#ras is a dick

[ditzybat]

damian: mother spoke to me today, said grandfather has been cherishing drake’s spleen?

duke: tim… you have a spleen right?

tim: …

duke: right?…

tim: it’s been displaced at the moment..

dick: tim! you need that!

tim: i’ll be fine.

jason: you literally won’t.

[wonderwomanpleasesteponme]

Dick: so you're Damian's other cousin, Mara's older brother, right?

Danny Fenton: yup, that's me.

Tim: not to be rude or anything but how come Damian's the heir and you're not? You're like a whole five years older than him.

Danny: kinda the same reason my father, Dasun, isn't the heir. I was born with a defect.

Dick: may we ask what defect?

Danny: oh I'm trans, grandfather immediately accepted that I'm a guy now, but he called it a defect that I was born in the wrong body so I'm not the heir.

Jason: that is oddly supportive of him, but still awful of him to say that you're defective of it.

Danny: yeah Grandfather is weird like that, he once said that me being in one of friends' band was foolish but still showed up to one of our bigger concerts.

Dick: why is he a more supportive grandfather to you than he ever was to your sister and Damian?

Danny: oh that's because when Aunt Taila was pregnant with Damian I decided I didn't want to be an assassin and because I'm the child of his least favorite kid I was allowed to go as long as I sent letters every now and then to show that I'm still alive.

[oldmannapping]

One of my favourite fic tropes is “drugged and loopy on truth serum”.

Normally-stoic characters acting wildly out of character and professing the innermost feelings that canon has implied but is too chickenshit to address? Or fixing toxic canon dynamics because fuck it, fanfic is for dreamers?

Chef’s. Kiss. Mwah mwah mwah, mutherfucker.

Eg:

Bruce Wayne: “I love my sons so much. Even the large murdery one. He was just my tiny little guy, and now he’s so big and problematic but that’s just more to love.”

Or characters dropping absolutely horrific bombshells about canon traumas and giggling like a teenager drinking their first Bacardi.

Eg:

Tim Drake: “I’m so glad I made all those League Of Assassins bases go kablooey. It prolly killed hundreds of people but pssssh I wasn’t ready to be a dad to Ra’s babies.”

Drunk-seeming, loopy, hilariously honest and oblivious character rambles are my jam.

If anyone has any recs, throw them my way.

[missbluesunflowersstuff]

Wayne and Al Ghul family interaction that DC **thinks** I want: fight until the dead; something something bullshit; something something evil arab propaganda

Wayne and Al Ghul family interaction I **really** want:

Damian decided to sell some of his paintings to help the orphanage in Gotham, Tim and Barbara voluntarily themselves to help him organize the event and all the other siblings went together into the process.

Now, on the big night, Bruce is ready to buy everything! Damian was never open about his paint and finally Bruce was an excuse to put it in the manor wall.

The problem? Damian also invited his mother, Talia, personally and sent an invitation to Ra's. And now those three "functional" adults are fighting to buy the boy art.

Tim: We should evacuate the place, these three together in the same room is not a good idea

Dick: I bet at the end of the night Bruce and Ra's will take off their shirts and start a sword fight, they do this every time they see each other

Jason: 20 bucks that they did this on the roof

the orphanage raised enough funds that night and Talia was able to buy most of Damian's paintings. "As your mother, I support you in your artistic field"

Also Duke won the bet because they fought in the parking lot

bonus: Selina and Damian

Selina: this one is what I found most beautiful

Damian: I appreciate the compliment, I just ask you to wait for my father to buy it, so the money goes to the orphanage and you are free to steal his painting later

[gothamundernightlight]

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

*Harley trying to cheer up Robin

Harley: Don’t worry, you’re going to be fine.

Harley: You come from a strong line of lunatics!

Damian: *thinking of his family history, from both sides

Damian: That is actually quite reassuring???

[incorrectbatfam]

How does each family member find out about Jason's all-blades?

Jason: *slicing bread*

Damian: Todd, what is that?

Jason: A sandwich.

———————

Selina: *opens the dishwasher*

Selina: Whoever left their wet sword in here, it's dripping all over the dry dishes.

———————

Dick: Thanks for coming. I told my landlord that my lock was busted but he still wouldn't fix it. I've been out here for half an hour.

Jason: Yeah yeah, just quit yapping.

———————

[at a restaurant]

Steph: *drops her knife*

Jason: *offers her a blade*

Steph: Thanks.

———————

Alfred: Master Jason, what is this?

Jason: A sword.

Alfred: Well next time, take it out of your costume before you put it in the laundry.

———————

Kate: I found this rusted metal box in my storage. Wonder what's inside.

Jason: Allow me.

———————

Cass and Jason: *hanging out*

Jason: *sees a bug*

Jason: *swats it with the blades*

———————

Tim: Can I borrow your shower?

Jason: Whatever. Just so you know, the towel rack broke so I replaced it with something else.

———————

Harper: I need a chisel.

Jason: *hands her the blades*

Harper: Eh, close enough.

———————

Duke: My King Arthur cosplay is almost done. I just need the right sword.

Jason: I got you.

———————

Barbara: When you leave, can you prop the door open to let some air in?

Jason: Sure.

———————

Bruce: This is my second son, Jason. Jason, this is... *grits teeth* Margie.

The All-Blades: *automatically summons in the presence of evil.

———————

Ra's: You may have the All-Blades, but I have the ultimate upper hand.

Jason: Hold up, I have WHAT?!?

[shycorvid]

A demon twins idea where they think they're brothers, but due to some mishaps half of Danny's DNA belongs to Dick while Damian got Bruce's. They only find this out because Danny got real mad at his Grandfather and bit him hard enough to draw blood that one time so Ra's checked to see if he got rabies from his idiot grandchild and something in those tests didn't look right. He got his doctors to investigate further and oh no that child is Grayson's, they have to get rid of him fast.

Because Bruce might get a little mad at Talia for hiding his son from him if he ever finds out, but Richard Grayson? Richard Grayson would rain hell upon them.

[batbunker]

Dick Grayson, everybody. (Nightwing 1996 #152)

[ditzybat]

tim: honestly, ra’s isn’t that bad of a guy

dick: tim, is this some weird form of stockholm syndrome we need to talk about?

tim: what? no, his whole thing for killing people is basically ‘save the trees’ the guys a hippie - he cries when an animal dies and he met his wife at woodstock

dick: and your point is?

tim: i’m just saying, he’s a silly lil dude

dick: tim, he’s killed thousands

tim: hypothetically i have as well, but i don’t think explosions count if you give them a 5 minute warning

dick: what?!

tim: again, hypothetically

[p0ssym1lker]

Ra's having a villain monologue at the bats when Danny swoops in, ignores everyone and starts taking mason jars of the lazarus pit

Ra's cries out in anger, takes a broom and starts chasing him

This is all with Danny is his normal form

This happens every week

Ra's has not been able to hit Danny once ever

[satoshy12]

Demon Twins, but Danny has no idea about Bruce's secret life.

Bruce learns he has a second sons who were raised away from the league. Damian's foster/adopted parents, Dr. Fenton's.

In the Car to Amity Park

Bruce:" Damian, does your brother know about our secret life?"

Damian:" No. He has no idea about anything. He is supposed to take care of Grandfather's legal work."

Jason:" And what does he think Bruce is?"

Damian:" Well... What grandfather told him?"

Dick:" And what did Ra tell him?"

Damian snorted something you don't see him doing:" That father is a pervert who seduced his poor mother and left her behind as she didn't behave like he wanted."

Bruce:" What?"

His children all wanted to laugh, and Jason was laughing.

Damian:"Well, you saw how you behaved, right? And you tried to change, mother."

Bruce once regrets his Brucie personality:" She is an assassin!"

In Amity Park

Damian was just hugged by Maddie and she looked all over him to make sure he did eat well while away. Jack just hugged the rest of the group in a massive group hug.

Maddie:" Go to Danny Damian. I am sure he and rest want to spend time with you. I bet Sam wants to talk to you too. "

As Damian left

Maddie:" So you are the one who made poor Tals cry all the 9 months. "

Bruce already can see this won't go well.

[sagaduwyrm]

DCxDP Idea: Ra's Al Ghul is a Rat-Ass Bastard

Since Damian was a test tube baby, why did Talia have to know about him? Couldn’t Ra’s create an infant on his own?

Danyal was born like this some years before Damian was, even before Talia had the idea to have a kid with Bruce. He was raised by Ra’s to be a weapon, rather than an heir, and was eventually sent to investigate the Fenton's research into what Ra’s suspected to be the source of the Lazarus Pits. Their research was minimal at the time, and Ra’s was getting annoyed with Danyal’s lack of progress (read: problems with authority and strong moral code (I headcanon Danny as morally gray in the way of most supernatural beings, but that’s still more moral than Ra’s)), so it became a long term infiltration mission.

This eventually led to the events of DP Canon, and Ra’s began supporting the GIW as a way to get that research on the Infinite Realms he wanted and as an attempt to control his wayward grandson. Unfortunately for him, Danny has grown into himself away from his grandfather, and he has friends who are ready to throw down with his asshole ancestor, both ghost and human.

This connects to how the batfam finds out. They’re keeping track of Ra’s and began investigating the GIW after he failed to hide his tracks. They find a horrific series of sapient rights violations against a race of supernatural/interdimensional spirits. The Justice League didn’t know, and occasionally even accidentally helped the GIW. The only force holding the GIW back is a small group of ghosts and human mages that are waging war against them and Ra’s, even going so far as to drain the Lazarus Pits.

Danny Phantom, one of the leaders of this group, looks nothing like Damian, in the way that siblings can look nothing like each other once you’re familiar with them. But he does look eerily reminiscent of both Talia and Bruce, and Ra’s had been acting weird about this whole thing…

Danny could know about the batfam and Talia or not. I think he would know about them at least vaguely, just for security reasons, but I also think Ra’s would have made them out to be people Danny can’t reach out to. He would definitely make it seem like Talia and Damian knew about him so that Danny would think they're on Ra's' side.

This is even an opportunity for Good Mom!Talia, for her to try to do better with Danny than she did with Damian, for her to finally break free of her father, and maybe even repair her relationship with her younger son.

[p1nkshield]

Dick in passing: Dami, I think the next time Ra’s tries something I think you should call him peepaw instead of Grandfather.

Damian:…

Dick: just to see what happens.

Later during a fight

Damian: For the last time peepaw, I will never return to your side!

Ra’s: You are gravely mist-… what?

Damian:…

Ra’s:…

Dick is just bird laughing in the distance while taking out assassins.

Crying and absolutely howling, clutching his stomach while bodying ninjas.

[brucewaynehater101]

How the BruceQuest Went (paraphrased for humor)

Tim: "Bruce is alive."

Dick: "We've literally recovered his body with DNA proof."

Tim: "I have evidence."

Dick: "Yeah?"

Tim: *holds up a painting*

Dick: "..."

~~~

Tim: *minding his own business (and stealing a lot)*

Ra's: "Hey." *slides over resources*

Tim: "Didn't you just try to kill me?"

Ra's: "I knew they wouldn't succeed."

Tim: "..."

Tim: "Fair enough."

~~~

Tim: *gets stabbed*

Tim: "Bruce would have handled this so much better than me."

~~~

Tim: *wakes up and notices things are a little green*

White Ghost: "Hey."

Tim: "Did you McDip me?"

White Ghost: *considers quitting*

Tim: "Nah. Never mind."

~~~

Ra's: "Destroy the Spiders."

Tim: "No."

Ra's: *pulls out Tam*

Tim: "Fair enough."

~~~

Tim: *blows up Ra's bases*

Ra's: *surprise Pikachu face*

Tim: "Shouldn't have given me access to your systems."

Ra's: "Hmm... Alright."

Tim: *gets a bad feeling* "Now wait a minute..."

~~~

Tim: *perfectly plans out countering Ra's*

Ra's: *has a sword and a foot perfect for kicking people out of windows*

Tim: "Whelp... at least Bruce would be proud of me."

~~~

Dick: "How'd you know that I'd catch you from falling out a window even though I wasn't supposed to be over there and merely rushed over when I had a feeling?"

Tim: "I was for sure planning on your brotherly instincts. Good job."

[some-rotten-nest]

Danyal Al Ghul had died long ago. Not even the Pits could ressurect the fallen heir, and therefore Damian Al Ghul inherited the title.

Damian had never seemed to effected by his beloved brothers death, and Ra's had seen that as an advantage, seen Damian as stronger, as unemotional. Damian became the perfect child, and Danyal was left to be forgotten.

Except for the fact Danyal's ghost floated behind Damian all the time, like intangible and invisible, but unable to turn human.

The reason Damian was never effected was because his brother stuck by his side constantly, even after death, helping him, comforting him, as a ghost.

Damain never told anyone, he didn't have any evidence beside his word, which would be taken as the words of a mad man and not a becoming heir to the Demon Head.

So, Bruce never learned. He never knew about his second son, one who had died long ago, and one who had stuck by Damian's side through all of his adventures.

Soon enough, Danyal starts to manifest his usual gallery of powers, and it stars to alert the family.

"Why is there a hole in the wall?" Bruce would ask.

Damian would scramble for an excuse as quick as he humanly can, knowing his brother's powers as Danyal sulked next to him, "I was painting."

"WHY IS MY ENTIRE ROOM FROZEN SOILD?!" Jason would yell.

"Your window was left open, Todd."

"IT'S MAY!"

"What the-- why is my skateboard stuck in the wall?!" Tim.

Danyal buried his head in his hands.

"an art project."

[quotidian-oblivion]

Picture this: Ra's clears out the chessboard and brings out a deck of Cards Against Humanity.

"They say this game is only for the boldest, Detective. Think yourself brave?"

He pulls out the box.

Tim starts laughing so hard he cries and vomits.

Inspired by a conversation with @sardonic-sprite