#// Crack
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starstruckchilli · 1 day ago
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Batboys GC:
*Tim sends a grainy toddler photo of Dick from his circus days*
Jason: Aww you use to be so cute, Dickiebird. What happened to you? 😔
Dick: …Where did you get that??
Tim: I found it :)
*Tim attaches another file of preteen Jason talking to his mum. It’s clearly shot through a window from a rooftop*
Tim: but I took this one !
Jason: TF??? I didn’t even know you?? Do you have more??
Tim: yeah
*Tim sends a picture of baby Damian sleeping. This time it’s shot from the inside of a vent*
Damian: …
Dick: ???
Jason: LMAO WTF
Damian: How did you get past Grandfather’s security?
Jason: Better question, you knew he was alive?
*Tim ignores all questions and attaches a surprisingly high quality selfie of child Tim with red, pudgy cheeks and a toothy grin *
Tim: Wasn’t I cute!
*3 people are typing *
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someonespecialokay · 2 days ago
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Dabi who tries to hide his excitement and nonchalantly types “omw,” but it autocorrects to “On my way!” and automatically sends too, and so he feels so incredibly exposed
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ryoalouette · 2 days ago
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DP x DC
Can you imagine like. Phantom's known to the whole world as Inviso-bill and that's entirely the fault of an unrepentant Wes Weston who might or might not have joined a cult (or a group of conspiracy theorists) who weaponized his Cassandra's Curse into thinking the most powerful ghostly entity of his hometown is not Phantom- that's his deadname don't you know, hush. Call him Inviso-bill instead.
Now, the JLD. I'm like 70% sure that they should've heard of Fentons the mad scientists who dabbled in occult in their own way. Maybe they'd know a ghost hero, but the protective spirit said he doesn't want JL in his territory and they should DEFINITELY know his name.
Yet somehow Batman saying that his name is Inviso-bill?? Something is going on but this is low-key hilarious especially to John Constantine.
Or:
Amity Park's ghostly deity is known as Inviso-bill, not Phantom- to the whole hero/villain world.
(Danny, upon finding out, has the greatest temptation to hunt Wes down coz Lord of the Flies, Wes! WHY??
Wes: this is my revenge!!!)
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gracethabomb · 1 day ago
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I need a 100k ao3 fic of this now
(In the Hogwarts staff room) Y/N; *sits on Sev’s lap*
Minerva;
Poppy;
Minerva; “Why did you sit there?”
Y/N; “There is nowhere else to sit.”
Poppy; “But the chair next to him is empty…”
Severus; (clutching your robes tighter) “There is nowhere else to sit.”
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kittenscookie · 3 days ago
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Hermes & Apollo: Hi Ms. Jackson~!
Fem!Percy (Who's Life Guarding at the beach): Hey guys!
Hermes: ...When you gonna let me taaaap Ms. Jackson—ACK!
Fem!Percy: What was that?
Apollo (Who just punched Hermes in the gut): Nothing!
Male!Annabeth: *Getting ready to make Diomedes proud*
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ex-martian · 23 hours ago
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I wrote a fic, and you have to suffer for it.
Check it out!
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blazingblack-t · 15 hours ago
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I am Vengeance.
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: Gen
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Justice League - All Media Types
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain & Bruce Wayne, Duke Thomas & Bruce Wayne, Stephanie Brown & Bruce Wayne, Barbara Gordon & Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth & Bruce Wayne, Batfamily Members & Batfamily Members (DCU)
Characters: Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake (DCU), Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain, Duke Thomas, Stephanie Brown, Barbara Gordon, Alfred Pennyworth, Titus | Damian Wayne's Dog, Clark Kent, Diana (Wonder Woman), Hal Jordan (Green Lantern), Zatanna Zatara, Guy Gardner, Oliver Queen, Bart Allen, Wally West, Barry AllenJustice League (DCU), Batfamily Members (DCU)
Additional Tags: Humor, Batfamily Shenanigans (DCU), Bruce Wayne is a Little Shit, Bruce Wayne is Brucie Wayne, Bruce Wayne is Batman, Good Grandparent Alfred Pennyworth, Good Parent Bruce Wayne, Bruce Wayne's Sense of Humor, Comedy, Feral Bruce Wayne, Bruce Wayne Acts Like a Sad Wet Cat, Enabler Alfred Pennyworth, Chaos, Bruce Wayne is a troll, Feral Behavior, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Silly, Revenge, Secret Identity, Alfred Pennyworth Knows, Bruce Wayne is So Done, So he takes revenge, Plans, Evil Plans, Bruce Wayne is the Original Prankster, Batfamily is a Mess (DCU), Bruce Wayne is Good at Communicating, when he wants to, He cant when he needs to, everyone has a headache, Duke Thomas is a Menace, POV Multiple, Jason Todd is a Menace, Damian Wayne is a Menace, Tim Drake is a Menace (DCU), Dick Grayson is a Menace, Barbara Gordon in a Wheelchair, Cassandra Cain is a Menace, Stephanie Brown is a Menace, Alfred Pennyworth is a Menace
Language: English
Stats: Published:2025-02-22, Words:8,052, Chapters:1/1, Comments:9, Kudos:442, Bookmarks:70, Hits:5,453
Summary:
What happens when Bruce is pushed over the edge when his children not only make fun of him in front of the entire Hero Community but make an accusation that is horrendously wrong?
Bruce gets his long awaited revenge and a chance to prove his children wrong.
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luumiinaa · 3 days ago
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BEAMGYU YOU LITTLE MENACE 😂
report heist!
summary: frustrated with your boss, you vent in a report, typing out everything you really wanted to say: how stupid, annoying, and foul he is. only problem? you forget to delete it before handing it in. now, you're stuck asking the office golden boy, soobin, for help. and of course... he's also the guy who loves to tease you. perfect timing, huh?
genre: fluff!!! a little suggestive!
characters: soobin x f!reader
words: 8k
warnings: suggestive!! kissing! soobin is a huge tease!!!!!!!!! very big tease!!!
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Soobin had always been annoyingly perfect. The golden boy of the office—trusted by management, respected by colleagues, and somehow never making mistakes. If there was ever a crisis, people turned to him. If there was ever a project in chaos, he magically pulled it together.
You, on the other hand, were… not like that.
It wasn’t that you were bad at your job. You were just real about it. You got things done, but you also weren’t above rolling your eyes at pointless meetings or sighing dramatically when given extra work at 6 PM. And while everyone else treated Soobin like some workplace messiah, you saw him for what he really was—a smug, infuriating know-it-all.
Not that you two hated each other.
But you didn’t exactly get along either.
Your dynamic mostly consisted of him making some dry, borderline condescending comment, and you firing back with an exaggerated eye-roll or a sarcastic comeback. He’d smirk, you’d groan, and that was just how things worked. A never-ending cycle of teasing and bickering, neither of you willing to let the other win.
Soobin was predictable. Reliable. Annoyingly competent.
It was late, and the office was quieter than usual. You were at your desk, trying to focus on the report that had somehow become your life’s work for the past hour, when you heard his aggravating voice.
“Are you done, pretty?”
You froze for a moment, glancing up to see Soobin leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed, his trademark smirk playing at the corners of his lips. The nickname was nothing new.
Pretty. He’d been calling you that ever since you two had crossed paths at the office, and at first, you weren’t sure how to feel about it. It wasn’t exactly a compliment—it didn’t carry the sweetness of an endearment or the weight of a genuine compliment. It was like a tease, a little jab, almost like he was testing you. But at the same time, it wasn’t insulting. It was just... Soobin.
You hated how he knew exactly how to catch your attention with it, how it always made your heart flutter for a fraction of a second, before you could remind yourself that it was just his thing. It wasn’t real. But, in a weird way, you’d gotten used to it
You glanced up to see Soobin leaning casually against the doorframe, his arms crossed, a smirk playing at the corner of his lips.
“Are you ever not done with your work?” you shot back, tapping your pen on the desk. 
He chuckled, unfazed. “It’s called doing it right the first time, but I suppose you wouldn’t know anything about that.”
You rolled your eyes so dramatically it almost hurt. Oh right, I forgot you’re perfect,” You emphasized the sarcasm with a dramatic bow of your head. “Please, Soobin, tell me more about how you manage to single-handedly solve every crisis known to mankind.”
He raised an eyebrow, clearly enjoying the banter. “If only you’d be a little more grateful, maybe I wouldn’t have to save you every time you get in over your head.”
“Save me?” You scoffed, leaning back in your chair. “Please. I’m fine on my own.”
He chuckled again, but this time, the glint in his eyes shifted, the playful edge softening. “Right. But if you need help with that report, you know where to find me.”
“No thanks. I’ll take my chances,” you said, tapping away at your keyboard with a smile of your own.
“I’ll make a note of that,” Soobin said, straightening up. “You sure you’re not just stalling because you know you’re about to hand in something that’s... less than perfect?”
You shot him a glare, but there was no real heat behind it. “Says the guy who’s never even had a typo in his life. Oh, look at me, I’m Mr. Perfect. Do you never get tired of being that person?”
He smiled, the corners of his mouth curving slightly in that way that always seemed to get under your skin. “It’s not my fault I’m good at what I do.”
“Oh, I know,” you muttered, trying to focus on the screen and not the smugness practically oozing from him. “You’re perfect, and I’m not.”
“You…so get me.” He grinned.
With that, he turned to leave, but not before giving you one last teasing glance over his shoulder.
You watched him go, shaking your head. “Asshole,” you muttered, but there was no real malice in the words.
This was just the way things were between you and Soobin. A game of teasing, one-upmanship, and never admitting you might actually enjoy the banter. 
But honestly? It wasn’t all that bad.
Which is why, when your entire career was suddenly hanging by a thread, he was the first person you turned to. Not like you had a choice.
It was simple, really.
You had been furiously typing out your report, but somewhere along the way, frustration got the better of you. What started as a formal document quickly turned into a vent session filled with complaints about your workload, a few choice words about your boss, and some deeply unprofessional thoughts you wished had never been typed out.
Honestly, you blamed your boss. Five new assignments dumped on you when you were barely staying afloat with the ones you already had? Ridiculous. Typing out your grievances directly into the report might not have been the smartest move, but in the heat of the moment, it felt oddly therapeutic.
Of course, that moment of catharsis didn’t last long.
"Meeting. Five minutes," someone called out, snapping you from your thoughts.
You barely had time to process before you were being pulled away.
“What’s this meeting even about? As if we don’t already have a million things to do,” you groaned, slumping into your chair beside Taehyun, your work bestie and unofficial partner in suffering.
He let out an equally exhausted sigh. “Probably something about Yeonjun kicking the copier. Did you hear? It’s broken.”
You scoffed. “That fiend.”
The meeting dragged on longer than expected. And Taehyun was right. After about 10 minutes of actual work, your boss had rambled on endlessly about how, as staff, we should be more responsible for the equipment. By the time you were finally free, you were drained, restless, and already counting down the minutes until the workday ended.
"Any last reports for the boss?" Taehyun asked, stretching as he stood. "I'm heading up there now, so you can pass them to me."
You perked up. “Oh shit! Yeah, hold on—I’ll just quickly print this.”
Without a second thought, you grabbed the freshly printed report and handed it to him.
Taehyun gave you a skeptical look. “You sure you don’t wanna double-check?”
“I already did before the meeting. Have a little faith in me,” you grinned, nudging his arm.
He shrugged. “Alright~ but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
And you wished—desperately wished—you had listened to him.
An hour later, as you finally settled back at your desk and absentmindedly scrolled through your digital files, your heart stopped.
There it was.
A horror story in the form of a report.
Every single frustrated thought, every unfiltered complaint, every passive-aggressive remark you swore you had deleted—all of it had made it into the document you had just handed in.
“Oh my god,” you whispered, your stomach plummeting.
You had just submitted a disaster.
Panic surged through you like a tidal wave, your mind spinning with worst-case scenarios. If your boss read this, you were done. Fired. Blacklisted. Never to be employed again.
And worst of all, it was already in his office.
Your eyes darted around the now-empty office space. It was nearly 7 PM. Most employees had already left.
Except for one person.
Soobin.
Standing near his desk, the company’s golden boy was tidying up, getting ready to leave. He looked up when he caught you staring, raising an eyebrow.
“Why are you still here?” Soobin asked, shoving a folder into his bag as he glanced at you curiously.
You stood frozen a few feet away, your heart pounding.
There was only one way out of this.
You swallowed hard, took a deep breath, and willed yourself to move toward the one person who might—just might—be able to help you.
Even if he was the last person you ever wanted to owe a favor to.
Soobin, the golden boy of the office. The boss’s most trusted manager. The one person who never did anything wrong, who always followed protocol, and who somehow managed to stay in everyone’s good graces. You weren’t sure if you respected him or just found him insufferable.
Actually, scratch that. You definitely found him insufferable. Most of the time.
You weren’t going to ask him for help. Not if it was the last thing you did. You hated asking for help—especially from a marketing kiss-up like him.
God, you really wished Taehyun was still here.
But you had no choice.
You inhaled sharply. “Could you—nevermind.”
Soobin narrowed his eyes. “Could you—just tell me already?” he repeated mockingly, his voice an exaggerated version of your own.
Your nose scrunched in irritation. “I… I need your help.”
That got his attention. He shut his bag, crossing his arms as he leaned slightly against his desk, a smirk creeping onto his lips. “You? Asking me for help? That’s new.”
You groaned, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Don’t make this worse.”
“Oh, I absolutely will, pretty,” he grinned. “Go on, what’s so bad that I,the person you claim to ‘barely tolerate’, am your only hope?”
You gritted your teeth. He was enjoying this way too much.
Taking a deep breath, you glanced around to make sure no one else was in earshot before lowering your voice. “I submitted the wrong report.”
Soobin blinked. “Okay… and?”
“And it wasn’t just the wrong report,” you admitted, voice barely above a whisper. “It had… things in it.”
His brows furrowed. “Things?”
You hesitated, your stomach twisting. “Things that… should never reach the boss’s eyes.”
For a moment, Soobin just stared at you, processing your words. Then, realization dawned on his face. His lips parted slightly before curving into an infuriatingly amused smirk.
“Oh my god,” he murmured, his tone practically dripping with amusement. “You trashed the boss in your report, didn’t you?”
You let out a strangled noise of frustration. “Soobin.”
He barked out a laugh. “No way. No way. This is gold. Absolute gold!”
You wanted to die. Right then and there.
“Are you going to help me or not?” you snapped, crossing your arms.
Still grinning, he rocked back on his heels, considering. “Hmm. What’s in it for me?”
You gawked at him. “Are you serious?”
“Dead serious.” He folded his arms across his chest, tilting his head. “You want me to commit office theft for you? I’d say that’s a huge risk. So…” He leaned in slightly. “What do I get in return?”
Your hands curled into fists at your sides. “You’re unbelievable.”
“Maybe,” he mused, unfazed. “But I’m also your only option, pretty.”
Your eye twitched. You wracked your brain for something—anything—to hold over him. And then, like a gift from the heavens, it hit you.
A slow smirk spread across your face. “Actually… I do have something.”
Soobin’s confident expression faltered for just a second. “…What?”
“Oh, nothing.” You feigned nonchalance, inspecting your nails. “Just a little something I may have overheard in the break room last week.”
His eyes narrowed. “Oh? Like what?”
You shrugged, drawing out the suspense. “Well, I certainly found out that the break room’s c–”
Before you could finish, Soobin lunged forward, clamping a hand over your mouth. His gaze was sharp, his voice low. “Who else did you tell?”
You blinked up at him, feigning innocence. “No one. I promise.”
His jaw tightened. “You’re bluffing.”
“Am I?” You grinned, tilting your head. “I mean… I could always accidentally mention it in the team group chat…”
His eyes darkened slightly. “You wouldn’t dare.”
You raised a brow.
A beat of silence passed.
Then, with a sigh, Soobin dragged a hand down his face. “Fine,” he muttered, clearly defeated. “I’ll help you.”
Victory.
“Great,” you chirped, already grabbing his wrist and pulling him toward the elevators. “Let’s go.”
“You’re the worst,” he grumbled.
“And yet, here you are,” you teased.
Soobin groaned as you dragged him along, but you could see the ghost of a smile tugging at his lips.
The two of you had a long night ahead.
The elevator ride to the top floor was agonizingly slow. You kept fidgeting, glancing at the glowing numbers as they ticked upward, while Soobin leaned against the wall, arms crossed, watching you with mild amusement.
“You look like you’re about to throw up,” he remarked.
“I might.”
“Well, aim it away from me.”
You shot him a glare, but before you could retort, the elevator dinged, and the doors slid open. The two of you cautiously stepped out into the dimly lit hallway. The floor was eerily quiet. Maybe everything was scarier because you were about to commit a crime. Ish.
Soobin moved ahead, peeking around the corner toward your boss’s office. You followed closely behind, your heart pounding.
“Okay,” Soobin whispered. “If the coast is clear, we—”
He suddenly froze, and you nearly bumped into him.
“What? What is it?” you whispered back, but he just nodded toward the office.
You slowly peeked over his shoulder, and your stomach dropped.
The office light was still on.
And through the glass panel, you could see your boss sitting at his desk, deep in conversation with a colleague.
“Shit,” you exhaled.
Soobin turned to you, lips twitching. “Well, this is fantastic news.”
“We wait,” you whispered, pressing yourself against the wall. “He’s bound to leave eventually.”
Soobin sighed, rubbing his temples. “You owe me for this.”
“I know,” you muttered.
And so, the two of you stood in the shadows, eavesdropping and waiting for the moment your boss would finally leave.
The hushed voices from inside the office were clearer than you expected. You had meant to eavesdrop just enough to know when your boss would leave, but instead, you and Soobin were now unintentionally listening in on something way more confidential than either of you had bargained for.
“…Are you sure the data’s accurate?” your boss's voice was low and serious.
“I double-checked the calculations. The margin of error is within acceptable range, but we can’t be hasty about the decisions we’re making next week at the meeting,” your colleague responded.
A silence stretched between them before your boss sighed. “If this gets out, it’s both our heads.”
Your eyes widened. What the hell are they talking about? You turned to Soobin, only to see he looked equally alarmed.
“We should not be listening to this,” you mouthed, but before he could respond–
The door to the janitor’s closet beside you suddenly swung open.
You barely had a second to react before Soobin grabbed you and pushed you aside, his body pressing flush against yours as he shielded you from view. The janitor stepped out, wheeling a mop bucket past the two of you, completely oblivious.
Your breath hitched. Soobin’s chest was solid against you, the warmth of his body seeping through your clothes. His head was angled slightly downward, close, a little too close. He was still focused on the office door, unaware of just how fast your heart was now racing.
But you weren’t looking at the office anymore.
You were looking at him.
Your pulse pounded as you took in the sharp line of his jaw, the way his lips parted slightly as he exhaled. He was so close that you could see the flecks of brown in his dark eyes.
And then—almost as if he sensed it—Soobin finally looked down.
Your breath hitched.
The space between you was nearly nonexistent, your lips just inches apart. You could feel his breath on your skin, warm and steady, and suddenly, the air felt unbearably thick.
Neither of you moved. Neither of you spoke.
Your mind screamed at you to look away, to break the tension, to remind yourself that this was Soobin, the insufferable tease who took far too much joy in teasing you.
But at that moment, he wasn’t teasing. He wasn’t smirking.
He was just looking at you.
You cleared your throat, quickly turning away, “It’s hot, isn’t it?” you said, fanning yourself with your hand. “Is the AC off or something?”
“Well, we are the only ones left in the building,” Soobin said, his voice still close enough that you could feel the words brush against your skin.
You were doing everything you could to ignore how his proximity was affecting you. But it was hard. Way too hard. And then, just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, Soobin’s fingers brushed over your jaw. His touch was so light, so teasing, and then—without warning—he pinched your chin, gently forcing you to look up at him.
“Are you scared?” he whispered, his voice low, almost too soft.
“N-no,” you stammered, trying to turn your head away, but his grip tightened, not allowing you to look anywhere but at him.
“Don’t look away,” he murmured, his voice sending a shiver down your spine.
“S-Soobin,” you managed to get out, breath catching in your throat.
Then, in a move that made your heart stop, Soobin leaned in even closer, so close that your lips were nearly touching. Time seemed to slow, and you felt your breath hitch in your chest. What was happening? Was he going to kiss you?
Your eyes fluttered closed, ready for something you weren’t sure you were prepared for. But just as suddenly as it had started, Soobin pushed you away.
“God, that janitor... was not leaving...” His attention shifted abruptly to the janitor, who had finally wandered into another room.
You blinked rapidly, trying to steady your breath, your heart still racing. 
“Right…the janitor.” You mumbled under your breath.
Soobin turned to you, his gaze mischievous, and a smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. "Wait. Did you think I was going to kiss you?"
You shook your head defensively, voice rising as you tried to put distance between your racing heart and his teasing words. "No!"
But instead of backing off, Soobin took a step closer, closing the space even more. His arms caged you in, pressing you gently against the cool wall, and your breath caught in your throat. He leaned in, his face now dangerously close, his eyes glinting with something that was half amusement, half something darker.
"You’re gonna have to lower your volume there, pretty," he murmured, his breath warm against your cheek. “Unless, of course, you don’t mind them finding out we’re here.”
Your heart racing as he hovered just a breath away, his words lingering like smoke in the quiet room. You were sure you were going to lose your mind if he kept up with this—teasing, so close, his words sinking under your skin. He always knew how to get to you, and right now, it was unbearable.
His lips quirked up again, a playful glint in his eye. “What? You really thought I was gonna kiss you, didn’t you?” he teased, his voice low, mocking. “It’s okay, pretty, I get it. I can be hard to resist.”
Your chest tightened in irritation. You could feel the heat rising to your cheeks as your patience finally snapped.
“Move,” you spat, spinning on your heel and storming off. “You’re being annoying.”
He was right on your heels, his footsteps quick and light as he followed you through the hallway, but you didn’t care. Your mind was racing, anger bubbling up and threatening to spill over. You were done with this ridiculous back-and-forth, this constant teasing.
"Hey, hey, hold up," Soobin called out, his voice a little more serious now, but the usual smirk didn’t leave his face. "Where are you going? Come on, you’re not really upset, are you? I was just kidding."
You didn’t answer him, focusing on your stride as you headed for the elevator. You didn’t need to be around him any longer than necessary tonight. You could just wait downstairs. You could do it alone.
Then, as if on cue, the sound of a door opening caught your attention, and you froze. You caught sight of your boss walking out of his office, followed by your colleague.
And then, without missing a beat, Soobin shoved you back slightly, just enough to send you stumbling into him. His arms wrapped around you, pulling you close as he whispered, “Stay calm.”
Your breath caught as his voice dropped, turning smooth and calm. “I promise, I’ll get you anything you want, baby,” he said, the words coming out in a fake, but believable, tone. You couldn’t help but look up at him, your heart racing from both the sudden closeness and his complete shift in demeanor.
You tried to push him away but found yourself unable to do so, too flustered and caught off guard. Soobin had that effect on you more often than you liked to admit.
He continued, his voice dripping with faux sweetness as your boss and colleague walked past, oblivious to the scene unfolding. “Are you okay, pretty? You look like you’re about to faint,” he said a little louder, the corners of his mouth twitching as he kept up the act.
Your face heated, embarrassment stirring within you. Soobin’s hands were still on your waist, and you could feel his warmth pressing into you as if it were real.
You tried to muster a response, but nothing came out. Instead, you let out a frustrated sigh, your eyes darting away. This was the last thing you wanted to deal with tonight. But Soobin wasn’t making it easy.
“Relax,” he murmured again, his lips barely brushing your ear. “We’ve got this. You’ve got this.”
And as much as you hated to admit it, you couldn’t help but feel a weird sense of relief in his words, even if it was all just a part of the act.
“I just..” You began. “I can’t believe you did that.” You said, acting aloof and distant from your “boyfriend”.
Your boss’s voice echoed through the hallway as he cleared his throat, causing you to freeze in your tracks. You looked up just in time to see Soobin's fake shock as he stepped back, putting himself between you and the oncoming threat that was Mr. Choi.
“Oh, Mr. Choi!” Soobin said, his eyes wide as though he'd been caught in some act of high treason. You, however, were already in full panic mode, ducking behind Soobin's towering figure, hoping the giant wall of him would conceal you.
You were never going to live this down.
Mr. Choi peered over Soobin’s shoulder with a raised brow. “I didn’t think the two of you would still be here,” he said, a casual tone in his voice. 
“I’m sorry, we thought everyone went home.” Soobin grinned, offering a “genuine” apology.
You were practically squished behind Soobin now, your heart racing as you pressed your face into the back of his jacket, praying the ground would open up and swallow you whole.
But your boss was persistent, leaning forward slightly as he caught sight of you behind Soobin’s broad frame. His eyes sparkled with amusement, and a knowing grin spread across his face. “Well, duty calls,” Mr. Choi joked, his eyes shifting between the two of you before he pointed at the both of you, “I didn’t realize the two of you were together.”
You felt the blood drain from your face, and before you could even open your mouth to protest, Soobin smoothly cut you off.
“It’s a recent thing,” Soobin said, his voice smooth like butter, and you could hear the grin in his tone as he glanced back at you with a wink. “Unfortunately, I might have made my beautiful girlfriend a little upset.” He shot you an exaggerated apologetic look, like the world's biggest puppy dog. “I’m sorry for bringing her here. It was the first place I thought of…”
You opened your mouth to object, about to shout, No! This is not happening!, but Soobin held up a hand, cutting you off again.
“I mean,” Soobin continued, pointing to the garden just outside Mr. Choi's office, “Look at this beautiful, romantic garden. Where else would a guy bring his upset girlfriend after a long day at work?”
Your jaw dropped as you stared at him, your eyes wide with disbelief. “You’re unbelievable,” you whispered through gritted teeth, trying to shrink even more into Soobin’s shadow.
Mr. Choi chuckled, clearly enjoying the scene unfolding before him. “Well, if you two really want to be alone,” he said with a mischievous grin, “the eleventh and fourteenth floors are usually... well, uh, pretty free,” he added, his tone playful as he glanced between the two of you. “Guess I’ll just leave you to it. I’ll—uh—see you both on Monday.”
With that, he winked and walked away, leaving you and Soobin standing there, both still in shock from the unexpected turn of events.
“See you Monday, Mr. Choi,” Soobin said, practically glowing now that he had made you the center of attention.
As Mr. Choi walked away, you peeked out from behind Soobin’s back, trying to recover from the embarrassment. “I’m going to kill you,” you muttered under your breath.
Soobin flashed you that smug, knowing grin of his. “Well, if you’re going to be mad at me, pretty, I might as well make it worth your while.”
You rolled your eyes and walked into the office, making sure Mr. Choi had left. The two of you immediately started rummaging through his things, hoping to find the damn report that had put you in this situation.
After all, it was the report’s fault, not yours.
“I’m sure it’s around here somewhere,” Soobin muttered under his breath, his hands moving through the papers with increasing frustration. “I didn’t think this would be how we’d be spending our Friday night.”
Your heart nearly leapt out of your chest when the sound of the door clicking open reached your ears. Panic set in as you froze, and you and Soobin shared a quick glance. Without thinking, you both dove under the desk, hiding just in time as Mr. Choi walked into the room, still chatting on the phone.
"Yeah, I’ll just be another minute, I just forgot my damn car keys," he said casually, pacing across the room as he continued his conversation. You could hear the faint click of his shoes against the floor, and every move felt exaggerated in the suffocating quiet.
You and Soobin were practically inches apart now, hiding under the desk in such tight quarters that you could feel the heat radiating off his body. You tried to keep your breathing quiet, but it felt impossible with your heart pounding in your chest.
“So, what’s the plan here?” Soobin whispered, his voice too loud for your liking in the silent room.
“Shut up,” you hissed, covering his mouth with your hand. “Just… don’t make a sound.”
Mr. Choi continued his phone conversation, oblivious to the fact that two people were currently hiding under his desk, just a few feet away. He was talking about his weekend plans, completely unaware of the chaos brewing underneath him.
"Yeah, I think I’ll check out that new restaurant we talked about," Mr. Choi said, pausing to listen to whoever was on the phone. "I’ll just wrap things up here and be out in a bit."
You held your breath as Soobin shifted slightly, and you had to resist the urge to make a sound when his knee brushed against yours. The confined space was doing strange things to your awareness of his presence, and your heartbeat wasn’t exactly making the situation any better.
“We need to get out of here,” you whispered, more to yourself than to Soobin, but you couldn't stop the awkward tension from mounting.
“I’m not the one who got us stuck under a desk,” Soobin replied, his voice dripping with amusement.
You both remained frozen under the desk, holding your breath as Mr. Choi’s footsteps drew nearer. The air felt thick with tension. Just as you thought you might explode from the anxiety, Mr. Choi's voice rang out, “Ahhh, there they are.”
He was dangerously close now, and Soobin pushed you further into the corner, his arm brushing against your side. You felt his breath against your face, the proximity sending a wave of flustered panic through you.
You didn’t dare move, barely breathing as Soobin’s hands gently rested above yours, trying to steady your racing heart. Time seemed to freeze as Mr. Choi lingered, completely unaware of the two of you hiding under his desk. When he finally left, you let out a sigh of relief, feeling like you had just run a marathon without moving an inch.
“I was going to shit my pants,” you muttered, letting out a nervous laugh.
“Well, you’re going to love me extra for this but,” Soobin teased, his voice still low with the lingering tension. “Guess what?”
“What?”
“I found it.” His voice held a sense of triumph as he reached behind you, pulling the report from the folder.
You grinned widely, throwing your arms around him in a spontaneous embrace. “Oh my god. Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
The two of you stayed there for a moment, still under the desk, the space between you shrinking with each passing second. It was so quiet, so close. Neither of you moved to leave. It felt...comfortable, despite everything. Until the initial warmth of the hug lingered for just a bit too long.
Soobin cleared his throat, breaking the moment.
“Oh, right,” you stammered, quickly trying to pull away, but the movement was a bit too sudden.
“Uh, sorry, I–uh– my watch is caught in your hair,” Soobin said, voice tinged with embarrassment.
You froze, his fingers brushing your hair as he gently untangled his watch. The proximity felt electrifying, too close for comfort, but somehow, you didn’t mind. Your eyes met, just inches away, both of you frozen in the charged air, breathing the same air.
Then, almost instinctively, Soobin’s hand brushed against your cheek as he worked to free his watch. The slight touch sent a shiver down your spine, making your heart race again. You could feel the pull between you, a heartbeat away from something more, something that felt almost inevitable.
But just as his hand finally slipped free from your hair, you both pulled back quickly, the tension thick in the air. Neither of you spoke at first, but the silence carried a weight of what just almost happened.
You both finally crawled out from under the desk, your heart still pounding in your chest. Soobin cleared his throat again, trying to ease the tension. His voice was much lighter now, almost teasing.
“So,” he began, a mischievous grin tugging at his lips. “Let me see what this report you’re so afraid our boss will see says.”
Your eyes widened in panic, and you bolted toward Soobin, practically diving for the report. But of course, Soobin, being annoyingly tall and fast, immediately pulled it out of the folder, holding it just out of your reach.
You tried to grab it again, but he was way too quick for you, effortlessly keeping the report away from your grasp. “Soobin, give it back!” you protested, your voice tinged with desperation.
But he just laughed, scanning through the pages with an amused gleam in his eyes. “Let’s see what we have here…” He began reading aloud, his voice slowly growing more playful.
“‘Mr. Choi is a pain in the ass… He looks like he belongs in the cast of Glee with how theatrical his ass is…He smells like piss and is a fucking–hold on…” Soobin grinned. 
“And what do we have here?’” He snickered, clearly enjoying this a little too much.
You groaned in embarrassment, still trying to grab the folder from him, but Soobin seemed to be enjoying every second of your discomfort. “Soobin, big, stupid idiot? He’s annoying and distracting..Mr and Mrs Choi.” His eyebrows raised in amusement.
Your face flushed crimson, and you quickly covered your face with your hands, cringing at the very real words you’d written. But Soobin wasn’t stopping. His voice softened as he continued to read aloud, now clearly savoring the moment.
“‘The more I think about him… the more I li–’” He paused, his voice growing quieter, a soft smile forming on his lips. Realizing how much he was teasing you, Soobin stopped reading aloud, his gaze flicking to you with a knowing look. But he didn’t finish the sentence out loud. Instead, he silently read the rest in his head, his smile turning a little more sincere.
Your heart skipped a beat. You felt your breath catch in your throat, realizing that you’d just given him a very honest glimpse into your thoughts. You didn't know how to respond at first. He was staring at you with that calm, almost knowing look, his eyes gentle but full of something that made your insides turn to mush.
“Give me that, you… idiot,” you muttered, trying to break the tension. On your tiptoes, you reached up, swiping the folder from his hands. “You shouldn’t go around reading things that don’t belong to you.”
Soobin raised an eyebrow, a smirk playing at the corner of his lips. “Well, my name is in the report,” he teased, still clearly amused by your flustered reaction.
You glared up at him, but your cheeks were burning, betraying your attempt at being serious. “It wasn’t meant for you to see,” you shot back, though the words felt a little weaker than intended. You could feel the heat of his gaze still lingering on you as you clutched the report to your chest, not sure whether to laugh or groan.
You stood there, holding the report tightly to your chest, trying your best to ignore the heat spreading across your face. You could feel the weight of Soobin’s teasing eyes on you, his smirk never faltering. Every time you tried to focus on something else, he’d nudge you, inching closer with that mischievous glint in his eyes.
“You know,” Soobin said, his voice low and teasing, “you’re really cute when you’re embarrassed. I’m almost starting to think you like me or something.” He nudged you again, his shoulder brushing against yours, sending a jolt through your body.
“Shut up,” you muttered, too embarrassed to look at him directly. But the teasing in his voice made it impossible to ignore him. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest, and you desperately tried to maintain some semblance of composure.
But Soobin wasn’t done. He took another step closer, leaning in just enough for his breath to brush against your ear. “I didn’t say I didn’t feel the same way,” he murmured, the words a little softer now but no less teasing.
You blinked, your heart thumping louder in your chest as the situation suddenly shifted. The warmth of Soobin’s body was all around you, the space between you now a mere breath. Before you could process what was happening, he gently but firmly pushed you against the wall, his arms caging you in, trapping you in a way that left you feeling both flustered and exhilarated.
You swallowed hard, trying to steady your racing pulse. “Look, it’s getting late, we should—” You didn’t get to finish your sentence before he interrupted, his voice smooth, teasing, and oh-so-close.
“We should?” He tilted his head just slightly, his lips curling up into that knowing smirk. There was a challenge in his eyes, but it wasn’t the usual playful one. This one felt different.
Your breath hitched, a wave of warmth rushing to your cheeks as you suddenly realized how close he was. You had never been this close to him before (well other than 20 minutes ago when he had pushed you aside to hide), and the way he was looking at you made your insides feel like they were melting. His cologne was intoxicating, and it left you momentarily lost for words. 
“W-we should head home,” you stammered, your voice barely above a whisper as you tried to avoid meeting his eyes.
But Soobin wasn’t backing down. His gaze softened just slightly as he leaned in a little closer, the distance between you two closing with each passing second. “But I finally got to find out how you feel,” he murmured, his breath warm against your face. “Shouldn’t we celebrate a little?”
Your heart skipped a beat. His words hung in the air like a fragile promise, and for a moment, you felt like you were floating. You had to look away, unable to hold his gaze any longer. “I—I didn’t mean for you to read that,” you stuttered, words tumbling out in a jumble of confusion and embarrassment.
But Soobin wasn’t letting you escape that easily. His voice dropped lower, just a touch playful but with an undeniable hint of something more. “You sure do enjoy looking away from me, huh, pretty?”
The nickname—the one you hadn’t really known how to feel about before—suddenly felt different now. It wasn’t just a teasing remark anymore. It was like a subtle confession, like he was reminding you of the very thing you were trying to ignore. Your heart fluttered wildly in your chest, and all you could do was stand there, breathless, your pulse racing as his presence enveloped you.
You didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to respond. Soobin’s teasing tone, combined with the way he held you in place, made it almost impossible to think straight. But before you could even begin to process it, you felt his fingers gently brush against your cheek, guiding your face back toward his.
“Don’t avoid me now,” he whispered, his voice soft but filled with an unspoken desire. His eyes were fixed on yours, intense, searching, waiting for something—a response, a confirmation.
And for once, you didn’t look away.
Soobin's voice broke through the tension between you two, a teasing, yet somehow vulnerable edge to it. “So, pretty, it says here, specifically, that you have feelings for me. Are you going to attest to that?” His eyes glinted with something dangerous.
You froze, unsure of how to respond. The words you’d written, the confession that had slipped out without you even realizing it, were impossible to ignore. 
Your breath hitched as your heart raced, and all you could do was stammer out the question that was on your mind.
“How?” The single word escaped your lips, softer than you intended.
A slow smile spread across Soobin’s face, and the space between you two seemed to shrink even further. His eyes locked onto yours, unwavering. “I can think of a few ways.” His tone was low, smooth, and he took a subtle step closer, his breath just a whisper away from your skin. You could feel the heat radiating from his body, his presence overwhelming in the best way possible.
Your pulse quickened as you felt the weight of his words. Ways? Was he really going there? But before you could react, you found yourself reminded that you were completely trapped, both by the closeness of your bodies and the raw intensity in his gaze.
His hand brushed against your arm, a touch so light it sent shivers down your spine. His fingers lingered there for just a moment, the sensation burning through the fabric of your shirt, drawing you closer into the orbit of his presence. Your breath caught in your throat as he leaned in slightly, his lips brushing just past your ear as he spoke again, his voice barely above a whisper.
“I don’t want to force you into anything, but… if you’re going to admit it,” he murmured, “I’m definitely open to… exploring what comes next.”
The words made your head spin, and despite every ounce of your pride telling you to keep your composure, you felt yourself falter. Soobin’s teasing tone, combined with his unrelenting closeness, left you breathless, caught somewhere between feeling flustered and finally giving in to what you’d been holding back for so long.
You swallowed hard, the words lodged in your throat, unable to escape. “Or we could just go home,” Soobin suggested, his hands slowly leaving the walls as he turned, his voice a little softer, almost reluctant but mainly teasing.
But something shifted inside you—a sudden burst of courage, or maybe it was just the overwhelming feeling of him so close, that you couldn’t ignore any longer. Without thinking, you reached out and grabbed his arms, pulling him back toward you. It might have been the most reckless move you'd ever made—or maybe the best—but in that moment, you didn’t care.
You pulled him in, your lips crashing against his with a sudden urgency. His breath hitched for a second before he kissed you back, just as urgently, as though he'd been waiting for this as much as you had. The kiss was soft, tender at first, and then it deepened, both of you losing yourselves in the moment. His hands found their way to your waist, pulling you against him, the heat between you rising with every second.
You were acutely aware of how his lips felt, the gentle pressure and the way they moved against yours, teasing, but also claiming you in the same breath. Your pulse raced, and you couldn’t help but melt into him. His presence was overwhelming, every inch of him invading your senses. You felt his warmth, the strong beat of his heart against yours, and the way he held you close as if he couldn’t get enough.
You ran your hands along the back of his neck, pulling him closer as the kiss deepened. Your breaths became shallow, struggling to catch air, but you couldn't bring yourself to pull away. Reluctantly, you pulled your hands back, but before you could react, he gently pinned them above your head. His fingers pried open your clenched fists, slowly intertwining your fingers with his, holding you in place.
His hands gripped your thighs, lifting you effortlessly as he pressed you against the wall. You instinctively wrapped your legs around him, straddling his waist. His strength was overwhelming, the heat between you both palpable as your bodies aligned, your breath shallow and quick. You could feel every inch of him, his chest rising and falling with his breaths, his hands steady against your skin.
He gently shifted, guiding you with ease, and before you knew it, he had you placed on top of the desk. His hands slid down to rest against your waist as he intertwined your fingers together, holding you in place.
You didn’t want it to end, but just as the kiss grew more intense, you heard the door click open.
You froze, your heart pounding in your chest as the reality of the situation sank in. The kiss had been abruptly interrupted, and your eyes shot open in panic. Soobin didn't react right away, almost as if he wasn’t as startled as you were.
But then, your gaze flickered to the door, and that’s when you saw him—Mr. Choi, walking in with a slow, amused stride. His eyes widened for a split second, taking in the scene before him.
There you were, straddling Soobin’s waist, your hands still gripping the desk for balance as you both had been caught in a moment that could only be described as far more intimate than either of you had anticipated. Your face flushed with embarrassment as you instinctively pushed yourself off Soobin, your legs unsteady as you dropped to the floor with a soft thud.
Mr. Choi leaned casually against the doorframe, his smirk widening as he observed the scene with amusement plastered across his face, “Well, well,” he drawled, raising an eyebrow, clearly entertained by the mess you’d found yourselves in. “Looks like I’ve walked in on something... interesting.”
Soobin's face flushed with irritation. He straightened up, helping you up from the floor. His glare was sharp as he shot a look at Mr. Choi. 
"For fuck's sake, Beomgyu," he groaned, his voice thick with frustration. "Aren’t you supposed to be on your way home?"
Beomgyu, unfazed, leaned back into the doorframe with a nonchalant grin. "Well, I didn't think there would be two people making out in my office," he teased, clearly enjoying the discomfort in the air.
"Didn't you say you were going home after you got your keys?" Soobin groaned again, clearly annoyed at the interruption.
Beomgyu rolled his eyes, "Were you eavesdropping?" He raised an eyebrow. "Are you forgetting I'm still your boss, you idiot?"
You stood there, utterly confused by the back-and-forth between them. Soobin and Mr. Choi were friends? The whole situation felt surreal.
“Are you two–”
"Oh right. I—" Soobin sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "We're close friends, but I just don’t exactly announce it to the world. I don’t really need the drama."
Beomgyu chuckled, "God, Soobin. I gave you options, the fourteenth and eleventh floor for a reason."
"We had no time," Soobin grumbled, clearly embarrassed.
"Clearly," Beomgyu quipped, gesturing to Soobin's pants, a sly grin spreading across his face.
Your cheeks burned as you quickly glanced down, realizing the situation. You hastily handed Soobin the folder, suddenly feeling incredibly self-conscious. Soobin caught your gaze for a split second, his face flushed with both annoyance and embarrassment, before he used the folder to discreetly cover his “situation”.
Without missing a beat, he whisked you away from the office. "You owe me," he muttered, leaning into Beomgyu’s ear before pulling you toward the door.
"Dude, you’re lucky I’m not firing you," Beomgyu yelled after them, his voice fading as Soobin hurriedly guided you down the hall.
Soobin groaned, still frustrated but trying to keep his composure. "Next time, we’re going somewhere private," he muttered under his breath as he led you to a quieter part of the building.
“Hey, if Mr. Choi was your friend—” you started.
“Beomgyu,” he corrected with a grin, his eyes glinting with amusement.
“Right, Beomgyu…” you trailed off, still processing everything. “Then doesn’t that mean he probably wouldn’t have cared if you were the one who broke the copier?”
Here you were, thinking the leverage you had against him would’ve been enough to get him into trouble. Instead, he was effortlessly getting away with it all because of his close friendship with Beomgyu.
“Yeah,” Soobin nodded nonchalantly, his expression casual as if this was no big deal.
“Then why’d you help me?” you asked, genuinely confused.
Soobin let out a soft laugh, eyes twinkling as he leaned back in his seat. “I thought it was obvious.”
You frowned, still not understanding. “What’s obvious?”
“The fact that I like you,” he said, his voice steady, and his gaze unwavering, holding an almost affectionate warmth. His eyes locked with yours as if it should’ve been obvious all along. “How’re you not getting it?”
“Right.” You nodded, your cheeks heating up, flustered by the realization that had just settled in.
“So naive,” he teased lightly, his tone playful yet sincere. “C’mon, you can’t really believe I’d help you with all that and not have feelings for you.”
“You’d be surprised at how dense I can be,” you mumbled, still trying to piece everything together in your head, unsure if you were fully grasping the situation yet.
“Well, you’re not wrong,” he laughed, leaning in just slightly, his gaze now intense, studying your face with a little more curiosity.
You rolled your eyes, a playful grin tugging at your lips as you gave his arm a gentle punch.
Feigning an exaggerated wince, he groaned dramatically, clutching his arm with over-the-top flair. “Ouch, ouch, ouch. I’m seriously hurt.”
“Stop being dramatic,” you said, fighting to hold back a smile, knowing full well he was faking it.
“It really does hurt,” he continued, his voice dropping an octave, turning the theatrics up as he leaned closer, his eyes sparkling with mischief.
“Oh, really?” You decided to hit his arm again, this time harder, feeling the sting of your own strike as you noticed how close you were now, the tension building between the two of you.
“Ow!” Soobin yelped, his expression shifting to one of mock pain, but the seriousness in his voice was enough to make you pause. 
You panicked, jumping to your feet and immediately hovering over him, your heart racing. “Oh my god, are you okay? I’m so sorry!” You looked down at him, your hands unsure of where to go as you knelt by his side, your voice full of concern.
“It just… it hurts…” Soobin sighed dramatically, his voice dripping with mock sorrow, but there was a glint of mischief in his eyes that you hadn't noticed before. His hand rested on his chest as though he were genuinely wounded, but you could tell by the way his lips curved up that he was enjoying every second of it.
“I’m so, so sorry—” you stammered, flustered by the moment and how close you were to him now. 
“Kiss it better?” Soobin looked up at you, his lips curling into a playful pout, the corners of his mouth twitching with amusement. His eyes held yours, the playful challenge in them unmistakable, daring you to play along.
That’s when it clicked, and you realized he was faking the whole thing. You rolled your eyes, trying to suppress your laughter, ready to nudge him again for his over-the-top act, but before you could, he suddenly grabbed your hand, his fingers locking around your wrist with surprising strength.
He pulled you gently but firmly closer, the space between you shrinking in an instant. His eyes never left yours, and there was an intensity in his gaze now that had shifted from playful to something else—something much more meaningful. You could feel the warmth of his hand against yours.
“Kiss it better?” He repeated, his voice much softer now, and his fingers tightening gently around yours. Without warning, he pulled you down so that you were sitting on his lap.
You froze for a moment, your heart pounding in your chest. “Shouldn’t I be kissing the part that hurts?” you whispered, voice barely above a breath.
Soobin smiled knowingly, his hand sliding around your waist to pull you in closer. “Right now,” he murmured, his lips brushing your ear, “I’m hurting that we didn’t get to finish what we started just now.”
Your heart raced, and you felt the heat rising to your face. “Y-you’re insane if you think I’m going to do anything with you on the rooftop of our workplace,” you stammered, trying to break the intensity of the moment.
You could feel Soobin’s breath against your ear, warm and tantalizing, as his words whispered to you, his voice low and full of playful teasing.
“Then let’s go home right now.”
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cheeseanonioncrisps · 8 months ago
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An adaptation of Sherlock Holmes set in a world in which the fictional character/literary juggernaut Sherlock Holmes, and all the subsequent adaptations thereof, still exist.
Sherlock Holmes (pronounced Holl-mess, as he is constantly reminding people) just had the misfortune of having parents who really liked the books, and his attitude towards his fictional counterpart is pretty much the same as that of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.
Sherlock runs a Youtube Theory channel called Mysteries Unwrapped with Sherlock Holmes. He has received no less than seven cease and desist letters from the Conan Doyle estate, all of which he has so faded managed to rebuff by pointing out that that's literally his name.
(No he won't change his name. He's Sherlock Holmes the real live human person. Let Sherlock Holmes the non existent fictional character change his name.)
John is Sherlock's flatmate. Sherlock almost refused to live with him once he realised that it would mean staying with a medical student named John, and only gave in once John pointed out that: a) he's a biomedical student, which is completely different from an md, and b) his surname isn't Watson.
It's now been three years, which is long enough for them to have developed a genuine friendship, and for John to have a) started working towards his PhD in biotechnology, and b) for him to start dating somebody with the surname Watson.
Sherlock can feel the narrative closing in.
His Youtube channel is meant to be focused on lost media, fan theories and stuff like that, but he keeps accidentally stumbling upon and then solving genuine crimes.
His brother Mycroft may or may not have chosen that name after he transitions specifically to annoy him.
He doesn't even live in London, but somehow the only flat they could afford was on a street named fucking Baker Street.
Sherlock Holmes and the Unescapable Power of the Narrative.
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balrogballs · 8 months ago
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i'm a writer irl (can't say who because my agent would rightfully put me into a blender and press the button if i go and out myself as "balrogballs") and honestly the funniest and most humiliating incident of my life was the time my finished manuscript triggered a plagiarism flag with the publisher for two lines of prose in my literary fiction novel...
.... which was word for word similar to a paragraph in a certain explicit work on FFN starring elrond and his batsman from the hobbit films, aka that one elf that looked like he ate panic attacks for breakfast (i forget his name but it's Figwit II) where the lord of imladris bends said twink over his writing desk and gives him the battering ram treatment.
and if you think i had to sit in front of one if the biggest publishing companies in the world and admit that it was, in fact, me who wrote the fic where the lord of imladris bends said twink over his writing desk and gives him the battering ram treatment in order to avoid being wrongly flagged for plagiarism, you would be absolutely correct.
(yes they published the book)
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foerchen · 3 months ago
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IN THE BATCAVE
Bruce: *sitting at Batcomputer minding his own business*
Jason: *getting ready for patrol*
Dick: *asks nicely*
Dick: Jay, could you hand me my escrimas?
Jason: *deadpans*
Jason: Go get them yourself, Dickface.
Tim: *walks in*
Tim: Jason, could you toss me my bo staff, please?
Jason: *no hesitation, tosses Tim his bo staff*
Dick: *shooketh*
Dick: Why do you help him and not me??? I'm your big bro, Little Wing!
Jason: Middle children have to stay together.
Dick: *confused af because Jay and Tim are his only brothers*
Tim: *curious*
Bruce: *frozen before turning around slowly*
Dick: Jason, you're the only middle child... right?
Jason: *laughs nervously*
Jason: Oh, would you look at that! Crime Alley is calling my name!
Jason: *runs*
---
SOMEWHERE IN NANDA PARBAT
Damian: *sneezes*
Damian: Somebody mentioned me.
---
LATER THAT EVENING
Talia: *on the phone with Bruce*
Talia: What! Me?! Hide a child of yours?!
Talia: *looks at Damian and a picture of Jason*
Talia: Never, Beloved.
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willow-scorp · 3 months ago
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Loving the idea of the batbros being so overly protective of each other especially Tim. specifically when he starts dating and the idea of him having sex or god forbid KISSING someone comes up. (As if he hasn't gone through like half of the young justice team) They are less than okay with it all..
Tim: Bruce I want to invite kon over for dinner is that okay?
Bruce: that's fine but is there any particular reason you're asking me instead of him just showing up like usual?
Tim: be wants a more formal 'meet the parents' dinner.
Bruce: oh? So you're dating?
Tim: ya, for a couple months now.
Bruce: well that's great I'm happy fo-
Jason from across the cave: WHAT?!?!
-----
Later that night at dinner
Jason, and dick staring daggers at kon
Bruce, surprisingly the most calm about all of this: so, how did this relationship come about?
Kon: it kinda just happened I think. We both liked each other for a while
Tim: ya I don't think we realized until the spin the bottle game tho
Dick*MAJOR SPIT TAKE*
Jason: YOU DEFILED MY BROTHER??!?
Kon, sweating, crying, throwing up:
Damian with his phone out: theres kryptonite in the second cabinet Todd!!!
There is now a video circulating of Bruce Wayne's kids attacking Lex Luthor's son and it creates such a huge scandal that in order to calm things down Kon and Tim have to announce their relationship so the public doesn't think these billionaires'families are going to kill each other. They get labeled as the romeo and Juliette of gotham/metropolis
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fanaticalthings · 11 months ago
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Bruce Wayne except he texts like an ominous boomer
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
wdym you can't tell if he's threatening them?
Based on this post by @mysterycitrus :)
<- Prev Masterlist Next ->
Bonus:
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Happy birthday, Tim 🥰
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everwalldigan · 7 months ago
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Hear me out: Robin Dick would be the biggest Bruceman supporter and shipper.
This boy hates any of Bruce’s love interest with a passion because then his dad guardian spends less time with him and that’s obviously UNACCEPTABLE, SCANDALOUS even, so when rumours start circulating that Bruce Wayne is in a relationship with the Batman, he jumps right on the wagon.
Reporter, thirsty for a story: Mr Grayson what do you think about the rumours that Bruce Wayne is dating the Batman?
Dick: What do I think about my dads you mean? My very married very taken dads? My very faithful to each other plural dads?
He would fuel the rumours both as Robin and as Dick Grayson, punching criminals for talking bad about Wayne enterprises as Robin (“THAT’S MY STEPDADS COMPANY YOURE TALKING ABOUT!”). He would be on online forums all day talking about how Bruceman is the only Batman ship that makes sense and Doxxing people who disagree.
Bruce is so exasperated because this is happening at a time where only Alfred and Dick know his real identity so he can’t even do anything with ANYONE without making either Bruce Wayne or Batman look unfaithful.
Throw Reporter Clark Kent into the mix who has been sent to scope out the Bruceman story, who Bruce makes the mistake of flirting with at a gala. Both Clark AND dick are scandalised.
Dick, making a scene: HOW COULD YOU! BATMAN IS WAITING FOR YOU AT HOME AND YOURE HERE FLIRTING WITH SOME… SOME REPORTER??
Bruce, sighing: Dick-
Dick, tugging on Bruce’s suit and looking up at him with fake tears in his eyes: Dad, are you and dad getting a divorce? :(
Clark, panicking: NO NO THEYRE NOT GETTING A DIVORCE PLEASE DONT CRY
Meanwhile:
Bruce, crying in the corner: he called me dad
He would even go as far as insisting that Robin is his step sibling
Principal: how do you explain that whenever Robin is injured, Dick fails to show up at school the next day?
Dick: Robin and I are twins :) so when he’s injured I’m injured too and we have to stay home together!!
Bruce, whispering: I’m sorry, they’re not really twins but neither I or Bats have the heart to tell hem
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anyknotrants · 7 months ago
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Dick: wait- does this mean that the og JL is just one big family at this point?
Bruce: ... what?
Dick: I mean- I married Wally, who's now leaglly Barry's and Hal's, which makes them your in-law. Jason married Roy, which makes Oliver your in-law, and the rest of you are dating a Super, I feel like that does make the JL a family business
Bruce: ...
Bruce: nO-
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