#damian is a fox

[1alchemistart]

dont got much to offer for The Holiday but have these sillies!

happy valentines day :D

[incorrectbatfam]

What does Tim say when people ask about his spleen?

Damian: I am updating my blackmail records. Tell me what happened to your spleen in its full hilarity.

Tim: I donated it to a sickly orphan.

Damian: You win this round.

———————

Tim: I have to be careful, I lost my spleen.

Carrie: How?

Tim: Aliens.

———————

Tim: I'm zero percent spleen and fifty-nine percent pizza sauce.

Helena: Zero percent spleen?

Tim: Yep. On the bright side, they named a disease after me.

———————

Luke: I've designed nanotech vitals trackers to be implanted on our spleens.

Tim: Oh, no thanks. I don't have one.

Luke: You don't have a spleen?

Tim: It wasn't paying rent so I evicted it. Lazy freeloader.

———————

Barbara: Why does your chart say you're missing a spleen?

Tim: I made a deal with the devil but I had a discount code so instead of my soul I just needed to sell a non-essential organ.

———————

Steph: What happened to your spleen? Are you okay?

Tim: I'm fine. It's taking an extended gap year.

———————

Harper: So... can I ask about your spleen?

Tim: Yeah, don't worry. I was part of a failed science experiment.

Cullen: What'd they do?

Tim: They injected me with a serum that was supposed to make me indestructible. But instead all I got were a spleen removal and chronic insomnia. And a free T-shirt.

Cullen:

Harper:

Cullen: Was it a nice shirt?

———————

Dick: What do you mean you don't have a spleen?!?

Tim: It was confiscated by airport security.

———————

Tim: Happy Pride! My spleen finally came out of the closet. And by closet I mean my body.

Kate: Diversity win.

———————

Tim and Jason: *arguing*

Jason: At least I still have my spleen!

Tim: It's genetic!

Jason: Sucks to be you.

Tim: We have the same dad. It could happen to you too.

Jason, scoffing: Whatever.

Jason, internally: Oh shit, he's right. I need to see Leslie.

———————

Tim and Bette: *sparring*

Bette: *hits Tim*

Tim: Ow. Time out. That was my spleenhole.

Bette: ...How?

Tim: It took a trip to the Titanic in a soup can with a Playstation controller.

———————

Duke: Since when did you have that scar?

Tim: Since losing my spleen last year.

Duke: How do you lose a spleen?

Tim: You forget to cherish it.

———————

Cass: ?

Tim: I digested it.

———————

Selina: You know I have to tell Bruce about this.

Tim: Okay, fine.

Tim: I had to get it removed as a kid after falling into a well of bats.

———————

Bruce: Tell me what happened to your spleen so Alfred and Leslie can give you the proper treatment.

Tim: What do you mean?

Bruce: Everyone's been telling me you don't have it.

Tim: Well, I do, so...

Bruce: Alright, I'll have a talk with them about bad taste pranks.

———————

Alfred: You can't keep the truth from me, Master Tim.

Tim: Assassins stole it.

Alfred: I wasn't born yesterday. Now what really happened?

Tim: ...

[bruciemilf]

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Damian is 3, looking at Ra’s steel gaze. There’s a tragedy to his grandfather that’s his alone. He wonders if it’ll ever soften.

“Powerful.”

-

“Damian,” Baba’s voice is very different than Batman’s. It’s so soft it could crack the world in two. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Damian thinks about Bruce holding someone’s hand with his broken fingers after a patrol.

He thinks about Bruce forgiving his mother. For everything, and anything.

He thinks about the meals left on Todd’s doorstep. He thinks about his siblings. He thinks about his father loving a world that doesn’t love him back.

He thinks about Bruce.

“Kind.”

[garpen]

PT. 3

Dick won the fight. Bruce won the bet.

<<Part Two<< Master List >>Part Four>>

[hehether]

Power of rainbow 🌈

[myrefugeblog]

This episode fucking hurts, but look at them 💜

There is nothing wrong and everyone is happy.

[yuinterrobangapologist]

Bruce is coparenting literally all this children.

He coparents Dick with Clark.

He coparents Jason and Damian with Talia

He coparents Tim with Lady Shiva

He coparents Steph with her literal mom

He coparents Barbara with her literal dad

He coparents Duke with Luke

Cass is like the only child that he is the sole custodian over lol.

From now on I absolutely headcanon that Bruce has shared custody with all of them but Cass and has to constantly remember pick up and drop off times for 7 different children across 6 coparents.

(Yes I choose to believe Bruce must pick up and drop off his adult children as well fight me)

[glitter-stained]

Bats and Birds jobs headcanons that I will defend with my life, mostly from my civilian AU:

Barbara: works at a library, will hack your company to help you figure out flaws in the system for money on the side

Dick: retired Olympic gymnast, gymnastic teacher

Cass: part time professional wrestler, in a duo with Steph

(Edit edit: it has been pointed out to me that some people just don't like feelings which I didn't consider, so I did take off the therapy part because she wouldn't want to do it, but I still think it would be so interesting to see her volve about it)

Jason: writer (novelist + ao3, he has the range), part time barista at some point

Steph: definitely works part time at a movie theatre, I also picture her being a professional wrestler for some reason, in a duo with Cass

Tim: unclear if he's doing freelance investigation journalism or private detective work but either way he likes figuring stuff out (it's a lot of cheating husbands and he doesn't dislike it)

Duke: escape room owner and designer, the trickiest puzzles in the American continent, and each room has incredible aesthetics and personality even though people complain about how difficult they are.

Damian: professional painter, volunteers at the animal shelter every day.

Bruce: trophy wife

Harper: whatever the fuck Michael Reeves has going on

Cullen: editor (Jason's professional AND ao3 beta but neither has any idea the three identities are connected)

Lucius Fox: CEO of Wayne enterprise

Luke Fox: mechanical engineer

Kate Kane: rich heiress, competitive MMA fighter when she feels like it

[faiya9996]

WAYNE FAMILY ADVENTURES IS BACK BABYYY!!! well almost

But they're doing a bunch of mini episodes before season 3's release and I have currently inhaled them like food.

Duke's stating the obvious.

And Tim's into good old stalker mode.

Good times

[reineydraws]

🌇 dinner atop a skyscraper 🌆

(bruce and luke both spotted the drone babs sent up to take a photo of them haha)

[dio-icarticaae]

The Batfamily waiting for Duke and Bruce in the Batcave in episode 116 of Wayne Family Adventures.

[lilsoupboiii]

Some of my personal favorite panels from s3 of Batman: Wayne Family Adventures so far

[incorrectbatfam]

The batfam as people I've encountered at concerts

Dick: the guy who brought a bunch of dollar store beach balls to toss into the crowd

Jason: the dude who shoved his way to the front of the pit just to flip off the security guards

Tim: the guy who "accidentally" spilled his drink on someone wearing a Republican shirt at a Green Day show

Damian: the little kid who really shouldn't have been there

Duke: the substitute guitarist who was just some mildly talented dude they picked from the audience

Cullen: Billie Joe Armstrong's Gen Z doppleganger

Stephanie: the girl that crowdsurfed five times in a row

Cassandra: the lady who bit someone in the armpit

Barbara: the woman whose friend bailed so she brought her Uber driver

Harper: whoever gave me a black eye while moshing

Carrie: the girl who brought a K-pop light stick to My Chemical Romance

Kate: the two 50-year-old roadies who have been to every Killers concert

Helena: the woman who dressed like the dancer in the music video for Helena by My Chemical Romance

Luke: the guy who somehow caught 3 drumsticks (??)

Bette: the two girls who drove 4 hours to see Fall Out Boy's opening act and left before Fall Out Boy came on

Alfred: New Found Glory. I met the band. It was dope

Selina: the lady who got in with a fake ticket

Bruce: the opening act's dad

[missingnightwingsmullet]

friends family

not my art :) credit to @irispardom on twitter

[garpen]

PT. 2

Nobody better tell me this is to verbally aggressive, bc this is exactly how I be speaking with my siblings

<<Part One<< Master List >>Part Three>>

[jetslay]

DC Super-Heroes by Simone Di Meo.