#batjokes headcanon

[battybrownboodeactivated]

My favorite batjokes fic trope is when Bruce is forced to interact with Joker as millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne not Batman (either disrupting a gala or fundraiser or kidnapping bruce for one of his schemes, interrupting some random date he's on with his antics, etc) and Joker eventually ends up describing or mentioning his love for Batman right to his face. I just eat that up. It's so good.

[brucewayne--twinkwithgoodhair]

once again my quality is killed by tumblr but alas, here are how my Valenye and Wayleska stack up

[superbat-love]

“I knew you’d eventually fall for me, Batsy!”

Those were the last words Batman heard before he was pushed over the edge of the roof. Batman scowled, mentally calculating the height of his fall and bracing himself for impact with the ground. It will be brutal, but his suit was designed to withstand the force.

He landed soundlessly on an inflatable cushion. At least, that's what he initially believed, until he turned to look at the wide blue eyes of a bespectacled man who was cradling his 250-pound frame, suited up, in his arms like Batman was his newlywed bride.

"I apologize!" The man offered hastily. "I moved on instinct. I was reaching for the... lobster dish," he finished lamely. Batman stared incredulously at him, then glanced at the table of the outdoor restaurant beneath them with a plate of perfectly prepared, uncrushed lobster on it.

“Who are you, and what are you doing here? Are you working for the Joker?” Batman demanded.

“No! I just came here for lunch, I swear!” The man pleaded.

Batman scrutinized his face. He had seen this man before...“Clark Kent?”

The man lowered him to his feet. “You know what? I just remembered that I’m allergic to lobsters. I think I’m breaking out in hives. I really need to go, bye Batman!” He scrambled off the table and ran out of the restaurant.

Like hell Batman was going to let a metahuman reporter wander around Gotham without knowing his intentions. “Stop right there Kent!” he yelled, ignoring the Joker's furious protests from above.

[theendlessnessofbeingme]

Bruce Wayne knows nothing about Stephanie Brown. He doesn’t know when her birthday is. He has no idea how she actually survived black mask. He doesn’t even know her middle name. He doesn’t even know if she has a middle name.  And to be honest, this is all Jason and Tim’s fault. Because they decided it would be funny if they just gave Bruce a lot of misinformation about Stephanie and kept the files up-to-date with that misinformation. I know it’s definitely too late and Bruce is too scared to ask Stephanie about any of this. Also, she is in the know. She knows what Jason and Tim did. And is more than willing to keep up the ruse.  they’ve also involved the other family members.  And now Bruce doesn’t know what age Stephanie is. 

[indecisivecosplayer]

Jason created the batjokes ship to get back at Bruce for not killing the Joker.

Bruce: Jason, you know I can't kill him. I don't...

Jason: Of course you can't. He's your other half, your soulmate, your secret lover, the bottom to your top, the death to your justice, your Mistah J, your ...

He writes the first fanfic and sends it to the justice league.

[cherriiramen]

hhhhhh but what if everything was fixed and Joker was fixed and he was no longer Joker but Jack Napier instead after Bruce talked with him an actual meaningful emotional conversation (after Alfred sat him down and lectured him about his complicated bottled up feelings towards him) and made sure he gets regularly doses of therapy afterwards (with him accompanying him) and he tried another go at being a stand-up comedian and he was extremely successful and everyone laughed at his jokes and he laughed with them because he was genuinely happy and sometimes he’d end up having to pause mid-stage to wipe his eyes from tears of joy and then when everyone claps Bruce would be in the crowd somewhere and claps the loudest and they got married and shared custody of Robin together and Alfred slayed as a father in law and and wasnwjkwo

(whispers) it’s canon now.

[anothertimdrakestan]

bruce: my kids don't rub off on me, i work alone.

also bruce: it's too early for this *at 2pm*

bruce: this dog needs adopting, it's only justice

batman: god i could use some big belly burger right now

bruce: can't we just cancel them on twitter instead of arresting them?

mr wayne: no im not "investing" in a batman nft you dumbasses

[thief-of-eggs]

Jason: *fixes squeaky door*

Tim: Awesome, thanks man!

Jason: No problem. You know what they say- ‘Ace is the place with the helpful hardware folk’

Tim: …I literally have no clue what you’re getting at

Jason: *disappears, but in asexual*

[distort-opia]

We all know joker loves to call batman by petnames, and ive seen some people try to come up with scenarios where Bruce calls joker with some kind of petname, but i dont think joker would want that? At least in my head it would make sense that joker wouldnt expect that of him, taking in consideration of who batman is, it would feel idk... forced? I think batman is the kind of person who prefers to call people he cares about by their name because their name holds value to him, and joker understands that and likes it that way

Myeah, I do have to agree with you Anon. Of course this is just a matter of personal preference, and people enjoying Bruce calling Joker by nicknames (I think "Jay" is the one I've seen most often) is perfectly valid-- but I also just can't... see Bruce do that. He's not very big on nicknames to begin with, as you said, and I don't think Joker would ever expect it either.

...Or want it? It might actually creep him out. Like I can see Bruce teasing or unsettling Joker on purpose in a domestic setting by either being too nice (including petnames) or just... telling the worst jokes possible until Joker tries to kill him again. Poor Joker's woken up at 4 PM and brewing his coffee and Bruce chooses violence that day by going "Jay my sweetie pie, do you wanna know why the chicken crossed the road--" and then Joker just knocks him the fuck out with the coffee machine =))

[cardinalcheerio]

Damian: I am the favorite, since i am the biological son.

Tim: if anything that means Bruce wad forced to take you in! He chose us!

Damian: He hardly chose you, you just pestered him enough to the point where he allowed you to stay!

Jason: come on guys it's clear I'm the favorite. *glances from the rest of the bat boys* fine, atleast im Alfreds favorite. If anyone its dickface

Dick: *offended hand on chest* its not a competition! if it were id win *under his breath*

Loud arguing issues, including all of them tackling eachother claiming to be the favorite. Jason is just there for fun*

[arcticwolfpaws]

So this is an old joke for me. Bruce wayne orphan shops just strolls through the streets of gotham with a shopping cart and picks them up.

[superbat-love]

Joker: Stay out of our fight, Superman! Batman is mine! Nobody understands him more than I do.

Superman: That’s where you’re wrong, Joker. I know everything about Batman. I know how he thinks, how he talks, how he moves, what his heartbeat sounds like, how much air is circulating in his lungs and how fast the blood is moving through his veins. I know Batman on a molecular level.

Joker: And they call me obsessed.

[icespur]

MARRIED BATJOKES HC

Married Batjokes but still doing their thing (Bruce still Batman-ing and Joker still causing crimes but not as lethal) Head canon.

I had this in my head and I find it adorable so I have to share this.

Wedding rings.

But not normal rings, CUSTOM rings that is specifically themed to symbolize the other partner

Like Joker's ring having a Bat on it and Bruce/Batman's having a----Playing Card or something along those lines.

Bruce wears two separate rings. A normal wedding ring in public when in Bruce Wayne persona, and only wears the real custom ring in private

Joker on the other hand----never takes his off, that ring fused to his finger, hardly takes it off, this man will SHOWER with the Bat ring on. He'll only take that thing off when he's dead! Except actually, heck no he won't! You better bury that man with the ring untouched and still on his finger.

[strxwberrylemonxde]

joker joker more joker mojker joker joker joker

a/n: holy shit, I'M BACK 🤩 and the semester is finally over!! but i am doing summer classes starting Monday 💀 as reparations for my long absence, bep, here is a little joker blurb for you while i work on the other requests that have been rotting away in my inbox :)

Joker takes every visit from Batman to heart. A knowing smile graces his face and the beginnings of laughter begin to bubble within him when he sees the familiar silhouette materialize from the shadows of his cell.

"My, my, look what the bat dragged in. Did you miss me already, Batsy? Couldn't wait for our next date, could you?"

Not even the ghost of a smile crosses the Dark Knight's face, but Joker doesn't mind. It makes breaking him and his little moral code all the more satisfying in the end.

Tucked away in the deepest, darkest corner of Arkham Asylum, it's a luxury to know these special visits are away from prying eyes—more time with the Bat for him. Of course, it wouldn't be Batman if he wasn't there for some kind of information. But Joker loves knowing he has information that his beloved Bat wants. If his dear ol’ Batsy wants something, he needs to work a little harder for it, right?

[theyre-gay-because-i-say-so]

Today's LGBT+ Headcanon is;

John Doe |Joker and Bruce Wayne |Batman from Batman; The Telltale Series-Pansexual Transgender Man and Bisexual Respectively

Species: Human

Status; Alive

[anothertimdrakestan]

y/n: tell jason i'll speak to him when he fucking apologizes

tim: cmon guys don't do this

jason: timothy, tell y/n i'll make her talk to me even if it's just her screaming my name. call that a fucking apology

tim: you guys are really doing this over who likes who more???