#Batfam incorrect quotes

[shyjusticewarrior]

Damian, age 8: I am familiar with carpentry and I don't know who my father is. So am I the messiah? I don't know, I could be, I'm not ruling it out.

[frappegoddess]

"Lex Luthor is racist" Striking accusations from local billionaire and bachelor, Bruce Wayne.

(A headline from Gotham Gazette, after an inebriated Brucie Wayne, complained he was racist after Lex Luthor said his child couldn't come into the bar)

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Reporter: Mr. Wayne, do you really believe the that the backlash Lex Luthor received was justifiable?

Brucie, who is again, drunk af: LexCorp shoulda crumble waaaayyyyy sooner, was about time. S'not just my son, but Superman too! They have some beef that goes beyond Superman foiling his plans, it's cuz he's an alien.

Reporter: Why do you believe that is Mr. Wayne?

Brucie: Cuz Superman is ten times hotter than he is :)

Reporter: Are you outwardly expressing your interest in the Metropolitan hero? Does this mean your cheating on Batman.

Brucie: Nah, I'm just his sugar daddy.

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Clark, hearing this from the Watchtower: *Head in his hands, blushing profusely*

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Word of this gets back to the Justice League, hilariously, through their sidekicks, further solidifying the theory that Batman and Superman are dating.

[salmonchan]

Batfamily as Ukrainian news from Regionality because I want to show this gem to english-speaking audience too. And I translated everything as much as I could so you don't have to :]

I swear Im gonna do a similar one but with Ukrainian petitions they are even more hilarious (please tell me it's funny)

[ryemiffie]

More quotes from my day as batfam incorrect quotes to amuse you lot:

Tim: So frankly I think you need to do some major self-evaluating.

Jason: Hm. Do you wanna see something cool?

Tim, just looking so done: Sure.

Jason:

Tim:

Jason:

Tim: Was it you not giving a fuck?

Jason: It was me not giving a fuck, yeah.

[batfambrainrotbeloved]

Batfam quotes as quotes from my dnd group (part 6)

Damian:"According to Jon- I have a good soul, but I do bad things and I really need to stop that"

Bart:“Do you have any… cheese”? Tim:“You just want a wheel of cheese”? Bart:“No a plate- i'm civilized” Cassie:"Thats debatable..." Kon:"Just get the man his cheese"!!

Duke:“I got hit by a car, physically with my body”

Jason:“You gotta start conditioning yourself with day drinking” Roy:“Alcoholism IS the answer” Steph:“They are dicks and think they are better than me which makes them horrible people” Damian:“If he says that again ill kill him-” Tim:“He's not joking, he has a history of trying to kill his siblings” Damian:“And I don't plan to stop”

Jason, yelling into GPS: "Locate punk ass bitch"

Dick:“Sure I was tipsy, but there was a girl doing cocaine in the bathroom- Bruce:"..." Dick"SO- I think me dropping a wine glass is the least of their problems”

Babs:"It took multiple people to explain to these boys… they aren't even men"

[thrushforreal]

Trace: Well, Duke, you know what they say. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

Duke: I am aware, please let me in.

Trace: No, this is your stupid prize. *closes penthouse window just before Duke gets hit with a glittery blue paintball*

Duke: Damnit, it just had to be Dick.

*knocking on the window, Duke looks at it to see Trace holding up a paper to it.

Trace:*written* Best be on your way, B is coming this way, and you know what he'll have you do if he finds out all of you are playing paintball tag on patrol again.

Duke: Shit *grapples away*

Trace: ...Okay, Damian. You can come out now.

[incorrect-batfam-quotes-mostly]

Bruce, during a family meeting: this is just a reminder therapy is covered by our health insurance plan

Tim: why do you always look at me when you say that

[elecilaombre]

Tim * holding a can of Pepsi * : Do you guys want some Pespi ?

Jason* laughing* : Some what ?

Tim : Pespi .

Duke : It's PePsi not PeSpi Timmy.

Tim : That's what I said Pespi.

Tim : Pespi

Duke : Please would you...

Tim * interrupting Duke * : Pespi

Tim * shrugging* : It's normal it's because I'm ambidextrous.

Damian : Ambidextrous ?

Stephanie * chirping in* : He means Bisexual !

Dick * at the same time * : He means bilingual !

Bruce * tired dad™* : He means he has dyslexia.

[91-1lover]

What if Damian and Tim love each other and even like? It's just more of a situation "Manipulating others is easier ". Maybe an example will help;

Damian: Father, May I go to Zoo today?

Bruce:No Damian, you're grounded.

Tim:Oh, that's bad. I could go with you to take photos of otter, but if you are not going I think I will stay too. What's a zoo without company. Maybe I will go with Kon next week.

Bruce *Super happy in a moment of thinking his youngest kids getting along*: If you two agree not to kill each other, Damian can go

Tim and Damian:*Knowing looks*

Or situation like;

Tim who has abandoned issues and is having fear of people leaving him: Dick is mad at me. Can you stab me so he will be in his mother hen mode Instead?

Damian who would like to have 5 minutes of peace from Grayson: Say no more

[goodoldfashionedengineer]

The only time when all the batkids will work together in perfect harmony is to prank Bruce.

And for the best prank all they needed was a few label makers.

Labels are put on everything.

On every mug, on every plate, on every bandaid package.

The chocolate bars are labeled "BatSnack".

The fruits become "Batana", "Batricot" and "Batermelon".

Every button on the microwave, every key on the keyboard, it all gets a label.

"Batstop button", "Batstart button", "Bat-A-key", Bat-Enter-key".

Bruce's desk isn't simply the "Batdesk". It is the "Batwood construction surface".

There is a label beneath the desk too.

Originally named "underside of Batwood construction surface".

It takes days, weeks, months to remove all the labels.

Until one day, when Bruce makes a few new installations in the cave.

Surely some higher being is laughing at him right now, Bruce thinks, as he pulls of the last one.

"Batceiling"

[shyjusticewarrior]

Jason: I am not doing two step verification. They can just hack me.

[strawberry-forest-does-stuff]

[ktkat99]

Anytime Damian is upset with Alfred for whatever reason, he does thing that he THINKS normal rebellious kids do.

Dick- Damian, what are you doing

Damian, not even looking up- Pennyworth grounded me from patrol until I've recovered. Therefore, I am playing my DS on the couch all day.

Dick- Wow. Really sticking it to the man, aren't you?

Damian- I could be reading a book right now. Something that could benefit my future. But nooooo. I'm acting out.

Jason- Dude, just stop

Damian- Why? We all know his favorite part of dinner preparation is chopping the vegetables. Imagine his face when he finds that everything has already been diced to perfection?

Jason- ... I'm going to have to teach you how to egg houses, aren't I?

*Taylor Swift playing over the speakers throughout the entire manor*

Bruce- Alfred, what's with the music?

Alfred- Master Damian intends to annoy me into letting him patrol tonight.

Bruce- And you... don't like Taylor Swift?

Alfred- He believes that we all enjoy Bach as much as he does.

Alfred- Master Dick is currently convincing his other siblings to take the opportunity to throw a dance party

[arrowmaker15]

(Red Hood and Red Robin sitting on a rooftop while on patrol)

*silence*

Red Hood: Wanna fake a fight to make B think I'm turning back into a supervillain?

Red Robin: Oh, definitely.

[nightwolf14292]

I like to imagine that if any of the Bat-Kids are out in public, whether they be getting food, shopping, patrolling, just walkin' around, whatever, that if they see the Bat-Signal pop on it's an unspoken rule between the siblings that they have to throw on their costume and try and find/deal with the trouble before Bruce gets there. Just to annoy him.

Batman: "Commissioner Gordon! I got here as fast as I could.. What's the situation?"

Commissioner Gordon: "Oh, Batman, thank you for coming.. It's alright, though, it's already been taken care of by these fellows."

*Gestures to the side where there's a couple of muggers sitting tied up next to Nightwing(He has pink, glittery shopping bags hanging all over his arms), Red Hood(He's rummaging through the bags Nightwing is holding, trying to find the black nail polish he just bought to touch up his nails after the fight), Red Robin(He's sipping a cup of coffee that he accidentally stole because he ran out of the cafe so quickly that he forgot to pay), and Robin(He's chowing down on a kids' meal from Bat-Burger)*

Batman: ...

Batman: *Subtle annoyed glare*

[tims-missing-spleen]

I remember seeing someone say that Bruce wouldn't deny the Batman allegations. Like he will proudly tell everyone he is most definitely the Batman whenever he's asked, and it would actually do wonders with keeping the secret hidden.

Like it would be more suspicious than anything if billionaire playboy Brucie Wayne so adamantly denied any connection to the vigilante.

And yeah, so i was thinking what would his kids think about it? like they get asked during interviews and whatnot what they think about their dad being Batman.

I feel like Dick would just play along and say some shit like "if B is Batman, then I'm Nightwing" and get a look from the man

And Jason would take any opportunity to shit on B and say something along the lines of "B's Batman? I call bullshit. He's not even a man"

Tim would either:

a. pull up a 99 slided presentation about how Bruce Wayne is, in fact, NOT Batman and be internally laughing the whole time cause he is funny, and people just dont know what they're talking about.

Or b. (only when he's been up for a few days) confirm it and go "Well yes, of course he is. It'd be weird if he wasn't since the cave's under the house."

Cassandra would just smile and stare into the person's soul until they move on onto the next question.

Steph would deny it and claim that she's Batman and that Bruce is her Robin. She'd probably also manage to convince a few people to join her.

Duke would be like "He's Batman? Ohhh that explains the explosives I found in the cellar!" or something else, just as worrying.

Damian would just nod and go into a full length speech about how Batman is the best superhero (after Nightwing of course) and completely disregard the question. And before anyone can re-ask, he'd just walk off.