#incorrect Bruce Wayne

[thebat-musicman]

9 year old Dick: If you’re a friendless loser and you know it, clap your hands!

Bruce:

Dick: Clap. Your. Hands.

Bruce: *clap clap*

———

12 year old Jason: HEY YOU!

Jason: HEEEEEY YOU!

Jason: HEY! YOU!

Bruce: It’s not polite to not call people by their names, Robin.

Jason: Nice try, Hey You. I know my mentor’s name.

———

13 year old Tim: You see this coffee, Bruce?

Bruce: Thank you for making this for m-

Tim: This is my coffee. You are having water. Only people who don’t break mugger’s fingers get coffee.

———

Clark: Batman, your Robins are so polite. They must have been a joy to raise.

Bruce, through clenched teeth: Such a joy.

[sodamnbored]

New parent Bruce at two in the morning: Why aren’t you in bed?

9-year-old Dick, sitting at the table eating ice cream: Because I’m in the kitchen.

Bruce tiredly, digging out some coffee: And why are you in the kitchen?

Dick: Because it’s where the ice cream is.

[jasonsthunderthighs]

Dick: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.

Tim: My life is a little too much fall out and not enough boy.

Jason: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance

Damian: My life is a little too much imagination and not enough dragons.

Bruce: *Facepalmin* All I asked was how your weekend was.

[incorrect-waynemanor]

bruce: damn it, jason!

tim: jason’s not home

bruce: force of habit. damn it, tim!

tim: nice try, but it wasn’t me either

bruce: what? then who left the warehouse door unlocked?

cass, halting outside the kitchen:

[jstoddwrites]

random:

but i genuinely believe that bruce goes full billionaire father on Christmas. it is EASILY the best excuse he has to spoil the fuck out of his kids, and buy literally every single thing he thinks they would like. what are they gonna do, tell him no??? it's christmas, he's SUPPOSED to buy gifts, he's SUPPOSED to try and buy their love. if there is one day a year he gets to act a fool, and swipe his card as many times as he likes it is then.

and because he's such a freak who, for all his faults, fucking LOVES his kids -- he absolutely has a W.E elf squad, 2 elves assigned to each kid, whose sole job is to accumulate a list and find every single item on that list, and if that means haggling and daring to get into a fist fight for the last one, you better fucking do it. he is paying big money to make sure everything is secured. . . do not fail him.

everyone's still haunted by the 2013 "incident" involving dick grayson wayne, a lack of an indoor trampoline, and an uncomfortably cold conference room.

[ryemiffie]

More quotes from my day as incorrect batfam!

Tim: Batman! You have to see this!

Batman: is it my will to live?

Tim, about to reveal Jason is alive: ...surprisingly yes.

[heavenlyangeliq]

Batman “You became Just as bad as he was when you killed him”

Red Hood “You did it first when you spared him and let him kill much MUCH more than I just did. You let so many people die because you couldn’t kill one. I saved God knows how many people by killing him, and that I can live with.”

[akidru]

Not going to lie gang im getting closer and closer to js writing my own fics cus i am too picky, recommend me smth to write and i just might do it

[just-lost-inbetween-worlds]

Damian, carrying a box: What would you say if- if I, hypothetically, came home with 7 kittens one day?

Bruce: …

Bruce: What’s in the box?

Damian: What woul-

Bruce: Damian, what’s in the box?

Damian: I think you know.

[skylarinfinity]

[m/n doesn't know that bruce is batman]

m/n: [having conversations with bruce while cuddling] i don't know why but i always think that batman love taylor swift, beyonce and rihanna-

bruce: [looking at m/n with confused] didn't we talk about cat seconds ago? and why make you think that?

m/n: [nods] yeah talking about cat make me think of batman because he look like one! and it's just he trying so hard to look tough that's it's seems fake, i think he actually girly man...

bruce: [try so not to pout] nah- i think he actually strong and tough man.

m/n: sure... whatever make you sleep well dear [kiss bruce on the head]

tags lists @sonicqaulan @graysonfriggason @thebettermaximofftwins @sloanalistair @acienthazard @starlinggoldeneyes @ortegaolsen @wednesdaywanda @sandwichmarvel @gardenofmarvel @wanda-cabin-natasha-jacket @panandinpain0 @badblondebisexualboy

[thebat-musicman]

Im not sorry

Jason: Tim I need you to be straight with me

Tim: Wow Jason I never thought you were homophobic

Jason:

Tim: *finger guns*

Bruce: Duke, can you call your siblings down for dinner?

Duke, using his powers: Don’t you mean…dimmer? *puts on sunglasses*

Bruce: How long have you been carrying those around?

Duke: …three months

Tim: When I first met Damian he tried to stab me!

Dick: That’s just his way of saying knife to meet you.

Tim: …

Dick: Hey my sword play isn’t that bad

Tim: just leave

[justbagworm]

I find it accurate that Bruce Wayne is not an A+ parent, but a C+ or B parent at best. I too, have traumatized myself over a topic only to barely scrape by in it.

[jasonsthunderthighs]

Jason: Fight me, you nerd ass punk!

Bruce: At least TRY to sound sophisticated, when you threaten someone.

Jason: Dost thou wish to engage in a duel, my good bitch?

Bruce: Somehow, that was WORSE.

[incorrect-waynemanor]

bruce: we're short staffed for tonight

dick: damn that's crazy. good luck tho

bruce: we could really use some help

dick: yeah i bet. good luck b!

[ryemiffie]

Stuff from my day turned into batfam incorrect quotes for yours:

Batman: You know, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who is still affected by your death.

Jason: Yeah ya' know, I kinda feel like that too, especially considering I am literally still alive.

Batman: Yeah but you weren't.

Jason: Yeah but I am now, soo, why can't you just tell your brain that? Just delete the truama, it's not like you need it anymore.

Batman: ...

Batman: Thank you Jason that is really constructive and solid advice.

Jason: You're welcome.

[demonicsuffrage]

Bruce has a strict 'no metas/powers (except duke) allowed in Gotham' policy in place but it has a clause, BYOR (Bring Your Own Robin)

No one is allowed entry untill and unless they can produce their very own certified robin-shaped identity card

Whenever someone with even a hint of supernatural powers in them arrives at Gotham, they're first met with Bruce standing at the city border with a notepad in hand

Bruce: State your name and purpose.

Kon: Kon-el, here to hangout!

Bruce: Your Robin?

Kon, flourishing Tim from behind him: Ta-Da!

Tim, waves: Hey Bruce

Bruce: Approved, you may enter

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Name and purpose?

Hal: Here to investigate a case, Hal Jordan

Bruce: Your Robin?

Hal: I.... don't have one?

Bruce: Denied

Hal: What?! But-

Bruce: Denied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Yes, Wally, where's your robin?

Wally: Oh shit lemme just- *zaps away and returns with Dick, who was in the midst of brushing his teeth, in a bridal carry*- Here!

Bruce, grumbling a little: Fine. Approved.

Dick: You gotta stop using me as a key already, man

Wally: Blame Bruce.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Name and purpose?

Clark: Clark Kent, here for our monthly barbecue

Bruce: Robin?

Clark, producing an actual robin bird: Does this count?

Bruce:.....yes