was all the school talked about for a week, was NOT expecting that at 12:30 on a Tuesday and promptly trips on a chair and slams face first into the lunch table, breaking his nose.

Eddies friends rush him to the nurse and Steve is torn between this being a sign Eddie is soulmate or Eddie just clumsy, Steve has seen him walk into a door twice, so he don’t 100% sure. Steve decided to test this anytime he has a clear viewpoint of Eddie and starts thinking the most horny, kinky things possibly about Eddie to see if Eddie reacts proves he is Steve’s soulmate (also revenge because Steve had to go through years of Eddie horny pondering interrupting Steve during important tasks games or tests so Steve figures he should pay that forward during eddies dungeons and dorks games)

[meenaxskz]

it glows in the dark (bf!han jisung x reader)

drabble | bf!han x reader au genre: light smut | crack warnings: mature suggestive content | language Summary: han bought fluorescent green glow-in-the-dark condom and a smiles like he just cured world hunger. you? you’re just trying not to pass out laughing. a/n : i wanted to make all the members but i can only imagine jisung doing this kind of things lol

You’re straddling him on the bed, lips on his jaw, everything moving fast.

“God, I missed you,” he breathes, hands gripping your hips.

“I missed you more...”

And then mid grope, he goes :

“WAIT. WAIT. WAIT.”

You freeze. “What?!”

He wiggles out from under you like a lizard “I HAVE A SURPRISE.”

You blink. ���Unless the surprise is your d—”

“TA-DAAAA!”

He holds up a shiny silver packet.

You squint.

“…No.”

“Oh yes.”

It’s fluorescent green. With a label that proudly reads:

GLOW UP: For When You Want Your Dick to Be the Night Light.

You stare. He grins like a kid who just won at a claw machine.

“IT GLOWS. BABE. IT GLOWS IN THE DARK.”

You cover your face, already laughing.

“Why would you BUY that??”

“Because I CARE about SEXUAL INNOVATION.”

“Because you’re an unhinged menace”

“Because imagine this: the lights go out. BOOM. Green saber. Science fiction but sexy.”

You wheeze. “You’re insane.”

He winks. “You ever wanted to say 'Omg, I saw stars' during sex and actually mean it? Because I can give you glowstick dick.”

You fall off the bed.

---

The room is pitch black.

Except for the fluorescent green light glowing from one very specific area.

You’re on your back, trying to compose yourself.

Jisung is above you, dick fully luminated, posing like a Marvel villain.

“Prepare yourself” he whispers dramatically “for the GLOW OF PASSION.”

You choke. “Jisung—please—”

He thrusts once. You scream laughing.

“You’re glowing like a nuclear noodle!”

“Shhhhhh” he whispers, pressing a finger to your lips. “Let me light up your life.”

You slap his chest. “I can’t take you seriously.”

He gasps. “Is that what you’d say to green lantern in bed?!”

“Jisung I’m BEGGING YOU-”

He sits back on his heels, still very much illuminated and way too proud.

“Okay, but like...look at it. This is peak performance.”

“It’s radioactive! You look like your dick went to Chernobyl.”

“Why are you being mean to me in my moment of power?!”

You try to straddle him. You really try.

But you’re shaking from laughter.

Hands on his shoulders. Face buried in his neck.

“I’m trying to ride you, I really am-”

“Then ride the lightning, baby.”

You lose it.

Collapse on top of him, wheezing into the sheets.

He flops dramatically onto the bed with you.

The room now filled with the low green glow of his still very much ready junk.

Silence.

Then softly:

“…This was supposed to be the hottest night of our lives.”

You turn your head. “It is. You just accidentally made it sci-fi.”

He sighs. “Next time I’m buying the color changing one.”

You pause. “THERE’S A COLOR CHANGING ONE?!”

He grins. “We’re gonna need sunglasses for that one.”

⤷ main m.list ❟

DISCLAIMER : This blog and all related content (fics, fake texts, headcanons, imagines, etc.) are entirely fictional and created for entertainment purposes only. I do not know Stray Kids personally, nor do I claim any of this reflects their real personalities, actions, or relationships. All characters and their personalities—including Meena King—are original creations.Please enjoy responsibly and remember : real people = real boundaries.

[seumyo]

pregnancy cravings with miya atsumu.

Pregnancy cravings never really made sense to Atsumu. Then again, he never got to the part of anatomy and physiology when he was studying physical therapy before he decided to go pro as a volleyball player.

But that doesn’t mean he isn’t supportive; no, he prided himself on being a great husband. And now, with you, his wife, pregnant with your first child, he was determined to be the most supportive, loving, and accommodating partner ever.

Nothing was going to stand in his way—not distance, not logic, and certainly not impossible cravings.

It started simple. Like it always did.

You wanted a specific pastry from a bakery on the other side of Japan? Done. He booked the fastest delivery service he could find, and when that wasn’t an option, he flew there himself, picked it up, and brought it back.

Talk about rich.

Homemade food? Good thing Osamu had drilled the basics of cooking into him, though he still got yelled at by his twin when he accidentally burned rice. But hey, effort counted, right?

Then, the cravings started getting weird.

You’re sitting on the couch with a blanket over your lap when you look up at him with serious eyes. “I want Osamu’s cooking.”

Atsumu blinked. “Alright, I can ask him—”

“But I don’t want to eat it. You eat it.”

He frowned, confused.

“Huh? Ya want me to eat ‘Samu’s cookin’?”

You nodded. “Yeah.”

Atsumu scratched his head, wondering if this was some kind of test. “And that’s gonna make ya feel better?”

“Yes.”

“… Even if ya don’ eat it?”

“Uh-huh.”

Atsumu blinked. “That doesn’t make no sense.”

“Atsumu, please don’t question me.”

“Yes, Ma’am!” He grabbed his phone and immediately dialed Osamu. “Oi, ‘Samu, I need ya to cook somethin’—no, not for [Name]—for me.” There was silence on the other end before Osamu sighed heavily and reluctantly agreed.

That night, Atsumu sat at the dining table, stuffing his face with his brother’s food while you sat across from him, smiling in satisfaction as you watched. Osamu just did his part as a supportive brother for his twin.

The next day was even worse.

“A seedless mango,” you murmured, rubbing your belly.

...

“A what?”

“A seedless mango. I want it.”

“… [Name], sweetheart, baby, I love ya, but that don’t exist.”

“It does.”

“It doesn’t.”

“I want it.”

Atsumu groaned. “Where am I gonna get a seedless mango?”

“Figure it out, please?”

He spent hours searching online, calling fruit vendors, and even asking Osamu if his suppliers had some secret black market seedless mango (Osamu asked him if a volleyball that was going 120 km/h hit his head).

No luck.

In the end, Atsumu cut up a normal mango, carefully removed every trace of the seed, and handed it to you with a hopeful grin.

You took one look at it and frowned.

“It’s not the same.”

Atsumu wanted to cry.

-

“I need you to wear a face mask.”

Atsumu blinked at you from your bed. “Huh? Why?”

You huffed quietly, fidgeting with the sheets. “Because your face is annoying.”

Atsumu gasped, hand clutching his chest. “My face?! The one ya love so much?!”

“Yes.”

“The one ya vowed to look at forever in sickness and in health?!”

“Yes.”

“The one ya called ‘beautiful’ when I asked ya if I was hotter than ‘Samu?!”

“I love you, but right now, your face is irritating me.”

Atsumu stared, utterly betrayed, before sighing in defeat. He got up, went to the closet, grabbed one of the disposable masks he’d bought during flu season, and put it on.

“There. Happy now?”

You smiled sweetly. “Very.”

Atsumu flopped onto the bed with a groan, pulling the blanket over himself. As he lay there, sulking, you scooted closer and rested your head on his chest.

“I love you, you know that?” you murmured.

He grumbled. “Ya sure? Feels like ya hate me sometimes.”

You chuckled. “No, I love you. My hormones just don’t.”

He sighed. “Yer so lucky I love ya more than life.”

“I know. Pregnancy is so weird.”

And the worst has yet to come.

-

Atsumu should be asleep by now, but no, he had to be individually popping popcorn. One kernel at a time, as per your request.

He initially told you, “Yer kiddin’.”

You were not.

And that was how Atsumu found himself in the kitchen at three in the morning, painstakingly popping one kernel at a time in a tiny pan. Every time he accidentally popped more than one, you, who were sitting on a stool with your hands on your belly, would click your tongue disapprovingly.

“You put in two, Atsumu.”

“This is torture,” he grumbled, but he kept going.

-

“I want ice cream,” you said.

Atsumu perked up. “Oh, easy. What flavor?”

“I don’t know.”

He tilted his head to the side. “Uh… okay. I can get a few different kinds?”

“I need to taste them all.”

Atsumu frowned. “Like… all the flavors?”

“Yes.”

“… Babe, there are like fifty flavors at the ice cream shop.”

You nodded. “And I need to taste all of them before I decide which one I want.”

Atsumu let out a long, suffering sigh, but being the devoted husband he was, he marched straight to the ice cream parlor and ordered a ridiculous amount of sample cups. The poor employee stared at him in disbelief.

“You… want every flavor?”

“Yeah.”

“Every single one?”

“Yeah.”

“Sir, that’s—”

“My wife is pregnant, and if I don’t do this, I might not make it to the end of the week.”

The employee, upon hearing this, immediately started getting to work.

When Atsumu got home, you took one spoonful of each, nodded, and, after going through every single cup, announced:

“I don’t want ice cream anymore.”

Atsumu fell to his knees. Defeated.

-

“I need you to stand in the corner for a while.”

Atsumu looked up from his phone, confused. “Huh?”

“The corner. Stand there.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I just feel like you should.”

Atsumu squinted. “Babe, are ya makin’ me into a damn decoration?”

You nodded. “Yes.”

Atsumu sighed but did it anyway. He stood in the corner of your living room for a full ten minutes while you sat on the couch, happily watching TV. At some point, Osamu FaceTimed him, took one look at the scene, and hung up.

-

The next day, you called him while he was at practice, which was rare in itself because you did just leave messages whenever you knew he was practicing.

“Babe,” you said in a tone that made his stomach drop.

“… Yeah?”

“I need you to bring me a cheeseburger.”

He let out a relieved laugh, wiping the sweat off his brow. “That’s easy! I’ll grab ya one on my way ho—“

“But replace the buns with pancakes.”

Atsumu froze. “Come again?”

“You heard me.”

“I dunno if I did, sweetheart.”

“Pancakes. Instead of buns. Oh, and I want honey to go with it.”

Atsumu nearly dropped his phone.

“Yer messin’ with me.”

“I’m really not.”

And you weren’t. That evening, he stood in the kitchen, flipping pancakes with the precision of a professional chef before assembling the most unholy creation he’d ever laid eyes on—a cheeseburger with pancake buns, honey drizzled over the meat.

You took a bite and hummed softly. “Oh my god, this is better than sex.”

Atsumu, who had spent hours perfecting his technique in the bedroom, felt personally offended by that.

-

“Atsumu,” you murmur. “I need you to switch sides of the bed with me.”

He sighed. “No.”

“Atsumu.”

“[Name], baby, darlin’—I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because my side is closer to the door in case of an intruder.”

You chuckled quietly. “Tsumu, please. I need to sleep on that side.”

Atsumu stared at you, conflicted. He had never—not once—slept on the other side. It was unnatural. Wrong. It went against the very foundations of your marriage.

But you were looking at him with those tired, hormonal, pleading eyes. And he was sure you’d tell him you could barely see your feet now and often experience heartburn, all because of his unborn baby.

With a heavy sigh, Atsumu switched sides with you.

“You’re a good husband,” you whispered, patting his cheek.

Atsumu, lying in the unfamiliar position, staring at the wrong wall, whispered, “I’m a broken man.”

SEUMYO © 2025. PLEASE DO NOT REPOST, PLAGIARIZE, MODIFY OR TRANSLATE.

[mochinomnoms]

unhinged and raunchy

In which your mouth runs faster than your brain and you say something absolutely and horrifically horny by accident. All quote come from this person's tiktok series "might as well"

Third-years x gn!reader

[tw/cw} — highly suggestive, crack, idk just having fun with it i guess

Trey Clover: "If I was a donut I'd be a Boston Cream the way he fills me up with his..."

Poor Trey. He's already not a morning person, but he's wide fucking awake now.

You still look like the sleep hasn't quite left your brain, but it's starting to process what you said in front of Ace at the table.

"Bro, right in front of my scrambled eggs?" He made gagging sound, grabbing his plate and grumbling as he elected to eat outside. "I don't wanna hear about your sex life, gross."

Trey sighed pinching at his noses as he eyed you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders as you sleepily leaned into his side.

"You're still half-asleep, aren't you?"

"Hmm...I...think...mm" You nodded, pressing a kiss to his jaw. "Yeah...cream...in me—"

"Okay let's get you back to bed actually."

"Oooh...gonna make me a dooooonut...creamy donut..."

It takes him a bit longer than usual to go through the rest of his morning routine. You're no where to be found until well into the afternoon, though Ace (unfortunately) has an inkling of where you'd been.

Cater Diamond: "Slow and steady sets the pace but fast and quick lets him get a taste~"

Why are you looking at him like that?? You're the one who opened your mouth!

"Seven help me, what was that?!" He was cackling though, almost sliding off the bench from how much he was in hysterics.

"I DON'T KNOW! SNRK—" You had burst into a fit of laughter, falling off the bench yourself into the sidewalk, covering your face in embarrassment.

"Ooh~ Got your CayCay on the brain, huh? You're lucky no one else's here and that you're such a cutie~"

Both of you were losing it by now, crumpled together in a pile on the ground, clutching at each other's shoulders between fits of laughter.

"Yeah, good thing your cutie's been drinking pomegranate juice and pineapple—"

"Pffpt—stooop!"

"—Cause I'm the only sweet thing you wanna taste~"

"BWAAAHAHAHA—"

Leona Kingscholar: "I call that man my coffee 'cause of the way I guzzle him down in the morning—"

A hand smacked over your mouth, but it didn't change the fact that the poor students sitting across from you looked like they'd just witnessed a murder.

"...A lil salt never hurt nobody." You finished your sentence against Leona's palm, muffled but loud enough to make the others cringe even more.

Leona's tail smacked against your thigh as he let out a grumble, gesturing to the others.

"Out. Now." The lounge was empty in less than 30 seconds, leaving just the two of you in Leona's favorite lounge chair, next to the waterfall.

"And you." Laying back down on the cushion, Leona pulled you with him, an amused smirk on his face. "If you're gonna talk big words, you better make sure it's true. I don't think you had your 'coffee' this morning, hm?"

You grinned back at him, turning to rest your knees over his hips.

"Well, I am thirsty, and if you're offering~"

Vil Schoenheit: "Callin' you face wash with the way you come all over my face—wooooah"

Both you and Vil froze mid-routine, he applying his make up primer and you drying your face with a plush towel.

"...I don't think that would be good for my skin."

"That's the issue with what you said? Nothing else?"

Vil scoffed, tapping the tips of his fingers to spread the product around his face.

You shrugged, folding your towel and placing it on the counter before you come up behind Vil, wrapping your arms around his waist. Nuzzling into his back, he felt you grin against his shoulders.

"Well, I mean, why don't we hold a little experiment real quick and see—"

"Absolutely not now, I have places to be." Vil clicked his tongue at your as you let out a whiny pout. "Now, now dearest. I said not now. I'm more than happy to make you a mess tonight, have patience."

Rook Hunt: "A pogo stick ain't got nothing on me with the way I'm bouncin' on it."

"Oui? Is that so?" Rook looked at you with amusement, though a pretty pink blush was on his cheeks.

You yelped, jumping in your seat, almost falling off the couch, as you glared at your boyfriend behind you.

"How long have you been here listening to me spew shit?"

"As long as you've been singing your desires pour moi, I am particularly fond of the one calling me a blessing between—"

"YOU'VE BEEN HERE AT LEAST AN HOUR?? Dammit Rook, you should be thankful I fucking love your weird ass."

"As am I, mon adorable filou~" Green eyes flitted down your body, the corner of his lips quirking up as he looked back up to meet your own.

"A pogo stick, hmm?"

"Oh, yeah. Go hard and fast just like—" You sighed, rubbing a hand down your face. "I should stop."

"Pourquoi? I find it rather sweet you think such thoughts of me!" Rook leaned in close, a coy smile on his lips.

I'd be more than happy to indugle in them, rien que pour vous!

Idia Shroud: "Call him a remote with the way he makes me louder with just his thumb~"

The clatter of a controller dropping on the ground and the sight of blue flames going pink made you shrink into Idia's bed as he turned in his chair to stare at you.

"Huh, I'll call you back later, 'kay bye." You rapidly hung up, crawling backwards as Idia clambered over to you and on the bed, reaching for your phone.

"WHO YOU WERE YOU TALKING TO? WHY ARE YOU TELLING THEM OUR BUSINESS!"

Curling around your phone and pushing him away with your foot on his chest (easily mind you, he was barely resisting), you batted your eyes.

"I didn't mean to. It just came out while gossiping with Cat—"

"YOU'RE TELLING CATER ABOUT OUR SEX LIFE?" Idia shrieked, collapsing on top of you, effectively trapping you to the bed with his weight. "How am I ever going to face him..."

"You don't even talk to him! You actively go out of your way to avoid him. I was just bragging about you..."

Idia mumbled into your chest, making you pause until he popped up and gave you a glare, tips now turning red.

"I'm not gonna help you beat the final boss of your dumb game anymore."

"Idia! Noooo I need you!"

Malleus Draconia: "Call me soil with the way he plows me—oooooh."

Malleus's arms where steadying you as you giggled, tipsy from the wine Lilia had brought out earlier. Evidently, humans are much more susceptible to the effects of fae wine, you didn't even recognize the man holding you.

"No, no, no, no. I don' wanna go with you, I want Mal...to plow...heh." You snorted, tripping over your feet.

"Come now beastie, wait until we're in my chambers." He was both concerned for how quickly you became drunk but also amused from the chatter coming from your mouth.

"I—hmm. Where's Mal?" The two of you managed to get to his room, though you pushed him off you and tripped over to the bed. "MalMal...He can plant his seed in me..."

You planted face down into the bed, still giggling as Malleus carefully moved you under the covers with a soft smile.

"A tempting proposition, perhaps we can discuss in the morning when you're right of mind."

Lilia Vanrouge: "Might as well call me a book the way this man opens me up before bed every night..."

"I'm begging you to stop, please."

"...Flipping my pages…"

"I really don't want to hear your nights with Fa—Lilia. Please."

Silver gave Lilia a pleading look, nodding his head to you. Lilia was covering a smile as he watched you tiredly blink up at the two of them.

The consequences of you staying up for two days to do homework and study for an exam, evidently, were having you say the most amusing things. Especially about Lilia.

"But-but-but, it's true! I gotta speak my truth man." You slurred your words, squeezing your eyes tightly and opening, as if it would help.

"He's soooo good! And-and I just love him so much Silver. Silver. Silver. SILVER!"

Silver tilted his head as far back as possible as you grabbed his shoulders with a wild look in your eye. Again, his eyes begged Lilia to intervene, though said fae was still watching with amusement.

"...I need him carnally."

"Father please."

"Okay, okay. Sweetheart, come 'ere. Let's get you to bed."

You let yourself get led away by Lilia, squinting at him in confusion until you realized who was holding you.

"Lilia! Yaaaay~ I was just talking about you!"

"Yes, and you can talk about me more in my room, alright sweet?"

comments and reblogs appreciated 🩷

[squeakyducky]

Some of the reasons why I like Solomon

- his personality, his looks, his demeanor

- accidentally makes himself immortal and his live reaction was 'oopise'

- got a restraining order from the ocean THE OCEAN

- fought the whole devildom by himself for several days

- make a whole damn reaper hate you with a PASSION

- casually destroy lives with his cooking and is unaware of it

- someone (asmodeus) finally told him how bad his cooking was, got depressed for a day and DECIDED to forget about it the next day

-taught ANGELS how to pole-dance

- his love for humanity itself

[5sospenguinqueen]

Sebastian: Yeah, we're just friends but I would shag you if you asked.

MC: (looking up from her essay) Pardon?

Sebastian: (blushing) What?

Ominis: He said he'd shag you if you asked.

[slytherinzz]

Sebastian: “Let’s make a pact: if either of us gets expelled, the other will smuggle us back in.”

Ominis: “If you get expelled, I’ll personally escort you out.”