#Attachment styles

[avonne-writes]

https://www.tumblr.com/avonne-writes/751033357048152064/this-might-be-a-weird-compliment-but-i-love-the

i could see them being nervous for different reasons, bucky because he wants it to be good for gale and wants him to enjoy it and he’s worried he won’t be good (basically what u touched on in ur fic haha) and gale maybe would be more insecure in like a vulnerable way? if that makes sense? like he would also be nervous that he wouldn’t be good but in a different way ugh i’m not making sense.

Hahaha, I understand 😄

Bucky is mostly nervous about how well he does, Gale is nervous about how he's perceived. One is performance-focused anxiety, the other is self-focused.

Not to get too angsty, but I think this difference makes sense in context of their attachment problems too. Bucky has some issues related to anxious attachment - he’s clingy, jealous, has a fear of abandonment, seeks intimacy and is emotionally dependent on others (Gale and his mom). This fuels his idea that if he’s doing well enough, he gets to keep Gale. So his nerves are mostly focused on performance.

Meanwhile, Gale shows signs of disorganized attachment - he wants to love and be loved (so much), but he has a strong fear that the people closest to him will hurt him. He’s scared of intimacy but craves it at the same time. He expects disappointment/rejection/hurt but still puts himself through the experience in the hopes that he’ll be proven wrong. In this case, he thinks he’ll either be desirable enough to be loved or he’ll be rejected.

Obviously, these issues are sometimes stronger, other times almost nonexistent, and the boys are getting better too, so I'm not saying that they were anxious, fearful messes during their first time, this is just an explanation of the shades of their nervousness 😊

In general, they had a sweet first time and had fun, even though it was fumbling and awkward.

[guiltyidealist]

Latest hobby: radical self-acceptance codependency affirmations

I like to use over-the-top edgy imagery to invoke the ~emo~ sentiments we associate with edge, juxtaposing the aggressively self-loving text. accentuates the punk nature of radical acceptance

[theambitiouswoman]

Attachment Styles in Relationships

Attachment styles are the ways people feel and act in relationships, based on their early experiences with parent or guardian. There are four main types:

Secure Attachment:

Healthy: Feeling comfortable with your partner and being able to share your feelings and needs openly. Trusting them and supporting each other without feeling overly worried about the relationship.

Unhealthy: Becoming overly dependent on your partner, feeling anxious or upset if they spend time away, or constantly seeking reassurance and validation.

Anxious Attachment:

Healthy: Expressing your emotions and needs to your partner, and valuing emotional closeness. Feeling secure when your partner reassures you and staying connected during difficult times.

Unhealthy: Constantly worrying about your partner leaving you, feeling jealous and possessive, or becoming too clingy and demanding in the relationship.

Avoidant Attachment:

Healthy: Valuing your independence and personal space while still being supportive and caring toward your partner. Understanding your emotions and expressing them in a balanced way.

Unhealthy: Pushing your partner away emotionally, avoiding discussions about feelings or conflicts, or being emotionally distant and unavailable.

Disorganized Attachment:

Healthy: Recognizing and addressing past traumas, working on building trust and emotional stability.

Unhealthy: Reacting impulsively or unpredictably in relationships due to unresolved traumas, struggling with forming and maintaining deep emotional connections, or experiencing extreme emotional highs and lows.

[softgrlfriend]

same old story

[exclusivelyhomosexual]

Disorganized (aka fearful-avoidant) attachment style is overanalyzing/overcorrecting when you think your partner might be pulling away from you, but then pulling away from them when they draw close to you.

It is both craving AND fearing intimacy so deeply that you grip people tight in your hands lest they leave you, but keep them at an arms length lest they love you.

[with-reverence]

Unresolved abandonment is the root of self-sabotage.

Susan Anderson, The Journey From Abandonment to Healing

[slivincptsd]

[protectcosette]

[lycheeteeni]

Foolish girl

Foolish girl, did you not learn from the past

To never chase, never go too fast?

Slow your pace, for in your race,

You’ll hit hard on your face.

Foolish girl, did I not warn you then,

That the toxic cycle will not end,

‘Til you see the signs, know when to run,

Devalued and discarded, you were only fun.

Foolish girl, you dwell on hopeless souls,

Through trials and tribulations, you take the toll,

Forging ahead, no regard for your own,

He will tear you down to the flesh and bone.

Foolish girl, why are you in shock?

His heart bound by chain and lock.

Have you no dignity, no shame,

Your efforts futile, hopes he’ll maim.

Foolish girl, no deficit of better men,

For your wounds fester, inside your den.

Wake up, and see this isn’t new,

Good years, you only have a few.

04-16-24

JI

🩹❤️‍🩹

[autopsyfreak]

my attachment style is both anxious and avoidant.

i have a hard time expressing that i care about you but don’t you dare leave me

[windudemon]

attachment styles and 16 types

entp, entj, estp and estj are dismissing avoidants. they will basically won't need a deep connection more than a single person. they can have many, many "friends" though and they can absolutely enjoy their presence and have MORE fun/productivity with them but their relationship with these "friends" will be "emotionally superficial". they simply do not see the point of being "vulnerable" with people except that one person. in fact, they don't really want others to be vulnerable with them either. they will play with you and have fun with you in the moment but don't ask them their deepest darkest secrets or something. they won't tell you. they will change the subject. they will "dismiss" your deepening attempts of emotional connection. they don't need your emotional support. they deal with negative emotions not by sharing them but focusing on new positive experiences whether that's drinking or bungee-jumping or speeding or trolling others or working hard for their goals.

esfp, enfp, enfj and esfj are secure types. they won't avoid expressing their emotions. they LIKE expressing their emotions. if somebody make fun of that, it's them being assholes and evil and stuff so that will change nothing for exfxs. basically they got the biggest emotional balls and do not feel like they should protect themselves. naturally therefore their attachment style is secure. they are not guarded.

istp, intp, intj and istj are fearful avoidants. these types deep down need and like and want emotional support. all these types are duals of secure ones in socionics for that reason. but yeah, they are very afraid they will get the opposite of the support so their general attitude when it comes to emotional attachments is an avoidant one. secure types and their open and direct and emotionally/ethically-non-cryptic ways will encourage them to come out of their shells.

infp, infj, isfj and isfp gets preoccupied / anxious attachment style. like secure ones, they also want to create emotionally deep connections but their feelings are more fragile so any kind of rejection will make them take two steps back. but if you are nice, they will come closer and closer and closer. how to explain these types and dismissive avoidant ones are duals in socionics though? i think these types perceive dismissive avoidants even more anxious about feelings than themselves and in a way they are right too. so they empathize with them so they take their time so they use the best method to emotionally approach dismissive avoidants.

visit my main blog @ demonwindu.wordpress.com

[alilarew23]

this is soooo loa-ditch-the-old-self-coded. i fucking love the phrase “tipped over in the middle of invention.” be brave enough to persist in your invention.

[theambitiouswoman]

If you know me, you know I am obsessed with neuroscience. I devour countless articles and never miss an opportunity to dive into a book on the topic. I recently came across this, and found it very interesting!

Both attachment and deep love light up different parts of the brain. Attachment mostly uses a part of the brain that's connected to bonding, and chemicals called oxytocin and vasopressin help with this. On the other hand, deep love activates the pleasure and reward parts of the brain. The chemical called dopamine makes us feel really good and excited when we're in love.

You can be very close in a not so good relationships. You might be really attached, but it doesn't mean there's real love or respect between you.

You can feel deeply attached without really being truly in love. Attachment is a bond created with someone based on shared experiences (good or bad), dependency or habit. Experiencing big moments in life together, like moving houses, can bring you closer, even if it's not about love but make it hard to let go for this reason.

Love means having strong and deep feelings towards someone, from really admiring them to deeply caring for them. It's about feeling connected, caring, and drawn to someone. You can have love without attachment. You can care deeply about someone without needing them around all the time. Some believe it's good to love without being too clingy or controlling. So, yes, it's possible to love someone without always being attached to them.

[spicywaterwombat]

Reminder to self: The goal is not to be free of insecurity or imperfection *before* building relationships. The goal is to learn how to own and work through insecurity *while* being vulnerable with the people you love.

[agent-troi]

you know what i’m actually gonna start a poll about this:

poll for scully’s will be in the reblogs

[sunyee]

dealing with abandonment issues is so draining. its so jarring. i hate putting people i love through this. its like going into a blind rage, having no common sense when those feelings hit you like a truck. no one ever wins. if i convince myself someone is going to leave, its like written in stone, even if this person countlessly proves themselves, even if they show me they wont leave in the moment, my brain convinces me that if they dont leave now, they will soon, its just a matter of time. like what the fuck man, what wires are missing in my head. i wish i was a better person, i work on these issues, and when they dont surface for a while it feels like i've completely healed. only for the disappointment to be astronomical when they eventually resurface with potency, like it was charging in hibernation. idk anymore man, people underestimate how fucked abandonment issues are.