#quote source:

[sg-done]

During some calamity off-world (ie. another day at the office):

Jack: Listen, Daniel, I've been thinkin' about this, I've come up with something. Daniel: Yeah? Jack: I'm gonna use my brains for the first time in my life. Daniel: Considering the circumstances... do you really think that's wise?

[midnight-drip]

hey, you wanna hear spot conlon tell a joke?

[everwalldigan]

Bruce: who are you? A new crime lord?

Jason: *takes off his helmet*

Bruce: *squints suspiciously* a new crime lord who looks like a grown up version of my dead son?

Jason: *sighs in annoyance and forces a bright smile*

Bruce: JASON THE NEW CRIME LORD???

[whendidmythoughtsgocrazy]

Don’t let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces.

k.b. // unknown

[greenapplebling]

Tim: Who suffers more, God or us?

Jason: God will suffer when I get there

Dick: And that's why he won't let you die for real

Jason: Cursed with immortality? Outrageous...

Tim: Or cursed to spend your other life in the limbo

Jason: I'm banned from Hell too??

[halyasgirl]

Daniel…

[bruciemilf]

Bruce: I know it’s hard, but you must remain forgiving and merciful, Jason.

Tim, who had to watch Bruce skin a man alive like a piece of salmon with a batarang for saying something rude about his then deceased son, throw him in the back of the Batmobile, and drive him to the hospital just to beat him up again:

[marksandrec]

Marks and Rec: Misc #2605

Don't forget to feed your wizard. (Dialogue is just made up, lol.)

[timdrakeismypatronus]

Kon: Tim is my friend, and if I love him, it’s the way I would love a brother. Jason: Tim is my brother and if he looked at me the way you look at him, I would call the police

[ditzybat]

Dick: Hey Damian, when’s your birthday?

Freshly free from the league Damian: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me?

Dick: …So I know when to wish you a happy birthday?

[housenp]

on house and wilson

[dreamingaboutsakuratrees]

[During a white elephant gifts exchange]

Steph: A metro card? no way!

Tim: From me! Unlimited rides

Jason: Oh, unlimited rides? Is that what your tramp stamp says?

Tim:

Tim: I was gonna get mad, but that was a damn good one

[incorrectbatfam]

Tim: Why would you give a knife to Damian?!

Jason: He said he felt unsafe!

Tim: Well, now I feel unsafe!

Jason, reaching into his jacket: You want a knife?

[gothamundernightlight]

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Clark (as a reporter): Mr. Wayne, have you ever thought of having more children?

Bruce: You mean, adopting?

Clark: Adopting. Abducting. However you got the last four.

Bruce: …

[percabethconvos]

Percy: You ever dip your entire oreo in milk except for the part where you're holding it and feel like Thetis dipping newborn Achilles into the river Styx leaving him invulnerable everywhere except for his heel?

Annabeth:

Annabeth: Yes

[batfamgalore]

*Dick is upset about a new case that is a copycat of one he witnessed when he was young*

Dick: And it hits a little close to home, seeing as how I was actually there the first time it happened.

Bruce: Mm… the first time what happened?

Dick: …

Bruce: Did you open your eyes?

Dick: Bruce, you’ve known me almost my whole life. Of course I opened my eyes.

Bruce: Dick, that is exactly why I refused to let you ride around with me.

Dick: Bruce, I was nine, let it go.

Bruce: That is a lack of respect. Of protocol.

Dick: Of protocol? Again, can I plead nine years old?