#Batfam: duke.. how the hell do you know that

[bonchobrick]

Duke and Danny bestie fic im co-authoring with some cool people for Patrol Partners! :D

A fic where Duke knows a lot about Gotham’s new problem, ghosts. The Waynes think the worst and assume he’s had some terrible experience with ghosts in the past (in reality is just very happy to talk about his best friends culture and doesnt realize how odd it is that he knows all this stuff)

Or

Duke is pretty much just vibing, the bats are having a meltdown, and Danny is having a blast!

—-

Then Duke pops the question

“So, what are you guys researching?” He asks raising a brow to the papers littered all over the room

Collectively the entire room groans as Duke absentmindedly picks up a paper on the table with the failed, static over-run image.

“We don't know!” Steph bemoans frustrated

Tim starts, “There are new entities–”

“Creatures.” Bruce corrects

Tim casts a piercing glance at his father, “I am pretty sure those are entities. Eye witness reports state that they look fairly human-like–”

Bruce challenges him right back, “Eye witness reports were also very likely to be unfactual, they seemed partially intoxicated. It’s more likely they are some kind of mutated animal.”

His son’s teeth grit, “Even so we still can’t rule out–”

“Oh right, the ghosts are back in town,” Duke's comments, gaze absorbed in the static image

Silence drowns the room as their weary eyes blink at Duke, processing what he had just said.

Then it clicks

“R-repeat that?” Tim stares intensely at Duke

“Um, the ghosts are back? That's what these are.” Duke nervously replies confused, “It’s been a bit since they visited Gotham

Tim opens and closes his mouth, immensely struggling to find any words to say. It seems like the rest of his family is fairing no better, some of them letting out noises of surprise and shock with others trying to hear if they heard that sentence right.

“There used to be ghosts in Gotham?” Bruce says incredulously

“Yeah?” Duke tilts his head, “I mean they don’t like living here with the corrupt ectoplasm but I’m friends with a few ghosts?”

Jason springs on him with wide eyes, “What are ghosts like, personality-wise?”

Duke thinks and responds with the first thought that comes to mind, “Fickle, they can be super friendly or super destructive. They do whatever they’re in the mood to.”

“Are they aggressive?”

“Sure? Sometimes?” Duke blinks at them bewildered before a petty smile crosses his lips, “They can be, hmm, commanding.”

Dicks eyes turn cold and protective, “What–”

“Listen guys,” Duke backs away from the discussion going with his internal task list in mind, “I gotta go wrap up putting together all my documents for my topic on my science fair project so uh, see-ya!”

The second youngest bounces out of the cave and the rest of the family stare dumbstruck at him.

New entities (ghosts?) pop up in Gotham + Duke describes them as fickle and commanding =

Duke is being made to do things for Ghosts who can be kind and cruel which =

= Duke is being bullied by Ghosts?!

Not on their Bat-watch!

Damian is already sharpening his ‘not murder tools’, Tim has sprung into research on the bat computer and the rest of the family have already dipped into Gotham ready to search for these perps!

Paranoid Family #1 will help Duke’s ghost problem starting now!

( pssst heres the fic :)

[redsray]

I love the hc that Tim never really stopped taking pictures of heroes and vigilantes even after he became Robin. Not even out of hero worship or anything-- he just found it fun. In fact, being Robin just made this hobby easier to do. He has them separated in folders and definitely has blackmail photos included.

The first time Tim met the Justice League one of his first reactions was to sneakily take at least one picture of each of them. Clark vaguely heard a camera shutter but he could never find any cameras or camera owners.

Sometimes Bruce comes to him and asks for specific pictures of members of the JL doing things they shouldn't be doing i.e Barry ditching a meeting cause he was eating Chipotle in the Watchtower kitchen. No one knows how Bruce gets the pictures except for the other Batfam members.

Tim is the god of blackmail right behind Babs. You need older blackmail or videos? Go to Babs. But Good quality blackmail photos? Tim is your guy.

He has at least 4 folders full of pictures of Dick specifically. One for his time as Robin, one for Nightwing, one for Discowing and one for just Dick.

He also manages to have pictures he definitely should not have because how did you get into the cave before you were Robin, Tim, but he refuses to elaborate on those. i.e Robin Jason out of costume, cozily reading at the batcomputer ("seriously, Tim, that's creepy"), Dick when he first adopted Haley ("were you there when I rescued her?!"), Damian training with the League of Assassins ("how the hell did you get that"), Duke back during the We Are Robin movement ("I do not remember you pulling out any cameras what the hell")

[mossfrg]

Jersey Gotham

Okay as someone born and raised in Jersey, I feel like we as a fandom are missing out on truly Jersey-ified Gotham. Like, c’mon, Jersey Girl Brucie Wayne??? So here I am to present a list of things I need more of because god damn it make Batfam— mostly Bruce, Jason, Tim, Steph, and Duke— Jersey (all based on my own personal experiences/real things that have happened to me):

Bruce cannot pump his own gas. He just. Doesn’t know how to. It’s not like a rich person thing, he just never learned cause he’s from fucking Jersey and never leaves Gotham. Jason didn’t know how and Talía lost her shit “How??? You are child superhero??? Who died and spontaneously came back??? But you can’t pump gas??” Tim kinda knows cause of Titans but again, he never really had to. (There’s a Twitter threaded dedicated to the Wayne family titled “is this rich or Jersey”). Steph and Duke can but they both pretend not too.

There have been fist fights over whether it’s pork roll or taylor ham. Jason and Bruce are very adamantly pork roll like the good Southern Jersey boys they are— it’s the one thing they can agree in most days— but Tim is taylor ham. Steph and Duke, despite being South Jersey, like to cause chaos and flip sides constantly. Dick, Damian, and Cass couldn’t care less.

The Absolute Hatred of New York/NYC. Doesn’t matter which kid it is, Bruce (and Alfred) got them all on board with this. Don’t even get them started on the Statue of Liberty; it’s a Wayne family tradition to try and buy it from NY because technically it’s more in NJ than NY and it’s closer too. They’ve yet to be successful but Bruce has hope for when it’s Damian’s turn.

And bc of this hatred of NYC comes the support of Philly!! None of them are super big sport fans, but they do cheer for Eagles, 76ers, and Union. Bruce, thanks to Alfred, is a big fan of soccer (“it’s football, master Bruce, I didn’t raise you in a barn”), and is a member of the Sons of Ben. He can be found in the River End of the stadium with Jason cheering for Union at pretty much every home game. There are multiple videos of Brucie Wayne and Jason Wayne screaming at refs, launching fireworks off the roof, and cursing out opposing teams’ players. Duke and Tim can be found 76ers games, while Steph frequents Eagles games.

Accents. Pls for the love of god give those boys (and Steph) accents. They are from New Fucking Jersey. They say “cawfee” and “tawlk.” They pronounce 0% of their t’s in the middle of words— kitten is ki’en, Trenton is tren’in. Jason and Steph drop letters when they gets pissed, Bruce slurs words, Duke and Tim drop passive-aggressive “y’all’s” to piss people off.

Driving. Now it’s not that they’re shit drivers, it’s that everyone else is a shit driver, and it’s not helped that majority of them learned to drive in the Batmobile. Steph has a loudspeaker on her car and frequently yells “fucking Pennsylvania turn your goddamn blinker on!” while driving. Bruce has a room in the manor dedicated to his speeding tickets. Tim as gotten into multiple fists fights at lights because people were driving slow in the fast lane. Jason is infamous for doing the Jersey Slide.

Jason, Tim, and Steph have gotten mugged before. They talked their way out of it and gave tips to the mugger. Bruce has kicked a rabid raccoon while walking home before because what else was he supposed to do? Duke has ordered a “pork roll egg and cheese on an everything” before in Not-Jersey and cried because they don’t have it. Several foreign benefactors of WE have asked for translators at meetings with Brucie cause Brucie’s accent is so thick and exaggerated. IN CONCLUSION: making Batfam (and gotham) Jersey is funny as hell and presents so many good opportunities. Make Batfam Jersey! (again these are all just my personal experiences, big state yada yada, different experiences, blah blah idgaf I jsut need batfam fist fighting over pork roll)

[redheadjustin]

could u do batfam x toddler male reader who is rlly shy but someone tries to like kidnap him at a gala and the fam just has to figure out what to do

Ah yes, the infamous bat family. And the family that proves blood isn’t everything. Bruce, the infamous Batman, had adopted all of his children. With the notable exception of Stephaine and Duke. Steaphaine was still living with her mom, when she wasn’t in rehab. And at this point Burce was only fostering Duke though everyone but Duke knew adoption papers were imminent.

Which brings us to you. You were adopted by Bruce the second you were born. Though that's because both of your parents weren't in a good place to raise you. So, one night your parents approached Batman after a fight. And you were a member of the bat family ever since.

Dick was the best oldest brother. You could ask for. He always made time for you. And always took you to the circus. And he instilled the same love for elephants he had.

Jason was not as lovey dovey as Dick. but he always has time for you and a nerf battle. He also takes you to the safe part of crime alley.

Tim loves to teach you technology. He's also the one to keep watch over you during your naps since he never sleeps. 

Damian is in charge of your exercise and physical development. He also is as caring to you as his pets. And he almost never insults you. He also trains with you in the bat cave when Bruce is busy. 

Duke is the one who exposes you to Gotham culture and other things like music and art. He knows how easy it is to become spoiled and out of touch. He doesn’t want that for you. Plus your parents are from the streets like him. He wants you to know full well what background you come from. 

Bruce is the best Father you could ever ask for. He loves to take you to meet other heroes. He knows Batman will be your favorite hero till you die. He also brings you gifts often after a mission. And he is there most nights to tuck you in. He genuinely cares and has done his best to scale back his Batman activities. He cares about his newest son.

But during a gala Riddler kidnapped you. It was all hands on deck for the Bat family. They called all reserve membersing Batwoman, Batgirl, Spoiler, Orphan, Batwing, Huntress and The Question. Bruce wasn’t taking any chances. 

Riddler was driving when the Bat family found you. You were in the backseat scared, confused, lonely. Your young mind couldn’t figure out why you were taken. You didn’t know that your family’s wealth would put a target on your back. 

What neither you or your captor noticed was the batmobile gaining on the car. Or the batcycles riding next to the car. You looked out the right window and saw Robin(Damian) on a batcycle. Damian smiled seeing you unharmed. The current Robin winked at you and pointed backwards. Curious, you turned your head to look out the back window and you saw the batmobile. Your eyes went wide with happiness and you whispered to yourself. “Daddy came.” 

It was then the car hit spikes in the road that Batwoman and Question set up. The car’s skidd was controlled and you were left unharmed. Then the windshield was broken as a fist reached in and pulled Riddler out of the care. That’s when you saw Red Hood. jason was pissed as hell but you didn’t have time to think about that for long as the door opened and a pair of black gloves reached in to pick you up. You knew instantly it was Your Daddy. Batman. And as soon as you could you curled in to Batman’s chest.

“Shhh, its okay baby bat. We’ve got you. I’ve got you.” Bruce says to his youngest son, he is determined to never let this happen again. “I’ve got you.”

[dat1angel]

DP x DC

So we've all seen aus where Danny gets adopted by the Batfam because, let's be honest, he's a textbook case of a Bruce Wayne adoptee. But what if we took that, just slightly to the left? Instead of Batman adopting Danny, the Batkids do. Now, the reason why Danny is in Gotham can be whatever you want(I'm partial to reveal gone wrong or an accident happens so he leaves as to not become Dan) but one by one and completely coincidentally(or so they think, maybe Gotham helps push them together) Danny befriends each of the Batkids.

He meets Tim at a coffee shop(maybe he works there) and they bond over the insane amount of caffeine they like in their coffee.

He meets Daimian at some vegan place that Sam would just love if she were there and tho Damian refuses to say it there's something he finds endearing about this street kid who seems to have no clue who Damian is but smiles at him regardless and engages in some surprisingly pleasant conversation about places that serve vegan food or vegan options.

He and Duke have a class together in school and he meets Barbara while studying at the library. Or maybe Duke invites Danny to join a study group and that's how he meets Babs and maybe Cass and Steph too.

Maybe he meets Dick as Nightwing and they bond over their love of puns.

Jason can be met as either a civilian or as Red Hood, but the second they get within a certain range of each other, they get this feeling tugging them towards each other. Some 'I don't know why but I need to go this way' type feels. Jason calls it instincts, Danny can tell this feeling is coming directly from his core. They literally run into each other and immediately get this overwhelming feeling of 'same same like me'.

He ends up growing close with them all individually so when they eventually realize that 'hey, this new friend we've all been talking about is the same dude', well of course they have to keep him. So they all work together to sneak him into the manor(read: kidnap) and get him set up in one of the many unused rooms. And the fact the Bruce was off on a business trip when they did it made it wonders easier, they would definitively have got caught if he was around.

So now Danny is a stow away in this mansion that all his new friends apparently live in and he just kinda goes along with it cuz 'hey, they're nice and he gets somewhere to sleep rent free and the food is to die(again) for'. And yeah, they're the kids of the best detective in the world, they're gonna be good at hiding their tracks(they have to be or they would never get away with anything) but Alfred knows everything that goes on in the manor. He takes one look at this child and just accepts it. He allows the children to believe they are deceiving him but helps them out subtly by accidentally making extra food at meal times.

And if sometimes they want to hang out with Danny in the house they do his clothes and hair like whichever kid he resembles the most and so long as he doesn't talk nobody can tell the difference.

And maybe when Bruce comes back from his trip he figures it out immediately but he doesn't say anything because like hell he's gonna turn away a child in need. Instead he just silently fills out the adoption papers so he's ready when the kids eventually decide to reveal Danny's presence to him.

[incorrectbatfam]

If the members of the batfam wrote memoirs or essays about themselves, what would their opening hooks be?

Dick: *record scratch and freeze frame* So you're probably wondering how I ended up here.

Jason: This is the story of how I died. Don't worry, I got better.

Tim: It all began on the day of my actual birth. Both of my parents failed to show up.

Damian: A caution to those who have an inferiority complex: stop reading right this second. The Homeric epic of my life will only make you feel more useless.

Duke: According to all known laws of city planning, there is no way a city like Gotham should be able to exist. It's infrastructure is too weak to build its fat little buildings off the ground. Gotham, of course, runs anyway, because the city doesn't care what humans think is impossible.

Cullen: The first rule of Tumblr is you don't talk about Tumblr.

Stephanie: ...I can explain.

Cassandra: Hi my name is Cassandra Wu-San Black Bat Orphan Cain and I have short bat-colored black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-shoulder and cold black eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like an Asian Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to the Biblical Cain but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a bat but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a vigilante, and I live in a comic book city called Gotham in New Jersey where I’m the second Batgirl (I’m twenty-four). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black bodysuit with matching holsters around it and a black leather jacket, yellow fingerless gloves and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside in Gotham. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of Rogues stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

Barbara: Do you ever look at someone and wonder what is going on inside their head?

Harper: A long long time ago in a city far away...

Carrie: Bruce told me I can't insert audio so let's just say you got Rickrolled.

Kate: The definition of gay? Me. The definition of disaster? Also me. My picture's in the dictionary twice, suck it.

Alfred: In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and more bat-children. And at this point I'm not so sure about death.

Selina: "Mom I want Bruce Wayne" "We have Bruce Wayne at home" The Bruce Wayne at home:

Bruce: Look behind you.

[currentfandomkick]

Fan concept to incorporate however you want:

In comics i’m pretty sure there’s a lazarus pit in the batcave, and others in gotham. A high concentration of lazarus water per square foot. Add to that gotham’s various contaminated waters from various toxins and gases on top of usual run offs, and there’s a high chance everyone in gotham is contaminated by all of this.

Add in the popular head cannons and partial fanon of lazarus water = (in some form) contaminated or corrupted watery ectoplasm.

And if we go ecto contaminated enough = liminal…

Then gotham city is full of liminals, the most notorious being a handful revenants with questionable cores (Solomon Grundy and Red Hood off the top of my head), with Damian’s Robin a liminal bordering on halfa if you go the ‘raised next to and put in the Pitts’ route.

Hell if you want, most of the Batfam can be partially ecto contaminated if not liminal (minus Duke, i feel like he’s the only starting to) but no one notices because its gradual and they assume its side effects from the 10,000 + polluntants in gotham.

You can have anyone from Amity Park enter Gotham and go ‘huh, edgy aesthetic Amity.’ Then go ‘oh, sick liminal… which dork back home knows how to fix this?’

If you want Tucker can be sending Sam updates on Gotham’s liminals (including Rogues) which Sam is helping the ecto terrorist (League of Assassins in a lot of older portrayals) and Danny vibing working for (DC bigshot or group of your choice) as an engineer who says he’s bad at coding when no one has broken his code yet as ‘its standard back home’ and baffles his employer

Dani can see Gotham and just. Vibe as a feral child who tries to help the other sick liminals with mixed results. I say let Harley snag her as her sidekick during her anti-villian days.

Jazz can be attending university and has to explain drinking filtered ecto to her dorm, only for a lot of them to start managing things better emotionally and combat wise, but now have the urge to Kick Ass as a way to Make Friends. Batfam investigate her a s a cult leader when really all she’s doing is using a clean ecto filter and teaching her classmates to do the same. Even teaches them how to make them thanks to Danny breaking down his rigs to her and leaving her repair instructions in case hers breaks early.

If you go baby Ghost King Danny, he can find out about Gotham and do a ‘oh, a fucked up version of Amity Park. Neat!’ see the Joker and go ‘Fuck this guy,’ and appear by pulling Joker into the ghost realm for his trial with a note that reads “sorry for missing another Liminal City. I’ll do better as king and handle those breaking Ghost Ettiquette myself. My bad. Still new to the ‘King of the Infinite Realms and all bonded to it. So liminals fall in, didn’t think there were more besides Amity. A branch of the Council of Observers will be sent to evaluate which liminals are sick, which are dealing with unsustainable or harmful obsessions, which liminals need relocation to handle their obsession in a better suited environment, and which ones are uneducated on liminal health.

Don’t worry, I stole some time to make sure i did all the paperwork before taking this guy. He’s the type of ecto entity who consumes attention, fear, and souls, which is Pretty Bad and that last one is an auto-execution. So i should manage the normal ‘visiting of the realms and introduction to’ spiel after we can make sure you won’t be in danger from ghosts that forget mortals dont shrug off being dropped off a few cliffs and having a two ton rock dropped on them. I may send some ambassadors from Amity to help you adjust since it was a pain for us too. Fyi if anyone tries summoning the Ghost King and expects Pariah, i win by conquest ten years ago and only JUST got to looking into liminal areas. With cheating by stealing time. If you have any questions, look up the Manson family, Amity Park, Ohio. Sam can explain better than me, and her parents somehow ended up on the mortal side counsel.

[too0bsessedformyowngood]

Have some Batfam incorrect quotes from my friends and I

pt. 2

pt. 3

-

Dick: "Go to sleep"

Damian: "okay” *gets up*

Steph: "What the hell?!?! I asked you like 20 times"

Tim: "So did I!"

Damian: "We'll I don't respect Brown and I older than you' *points to Tim*

Tim: "No you're not! I'm literally older than you!"

-

*Tim driving with Steph in front passenger seat and Dick in the back at a red light in the right line to turn the corner as people start walking on the crosswalk*

Steph: *whispering* "hit them"

Tim: *starts to turn*

Dick: “NOOOOO”

-

Tim: "Stop hitting me"

Steph: "I never hit you, Duke do I ever hit Tim"

Cass: "No”

Duke: *not paying attention*

Steph: "Thanks Cass"

Steph: *hits Tim again*

-

Jason: "Everyone's a critic"

Dick: "No I'm a hater, there's a

difference"

-

Duke: "You were sent jury duty three times and ignored it"

Jason: "Yah"

Duke: "That's a felony"

Jason: "Felony's are fun"

Duke: "Dude"

-

Tim: "hey god its me, your sleepiest soulder, our eepiest little man"

-

Bruce: "Both of you apologize to your sibling right now"

Jason: "I'm sorry mom didn't get an abortion"

Tim: "I'm sorry mom smoked when she was pregnant with you”

-

Tim: *working on homework, pauses for a second* "Do any of you know what the unit for Power is"

Dick: "Watts"

*all talking over each other*

Duke: "Great responsibility"

Steph: "What's the unit"

Cass: "Watts the units"

Jason: "No Whose on first, Watts on second"

-

Jason: "Doctors would love to get their hands on my DNA, like how did this man survive so long.' Ha, I fooled them, I actually died 5 years ago, I'm been a zombie this whole time"

-

Tim: "Say something stupid"

Damian: "All I would have to say is your name"

Tim: "Fuck you”

[xpastelsweetsx]

Age headcanons for the batfam:

Bruce Wayne: 45-47 anywhere around there (kills the fact hes only a decade or so older than dick but also like?? No way bruce is in his 30s and no way dick is in HIS thirties) (do still find the fact there IS only a decade between them in canon hilarious tho) (he could be 37 but him being mid 40s is funnier and more dad)

Babs: 29!! So close to 30 but not quite. Shes actually like excited about being 30 tho?? Just vibes shes hype about it

Dick: 27, he just feels like a tired almost millennial. The appartment him and babs have?? If they break up they still have to split the rent- theyre that broke babes

Jason: 21- puts him at 13 when he becomes robin after dick leaves around 19- I also like the age dynamic between him and Tim being close in age- 4 years is a good “fought all the time til they both grew tf up” gap- talking from experience

Steph: 19. “Oh but that makes the age gap between tim and steph weird during their relationship” yeah well… the entire relationship itself was a bit weird and theyre so sibling/bi besties coded I dont vibe with them dating personally- you can tho <3 =)

Cass: 19. Self explanatory (StephCass my Love)

Duke: 17, him and Tim constantly give each other looks of “everyone around us doesn’t understand social media like we do” (say what you want you CANNOT replicate the tiktok fyp and slang of a high schooler, the minute you graduate something changes)

Tim: 17, forever, point blank period hes never allowed to vote. I think the fact that hes been 17 forever despite the fact damians aged a good 4 years is so funny tbh- i feel bad for him tho, low key being 17 is HELL save HIM AND ME!!!! PLEASE!!

Damian: 14, hes a freshman in highschool, he did middle school during covid, he knows all the fnaf lore and hes not ashamed to tell you ALL OF IT (hes an ipad baby idk how he was with the league but still he just is)

[vinelark]

do you have any good reverse robins fic to rec?

oh hell yeah!

Reverse Robins: Joker Junior series by miyaji_08 i rec’d the second fic in this series over here for the timkon of it all, but the series—two parts, both complete—is also one of my absolute favorite reverse robins stories. it goes the joker junior!tim route, so heads up for A Lot of tim-centric trauma, but gives tim (and everyone else) so much healing, too. it also gets creative with the robin of it all, as in, the call sign for batman’s partner is different from the jump because dick wasn’t around to originate “robin” for it, which i always think is a fun extra detail. the batfam characters are great and the young justice crew is also great, so read for top-tier hurt and comfort and great characters and satisfying plot and tim and damian competing to see who is the most Tired big brother of the bunch.

blood of the covenant by envysparkler robins are angsty in any order, but man does this hit the angst sweet spot, which in turn makes the soft parts feel even softer. i genuinely can’t decide what my favorite dynamic is in this AU, between damian & tim (damian wracked with guilt, tim hurting and still wanting an older brother even if he’d never admit it) and tim & jason (no spoilers but chapter 4 especially lights my brain up like a supernova) and tim & dick (i think about the part where dick grayson [tiny, cheerful] uses tim [undead, annoyed] as a jungle gym like once a week).

Wing Beats in Reverse by firefright a longfic where jason gets kidnapped by the mysterious red hood, who turns out to be jason’s not-so-dead predecessor. the jason pov here is great, and i was so compelled by how this AU explored his place in the bat family, and how it managed the emotional fallout from the kidnapping. tim is also so interesting in this—it does something i love in a reverse robins concept, which is make tim’s motivations (and lazarus pit effects) less about anger/hurt/revenge and more about ice cold logic, about being the villain so the bats don’t have to/whether they want him to or not. plus some league of assassins trauma as a cherry on top. also, kon gets to show up for a bit. (as a fair warning—and spoilers ahead—the fic has a somewhat hopeful ending for tim, but doesn’t reach full reconciliation in the scope of the plot.)

i woke up so worried that the angels let go by circees a short but potent batkids age reversal au that’s also a grisha au, starring duke as the coveted sun summoner that damian is trying to deliver to safety without mentally adopting a new brother (damian fails on the second part). even with my limited memory of grisha lore i could tell a lot of thought was put into this au, and i have a feeling it would be even better if you are able to catch all the details. i also love that even in a fantasy world where some of the bat family have magical abilities, duke is still extra special—a great analogy to being a metahuman among the bats.

The 90s Are Back! by RedWritingHood saving the two silly ones for last to lighten the mood! in this one, red hood!tim gets de-aged to sixteen and meets all his new siblings. it’s like .01% angst and 99.99% shenanigans, and pretty much all the dialogue is super quotable but Dick holds out his hands like he's calming a bunch of wild animals. "Okay, I know everyone's real upsetti spaghetti right now, but I think we all just need to calm down." might take the cake.

Clowns Don’t Kill People by mademoisellePlume very short, very silly reverse robins brother shenanigans, in which tiny dick grayson isn’t scared of recovering joker junior!tim because dick, having been raised in the circus, doesn’t associate clowns with evil yet. the fic is fun (and a great palate cleanser if you need a break from the angst above), and the author’s note at the end made me fully laugh out loud.

[imbadatusernames2]

I was bored so I put Batfam into a random incorrect quote generator and I have never had this much fun

Duke, not yet familiar with the family lore: Duke: Live fast, die young, leave behind a pretty corpse! That’s what I always say! jason: You should say something else. Bruce to his friends (aka his children, exes and coworkers): bruce : I am not a lunatic. I have the psychiatric report to prove it. A slender majority of the panel decided in my favour.

Don't have to even say anything about this one: dick as a child: I can’t wait to grow up and have cool adventures! dick now: I can’t wait to go to bed.

Bruce- the first time father: dick: I just drank a lego piece. bruce : …what the hell?! You melted plastic and drank the liquid? dick: Yes. bruce : Why did you even melt a lego in the first place?! dick: Because it looked like chocolate! So I drank it! You know, like a chocolate shake?

Bruce- father of 10+ kids: duke: What do you want for breakfast? damian: I WISH TO DEVOUR THE UNBORN. bruce : bruce : They want eggs.

Classic Tim: tim: I am not an early bird or a night owl. I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.

This one hurt: jason: Do you always have to attack me with your words? bruce : Would you prefer me to use a brick?

Tim would answer hazardous waste or something: the Squad cleaning up alfred: Pick up the nearest piece of trash and throw it away. jason, to tim: Aight, which bin do you wanna go in—

This seems right: The gang's thoughts on stabbing bruce : Would never stab anyone. dick: Would stab someone in retaliation. tim: Yells "I won't hesitate, bitch!" first. jason: Would stab without warning. damian: Would stab as a warning.

Tim gets flashbacks: duke: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?! jason: Probably because I’m a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence. duke: Oh… tim, from across the room: I don’t understand how you keep forgetting that.

Jason the babysitter: tim: jason, I want a bedtime story! jason: I’m busy, tim. I’ll tell you one tomorrow. tim: If you don’t tell me a story, I won’t go to bed! jason: Once upon a time, there was a person named tim, who always wanted things their way. One day, their friends got sick of it and locked them in the basement for the rest of their life. Everyone else lived happily ever after. The end. tim: I don’t like these stories with morals.

Giving advice to the younger ones: jason: Any advice before bruce and I fight? dick: Don’t wet yourself in public. jason: Not the kind of advice I was looking for!

Two professionals speaking: damian: We need a plan to beat them. cass: Okay, listen up. First, we fill their shoes with wet cat food. damian: cass: Judge me all you want, I get results.

Stephanie- one of the Bruce's not kids: stephane : (Talking to Damian) Oh, hi. I didn't see you there. Welcome to my abode. I'm glad you could join me. damian: But this is my abode. stephane : … stephane : Welcome to my abode, I'm so happy to have you, guest.

Ouch: bruce : You’re alive. damian: No need to sound so disappointed.

Little brothers, the sweetest of them all: cass: Ayo, what the FUCK is this?!? jason, sitting down, surrounded by corpses: I won Mafia, that’s what.

The meta joke here: bruce: Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle, and explode into bats to get out of all social situations.

[brucewaynehater101]

adding to my last ask, the rest of the album is so similar to the Batfam

Loves like Ghosts - Batcat or BruTalia

Until the Night Turns - Dick (the vibes esp)

Dead Man’s Hand - Jason

-> pretty obvious why 💀. I see it as Jason talking abt his old self with the “tired of a life that never felt like his” line

Hurricane (Johnnie’s theme) - Dick, Jason, and Steph(Cass)

-> I mostly saw it as Stephcass but there were definitely lyrics that applied to Dick (thrill) and Jason (dying lol)

La Bella Fleur Sauvage - DickBabs

The World Ender - Steph (with the romantic lines being shaded between Cass and Gotham) or Jason (with the romantic lines being completely abour Gotham)

-> I feel like it fits Jason better bc it’s literlaky abour being back from the grave but alas

Meet Me in the Woods - Tim(Bern)

The Yawning Grave - ALFRED AND BRUCE ALFRESH AND BRUCE. This is so important to me omg

Cursed - where “she” is Gotham and the speaker is any of the Batfam (sans Cass I think)

Way out There - Damian (“I’m just wearing old bones from those who came first”) (“you” being Dick) or StephCass from Cass’s pov

The Night We Met - the BatSiblings (sans Duke bc he wasn’t adopted yet) during Bruce’s death

There weren’t any I could connect to Duke specifically but yeah 😞

Loves Like Ghost definitely gives of Talia to Bruce vibes. The lyrics of "what ain't living can never really die. You don't want me baby please don't lie. Oh but if you're leaving, I gotta know why." "And if I can't have you then no one ever will." "Baby in my eyes you do no wrong. I don't feel it till it hurts sometimes. So go on baby hurt me tonight."

Until the Night Turns is a cool song. Perhaps you would elaborate more on why you think it fits Dick? The vibes are pretty on, but jot too sure about the lyrics.

Dead Man's Hand does fit Jason. "Sure as hell he was dead as they come and he was already starting to smell. Just a kid with his hair slicked back and a knife tucked into his belt. Was he unforgiven or just tired of living a life that never felt like his?" "I know I'm dead but I don't wanna lie in a grave out here where the coyote's cry. I stared right into the endless void and I ain't going back if I got any choice. I know how to live, I don't know how to die and there ain't no thrills in the afterlife."

Hurricane. I do think that all of the batkids are adrenaline junkies but I do see how the lyrics fit those ones especially.

La Bella Fleur Savage - Google says Fleur means both flower and resilience. I can see how that fits Babs and how the song resembles her love with Dick.

The World Ender - I love this song for Steph. She deserves to get her revenge. She did kind of die with Black Mask, but she didn't really do a revenge thing like Jason. On the other hand she "won't ever feel the embrace of the grave" because she revived before being buried.

Meet Me in the Woods - I see how this is TimBern especially because Bernard isn't in the vigilante business (so he won't really understand what Tim's been through).

The Yawning Grave - Alfred warning Bruce not to become Batman, of its dangers, of the likelihood of him dying, fits so well. He told him when he was a kid, but Bruce still went down with this path

Cursed - I agree that Cass isn't tied to Gotham like the others. If "she" was Gotham, that does fit the others. I raise you, though. What if "she" was their mission or vigilantism? That then fits all of them.

Way out There - Oof. That definitely fits Damian and I love that analysis of him.

The Night We Met - I agree, however, there's a tik tok that has an animation of this song. It absolutely kills my soul every time I see it. It has Bruce singing this about Jason: "I had all," Jason as Robin, "and then most of you," Jason dying, "some and," Jason's grave, "now none of you," Jason as Red Hood. "Take me back to the night we met." The tire jacking night.

We definitely need some Duke songs out there. If anyone has any songs that fit Duke, feel free to comment or reblog with them!!!!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

out of curiosity, do you have any preferred headcanons for how tall the members of the Batfam are? who's the tallest to shortest?

listen I don't have exact measurements but I do have vibes. I'm going to say right out of the gate that I simply do not hold with DC artists and their habit of Russian nesting dolling the Robins so they're each a little bit shorter with age, it's a useful visual shorthand but it's also not my truth even if I sometimes agree with portions.

for instance: I do have to concede that Bruce needs to be the tallest of the Batboys in order to enable a lot of his whole schtick, especially your modern era Batmans who are built to be tanks as opposed to the sleeker, more acrobatically-oriented Batman of earlier ages. Batfleck honestly had a great build for it, 6'4 and built to loom.

on the other hand, I Know what male gymnasts look like and Dick came from a whole family of them; he doesn't need to be SHORT short but brother he is not the tallest Robin by any stretch. he's 5'8 if he's Lucky, likely shorter. and he's fine with it! he isn't insecure about being a compact king!

I strongly dislike the recent development towards drawing adult Jason as a brute, but I have long enjoyed the headcanon that he would have had a hard growth spurt after Bruce took him in and he didn't have to worry about food insecurity. he is absolutely taller than Dick but, HOT TAKE, I don't think he's a Lot taller. as Red Hood he's definitely exaggerating the difference with chunky boots + his stupid full-face mask for extra height, + his jacket and all his gear make him look taller and broader than Nightwing in his little skintight getup. out of costume they physically look much more similar.

I also super hate when Tim is drawn as a skinny short little waif, genuinely there's no reason for that. that's a little American rich boy who grew up on milk and white bread, there's no reason for him to look like he has Victorian urchin wasting disease. fuck this, Tim is taller than both Dick and Jason. same energy as the improv kid I went to high school with who was 5'11 but cool about it.

completing the circle and fully reversing the Robins, I know that other fans have pointed out that Damian's Asian heritage conspires against him being hugelarge as an adult, but genetics are a grab bag and I think he deserves to be Bruce-sized. adult Damian can pick Dick up and put him in the fridge if he wants. at present though his growth spurt is really taking its sweet time and he's hovering around Cass-height (see below).

Duke is hovering in a zone right between Jason and Tim but everyone forgets that and imagines him being taller because the little bat ears on his helmet give him a couple extra inches.

a lot of older comics, especially the Dixon run, frequently have Selina drawn like she's tall as all hell, and I honestly love that for her. 5'11, Megan Thee Stallion kind of build for her.

Cass is frequently drawn as tiny to an extent that is, frankly, implausible and borderline upsetting (if memory serves she literally got folded up and carried in a backpack once?) but listen: she's certainly not tall. I'm willing to offer her 5'3 as an absolute maximum. also literally no one asked but Michelle Yeoh is the Lady Shiva of my heart and shes 5'4, so that's canon To Me.

however tall Dick is in your head I want you to add one (1) inch and that's Barbara. this is so crucial to me.

Steph is like a deeply average 5'4 and a half, and I realize this Does mean that I've Russian nesting dolled the Batgirls (at least in order of appearance in comics, not the actual order they Batgirls) and I am Fine with that. throw Harper Row in here too, she and Steph are just chilling being average height gal pals.

Helena is freakishly tall by Italian woman standards, by which I mean like 5'7.

this is vile and I'm sorry to the Robins but unfortunately Jean Paul is a genetically engineered freak bred to kill so he's probably taller than all of them save for an adult Damian. 6'2 to my miserable boy. beginning to think I was lying when I said I didn't have exact numbers.

so I think in descending order the lineup I've created is Bruce, JP, Selina and Tim, Duke, Jason and Babs, Dick, Helena, Steph and Harper, Damian, Cass.

did I skip anyone vital you want to know about?

[wixenburr]

Batfam quotes taken from the group chat starboard

Tim, to Damian: I'm not going to talk twink logistics with you.

Tim: my social anxiety has me by the throat, like 24/7 Dick: Make out with it.

Tim: I'd kill a person before i drank hot water Jason: I'd kill a person.

Duke: I'm alright with being forgotten Actually

Dick, post-hallucinations: DREAM JASON IS A CHICKEN NUGGET

Dick: Thank you^^, it's because I'm insane—

Steph: First I get attacked by a butterfly in my dream and now this

Dick, post-killing joker: And plenty of gore and horror just for you!! <3 <3 Jason: :o JUST FOR ME?!

Bruce: How am i already an absentee father

Dick: spanish immersion until my cousin went back to his house and then it was english all the way down Tim: bisexual moment

Alfred: you know you have real kids when they ignore you :)

Steph: Atlantic Pacific Etc Sea Ocean Uhh

Dick: Ive never seen pineapple on a pizza, if i did id just be sad spongebob lost his home

(Bruce, having a breakdown) Tim, muffled: oh my god, i just ate that whole burger

Tim: Im sorry i slept

Cass: as an aroace pacifist fmk is a nightmare scenerio Jason: i may be asexual but i am sure as hell not a pacifist it's kill kill kill for me baby

Dick: No, Tim was gonna start killing people, there's a difference

Dick: wait no the flaky skin is on my face not my ass-

Alfred: what in the british archaelogist is happening here

Babs: I'm sorry i committed an actual war crime but its for y'alls own good

Damian: I don't need comfort, i need a knife

Bruce: I'm a firm believer in whore rights okay?

Steph: hELP- Duke: I'm eating spaghett Steph: what a simple life

Damian: Oh hi Batcow, finally someone interesting to talk to

Tim: I don't have depression, a therapist hasn't diagnosed me

anyone@Dick: noooo aha dont die sparkle butt

Damian: ive been god before

Bruce: i leave for two minutes and come back to octobussy

Tim: i am also killable if that makes you feel any better???

Babs: I support you with my eyes closed.

Dick: Instead im watching children with hot glue guns Damian: Like, in battle??? Dick: LIKE IN ARTS AND CRAFT

Steph: if i get a head injury i could probably read portuguese

Steph: love how we went in different directions Jason: The only directions: murder or pranks

Duke: I can't count that high so i'm-- i'm not gonna read that

Dick: punches him straight in the eye then immediately goes in for the kiss Tim: We call that the "Sock-n-Smooch"

Bruce: worm food can be eggs. scrambled ones. Damian: i dont lay eggs Bruce: chickens do?? Damian: oh. We have chickens!!!!

Tim: we have three hands for a reason

Damian: reEEEEeeeEEEEEEEEE Tim: Baby dinosaur be like Damian: I WILL BE A DINOSAUR BUT I WONT BE A B A B Y

Tim: shut up shut up shut up no you dont your bald + your mother is american

Jason: see, strangling people DOES bring miracles!

Tim: what in the minecraft commands are you trying to do here

Bonus:

Harley: mE AND MY CHECKERBOARD BOOBIES

Wally: Nightwing has two hands and a staff

[fishfingersandjellybabies]

I need your hc on how the batfam reacts to finding out that jondami are dating.

I love supportive and sweet but I am absolutely down for overprotective siblings that just CAN'T believe their little baby is all grown up.

(canon? Idk her)

Duke and Barbara? Chill as hell. Happy for you, man.

Cass? Also happy for Damian. SO happy for him. But will also murder Jon if she has to, and makes sure Damian and Jon both understand that. (Jon is lowkey petrified of her)

Steph is happy that Damian is happy. But she does sit him down and talks to him about some things to look out for and things he does NOT have to accept if he is uncomfortable, etc. Also mentions she will kill Jon if he asks.

Tim is...beside himself. How dare Damian date HIS best friend's little brother? Is this another dig at him? Is this some weird evil plot long game to kill him? Why is Jon going along with it? Does Jon also hate him? Is he going to die? Tim stop not everything is about you. Eventually Tim gives KON a long lecture and says if Jon ever hurts Damian, even a little, Tim will destroy every last Kryptonian left in the universe, even him.

Jason keeps showing up on Jon's patrol routes to give him the shovel talk (aka threaten Jon) but with a bigger and more deadly gun/weapon every time. At one point he just shows up in some alien laser sniper ship and Jon's just like 'JESUS JASON, I KNOW, I GET IT.'

Dick and Alfred are similar in that they're both very emotional about it, because they knew Damian at his worst. They watched him grow, and they are just SO happy that someone out there finally sees Damian for the beauty that he is and loves their boy as much as they do, if not more. Also Dick threatens Clark about it.

Bruce just short circuits for like three days and disappears. Damian thinks he's going to be disowned, to which the whole family say they'll disown Bruce first and strength in numbers. But then he comes back and just smiles at Damian a lot, and talks about how proud he is of him, that Jon is a good person, that Damian deserves this happiness, and to remember the code to their stash of Kryptonite. He ALSO rants to Clark about it, who finds it somewhat endearing how worried for Damian they all are, but they end up as just two old men sitting on a front porch reminiscing on how much they adore their boys, and how happy they are that they found each other.

(bonus: Kon texts Damian 'u hurt him, ill end you.' to which Damian texts back a thumbs up emoji.)

(bonus bonus: all the siblings and kon have stalked Jon and Damian's dates. They aren't even conspicuous about it. Damian and Jon just whole-heartedly ignore them.)

[honey-tragedy]

a least to most likely list of which of the robins would hide injuries

dick, is surprisingly the least likely to hide injuries. he got told sence he was able to walk and do stunts that improperly cared for injuries could not only harm him but other performers and thats stuck with him. add in being the leader of the teen titans and trying to set a good example for them, hes fully open with his injuries when hes hurt.

--dick has a spread sheet of injury and when he got them, he thinks it funny

tim is the second least likely to hide injuries, now this is only because in the first year or two of being robin haveing a infection or improperly cared for wound would take him out of the field and away from doing damage control with bruce. and now its just a habit too keep track of his injuries

---tim would hid older injuries that wouldn't effects his field capabilities (spleen spleen spleen) but not anything recent or pressing

up next is duke! duke as the leader of the we are robins thing has had to deal with idiots under his command hideing injuries and he refuses to add that stress onto bruce and alfred. he knows how annoying and worrying it is to have to wonder if your people are actually field ready or lieing too you.

--he would only hid injuries if they came from civilian life or for a stupid thing like triping off a roof or swinging into a wall, but like tim he wouldnt if it was something big or would affect his capabilities

steph is next up, were edgeing into would definitely hide shit, steph does not see bruce as a parent and barely sees him as a boss. shes a latch key kid with a terrible dad and a try her best but not get mom, no way in hell would she come out with injuries outload but she would let alfred treat her if it came up. prefers to go to Leslie cause she trusts her more, and as such bruce usually only hears about her injuries after the fact.

---steph fully mocks bruce that if he was the worlds greatest detective he would know when shes hurt, goes to Leslie or alfred if its really bad

this was a toss up, but damian is next, assassins dont really lend them selves to being good people to tell that your injured, even the ones ment to serve you. damian is basically allergic to telling anyone anything is actually wrong with him ever, unless its him and bruce one of one. bruce is essentially the only person he trusts enough to admit hes injured.

--getting damian to admit hes injured is like trying to give a feral cat a bath, no one likes doing it but its necessary sometimes

jason!! second to last on the list, jason would actually fully chew off his own leg then tell the bats hes injured ever. not only because he doesn't trust 90% of them not to use it to fuck him over, but also because bruce will become simultaneously the most helicopter parent and the emotional brick wall the second he knows Jason's hurt, its honestly worse then being shot to see him try and ground jason like hes still a child, while also being full emotional brick wall batman mode

--jason has pushed tim down the bottomless pit in the cave before just so he could bolt before bruce could quarantine him in the cave cause he got hurt, jason would fully fist fight his way out of the batfam then ever admit hes hurt

and to round it off cass! cass will slink away to hide and lick her wound and you would never know shes hurt unless she lets you. raised as a weapon i dont think David cain was the kinda person to treat an injury with anything other then disappointment, and cass still sees her own injury as failures in her training. shes fully capable of doing most of her own medical care and useing it to her advantage in avoiding telling anyone her injuries.

--cass broke her arm once and as soon as it was put in a cast no one saw her tell it was fully healed. not even bruce is sure where she was or what she was doing during those months